Isaac
New Years had come and again, and I had no clue what to wish or hope for in 2013. That’s not entirely true. I wished for this album to be finished soon. I wished for it to not just sell well, but be something we could all be proud of after such a trying year. I thought of my brothers… and Carrick… but I had no clue what to wish for them.
Since Christmas, I had all but perfected the art of not thinking about the strange relationship dynamic the three of them have. I couldn’t pretend to understand how they could be happy, but they seemed to be. At least, they seemed so on Christmas. Aside from working constantly to finish this album, we hadn’t spent much time together since the holidays, and I hadn’t seen Carrick at all.
To say it came as a surprise when he called and asked if he could meet me at the studio while Taylor and Zac took the afternoon off to take the kids to the park would be an understatement.
But I agreed. What else could I say?
I sorted through my emails as I waited for him to arrive. Someone else must have buzzed him in, because all the sudden, the tall bastard himself appeared in the doorway to our shared office.
“Hey, Carrick,” I said, lowering my laptop screen slightly.
“Hey,” he said, rolling a chair from Tay’s desk over to mine and sitting down. “How’s it goin’?”
“It’s alright,” I replied. “Just trying to get back to work after our little Christmas break, you know?”
Carrick nodded more soberly than I knew he was capable of. “Yeah, I know the guys are itching to get this album done.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “We all are.”
“So… Isaac.”
And there it was. We couldn’t keep making small talk forever. Trying not to look as nervous as I felt, I asked, “Yeah?”
“I wanted to talk to you about… well, about Christmas. I mean, what happened.”
“Okay…” I replied, nodding slowly. That was, of course, exactly what I had been afraid of. Not that I disliked the guy or anything, but what else could we possibly have to talk about that would require a special visit while my brothers were out?
“But first…” Carrick eyed me closely, skeptically. “I want to know what you think of it. Like… what you think is going on.”
What was going on? Wasn’t that obvious? Why did we need to go over this again? But I could see that for some reason, we did. At least, Carrick needed us to.
“I think…” I began, trying to figure out where to start. “Well, obviously you and Zac are together. And… it seems like you make each other really happy, and I’m… I’m glad.”
He nodded and smiled. It really was obvious how happy the two of them were. Which was why I didn’t really understand how he could also be with Taylor. And yet…
“But,” I continued, “well, it’s hard to miss what’s going on between you and Taylor…”
“Mhm,” Carrick agreed.
“And I really don’t understand,” I said. “I don’t… I just don’t know what to make of that.”
“And that’s… all you’ve noticed?” Carrick asked.
“I… I think so?” I replied. Wasn’t it? What else could there be to notice? Aside from my brothers being weird, but that was nothing new. They had always been weird. Carrick hadn’t had any effect on that, had he?
“You sure about?” Carrick prodded. Obviously there was something more, if he was insisting that I find it. But what could it be…
Only one possibility sprang to mind, one that would almost make their strange relationship make sense, if we weren’t talking about two brothers. Two very weird brothers who had always made me feel a little bit left out of the connection they shared, I reminded myself.
“Well… it’s almost like…” I began, then shook my head, dismissing the thought. It was too ridiculous to even say.
A faint smile crossed Carrick’s lips. “Almost like what?”
“Like… like all three of you are dating, b-but that’s…” I trailed off. Carrick’s smile had turned to a smirk. Could I be right? He hadn’t stopped me yet. “I mean, Tay and Zac have always been close, and this whole… the divorce thing, and the coming out thing… seems to have made them even closer, but…”
“But?”
“That’s just…” I shook my head. “That’s just a little too weird, even for them.”
“Ike,” Carrick said softly. “I know you. I know how you think. Just stop… rationalizing for a second. And just tell me what you think you see.”
“I think… I think I see all three of you together,” I replied. “And not just Tay and Zac sharing you, but… but…”
Could I say it? I’d danced around it so long that it was obvious what I meant. Did it even need to be said? The strange smile on Carrick’s face said that he was going to make me say it, whether I needed to or not. But maybe I did. Maybe I finally needed to admit why I had always felt so left out. Why the two of them were so close, so off in their world that I couldn’t—wouldn’t, didn’t even want to—be a part of.
“They’re together, too.”
Carrick just smiled at me. He hadn’t run screaming. He hadn’t called me insane. He didn’t look disgusted.
“You’re not telling me I’m wrong.”
“They’re not sharing me, Ike,” he said. Softly, he added, “We’re sharing Zac.”
“You’re… what?” It was exactly what I had suspected, but I still didn’t quite believe it.
“You heard me.”
“I did, but…” I shook my head. “You know, I was really hoping I was just seeing things.”
Carrick gave a little sigh. “It’s complicated. Kind of a long story.”
I shook my head again. “I don’t really think I want the whole story.”
“I’ll spare you the details,” Carrick replied, laughing softly. At least I hadn’t offended him; I really didn’t want to hear about my brothers’ sex lives, separately or… together.
“Please do,” I replied.
“Just…” Carrick’s face turned serious again. “I love Zac.”
“I can see that.” I nodded. That really went without saying. It was evident in everything he said and did when they were together. On some level, I think I had seen it even back when they were still just best friends.
“But… so does Tay.”
My nod didn’t come so easily then. Of course Tay loved Zac. I loved him, too—as a brother. How that love could become something more, something romantic… it didn’t entirely make sense to me. We had had a strange life, sure, but we hadn’t be abused in any way. There was no reason for any sort of strange pathology. And so I supposed I had to accept that it wasn’t some chemical imbalance or mistreatment in their formative years that had lead to this.
It was just love.
Finally, I nodded again. “I… I can see that, too.”
“And Zac,” Carrick continued. “He loves us both. Doesn’t want to have to choose.”
“And you and Tay… aren’t making him choose.” It didn’t seem like an ideal situation, and yet they did all three seem happy.
He shook his head. “We both love him too much to do that to him. And anyway… well, I’m just glad to get a piece of his heart.”
“I think… I think I can kinda understand that,” I replied. What surprised me the most was that I did understand it. “You know, it’s a good thing I can see how happy the three of you are. Because otherwise, I’m not sure I could deal with this. But… if you guys can accept it, and be happy with it, then… then, okay. I’m happy for you. All three of you.”
I had nearly had to force the words out of my mouth, but it was all true. It made no sense, yet it made perfect sense.
Maybe this was what going insane felt like.
“Thank you,” Carrick said, smiling possibly the first sincere smile I had ever seen from him. “They’re so lucky to have you for a brother.”
I smirked. “Well, we knew that already. I mean, not many people have a brother this awesome.”
“Yeah,” he replied, laughing. A moment later, he cleared his throat. “There’s umm… something else I wanted to talk to you about, though.”
Carrick
“O-okay…”
I watched as Ike’s eyes went wide, probably in fear of what else there could be. I almost felt bad for the guy; I probably would’ve, if it wasn’t so funny, in a twisted kinda way.
“Well… you know that ring Zac’s been wearing around his neck? The Claddagh one?”
“Yeah…”
“Well… it’s more than just a ring.” I thought about the silver band Taylor had given Zac. I’d known it was coming, or at least I wasn’t surprised when it had. I’d been considering the same thing already, but I didn’t want to make it seem like I was trying to come between them.
“Engagement ring?” Ike asked, staring. I nodded, then looked down.
“Not from me, though.”
“F-from Tay? But they can’t-”
“They know,” I interrupted.
“Well, I didn’t think they were that dumb,” Ike said, chuckling.
“Well, the other day…” I paused, smiling. “Zac’s got two now.”
“You… proposed?” Ike stared, eyes wide, and I felt myself blushing a bit. It didn’t happen often, but remembering how nervous I’d been, how totally unlike myself I’d felt, I couldn’t help it.
“Yeah…”
“That’s… that’s great,” Ike said, smiling slowly. I smiled as well, but it felt a little forced. It would have meant so much more if I had been the only one, or maybe even if I had done it first, but it was too late for that. I shook my head to clear it of the negative thoughts.
“Anyway, I need your help.”
“With what?” He asked, eyeing me warily.
“Well obviously, we can’t do it legally, but I was kinda hoping…” I cleared my throat, hesitating. I was asking a lot here, after dumping a whole load of crazy on him, but I had to try. “I was kinda hoping maybe you could… you know… marry us?”
“I hope you mean perform the ceremony,” Ike replied in a deadpan tone, and I cracked up. I hadn’t really meant to set the joke up there, but I’d walked right into it anyway. We both laughed; it was a perfect break in the tension.
“But yeah,” I sighed after a minute. “I mean, if you don’t want to, I understand.”
“It’s… that’s a big deal.” Ike let out a deep sigh, and I nodded.
“I know this is already weird enough for ya. It’s cool.”
“No, I mean… I want you guys to be happy, I really do. And if you… if that’s what you want, then I’d be glad to do it.”
“Really?” I grinned, honestly surprised.
“I’m not saying it isn’t weird as hell. But… Well, you guys are weird. But you’re happy. And that’s what matters, right?”
I nodded, grinning. I’d hoped for the best, but hadn’t been too sure. I stood up and placed a hand on Ike’s shoulder.
“This really means a lot,” I told him.
“It… it means a lot to me that you asked me to do it,” he said, smiling, and I nodded.
“Well, I know it’ll mean a lot to Tay and Zac.” I leaned down to give him a hug that he returned, chuckling softly.
“So, which one of you is gonna wear the dress?”
I laughed, pulling back and running a hand through my hair awkwardly.
“They, uh… they don’t know.”
“What?” Ike stared at me, but I just shrugged.
“I thought it’d make a good surprise.”
“It’ll be one hell of a surprise, that’s for sure.”
“So, will you help me?” I grinned, feeling conspiratory.
Isaac nodded. “Sure. You just let me know what to do, and I’ll do it. For you guys.”
“Thanks man. You do realize this means we’ll be brothers too, right?” I added with a smirk.
“There are worse brothers in the world a guy could have,” he replied with a smirk of his own.
“Aww, shucks…”
“Welcome to the family, man.”
“I was trying to think of where to do it. Any ideas?”
“Well,” Ike said slowly, tilting his head to the side. “There’s our old house. We still own it, so it’s private property… Not much likelihood of random fans showing up these days.”
“Yeah, that could work,” I agreed, nodding. “Okay, so here’s what I’m thinking. Next weekend, you grab Zac early, tell him you need to get some work done or something. Meanwhile, I’ll take care of Tay.”
“Okay, I think I can handle that.”
“”Okay. We can meet up the day before to get stuff set up, right? I wanna really make it nice for them. Flowers, music… the whole sappy deal.”
“I never knew you were such a romantic,” Ike teased, smirking.
“I’m just full of surprises,” I replied with a wink.
“You can say that again.” He laughed nervously; I wasn’t trying to flirt with him–two Hansons were plenty for me–but that didn’t mean I couldn’t still mess with him a little.
“Oh, and cake. Gotta have cake.”
“Yeah, I’ll take care of dinner.”
“Thanks man, really.”
“No problem,” he said with a smile. “I’d do anything to make my brothers happy… and I guess that includes you, now.”
“Anything, huh?” I teased, laughing.
So it was all out in the open now.. well, sort of. And next weekend, I’d be… married. Not legally, but still. It was an enormous step, but one that had been on my mind a lot longer than it probably should have been. Of course, I’d never imagined being married to both Zac and Tay, or even Tay for that matter. Zac… well, I hadn’t been lying when I told him how early I’d fallen for him. But to think it was finally happening for real… it was like being on the world’s best high. One I would never have to come down from.