Taylor
I woke up slowly, just as the sun was starting to lighten the room. Carrick was leaned against the other arm of the couch, snoring lightly; Zac had moved sometime during the night, almost entirely curled into my lap. I smiled, gently brushing the hair from his eyes. He was so beautiful, laying there in my arms; I was overcome with love so strong, it made my chest hurt and my eyes sting. Slowly, he looked up at me, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light.
“Morning, Tay.”
“Morning Zac,” I answered, stroking his cheek.
“Merry Christmas.” He smiled sleepily up at me, and again I felt a wave of love wash over me. I leaned down to kiss him, gently stroking his hair.
“Love you, Tay,” he sighed happily.
“I love you too, Zac. I… I’m sorry about last night. Carrick and I… I guess we got a little carried away. Please don’t be mad at me.” I pouted, worried what he’d say, but he just smiled.
“Aw, Tay… I’m not mad. I feel bad for Ike, though.”
“I think we’re giving him a drinking problem,” I said, snickering.
“Maybe he won’t remember then.” Zac giggled, then sat up, curling completely into my lap. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him to my chest and nuzzling his cheek. We were in the living room, so it was a bit of a risk, but it was far too early for anyone to be up, even on Christmas.
“It’s just…” I paused, trying to find the right words. “Well, you’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately. And that’s okay. I guess I was just feeling a little… left out… You know it’s up to you, right? W-who you’re with?”
“I know, Tay,” Zac nodded. “And I wanna be with… both of you. And I like you two being… together, too. It’s just… different, you know? Getting used to it.”
“You… you like us being together?” I asked, tilting my head. “As in, not just don’t mind it, but like it?” I raised an eyebrow, surprised at what he was suggesting.
“Well, it’s better than if you were fighting over me or something.” He smirked, and I nodded.
“But… yeah. It’s nice that we’re all getting along. And it’s hot as hell to watch you two together…” he added with a grin, and I felt myself blushing.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. It’s hard to decide between joining in or just watching.”
“I love it when you join in, you know,” I told him, kissing his ear.
“I know,” he giggled. “But seriously Tay… I’m sorry for making you feel left out.” He paused, his lips curling in a pout. “You know I didn’t mean to do that, right?”
“I know. Just like we didn’t mean to make you feel left out.” I glanced at Carrick, then back at Zac, a wicked idea forming. “You know, he’s a pretty heavy sleeper…” I threw Zac a wink, in case my meaning wasn’t clear.
“What are you suggesting…” he said slyly, feigning innocence. I leaned down and kissed his ear slowly.
“That maybe… we take… the chance,” I said slowly, my words punctuated with kisses and nibbles to his neck and shoulder. He moaned softly, curling against me.
“I think… that’s a great idea.” I looked at him for a moment, wondering for the millionth time how I was so lucky. I pulled him close and kissed him deeply, winding my fingers in his hair. He moaned and ground his hips against me; part of me wanted to savor the moment, but we were taking a risk. And to be honest, there was something irresistible about his eagerness, something reassuring about seeing the same desire I felt on open display.
“Tay..”
“Shh,” I murmured, kissing and nipping at his neck. I was teasing him, pushing him. I wanted to make him need me as bad as I needed him.
“I can’t help it,” he whispered, his hips bucking.
“You’re just going to have to,” I whispered back, pressing harder. I nibbled on his lower lip, knowing how sensitive it was, loving the way it made him moan. I pulled the blanket over us more, undoing his pants and easing them down over his hips.
“Tay,” Zac sighed, shivering. “I knew you’d get me something good for Christmas.”
I slowly wrapped my hand around his length and began stroking, undoing my own jeans.
“You got something for me too, I hope?”
“Yup,” he replied with a smirk. “Got a big package with your name on it.”
I snorted, then immediately stifled it, trying to keep quiet.
“Shh,” Zac teased; I gave his hair a tug.
“Want your stocking stuffed?” I tried not to laugh, but Zac just grinned.
“You know I do, baby.”
I pulled him in for a hungry kiss. All joking aside, I still felt guilty about making him feel left out. Playing with Carrick was fun, but Zac was the one I really loved, the one I wanted to give everything to. I felt like I needed to prove myself to him, to make sure he knew how completely I belonged to him.
“How are we… gonna…” I moaned in between kisses.
“What?”
“How are we going to do this?” I said, blushing. “Without waking Carrick?”
“What, you can’t be quiet?” He chuckled softly, and I tried to sneer at him. “We’ll just have to be quiet… and slow… and gentle…” he whispered, punctuating his words with kisses.
“Or,” I countered, “so fast and hard that we’re done before he has time to wake up…”
“That too,” he giggled. I pulled the blanket off suddenly, staring him down.
“Better get those pants off quick…”
Zac jumped up and wriggled out of his pants, then climbed back onto the couch.
“God Zac…” I shoved my own jeans off, sitting back down in time for Zac to wrap his legs around me. I covered his neck in kisses, stroking him slowly, and raised two fingers to his lips. I watched as he sucked them into his mouth, and a shiver ran through me.
“Fuck, that’s hot…” I moaned. Zac grinned, dragging his teeth against my skin and making me shiver again.
“Come on, Tay…” He ran his teeth down the length of my fingers again, then pulled back. As soon as my hand was free I grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him roughly, sliding my slick fingers down his back to his ass. I felt him shiver against me as I pushed the first finger into him slowly. I bit down on his collarbone as I started to thrust; he cursed under his breath when I added a second finger. I moved at a teasing pace, loving the way he rolled his hips back against my hand and begged me for more. I bit his neck harder, curling my fingers and pushing faster.
“Not… fair…” he whimpered. “Telling me to be quiet… then doing that… Fuck.”
“What,” I asked, smiling innocently. “This?” I curled my fingers again, pushing deeper.
“Fuck, Taylor,” he hissed. I ignored his pleas, adding a third finger and curling and thrusting against him. I sped up, hitting the spot that made him cry out. When I couldn’t take it anymore I pulled my fingers out and grabbed his hips, lifting him and pulling him down onto my hard dick.
“Taylor,” he hissed. I stared up at him, his lusty grin; I was a little worried about hurting him at first, but I’d seen how he was with Carrick. I growled inwardly as I thought of his other boyfriend. Carrick was great and all, but he should’ve been the furthest thing from my mind.
“Fuck…” Zac lifted himself up, then dropped back down onto me. I gripped his hips harder, thrusting up to meet him. I pulled his face down to mine, kissing him deeply. He wrapped his arms around me as we found our rhythm.
“God… Taylor. So good…” Zac moaned, shivering. He tried to be stealthy as he glanced over at Carrick and shivered; I followed his eyes and a chill ran through me too, although probably for a different reason.
“Yeah?” I drove into him harder, digging my nails into his hips.
“Yeah,” he agreed, nodding. “Love you so much.”
“Love you too. Love you more.” I sped up even more, pulling him down onto me with almost painful force.
“Shit… Taylor…”
“Quiet.” I locked eyes with him; there were a few times when we’d played around, one of us taking control, but I’d never been all that comfortable ordering him around. But something had sparked in me now, something competitive, almost possessive even. I stroked him in time with my thrusts, staring up at him.
“Can’t.. help it…” he whining, pouted.
“Try.” I smirked at him, twisting my wrist. His eyes slammed shut as he whimpered my name; I bit down on his neck, making him curse. The spark I’d felt was growing into a need, a need to… to claim him as mine. It almost scared me, but part of me liked it. I leaned up and caught Zac’s earlobe between my teeth.
“Who’s better?” I whispered, my voice sounding dark and unfamiliar.
“Tay… shut up and fuck me.”
I slowed my movements, sneering up at his pout. I pulled him off of me, pushing him to his feet and ignoring his surprised expression. I grabbed him by the back of the neck and shoved him against the couch, driving into him all at once.
“Taylor…”
“Shut up,” I hissed. Using his hair for leverage, I slammed into him. I heard him whimpering softly, saw him dig his nails into the couch. I angled my hips up, making him gasp as I hit his spot again and again. I pulled him upright, biting his ear again.
“Who. Is. Better,” I snarled again, biting his neck hard.
“You… fuck, Tay…”
“You sure about that?” I reached one hand around to stroke him fast as I drilled into him.
“Yes, Taylor…” Zac whimpered again.
“Fuck, Zac,” I moaned against his neck. “God you feel so amazing. So good, baby.” I lifted one of Zac’s legs onto the couch, the change in angle allowing me to drill into him even deeper. “God, so close baby…”
“God, me too.”
“Gonna come for me baby?” I whispered in his ear, twisting my wrist.
“Yes…”
“Gonna fill you up baby… god you’re so fucking tight.” Not only was I not used to taking control, but I was never much of a dirty talker, either. That was his department, not mine. maybe that was why I was doing it.
“Do it, Tay… fill me up…”
The fire in me was burning hotter and more fierce; I was on the edge, in more ways than one.
“Shit… here it comes… babe…”
“Oh, fuck…”
“Zac!” I gasped for air, thrusting a couple more times before shooting into him. my hearing muffled and my vision blurred; as things began coming back into focus, I heard Zac moan, felt him cover my hand. I was shaking, kissing his neck gently as we collapsed to the couch. Whatever had been fueling me had died out, leaving me a trembling pathetic mess. It was Zac who wrapped his arms around me, pulling the blanket back over us.
I pulled him into my lap and stroked his hair as I came down off the high.
“Taylor,” he said slowly, biting his lip.
“Love you, Zac,” I whispered. “So, so much.” I knew what he was going to say… I knew what he was going to ask. I knew because I was asking myself the same thing.
“Tay,” he said again, softly. “What the fuck was that?”
Zac
The question slipped out before I had to chance to even think about whether or not it was tactful to ask so soon. All I knew was that I had just seen a jealous side of Taylor that I didn’t think was possible, especially after witnessing this new, strange bond he and Carrick had developed. Yet he had just tried to fuck me straight through the couch because I wouldn’t go along with his questions about who was better. As if I could really even answer that? As if it mattered?
“Umm,” he squeaked out, followed by a nervous laugh. “You mean us having sex?”
“You called me babe, Tay.”
Not meeting my eyes, he asked, “Do you… not like that?”
“You’ve never called me that before.” I didn’t think I needed to point out that babe was what Carrick always called me, and had even before we were more than friends.
“Just… felt right?” Taylor offered, a smile on his face that made him look more like he was going to puke than like he was genuinely happy.
“I’m sure it did,” I replied, not smiling at all. I watched his smile fall. “Tay… do you think I don’t know what just happened there?”
“W-what do you mean?” He asked, his eyes once again fluttering all over the room but not landing on me at all.
“I’ll admit, you’re kinda sexy when you’re jealous,” I replied. It was a little infuriating and worrisome too, but I had never claimed not to be turned on by things I shouldn’t be.
“J-jealous?” He stuttered out, then swallowed hard.
“So what wasn’t why you asked me who was better?” I asked. “And then fucked me like that?”
Taylor’s lip trembled, and for a moment I wondered if he were actually going to cry. Maybe I was being too hard on him. If he really was jealous, that meant he was insecure… and I didn’t want him to feel that way at all.
“Tay,” I said softly. “If you’re jealous or upset or whatever, you can just tell me.”
He closed his eyes, and that was as good as if he had answered with words. I reached out and touched his cheek.
“I’m sorry, Tay.”
His eyes snapped open. “For what?”
“For… for making you feel that way,” I replied. “I love you, Taylor. So much.”
Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. “It’s not your fault, Zac. I know he’s… well, he’s not me.”
“One of you is plenty for me,” I replied, hoping to at least get a smile out of him. No such luck. “Tay… you’re just both so different, you know? I can’t even compare you.”
“I’m… I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have asked you that. I told you I wouldn’t make you choose, and now look at me…”
“Tay… Tay please don’t cry,” I replied, watching helplessly as the tears that had gathered began to fall.
“I don’t deserve you,” he said, looking away. “I never did.”
“Taylor,” I said sternly. “That’s not true. You are amazing, Taylor. I just hate this this is hurting you, trying to make me happy.”
He shook his eyes. “I’m… I’ll be fine.”
Bracing myself for his reaction, because I knew he wouldn’t take my words in the spirit they were intended, I said, “Tay, if you can’t… or don’t wanna do this… please tell me.”
His eyes snapped back to me, full of fear just as I had worried. Of course he thought I was trying to tell him I wanted out, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The truth was, I was learning that what I wanted, what would make me happy, wasn’t necessarily what would make him happy. He had tried to make that sacrifice, however misguided, for me… maybe it was my turn to make a sacrifice for him.
“If this is hurting you… then I’m not sure it’s worth it,” I finished, hoping he would understand… and also hoping that I was wrong and that we could still somehow make this work.
“No, Zac,” he replied, shaking his head. “I’ll be fine. Just… I just want you happy. You know that.”
“And I want you happy.”
Taylor blinked, and I tried not to be too hurt that he was surprised by my statement. “I… I am happy.”
“Really?” I asked. “‘Cause you just fucked the hell out of me because I wouldn’t tell you what you ought to already know.”
He blinked again, then blushed, guilt written across his face. His lip quivering, he said, “I… I’m sorry.”
“No,” I replied, pulling him close to me. “I’m sorry. I just… I just want you to be happy, but you keep putting everyone else first and making it so damn difficult.”
The tiniest hint of a smile crossed his face, and I finally felt like I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
“Will you please just tell me when you’re upset, Tay?”
He took a shaky breath, then replied, “I’ll try.”
“So then I can try to fix it before you get to the point of bending me over our parents’ couch?” I smirked, and to my relief, so did Tay. “Not that that wasn’t hot as hell.”
“It’s just…” He sighed softly. “It’s always you and me and Carrick… and that’s okay, just…”
“Just what, Tay?” I asked as he trailed off and bit his lip, like he was trying to bite back the words threatening to fall from his mouth.
“Sometimes I feel like it’s all ‘you and me and Carrick’ and… not so much of the… ‘you and me.’” He gave me another sad smile as he spoke.
“I’m so sorry, Tay.” I looked down, because I knew he was right, but I had thought that was the way to make it work. If they were happy together, too, then it wouldn’t feel like a competition for my affection. But I had forgotten that there were two–three now–different one-on-one relationships happening here as well. “It’s… this is all so weird, you know? Getting used to the three of us… but you’re right, and I’ll fix that. More us. I promise.”
“Thank you.” Taylor touched my cheek and smiled softly. Blushing a little, he added, “That actually reminds me… you want your present now?”
“Yes.” I smiled. “Yes I do.”
“Okay,” he replied, grinning. “Why don’t you go find it under the three, and I’ll get us some juice.”
“You just wanna see me crawling around again.”
Taylor smirked. “Maybe.”
“Fine,” I huffed, but I really wasn’t upset.
As I slid off the couch and into the floor, Taylor took the opportunity to smack my ass. He had pulled his shirt over his head and headed out of the room before I could comment on that. It only took me a moment to locate our presents, since they were the last ones added to the pile. As I wiggled out from under the tree, I heard a low whistle, and I had no doubts about its origin.
I glanced over my shoulder at Carrick, and sure enough, his eyes were open. “How long have you been watching me?”
“Long enough, babe.”
The emphasis he placed on the last word made my stomach drop, and I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. “You… you were awake the whole damn time, weren’t you?”
“Hell of a way to wake up,” he replied, a grin on his face that didn’t reveal anything about his real thoughts.
“Yeah,” I replied, crawling back onto the couch, “something like that.”
Before we could discuss things further, Tay walked back into the room, carrying three glasses and a carton of orange juice. “Thought I heard Zac talking to someone… other than himself…”
“You never know with me.” I chuckled.
Taylor poured a glass and handed it to Carrick, then turned back to me. “Oh, just give him his gift already.”
“Okay, okay,” I replied, plucking one of the smallest boxes from the pile in the floor in front of me and handing it to Carrick.
Carrick’s eyes lit up as he tore into the package, and I could only hope he wasn’t disappointed in what was really a pretty unoriginal gift for a stoner like him.
“You like it?” I asked.
He held up the blown glass pipe, the light catching on the glittery swirls running through it. The whole thing was in shades of blue, which was more my favorite color than his, but it reminded me of his eyes. “Thanks, babe, I love it.”
“I mean, I know you’ve already got a bunch…” I began, the sentence interrupted when Carrick leaned over to kiss me. “But this one reminded me of you.”
He smiled. “Thank you. Really.”
“You’re welcome,” I replied, glad that he’d stopped me before I started rambling about how it contained the exact shade of his eyes.
“We’re breaking in this babe tonight,” he said.
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
Taylor cleared his throat, effectively directing my attention back to him.
“You want your present now, too?” I asked, smirking. “My boys are so needy.”
He just smiled and blushed, and I handed him a package that was totally obvious about what it contained, being the exact size and shape of a canvas. The painting was of a piano with a pair of hands dancing across the keys. I had spent weeks painting it from memory, just to stubbornly prove to myself that I could. I was pretty sure I hadn’t gotten the freckles in exactly the right spots, but the tears welling up in Tay’s eyes said that he still recognized himself.
“Zac… this is…” He gasped out.
“I could have worked on it a little more…”
Taylor shook his head. “No, this is… it’s perfect.”
“Yeah?” I asked, then wrapped my arms around Tay, who was still blinking back tears. “Such a sap.”
“Thank you, baby,” he said softly. He gave me a quick kiss, then pulled back and wiped his eyes again.
“You’re welcome,” I said. Quietly, I added, “Love you… so much.”
“I love you, too.”
“Okay, Zac,” Carrick said, interrupting our moment to press a box into my hands. “Here.”
I tore into the paper and soon revealed a Lego set. Of course. But it wasn’t just any Lego set. I had looked into ordering custom ones before, but never done it. Now I was holding in my hand three Legos that looked suspiciously like the three of us.
“Carrick!” I squealed. “You didn’t. Tay, look! It’s us.”
Taylor leaned in closer. “Wow, very cool.”
“And for you…” Carrick said, handing Taylor a slim package. I watched curiously as he unwrapped it and revealed a handful of sheet music signed by Billy Joel.
“Whoa,” Taylor said, his eyes wide. “Thanks.”
Carrick leaned across me to give Taylor a kiss, and to my surprise Taylor not only didn’t pull back, but planted a hand on the back of Carrick’s neck and kissed him deeply. I was pretty sure I saw Tay’s eyes flicker to me as he did it, too.
“Easy, tiger,” Carrick said, pulling back.
Taylor blushed and leaned over to grab his present for Carrick. “Here.”
I watched as Carrick opened it; Tay had bought it all on his own, so I had no clue what to expect. Once the wrapping was removed, I saw that he’d found a book on some obscure artist Carrick loved. I wouldn’t have even recognized the name if Carrick hadn’t mentioned her to me a few times, so it meant a lot that Taylor had remembered.
“Thanks!” Carrick exclaimed, giving Taylor another quick peck.
Maybe this thing between the three of us could work. Maybe it had only been a temporary moment of jealousy earlier.
Tay sighed heavily, his smile falling just a bit and no longer reaching his eyes. “Well, only one left…”
My eyes widened as Taylor handed me a small box that I hadn’t even noticed amongst the pile. It was a pretty recognizable size and shape, but surely… surely not. I opened it slowly, my eyes not leaving Taylor until I had lifted the lid off the box.
Inside the small box was a silver ring with a pair of hands holding a heart; I had seen the design before but couldn’t remember what it was called. I knew it was a pretty common sort of engagement ring, but surely Tay couldn’t have intended that meaning for it. Could he? When the idea of marriage had been such a bone of contention between us a few months ago, it surprised me that Taylor was willing to bring it up again. But he knew now that I wanted to be with him forever, didn’t he? He ought to have.
“Tay,” I breathed out. “I love it.”
“You… you do?” He asked. Maybe he wasn’t as certain as I thought.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
He smiled shyly, his face turning bright red. “It’s on a chain, so you can wear it all the time, but…”
But it would remain hidden, he meant. I could tuck it under my shirt or one of the crosses I wore more out of habit than anything else these days.
Taylor took it out of the box and slid it off the chain. I felt myself trembling a little as he took my hand in his and slid to the floor in front of me. If I thought I was shaking, it was nothing compared to what were practically convulsions tearing through Taylor’s body. He closed his eyes, no doubt to try to steady himself.
“Tay… baby…” I breathed out.
“Zac,” he said softly, then swallowed hard. “I know we… we can’t, not really… b-but… “
I nodded, hoping to spare him from having to keep talking. Was he really so afraid that I would reject him? “Yeah…?”
‘If I c-could… I would…” He shuttered out.
“I know, baby,” I replied. And I hoped he knew that I would too, but his nervousness said otherwise.
“And so I… I’m asking…” Taylor finally looked up at me, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, and I gave him what I hoped was an encouraging nod and smile.”Would you… m-marry me?”
“Of course,” I said simply. What else could I say?
A tear fell from Taylor’s eye, and I was pretty sure I heard Carrick sniffle. I even teared up a little as Taylor slid the ring into my finger and leaned down to kiss it. He finally raised his head and looked at me again. I looked at the ring, then at him, a smile on my face so wide that it was actually starting to hurt. Tay slid back onto the couch, practically crawling into my lap.
“I love you… so… I can’t…” He mumbled, taking my face into his hands and crushing his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms tightly around him as I kissed him back, hoping to assure him both that his fears from earlier were unfounded and that I absolutely would marry him if I could.
He finally pulled back and let out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. He pressed his forehead to mine, and I didn’t even try to hide the tears that broke free and fell down my cheeks.
“Love you so much, Tay,” I said. Tay wiped my tears away and kissed my eyelids softly. “Best Christmas ever.”
Tay kissed the tip of my nose, and I giggled. He seemed to take that as permission to lick my nose, and let out one of his little mewling noises. I only giggled more, and behind me, I heard Carrick snort.
“And here I thought I was the pet…” Carrick remarked.
“Oh, you totally still are,” I replied distractedly, watching Taylor examine the ring on my hand with something like awe on his face.
And then… Carrick panted. Like a dog.
My head whipped around to stare at him. “Really? Right now?”
He just winked. I shook my head and turned back to Taylor.
“You really like it?” Tay asked, my hand still in his.
“I love it, Tay,” I replied. “Really.”
He twisted the ring around a bit. “I’m glad it fits.”
“Fits perfectly,” I replied. I didn’t add my next thought–just like us–but I think he knew. He just lifted my hand and kissed it again.
“So, I take it Tay wins this one?” Carrick asked.
“Sorry, baby,” I replied, chuckling. “Tay definitely wins.”