Taylor
People have always told me that I worry too much, and they’re right. And between working in the music industry since the age of 9, becoming a father at 19, and adding three more to the family by 29, I’ve never had a shortage of things to worry about. Even when things are going well, I tend to find things to stress over. Which is why when Zac called me up one afternoon and told me to meet him at the park, the same park where I literally turned my back on him, I naturally expected the worst. But he just laughed and told me not to worry, that it was a good surprise. Through all the years of worrying, Zac was always the one who could calm me down; the one who could tell me things would be fine, and I would believe him.
It didn’t take me long to get to the park; it was a beautiful day and the place was filled with the sounds of laughter, and the feeling was infectious. A smile crept onto my face as I watched the children on the playground; the grin widened when I spied Sheppard on the swings. A moment later I spotted Zac, sitting with Junia on a blanket and digging through a picnic basket. I just smirked; sometimes Zac had the best ideas.
“What’s all this?” I laughed as I made my way over.
“What’s it look like?” Zac shot back, grinning proudly. “We’re having a picnic.”
“Cool. Hey Junia.” I ruffled the girl’s hair as I sat down; the ground was warm, and there was a slight breeze, the perfect picnic weather.
“Say ‘Hi, uncle Tay’,” Zac said to his daughter, waving her little arm. “Hi, uncle Tay!” he spoke for her in his best little girl voice, making all of us giggle. He set her in her play seat, smiling at me.
“So, hey,” he said quietly.
“Hey.”
“I, um… I cooked. Kinda.”
“Oh yeah?” I raised an eyebrow; it was a well-known and accepted fact that Zac plus cooking was usually a dangerous equation. Zac blushed sheepishly, looking down.
“Well, I made sandwiches. And I bought potato salad and stuff; I figured that was safer. Oh, but I made lemonade!” he added proudly. I eyed him, smirking, before leaning over to Junia.
“What do you think, June Bug?” I stage-whispered to her. “Should we trust him?
“Gerber gourmet for her,” he laughed. “Comes pre-packaged, so I can’t f-… screw that up.”
“Oh, right. So of course she’s safe.” We laughed for a moment, then just smiled at each other. “This is… nice. Really nice.”
“And you said we couldn’t go out on dates,” Zac said softly, his eyes shining. I blushed, but nodded.
“Seems you proved me wrong.”
“Not such a dumbass after all, I guess. I mean,” Zac looked at Junia nervously, and I laughed. “Um, she didn’t hear that, right?”
“I think her virgin ears are safe.”
“So I can’t cook, and I’m teaching the babies to curse,” Zac laughed lightly. “Awesome.”
“So far so good,” I said enthusiastically, giving him a thumbs up and laughing. Zac just shook his head and turned to the picnic basket, rummaging through it.
“So I didn’t know what you wanted. Umm… I got turkey, ham, tuna salad…”
“Little bit of everything?” I chuckled, and Zac nodded sheepishly.
“And peanut butter and jelly, but that’s for Shepherd; he insisted, so you’ll have to fight him for that one.”
Going through the PB and J phase, are we?” I asked, nodding knowingly. River and Penny had both gone through that period; I remembered going through an entire jar a week both times.
“Apparently.” Zac continued to poke through the food, pulling this and that out; I looked over at the swings where his son was playing.
“He looks so much like you.” It was true; Shepherd had his father’s eyes for sure, but the resemblance hardly stopped there.
“Poor kid,” Zac snorted. It hurt that he still felt insecure about his looks, but I knew it was something he was working on.
“If he’s anything like you, they’ll be lining up for him,” I said quietly, giving him a loving smile. He smiled warmly in return, looking back at his son.
“Looks like he’s gonna be an artist, too,” he laughed, shaking his head. “Although I’d prefer if he used paint; he decided to paint the hallway with peanut butter last night.”
“I remember you using chocolate sauce a few times,” I teased, giving him a wink.
“Gee, I don’t remember that; must’ve been someone else,” Zac giggled, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Oh, you meant on the walls, not on… you,” he finished in a whisper.
“I… Of course I meant… you’re impossible,” I huffed, trying to hide the smile and diminish the blush.
“Oh come on, that was funny. And not altogether a bad idea,” Zac said quietly, smirking and nudging my leg. I closed my eyes, biting my lip as my mind raced with ideas.
“Maybe some whipped cream,” he added, his voice low and sultry.
“Zac,” I warned; I didn’t know how long I could compose myself with him teasing me like that. It was hard enough to resist him on normal terms, but with him giving me seductive glances and turning everything into an innuendo, my will could only take so much.
“Oh, that reminds me!” Zac sat up suddenly, eyes wide and a large grin on his face. “I have a pie!”
I stared at him quizzically for a moment, then burst out laughing. Of all the sexual jokes Zac usually made, the best were the ones he did unintentionally.
“I baked it myself!”
“Oh yeah?” I raised an eyebrow; everyone in our family knew that a master chef, Zac was not.
“Well… it came out of the box. But I still put it in the oven!”
“And your house is still standing?”
“Surprisingly yes.”
“Shocking,” I teased, nudging him playfully.
“Yeah, yeah…” Zac pouted a bit, but I saw the corners of his mouth twitch enough to know he wasn’t all that upset. “You should see the house now; it doesn’t look that bad.”
“Yeah?”
“Except for the peanut butter,” he added, throwing a mildly annoyed glance Shepherd’s way. I smiled, but it didn’t last as I looked at Zac. He looked healthy enough, but I knew he cad to be going through a lot with the divorce.
“How are you, though?”
“I’m… really good, actually.” He honestly looked good; not just in appearance, but in the way he carried himself.
“That’s good; I’m glad.”
“I think I can do this… dad thing. Who knew?”
“I did,” I replied without hesitation. Zac blushed adorably; it was true, though.
“I always knew you’d make a great dad, the way you kept an eye on Mac and the girls, always played with them, always paid attention to them. You have a good heart; that’s all that matters.”
“You do, too, Tay.” Zac smiled at me, and I felt my heart swell. I rested my hand on the blanket between us, making the sign for ‘I love you’; Zac looked down and grinned wider, mimicking the gesture.
“So, let’s give this food thing a shot, huh?” I poked Junia’s nose, making her giggle and squeal.
“Brave enough to try my cooking?” Zac asked jokingly as he handed me a thermos and a pair of tumblers.
“I guess so,” I sighed, smirking; I poured a cup of lemonade and handed it to him, before serving myself some.
“Here’s to us,” I said under my breath, catching Zac’s eyes as I took a sip. He smiled, nodding his head slightly before taking his own drink.
“Hey, Shep!” Zac called in the direction of the swings. “Come get your sandwich before Tay eats it!”
I laughed as I dug through the stuffed basket, and pulled out a sandwich marked with a ‘T’.
“Turkey,” he explained, pulling out a jar of baby food and a spoon. “Hmm, organic chicken ravioli and sweet potatoes… ugh. Sorry, girl.” He fed her a couple spoonfuls, grimacing at her expression of distaste. “Blame your mother, she picked it out.”
After feeding her some he set her food aside and turned back to the basket, pulling out a couple more sandwiches, a package each of macaroni and pasta salads, a box of crackers and a bag of chips. He looked up, grinning sheepishly.
“I may have gone a bit overboard… you know how I am with food.”
“You? Never…” I smirked at him before taking a bite of my sandwich. Zac had always had a healthy appetite; it bothered him for a while, and I knew Kate had gotten onto him about his weight on more than one occasion. But he’d managed to find happiness with his figure, something I hoped I’d been helpful with.
“Who knows, maybe I’ll cook you dinner someday.”
“That’d be really nice.” The thought was nice, better than nice even. Images of candlelit dinners and soft music floated through my head briefly, and I smiled softly at him.
“You’re a brave man, Taylor Hanson,” Zac joked, interrupting the pleasant thoughts. I let my mind wander for a few moments more, my eyes following Sheppard as he ran around the playground; he was definitely his father’s son.
“How long do you have them for?”
“Just the weekend, I think,” he replied with a shrug. “Which is… more generous than I expected.” He looked at Junia and smiled, but I could see the pain, the fear hidden behind that smile. His kids were his world, and I couldn’t imagine what kind of hell he was going through without them.
“You’re a good father; she knows that. She’s not going to take them away.” I had no idea how true that was; I wouldn’t put it past her to use their children as a bargaining chip. But it was what he needed to hear. He was quiet for a minute, but then nodded slowly.
“Yeah… I guess she isn’t.” Zac stared at his food for a moment, lost in thought, but then smiled up at me. “So, this is nice, huh? I did good?”
“Yeah, you did good.”
“I just wanted to do something nice for you,” Zac said quietly.
“I remember when we were kids, there was this one time everyone was going to the park, but you were sick so you had to stay home. I stayed with you, and we had a picnic in the living room, remember?” I smiled at the memory; I’d felt so bad for Zac, the way he’d cried and begged to be able to go.
“Yeah, I remember that,” Zac replied, grinning. “That was really sweet of you.”
“I just didn’t want you to feel left out. I know it wasn’t easy for you, back when the band was just starting.”
“I was okay,” Zac said, shrugging.
“Do you ever wish you’d had a more normal childhood?” I asked. It was something I’d often thought about over the years, both for myself and Zac. I could remember days, even back on our first major tour, when I’d fantasized about giving it all up. But the good days made it all worth it, for me at least.
“I can’t even imagine that,” Zac replied, shaking his head. “But… that’s okay. Normal is boring. I mean, maybe there are some things I’d like to change, but I’m okay with how it all turned out. I’ve got you, I’ve got two great kids… speaking of, Shepherd! Lunch!” Zac yelled in the direction of the swing set. I chuckled as I watched the boy kick the ground before shuffling over; he stayed just long enough to grab his sandwich and bottle of milk before tearing off again.
What are we gonna do with him?” Zac laughed.
“Same thing we did with you, I guess.”
“Distract him with video games and give him large things to hit?” Zac replied, grinning.
“That could work,” I laughed, remembering why we’d called Zac ‘Animal’ when we were little.
“Do we really need another drummer in the family?”
“Nah, you’re right; we need a bassist.” I smirked; over the years we’d often jokingly tried to convince our younger siblings to fill in the spot, but with zero success.
“Taylor, a bass guitar is bigger than Shepherd,” Zac laughed. “He’d look sillier than I did trying to stay upright on those drum cases.”
“Oh god, remember that one photo shoot where they had to put you on a milk crate?” I giggled as I thought about it; it was right before Middle of Nowhere had come out, and Zac hadn’t hit his next growth spurt yet. Zac nodded, groaning.
“So. Embarrassing. I was still shorter than you.”
“And I used to lean on you all the time…”
“Yeah, well, you grew out of that when I got bigger than you,” Zac said, flexing slightly.
“I’ve still got you beat, little brother,” I shot back, smirking.
“Only in length,” he whispered, blushing slightly, and I felt my own cheeks heat up in response. “And I’m stronger than you, totally.” he added, back to normal volume.
“You think so, huh?” I raised an eyebrow; our wrestling matches had become somewhat legendary, due in large part to both of us being too stubborn to quit.
“Absolutely. I could kick your a-” Zac caught himself, and glanced at Junia before continuing. “Your butt any day of the week.”
“Sure you could,” I said patronizingly, taking a sip of my drink.
“Like, remember that one interview where I smashed you and Ike’s heads together?” Zac giggled. “I was what, fourteen?”
“Yeah, yeah,” I laughed, rolling my eyes. “That wasn’t a fair fight.”
“Well I’ve been working out since then.”
“So I’ve noticed, I teased quietly, my eyes trailing over his arms and chest. He’d definitely filled out as he grew up, his solid mass in stark contrast to my more lean features.
“You’re just lucky there’s a baby between us right now or you’d see how much I’ve been working out.”
“Oh yeah?” I breathed, my eyes widening slightly. It was still surprising to me how he could shift my mood so drastically with a few words.
“I didn’t mean that, Tay,” he said, smirking, but his eyes suggested otherwise. “Jeez, get your mind out of the gutter.
“Oh… right,” I muttered, grinning sheepishly. “Well how was I supposed to know what you meant?
“I’m not always perverted, Tay.” Zac put on his best innocent smile, but I just smirked.
“Right. How much cleaning did your place need after Carrick left?”
“Um,” Zac faltered, looking down. “Kate actually… cleaned most of it while I was out.”
“Oh.” My eyes widened at the sudden turn; I was genuinely surprised Kate went through the trouble of cleaning the house before leaving it.
“I mean, I had stuff picked up. But I came in and she’d like… done everything.” Zac paused for a moment, giggling. “She probably wanted to soak herself in bleach when she was done.”
“That bad?” I laughed; if cleanliness was close to godliness, then Zac… well, that’d be just one more item on a very bad list.
“Well, it almost doesn’t smell like weed anymore,” he shrugged.
“Almost,” I repeated, nodding slowly and grinning. My smile fell though, as I thought about everything.
“How was it, seeing her? Was it bad?” I asked. I didn’t want to open wounds, but I wanted to know how he was dealing with it.
“Actually, no, it wasn’t bad. It wasn’t really good, either,” he added. “But there wasn’t any screaming or anything. She let me help her carry boxes out.”
“Right, let you help her…” I snorted. Of course she would put him to work.
“Well I offered. It was the least I could do.”
“Yeah, because you haven’t done enough for her.” I could feel my temper rising, but I took a couple deep breaths. I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good day by getting upset.
“According to her, no, I haven’t.”
“Freaking b-”
“Language, Tay,” Zac warned me, smirking.
“Sorry.” I sighed heavily; even when she was on her way out of the picture, Kate still had the power to infuriate me, and I hated anyone having that much control over my emotions.
“It’s okay, but if June Bug here starts calling her mom a you-know-what, I’m so blaming you.”
“If she calls Kate a you-know-what I’ll buy her a pony,” I laughed; Zac smiled, but shook his head.
“You are horrible.”
“You love it,” I said quietly, my mood shifting again. So maybe it was okay for one person to have total control over my emotions.
“You know it,” he replied, a lusty smirk on his lips.
“So,” I started, naughty thoughts starting to fill my mind. “Can I have some of your pie?” I knew I was blushing again, but so was Zac. He turned and pulled a pie out of the picnic basket, then turned back to me with an impish grin.
“It’s your favorite… cherry.” Zac snorted, giggling. I motioned for him to come closer, and I leaned in next to his ear.
“Wouldn’t be the first cherry of yours I’ve tasted,” I whispered, giving his ear a gentle lick before pulling away.
“Jordan Taylor Hanson,” Zac gasped, his eyes wide and his cheeks pink. “You are horrible.” I just shrugged and grabbed some plates and forks out of the basket. Zac grabbed something else, smirking at me. “Whipped cream?”
“Of course,” I answered. “Can’t have pie without creamy topping,” I added, winking. Zac rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“Just hush and cut me a slice. You know how I like it.”
“Damn right I do,” I muttered, grinning.
“Language,” Zac warned, taking his slice. I cut one for myself, and held it out to Zac, smirking.
“Cream me?” I teased, locking eyes with Zac. He held the gaze as he covered the pie in cream.
“Is that enough for you?”
“Enough for now,” I answered quietly; Zac giggled, handing the plate back. We kept looking at each other as we ate, especially as I licked my fork clean.
“Horrible, just horrible,” Zac muttered, shaking his head and grinning.
“I could be worse, you know…” I teased.
“Children,” he hissed, shaking his head. “Remind me to teach Viggo a few curse words next time I see him. Just to even the score.”
“Might be too late,” I admitted with a guilty smirk.
“So you’re just as bad around your own kids, huh?” Zac’s tone was light, but his words still hurt a little; I knew I wasn’t the world’s worst father, but I was far from the best, either. “Tay, I was kidding.”
“You’re right though,” I sighed. I did my best for my kids, but I always felt like I was falling short; never there often enough, too many milestones missed from being on the road or in the studio, too many bad habits displayed before innocent eyes.
“Tay, you’re a great father, seriously. Four kids? I would’ve, like, lost one in Walmart years ago.” Zac laughed, and I joined him, albeit weakly.
“I didn’t have much of a choice; I just had to make the best of it, you know?”
“I know,” Zac answered, nodding sadly. “But you did great.”
“You think?”
“Yeah, I do. Your kids are smart, well behaved, adorable as f- um, they’re cute. I mean, Ezra’s a little dangerous with a toy light saber, but we all were at that age.”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” I laughed, remembering the time I’d nearly broken his nose during a particularly rough battle. Zac just shrugged, rubbing the bridge of his nose lightly.
“It’s alright, I lived.”
I sighed happily, letting my mind wander for a while as I watched Zac’s son play. My thoughts turned back to my own children, and the changes taking place in our family. Natalie and I had done a lot of talking over the past couple of weeks, and though amicable, it was still emotionally taxing on both of us. We wanted to do what was best for everyone, especially the kids.
“So, um,” I started slowly. “I was talking to Nat…” I trailed off, trying to choose my words carefully.
“About…?” Zac asked after a moment of awkward silence.
“About the house,” I finally added, looking down.
“Oh. Oh,” Zac repeated, getting the meaning behind the words.
“I did a lot of thinking. I think it’s for the best if she just stays there; the kids won’t have to change schools, they’ve got plenty of room…” I loved our house; I’d searched for months to find just the right place to call home, and it hurt having to leave it behind, but it was what was best for my family.
“Yeah,” Zac agreed, nodding slowly. “Where… where will you go?”
“I’ll probably get something small,” I said, shrugging. “Maybe a condo or something.”
“No you won’t,” Zac replied, shaking his head. “You’ll move in with me.”
“What?” I looked up, tilting my head. I didn’t want to hope too much, but already my mind was beginning to buzz with all the positives that arrangement could provide.
“I’ve got way more house than I need by myself. And besides, I need somebody to do my cooking and cleaning,” he added with a smirk.
“Zac, are you sure?” I asked quietly; Zac nodded, his eyes softening.
“Remember, we talked about it? Our bachelor pad?”
“Yeah…” I felt my eyes watering slightly; I’d dreamed of living with Zac, having a home to ourselves where we could feel free to be however we wanted. And now it looked like that dream would be coming to life.
“If you don’t want to, that’s… that’s fine…” Zac said softly, and my head snapped up.
“No! No. Zac, I…”
“Yeah?” He smiled hopefully, and it was all I could do to hold back the happy tears.
“Yeah,” I managed, nodding.
“Yeah? You’ll move in?” His smile grew into a full grin, one I happily returned, laughing a bit.
“What is it?”
“Nothing,” I replied. “Just… happy. Really happy.” I turned to smile at Junia, but placed my hand on the blanket between Zac and myself, making the sign for ‘I love you’. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him look down and smile.
“So much,” I whispered.
“I know,” he answered just as quietly, his own fingers mimicking my gesture.
“Come on, June Bug,” I said, clearing my throat and dusting myself off. “Wanna swing for a bit?” I picked her up and she giggled, waving her arms and looking at Zac.
“Ooh, ooh, can I swing too?” Zac piped up, jumping to his feet and grinning.
“Sure,” I laughed. “I’ll even push you.” We headed over to the swing set and got Junia into one of the baby swings, Zac taking the adult swing to her side. He stared up at me with puppy eyes, pouting playfully; I gave Junia a couple light pushes, then stepped behind him, pulling him back.
“I love you, Zac,” I whispered in his ear, before giving him a solid push. He glanced back, his eyes telling me what I already knew.