Taylor
Even though I’d been in Zac’s house hundreds of times before, it felt different this time. For one thing, it didn’t smell of the peach candles Kate used to always have burning, even though Zac hated the scent. Instead, the smell of cannabis hit me almost as soon as I walked in, earth and not altogether unpleasant. It wasn’t as spotless as Kate liked it, either; it wasn’t a total mess, but the sink was half-full, and there were random pieces of clothing here and there on the floor, not all of which looked like Zac’s.
“Um, sorry about the mess…” Zac smirked sheepishly at me as he hastily swept some crumbs off the kitchen counter as we passed.
“Yeah…” I smirked back, a bit sadly.
“I just didn’t really see the point in cleaning.” Zac paused, and I raised an eyebrow at him. “No one here to bitch at me about dishes on the counter or socks on the floor,” he added with a smirk.
I took a seat on the edge of the couch, looking around the living room. Something looked off, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. My eyes passed over the room, noticing how everything on top of the end tables had been pushed aside. The same was true of the low table by the window and the counter by the bar, and the bookshelf by the stairs looked like it’d been moved roughly, a few books laying on the floor. The pieces came together in my head, and I felt myself blush.
“So…” I bit my lip as I looked at Zac, trying not to think about why the room looked the way it did. He smiled as he sat next to me, and I tried to smile back.
“It’s weird, being here… isn’t it? I mean, I know you’ve been here before, but…” Zac trailed off, looking around the room; I followed his eyes, not surprisingly to the randomly cleared-off surfaces I’d already noticed. I swallowed hard, trying to block the images threatening to take over my vision.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly; I shrugged, licking my lips.
“It… it’s fine.”
“We can leave if you want.”
“No,” I answered, shaking my head. “It’s fine.” I glanced back at Zac, smiling nervously when he scooted closer. “H-hey.”
“Hey there,” he answered back, grinning. I felt myself relax, my smile feeling less nervous and forced. Zac reached over to touch my leg gently, his eyes going serious.
“I missed you, Tay.”
“I missed you too, Zac,” I said softly, smiling sadly at him. Even though things seemed to be going in the right direction, it still felt strange to let myself admit to missing him.
“Not just… the sex and stuff,” Zac mumbled, looking shy for a moment. “But just being around you.”
“I know,” I agreed, nodding.
“It couldn’t have gone back to normal, could it?”
I thought about Zac’s question. Even though both of us had tried to pretend, things had changed irreversibly the day we discovered who “Sam” and “Jordan” really were. Maybe they’d changed before that, even.
“No. Not really.” I smirked as I thought back to all the times we’d tried to fake it. “We tried like hell, though.”
“I guess,” Zac shrugged. I reached over, placing a hand hesitantly on his knee; he followed the motion with his eyes, a shadow of a smile tugging at his lips.
“So what do we do?”
“About what?” Zac looked up at me, a hint of confusion in his eyes.
“About us.”
“Is there… an us again?”
I looked down; it’d been a long time since I’d considered the posibility of us being together again. But after living without him for so long, I knew I couldn’t do it any more. I smiled, giving his knee a gentle squeeze.
“I think… I’d like there to be.”
“Well I would fucking love there to be.”
My head snapped up, my eyes a bit wide, and I let out a laugh. I wasn’t used to Zac sounding so assertive… but I liked it.
“Why do you look so surprised?” Zac asked, tilting his head.
“Just… I don’t know, you seem more… confident.”
“I do? Huh… Is that a bad thing?”
“No,” I answered, smiling. “Not at all.”
“Of course not,” he shot back, smirking, and I laughed.
“I think Carrick may have rubbed off on-” I cut myself off as soon as the double meaning hit me, my cheeks instantly burning. I heard Zac giggling, but I was too busy staring at my lap to look up.
“I’m… sorry…” Zac managed to say in between laughs; I sighed, rolling my eyes.
“You, um… you know what I meant.”
“Yeah, I do.” Zac managed to stop laughing, and I looked up at him.
“Seriously, though. It’s a good thing.”
“I think I like this new Zac, too,” he agreed, smiling.
“Me too.” I beamed proudly at my brother; he’d grown so much in such a short time. I only wished I could have been the reason for that, but I was grateful that Carrick had been there for him in a way I couldn’t be, even though it hurt to think about it.
“So yeah, about, um… us.” I cleared my throat nervously; even with what had happened in the past couple of hours, it still felt a little strange to be with Zac again. Strange, but wonderful.
“What about us?”
“Well I guess.. so there is an ‘us’ then?”
“Absolutely,” Zac answered without missing a beat. I smiled shyly; I wasn’t used to him being so straightforward, but it was a change I was happy to see. His smile fell though, as he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
“So I still have to deal with the devil from Georgia,” Zac said dejectedly.
“Yeah…”
“She’s going to make this hell, you know.”
I nodded sadly; as much of a cunt as Kate was, I knew there was no way she would let the divorce slide by uncontested, or at least without heavy negotiation. She would try to squeeze everything she possibly could from my brother.
“But I can handle it. I think. I stood up to her once, I can do it again.” Zac smiled again as I looked at him, once again struck by how much he’d grown.
“You’ve really… Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think this whole thing… You’ve grown so much from it.”
“Grown a pair, at least,” Zac snorted, smirking, but I pushed on regardless.
“Think about what you were like six months ago.”
“Repressed as fuck? Under Kate’s thumb? Completely incapable about talking about my emotions?”
“Yeah… And now look at you. Confident, sure of yourself, happy.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Zac scratched idly at his stubble, seemingly in deep thought about what I’d said.
“Zac… I am so, so proud of you.”
“Oh hush, you’re gonna make me cry,” Zac teased, smirking. “You started it, you know, all these changes in me.”
“I… I guess…” I didn’t see how I’d done much, besides pointing him in the right direction; Carrick had helped him more than I ever could have.
“Taylor. You did.”
“Okay, whatever.”
“Still can’t accept any praise,” he smirked, rolling his eyes. “What am I gonna do with you?”
I raised an eyebrow, smirking.
“Thought that was my line…” I half-teased; Zac smirked, shrugging.
“Well? What are you gonna do with me?” Zac fired back. Even though I’d started it, I still blushed at the innuendo. “Or to me?” he added, giggling. I blushed harder, looking away and laughing nervously.
“Sorry, Tay,” Zac giggled, smiling guiltily.
“It’s okay, it’s just… been a while.” My smile fell as I thought back to all the sleepless nights, all the times I’d laid in bed with visions of Zac behind my eyes.
“Sorry…” Zac said softly.
“Not your fault. You didn’t put those thoughts-” I cut myself off, biting my lip hard and mentally kicking myself.
“Tay?” Zac asked, but I looked away, cringing. “Taylor. Talk to me.”
“I couldn’t…” I sighed heavily, pouting. “Couldn’t stop seeing… you… and him…” I glanced over in time to see Zac’s eyes widen, and I wished I hadn’t said anything.
“Oh god… I’m so sorry,” Zac said quickly, guilt and sadness filling his eyes. I shook my head in protest, but he wasn’t having it. “No, that was definitely my fault. I’m not sorry he came out here for me, but it was stupid and childish to bring him to the studio that day… I… should have known that would happen. That you would see…”
I closed my eyes, shrugging; I didn’t want to make Zac feel guilty. It wasn’t his fault that I’d had such a hard time letting go.
“It’s not just that… I could see how happy you were… how much you didn’t… didn’t need me…” My eyes began to water, and despite my best efforts to hold the tears at bay, a couple slipped past my defences and rolled down my cheeks.
“Oh, Tay…” Before I knew it, Zac was pulling me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. It felt so good to be held by him again, even though I detested feeling so weak. “I always needed you.”
I met Zac’s eyes, searching for any hint of doubt, but there was none to be found.
“Being with carrick just made me see how much I love and need you, okay? Didn’t matter how happy I was, there was still something missing. You. I’m not gonna… apologize for being with him, ’cause it helped me see all that. I’m sorry that I hurt you, though.”
Through Zac’s speech, a smile slowly returned to my lips; I felt so much love for him, almost enough for me to forget all the pain I’d been through. What had happened wasn’t unimportant, but it was in the past; all that mattered now was that we were together again.
“Told you you needed him,” I said teasingly.
“I guess I did; but not the way I need you.” Zac smiled at me lovingly, and I returned the gaze. After a moment, I started looking around the room again; Zac followed my eyes, and I could tell he noticed the way I lingered on each of the cleared off spaces.
“Horny bastards, the both of you,” I snorted, giggling. Zac just smirked sheepishly, shrugging. After a moment, he cleared his throat, and I looked at him curiously.
“So I guess you were right about Carick’s, um… preferences.”
“I guess so,” I agreed, smirking.
“I mean, I know my gaydar sucks, but man… It’s funny, since me and him were always closer. But… you knew.” Zac grinned mischievously, and I felt my cheeks turn pink.
“Yeah, well… just a hunch.”
“Right. Well, it’s funny…. He wasn’t surprised to find out about you. Then again, who would be?” Zac snorted, and I laughed nervously.
“But it’s such a weird coincidence, don’t you think?” Zac feigned innocence, but I knew better, and I had a sinking feeling I knew what he was getting at.
“Um, what do you mean?”
“Nothing.” Zac tried again to look completely innocent, but before long he was giggling.
“Zac? What’s so funny?” Instead of answering me, Zac just laughed harder. I pouted, now paranoid of what my brother was thinking about. Finally he tried to catch his breath and speak in between giggles.
“Tay, I… I know.”
Zac
Taylor’s face went pale and I felt a brief, fleeting moment of guilt for teasing him. “You… know w-what?”
“That you kissed him.” I giggled more.
“Crap,” Taylor said, his eyes closing slowly, as though he were too embarrassed to even look at me.
“Tay…” I said, feeling the guilt starting to creep back. “It’s not a big deal, really.”
He opened his eyes. “You’re not… you’re not mad?”
“No, I’m not,” I replied, shaking my head. Taylor stared at me in disbelief. “I promise. Not mad.”
He finally began to smile again. I hoped he believed me. There was really no reason at all for me to be mad. Even if I had known about it back then, so what? I hadn’t even met Carrick then. And once I did, he was just my friend… even if that wasn’t true anymore. It still didn’t have any effect on anything happening my life now.
“I mean, it was years ago, right?”
Taylor nodded. “A few years ago, yeah.”
“So, I was still so far back in the closet that I could see Narnia,” I replied, laughing.
“Yeah,” Tay said, letting out a laugh of his own. “And I was, umm… not entirely sober…”
“Shitfaced,” I corrected him.
He grinned sheepishly. “Yeah.”
“You could have done worse…” I remarked. Taylor’s smile fell and I wondered what he was thinking. I had no clue, but I knew that I wanted to cheer him up, so I added, “and so could he.”
“We didn’t…” Taylor stuttered out.
“I know. Seriously. It’s not a big deal. I can’t be jealous about every other person you’ve ever kissed.”
Taylor smirked. “Well, there’s not that many, really.”
“You’ve got me beat, I’m sure.” The last count, in fact, was a mere four. Two women and two men. Even if Taylor wasn’t hiding that many more drunken kisses from me, he was at least one or two people ahead of me. Not that it was a competition, of course.
He rolled his eyes. “So, Carrick told you about that, huh?”
I nodded and Taylor let out a little snort. It did seem kind of odd that kissing him would just come up in conversation, so I explained, “I called you a… flirt, and, umm, he agreed a little too quickly.”
To my surprise, Taylor laughed out loud. I couldn’t help smiling a little at that. I was glad that we could joke around again, even if it was at his expense.
“So I made him explain himself.”
“Mhm…” Tay replied. “Did he… say anything else about it?”
“Umm… not really.” That was kind of a lie, and I was pretty sure my nervous laugh gave it away. But how in the world could I tell Taylor that Carrick had talked about having a threesome with the two of us?
“I never had the guts to talk to him about it,” Taylor admitted, giving me a shy smile. “So I don’t know how much I embarrassed myself…”
“Taylor, Carrick is like terminally chill,” I replied, and he laughed. He knew I was right. “He’s okay with… us… so I really don’t think a drunk kiss from you is the end of his world.”
Tay nodded, and I was glad that at least for the moment, I had skated around the threesome issue. But of course, I couldn’t stop talking.
“You know what he said when he figured us out?”
“What?”
“He said it made sense.”
“He… what?” Taylor asked, tilting his head in confusion.
“Like… that we made sense together.”
Taylor just gave me the most adorable confused look I had ever seen.
“Yeah, I think that’s the look I gave him,” I said, giggling. Taylor let out a laugh, too. I added, “So, seriously, don’t even worry about what he thinks about you.”
“Umm…” he said, blushing. “He didn’t happen to, umm…”
“What?”
“To say, like, specifically… what he… thinks?” Tay gave me a sheepish smile. “About… me?”
I felt the blood drain out of my face. So much for not mentioning the threesome thing. “Umm…”
“I mean, not that it matters… just, umm… curious, I guess…” Tay’s blush deepened. It was too adorable, and I kind of wanted to just draw the conversation out forever so that he would keep getting darker and darker pink.
“He didn’t say anything bad…”
Tay smiled. “Really?”
“Well, he has eyes, Tay. So of course he’s noticed how hot you are,” I said, giving him a playful nudge.
“He umm…” Tay said, laughing. “He said that?”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t remember he had said it in those exact words, but the sentiment was definitely there.
Taylor’s blush deepened to a bright red and a huge grin spread across his face. I could feel myself beginning to blush, too, knowing what I was inevitably going to tell him.
“And umm…” I stuttered out, blushing more as Taylor stared at me. “I mean, if you had been sober…”
I let the sentence trail off into a cough, but I was pretty sure Taylor got the hint by the way his eyes widened.
“He… he said…” Taylor trailed off, biting his lip.
I nodded, my blush deepening yet again.
“Wow…” He smiled and shook his head.
“Umm… yeah…” I replied, certain that my face was just as red as Taylor’s. “You know, he really is a horny bastard…”
“Yeah, I guess so,” Taylor replied, laughing. He gave me a little smirk. “Damn…”
If he only knew. And he would if I didn’t stop talking. “He, umm… uh…” I stuttered out, then hid my face in my hands.
“You okay? I’m sorry… I don’t mean to be making you uncomfortable. I mean, that’s in the past anyway.”
“I’m okay,” I mumbled through my hands.
“Not like we’re gonna be… you know…”
“Like we’re gonna be what?!” I asked, my head snapping up to stare at Tay. Did he know? How could he know?!
“I meant me and him…. I mean, there is no me and him… I mean…” Taylor finally stopped trying to talk and gave a frustrated sigh.
“Umm… yeah,” I replied. “It’s just that he…”
Taylor stared at me. Why did I stop there. Better question – why did I even start that sentence?
“Hemayhavementionedwantingathreesome.”
“What was that?”
“Not a damn thing.”
Taylor smirked. “What did you say?”
“He. Wants. A. Threesome.” Finally. I said it.
Taylor froze. Only his rapidly blinkly eyelids were moving.
“I mean, it was a joke… but…” I said, and Taylor still only blinked at me. I had a feeling I wasn’t actually digging myself out of the hole I’d somehow dug myself into. “He kept mentioning it…”
Tay’s face went pale, then back to bright red. “H-he… umm… h-he… w-w-what?”
I could see Taylor shaking, but I couldn’t resist smirking a bit. “Apparently, one Hanson isn’t enough for him.”
Taylor’s eyes widened more and he looked kind of… sick? I wasn’t really sure. His eyes weren’t even focused on me or anything at all as far as I could tell.
“Tay… I didn’t say I – we would…” I stuttered out, staring at the strange look on his face. “It was a joke.”
Finally, his eyes focused on me again and he nodded slowly. “Oh… right. Yeah, I mean… of c-course not…”
“You’re not like… mad at him? Or me?” I asked, unsure what Tay was thinking. Part of me was afraid to find out, but mostly I was just curious.
“NO!” He practically yelled, then laughed nervously. “I mean. Umm… no.”
Oh. Suddenly I understood.
“Jordan. Taylor. Hanson.”
He gave me a nervous smile. “Umm… yes?”
“You’re as bad as Carrick.”
“Umm… what do you mean?” He asked, giving me what I’m sure he thought was an innocent look. It wasn’t.
I leaned in closer and lowered my voice. “You. Horny. Bastard.”
Taylor only laughed nervously, and that’s how I knew I was right. If I had been wrong, he would have at least tried to deny it. But I was quite certain that he liked Carrick’s proposition as much as I did.
“You don’t have to be ashamed. You can tell me…” I said. He glanced away nervously, and I only grew more certain that I was right. “Did that idea… a threesome… turn you on?”
Taylor shivered, the movement almost imperceptible but still easy for me to read.
“Taylor,” I said softly.
Finally, he turned to look at me, and I could see for certain that he was turned on. “Maybe?”
“Only maybe?”
Taylor closed his eyes and sighed. Was he ashamed of admitting that? That was just silly. After everything we had done together, I didn’t really see the need for shame. And I definitely didn’t want Taylor to be ashamed of anything either.
“’Cause I think it’s hot as hell.”