Zac
I woke up to the feeling of someone kissing me. It was gentle, but even half-asleep I knew it was Carrick. His arms were wrapped tightly around me and it was pretty much the most comfortable thing ever. I nuzzled closer to him, wishing I could just stay there, in that bed with him, all day. Carrick kissed me again, gently rubbing my back.
“It’s early…” I mumbled against the side of his face.
He chuckled. “Not that early, babe.”
I opened one eye and glanced over Carrick’s shoulder at the clock. “Ten. Early.”
“Well, no one said we had to get up.” Carrick chuckled and pulled me a little closer. I was pretty sure I could feel a little something poking me, but I wiggled against him just to be sure.
“You already are, though.”
“What can I say,” he replied, smirking and reaching down to give my ass a squeeze. “You’re nice to wake up to.”
“You really don’t have an off switch, do you?”
“You’re one to talk,” Carrick said, nibbling on my ear. “How many times did we go last night?”
I blushed. “I wasn’t really counting.”
He bit down a little harder. “Four, I think… or was it five?”
“Something like that,” I replied with a whimper.
Carrick’s lips moved down to my neck, nipping at the flesh there. “A new record for us, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “I think so.”
Carrick slid his hand around to my front, grabbing the hard-on that I hadn’t had until he started nibbling on my ear like that. He leaned in to my ear and whispered, “Wanna break it?”
I couldn’t even manage a reply that consisted of actual words, only a moan and a nod. But that was enough. Carrick leaned in and kissed me, his hand still moving on my cock. I let out another desperate moan and thrust into his hand. Carrick was just as eager, it seemed. He rolled me over onto my back and straddled me, kissing my neck.
“Mmm… someone’s a morning person…”
“Well, when I get to have you for breakfast…” Carrick punctuated the statement by biting down on my neck.
I laughed out loud. It still felt a little strange to laugh during sex, but that was just Carrick. Not everything was a joke with him, but he could always see the humor in things; it was a quality I had nearly lost before him. As I laughed, he kissed lower down my neck and chest, his hand still stroking me slowly.
“Mmm, Carrick…” I muttered, rolling my hips upward.
He glanced up at me. “I love the way you say my name, babe…”
I couldn’t help blushing a little – something about the intensity of his stare and the way he called me “babe” just got to me. In an instant, though, he was back to work, trailing kisses down my stomach, then sliding his hand away and taking my full length into his mouth at once. The whole time, his eyes never left mine.
“Fuck…” I gasped out, struggling to meet his stare. Carrick had very nearly worn down my reserve, but I still had moments of shyness. I thought back to our first time together and grinned. “I’m not the only one who can take it, am I?”
Carrick raised an eyebrow, but didn’t reply. Instead, he pressed two fingers into me all at once. I moaned loudly and gasped out his name; it didn’t really hurt, but it took me just a little bit by surprise. Carrick moaned around me, bobbing his head, and matching that rhythm with his fingers. His other hand rested gently on my hip, a bit of an odd contrast to everything else he was doing.
“God… so good, baby…” I moaned.
Carrick’s eyes widened and he pulled back, smiling. It took me a second to realize what I had done. I never called Carrick “baby.” That petname was reserved for someone else. Carrick wasn’t replacing Taylor, though, but I supposed there was no law that they couldn’t both be my baby. Blushing a little, I returned Carrick’s smile.
“’Kay…” He smiled, and went down on me again. I guess he liked it, too. I thought I could even see a faint blush on his cheeks.
I ran my fingers gently through his hair, brushing it back just enough to see that, yeah, he really was blushing. Carrick glanced up at me and arched an eyebrow, pressing a third finger into me. So much for a sweet, gentle moment. I couldn’t help myself, I pressed back against his finger, urging it deeper inside of me. Carrick complied, moaning a little as he pushed it in the rest of the way.
“Yes… fuck, Carrick…” I growled.
Carrick twisted his hand, his smirk visible even though his mouth was still full of my cock. I cried out, and he only gave a harder twist, dragging his teeth down my length.
I growled again. “Shit…”
Yeah, the tenderness was definitely gone. Carrick pulled his fingers out and let me fall from his mouth, then climbed back up my body quickly. He kissed me while he lined himself up, and I felt myself trembling a little. I was ready, physically, but that little bit of anticipation was enough to drive me crazy.
“Baby, huh?” Carrick asked breathlessly, pressing his dick against me.
I grinned. “Got a problem with it?”
“Not at all,” he replied, smiling.
“Good.”
Satisfied with my reply, I suppose, Carrick slid into me, letting out a loud moan as he did. I let out a gasp and a few curses; no matter how ready I was, the first thrust always hurt a little, but in the best possible way. Carrick stared directly into my eyes, smiling as he began to thrust.
I stared back at him and let out a moan. “Mmm… fuck, baby.”
His smile widened. “Yeah, I think I like that…”
“Good,” I replied, returning his smile.
Once again, the sweet, tender moment was short lived. Carrick sneered at me – playfully, but still a sneer – and thrust a bit harder. I raised an eyebrow, just a little surprised at Carrick’s… enthusiasm… considering that he really wasn’t a morning person either. He gave a low growl that sent a shiver through my entire body.
“Fuck… that’s hot.”
Carrick gave an even louder growl and thrust into me harder.
“Oh god… baby…” I whimpered.
Carrick shook above me. “Fuck, Zac…”
“Yeah, baby?” I asked, smirking a bit. I had to wonder if it wasn’t the pet name having such an effect on him. He didn’t answer me, but his smirk said it all.
He leaned down and bit my neck hard, as though it was some sort of punishment. Of course it wasn’t, though. I knew he loved being called baby, and he knew I loved when he was rough with me. I let out a little whimper and he lapped at the spot he had just bit. I was so focused on the way that felt that I almost didn’t notice his hand slipping between us to jerk me off.
I let out a loud moan. “God, Carrick…”
“Yeah, babe?”
“So… good…” I managed to say, panting hard.
Carrick nodded and leaned down to kiss me. I could feel him shaking again, and he broke the kiss to say, “Getting close, babe…”
“Me too,” I replied.
That was Carrick’s hint to kick things into overdrive, I guess. He sat up and grabbed my hips with both hands, pulling me onto him harder. Carrick gasped out, “Oh fuck, Zac…”
“Fuck, baby,” I cried out. I reached down to stroke myself quickly, knowing I was already dangerously close to the edge. “God… fuck…”
“Fuck,” Carrick said, locking eyes with me and speeding up his thrusts. “Coming.”
“Come inside me, baby,” I moaned. It wasn’t really necessary to say, since he nearly always did, but I knew adding in the pet name would most likely push him over the edge.
Carrick gave me a nod and did as I asked. He shuddered as he filled me up, calling out my name. The sight of it was what exactly I needed, and I let out a moan as I came all over my hand and both of our stomachs.
After a moment, he pulled out and collapsed next to me, breathless but laughing. “Hell of a way to wake up.”
I laughed. “Beats waking and baking, that’s for sure.”
“I knew we forgot something…” He smirked.
I chuckled. In the past two months with Carrick, I was pretty sure I had smoked more weed and had more sex than ever before in my life. It was fun to just be carefree like that, even though I was sure that some people thought I was just hiding from reality. I was kind of okay with that, at least for a while. Carrick lunged for the nightstand, and I assumed he had decided on a belated wake and bake, but instead he reached me a few tissues.
“Thanks,” I replied, hating the way I still blushed a little about the whole cleaning up part of things.
Carrick didn’t notice, of course. He cleaned himself up, then pulled his briefs on and curled up next to me. With a contented sigh, I wrapped an arm around him. He placed a soft kiss to my temple.
“Best way to wake up I can think of…”
“Yeah…” I replied with a little nod. A sudden, and very unwanted, memory of a conversation with Taylor crossed my mind. Try as I might, I couldn’t get the thought to leave and it was threatening to ruin a really nice morning.
Carrick glanced down at me, a sad smile on his face. “What are you thinking?”
“Doesn’t matter,” I replied, trying to return his smile but failing.
“Hey…” He pouted. “Of course it matters.”
I sighed. “It’s just… stupid shit.”
“It’s not stupid,” Carrick replied softly.
“You don’t know that.”
“Yeah. I do.” He stared at me sadly, and I hated that I was still holding things back from him. I knew I needed to talk, but it was difficult, especially when the topic was Taylor.
I sighed and closed my eyes. Carrick stroked my hair softly and I finally let myself speak. “It’s just… me and Taylor used to talk about waking up next to each other. And how… amazing it would be.”
“Yeah…” Carrick said softly, a hint of sadness in his voice. “Nothing like waking up next to someone you love.”
“Yeah,” I replied, giving him what I knew was a pathetically weak smile.
Carrick returned my smile in kind, his tinged with an obvious sadness. “I’m sorry I’m not him.”
“Carrick… don’t say that.”
He shook his head. “It’s fine. I know.”
I stared into his eyes, struck by a sudden realization. Or maybe it wasn’t so sudden, but I was just finally ready to admit it. I just knew I had to say it. “It is amazing to wake up next to someone you love.”
Carrick stared into my eyes for a moment, as though he were searching for something, then glanced away, nibbling on his lip. After a moment, he sighed and said, “Yeah…”
“I didn’t realize how amazing… until just now.”
I could see Carrick actually holding his breath, as though he wasn’t sure this was really happening. Finally, he exhaled. “Zac…”
“I…” I stuttered out, touching his cheek.
Carrick reached a hand out and mirrored the gesture, his hand a little rough and calloused against my cheek. “Yeah?”
“I love you.”
His eyes widen and I could see both sadness and happiness in them. Softly, he replied, “I… love you, too.”
I nodded; his reply hadn’t exactly taken me by surprise. Carrick stroked my cheek and finally gave me a genuine smile, which I returned. “That was… easier to say than I expected,” I admitted.
Carrick gave a little smirk, but didn’t speak.
“And I mean it, you know.”
He glanced down for a second. “I know…”
“Good,” I replied. Something about the way Carrick was acting bothered me, but I couldn’t figure out why or what the problem was. I hated to admit it, but telling him that hadn’t really fixed everything for me either. He gave me a little kiss and I plastered on a smile, which he immediately saw through.
“What’s wrong, babe?”
“Just my stupid brain.”
Carrick tilted his head and I sighed. As always, he wasn’t going to let me get away with not explaining myself.
“I really want to just… be happy,” I admitted.
Carrick pouted. “But you’re not.”
“Not entirely,” I said, immediately realizing how bad that sounded. “You do make me so happy, though. You really do.”
Carrick gave me a knowing look, his eyes full of sadness. “But not enough.”
“I’m so sorry…” I said, sighing. This wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go. I did love Carrick and I loved having him in my life; he needed to know that. It wasn’t a competition between him and Taylor.
He gave me another sad smile. “I don’t have any regrets, Zac. None.”
“Carrick…” I said, pouting. “I didn’t mean…”
“It’s ok.” He smiled. “I knew this was coming eventually.”
“Carrick, no. Do you think I’m breaking up with you?”
This was really, really not going the way I planned. I was trying to reassure him, trying to make him understand just how much he meant to me. And he thought I was ending it? I didn’t understand how he could have gotten that idea.
“No,” Carrick said, shaking his head. “I know you’re not.”
He gave me a gentle kiss and I could only stare at him blankly. If he didn’t think I was breaking up with him, then what did he think?
“I’m letting you go,” he whispered against me lips.
“Carrick…” I whispered back, not trusting myself to speak any louder than that.
“Shh… it’s okay,” he said, stroking my cheek. “I love you. And I always will.”
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and I made no attempt to hide them. “I… I love you, too…”
“I know,” Carrick replied, smiling. With a sigh, he pulled away from me and sat up. “I’m still your friend, Zac. Maybe with occasional benefits.”
I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest, pouting. I didn’t care if Carrick thought I looked pathetic and childish; he could make fun of me all he wanted. I had finally admitted how I felt and, despite returning those feelings, he was leaving? I couldn’t make sense of it and I didn’t want to.
“Zac… you married the first woman you loved. Look how that turned out. At least now… you’ve given yourself a chance. A chance to see what else is out there.”
Okay, that kind of made sense. But that didn’t mean I enjoyed hearing it. Yeah, I had seen what was out there, and I liked it – no, loved it – a lot more than I expected to. And I wasn’t ready to give it up. I loved Taylor, but there was no guarantee that just because Carrick was gone he would take me back.
“And you still love him more,” Carrick added, giving me a smile. “That’s how you know it’s real.”
I glanced away, a few tears escaping my eyes. Truth be told, I wasn’t really sure anymore that he was right, but he probably was. “Am I that obvious?”
Carrick smirked. “You know I’m right. You needed this, Zac.”
I sighed. “Can you stop being right all the time? It’s getting old.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he replied with a smirk, then gave me a pointed look. “You love it.”
“Yeah, whatever.” I pouted. I knew it was just a joke, but it felt like he was throwing my words back at me. Yeah, I did love it. I loved him.
While I was busy throwing my pity party, Carrick stood up and grabbed a pair of jeans from the floor, wiggling into them without bothering to put on underwear first. He glanced up at me while he fiddled with the button. “It’ll be alright, Zac.”
“I really hope you’re right…”
“Aren’t I always?” He grinned. That time, I didn’t mind so much that he was, yet again, throwing my words back at me.
“Yeah…” I replied.
“Well then?” He asked, pulling on a shirt he had also found in the floor.
I didn’t answer. Instead, I stood up and fumbled around in the floor for a pair of my own jeans. After I had found them and put them on, I looked back at Carrick. I answered his question with a question of my own. “So what now?”
“Now…” he said, walking over to me. “You go talk to Taylor.”
“But I don’t wanna…” I pouted and stomped my feet, perfectly content to be childish and silly.
Carrick smirked. “Tough.”
“Ugh, fine,” I replied, still pouting.
Despite my silliness, Carrick’s smirk fell. He stared into my eyes in that weird, unnerving way he had about him when he was actually serious. “Thank you, Zac.”
“No. Thank you.” I forced a weak smile so he would know I meant it. “You are amazing.”
I probably would have said even more about just how amazing he was, but Carrick didn’t give me the chance. He grabbed me and pulled me in for a kiss, and it seemed like he was pouring every ounce of his emotions into it. I did the same, and though I never wanted that kiss to end, ultimately I knew it had to. I pulled back and stared at Carrick.
“That… is not making it any easier to go talk to Taylor.”
He smirked. “Just let me know if that threesome thing is a possibility.”
“Carrick!” I gasped out. He laughed and I gave him a playful shove. “We gotta find your off switch.”
He didn’t reply to that at all. Instead, he just began gathering up his belongings which were strewn all around the room. Knowing that the conversation was over and his decision already made, I shuffled into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and tied my hair back into a ponytail. I didn’t look great; hell, I didn’t even look good. But I didn’t really care. Taylor had pretty much seen me at my worst, and I didn’t really anticipate that much would come from going to see him right then. It seemed pointless to put much effort into my appearance for yet another argument.
By the time I walked back into my bedroom, Carrick appeared to have already finished packing. With his bag and guitar slung over his shoulder, he leaned against the doorway and gave me a smile.
“See ya round, babe.”
“Bye, Carrick,” I replied, matching his smile with a frown.
Carrick glanced away for a moment, chewing nervously on his lip. Was he reconsidering leaving? I figured it was a bit too much to cross my fingers and hope, but inside, I was desperately hoping he would change his mind and set his bags back down. But he didn’t.
“Bye, Zac.”
With that, he turned and left just as he had come – unexpectedly and maybe at exactly the right time. I didn’t see it that way, but Carrick seemed certain. And as always, I trusted him to know what was right.