Zac
When I called Carrick and asked him to visit, I really didn’t have any sort of plan. I just knew that I needed him. He arrived with just one suitcase and a guitar, so I figured he would only stay for a few days. It had been a week since Kate’s departure, though, and Carrick showed no signs of leaving. He basically moved in; his few belongings already tucked into a drawer in my bedroom by the time I got back from talking to Taylor at the studio.
And he was my boyfriend.
In a way, it seemed even more strange to date Carrick than it had to date Taylor. I had never realized that what I felt for Carrick was anything more than friendship and some strange sexual tension that I refused to even acknowledge. Once I acknowledged it, it didn’t stop being weird, but I still kind of liked it.
At the end of that week together, we decided to go out for dinner. I guess it was our first official date as a couple or something. He’d never had a chance to see much of Tulsa during his other visits, so I decided to take him to one of my favorite places – the Blue Rose Cafe. Even though it was a weekend, it wasn’t all that busy and we got seated out on the patio pretty quickly.
After the hostess walked away, Carrick pulled out my chair and gave me a little smirk. I blushed and stared at him for a second, then nearly fell into the seat. Well, that was graceful.
Carrick chuckled. “Don’t be so nervous, babe.”
“Can’t help it,” I replied, still blushing thanks to that little pet name. “I don’t exactly go on a lot of dates, you know.”
“I hear ya,” he replied with a nod, taking his own seat. “Same here, I guess. Wild parties don’t really count.”
“Not really, no. And I don’t go to many of those, either.”
“So what do you do for fun then? I mean like, what’s there to do in Tulsa on a Saturday night?” He leaned back in his chair, eying me a little and smiling. Yeah, that blush was definitely not going to leave my face any time soon.
“Nothing, really,” I replied with a shrug. “I mean, there are bars and stuff. They’ll have music here later, actually. But mostly I just stay at home… paint, smoke, play video games…”
Carrick grinned. “Nothing wrong with that.”
“Sounds boring, though, doesn’t it?”
“Nah, not boring,” he replied, glancing out at the river. The cafe’s patio was basically right over the Arkansas River – so close that sometimes you’d get duck feathers flying up onto your table. “I kinda like how quiet it is out here.”
“Yeah,” I replied, following his eyes. “I like coming out here, too, by the river. It’s not where the restaurant always was, but I kinda like this location better. Had a lot of memories at the old one, though… you know they wouldn’t let us play a concert here back in the day?”
Carrick chuckled. “Yeah, I remember you telling me. They made you play out in the alley or something, right?”
“Yup, by the dumpsters,” I replied, nodding. Carrick laughed and I offered him a big grin. “And now they’ve got one of my drums on a big display inside.”
It’s entirely possible that I was bragging a bit. Okay, a lot. But the smile it earned me from Carrick made it worth feeling a little conceited. In fact, it made me want to show off more. With a smirk, I said, “It’s not on the menu, but tell the waitress you want the Hanson special.”
“Should I be scared?” Carrick asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Nah,” I replied, giggling. “I mean, we are in public. What are you expecting?”
“Public doesn’t necessarily mean much,” he said, smirking lustily.
I rolled my eyes. “Well, maybe not to you.”
“We gotta get you to loosen up,” Carrick said with a laugh, placing his hand on mine on the table.
I blushed, but I didn’t pull my hand back. I didn’t want him to think that I was ashamed of him; I wasn’t. But I still hadn’t entirely made my way out of the closet – especially not to the general public of Tulsa. It was just weird to hold a guy’s hand in public. “A-anyway, it’s just a grilled cheese with tomato. We all ordered it so much that they named it after us.”
“I’ll give it a try,” Carrick said, grinning. He nudged his foot against mine and I jumped a little, my blush deepening even more. Carrick only grinned. “You look really good tonight.”
“So do you,” I replied, and once again my blush deepened. My face practically felt like it was on fire.
Carrick, of course, was loving it. He gave me a smile and started rubbing his foot against my calf. Naturally, the waitress chose that exact moment to walk up to take our orders. Carrick was his usual cool self, smiling up at the waitress as he ordered the special, rubbing his leg against mine the entire time. I barely managed to stutter out my order at all, squirming in my seat as I did. As soon as the waitress was gone, Carrick stopped.
“You are horrible,” I said, smiling in spite of myself.
He winked. “You love it.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I replied, blushing a little and glancing away. It wasn’t like he didn’t already know the effect he had on me, but I didn’t feel like letting that show in public.
After a moment of silence had passed, Carrick gave a sigh. “Heard from the c-word yet?”
“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “I didn’t figure I would, though.”
“Don’t worry,” Carrick said, his voice low and a slight pout on his lips. “It’ll work out.”
“I hope you’re right. I mean, she can’t just run away, right?”
“No. She can’t,” he replied firmly, squeezing my hand. “You’ll see them soon.”
“I hope so.”
He brushed his fingers up my arm a bit, giving me a soft little smile. It was another one of those rare moments when Carrick was at a loss for words.
“I miss them so much,” I said softly. With the tiniest hint of a smile, I added, “Not to brag or anything, but I have the most awesome babies ever.”
Carrick returned my smile. “Of course you do. Look who they have for a dad.”
“And surprisingly, they’re pretty cute, too.”
“Not that surprising, but yeah,” Carrick said, laughing and nodding. “Shep’s gonna be a heartbreaker someday, just like his old man.”
I grinned proudly and blushed at the compliment. “He’s definitely my mini-me. Just as crazy, too.”
“I’ll bet.” Carrick laughed. “And Junia’s gonna have problems when she hits high school.”
“She’s gonna have problems with school, period, if she takes after me.”
“I was thinking more of Daddy sitting on the porch polishing his gun,” Carrick replied, chuckling. With a smirk, he added, “Dating, Zac. There’s gonna come a time when your little baby starts dating.”
“No. No there’s not,” I replied quickly, suddenly feeling nauseous. “I won’t allow it.”
Carrick blinked, then burst out laughing. I wasn’t sure what was so funny.
“I know what boys are like. I mean, I assume straight boys are just as bad as, say… you. They won’t make it past the driveway.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Carrick replied, smirking. “AK or double barrel?”
I had a feeling he was teasing me, but I couldn’t let a gun question slip by me unanswered. “Shotgun. It’s a classic, you know? Just screams ‘don’t touch my daughter, punk.’”
Carrick gave me a little grin, and I fully expected some comment about how much of a redneck I was. Surprisingly, he didn’t comment on my gun fetish.
“Now, can we drop the subject of my little Junebug dating? Please?”
“Sure,” he replied with a chuckle.
A moment later, the waitress arrived with our food, which effectively did shut us up, at least for a while. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said about Junia dating. Of course I knew that wouldn’t happen for a long time; she hadn’t even celebrated her second birthday yet. But it seemed like she had been born just yesterday. Before I knew it, I really would be the father of a teenager girl. And that kind of terrified me. I sat my sandwich back on the plate and glanced up at Carrick.
“You really think I could scare any boys off, anyway? I mean, maybe with the gun…”
Carrick grinned. “Haven’t scared me off yet.”
“Well, you’re not a teenage boy. They scare easier, don’t they?”
He snorted. “Think you got that backwards, babe.”
“What?”
“Teenage guys aren’t scared of anything,” he replied, looking a bit thoughtful. “Or maybe that was just me…”
“I guess,” I said, shrugging. “I kinda went straight from eleven to middle aged.”
Carrick gave me a sad little frown. I hadn’t meant for that to sound so depressing, but it did. It was the truth, though. Doing what I loved for a living was, in a way, like never having to grow up. I knew Kate definitely saw it that way. But I had been on the road, working, being a businessman since I was barely on the verge of puberty. So much had been thrown at me some quickly that I was forced to grow up in ways that someone who didn’t live my mind of life would never understand.
I sighed. “I mean, I had to, didn’t I? But I turned out okay… right?”
“Better than okay,” he replied, holding my hand and giving me a smile.
Carrick had started a little older than me – around the same time, but he was already in college – but I knew he understood. Again, I couldn’t help blushing and smiling at the compliment. He reached up and brushed a piece of hair behind my ear, causing me to jump a little but my smile stayed in place.
“So shy…” he said quietly, smirking.
“I’m sorry,” I replied. “I’m just not used to being all affectionate in public with… well, you know.”
“I know.” He nodded and touched my cheek. “Do you mind this?”
“N-no… I mean it feels right. It does. It’s just different,” I tried to explain, my blush deepening. “I feel like everyone’s watching us.”
Carrick only smiled.
“They are, aren’t they? People are staring.”
He glanced around. “Totally. All eyes are on you.”
I rolled my eyes. He had to be messing with me, but I wasn’t going to look around to verify his claim.
“As they should be,” Carrick added, winking.
“Yeah, whatever. Probably thinking, ‘oh, look, it’s one of those Hanson girls,” I said, hoping to get a laugh from Carrick. It didn’t work. Instead, he just rolled his eyes at me.
“More like wishing they were in my place.”
“Oh, just shut up,” I replied, giving Carrick a nudge. I wasn’t really upset with him, but there was only so much of his teasing and compliments that I could take.
His smirk only grew. “You gonna make me?”
Blushing at the sheer thought of what I was going to do, I sneaked my hand under the table and placed it on Carrick’s thigh. I wasn’t really sure how far I was willing to go, but I figured at least that little move would be enough to shock him.
“Hmm, interesting,” he said, arching an eyebrow.
“What?” I asked, attempting to look innocent and casually picking up a french fry with my free hand.
Seconds later, I felt Carrick’s hand firmly on my dick. The french fry fell out of my hand and I let out the most pathetic little squeak. Carrick smirked and quietly said, “Longer arms.”
I didn’t reply, because I was fairly certain I had lost the power of speech. I definitely didn’t want to squeak at him again. With a soft chuckle, Carrick slid his hand up and down my length, which was rapidly hardening in response to his touch.
“Carrick,” I managed to gasp out.
“Yeah, babe?” He gave me an innocent smile and squeezed my dick gently.
At that, I gave a little jump and frantically looked around for the waitress. With another chuckle, Carrick finally pulled his hand back just as I saw the waitress approaching. I hurriedly fumbled through my wallet and handed her my card before she even had time to hand me the check.
Once she was gone, I turned back to Carrick. “Can’t take you anywhere, I swear.”
“Oh, baby,” he said with a laugh, and shook his head. Giving me a lusty grin, he added, “You can take me anywhere you want.”
Blushing yet again, I mumbled, “Sadly, not right here on the patio.”
“Wanna bet?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I have a feeling the management might take issue with that.”
“Yeah,” Carrick replied, snickering. “I’m sure at least a few people wouldn’t mind the show, though.”
I rolled my eyes. “Dinner and a show has probably never meant live action gay porn before. At least, not in Tulsa.”
Carrick laughed so loudly that the table next to us turned around and stared. Luckily, the waitress choose that moment to finally return with my credit card and the receipt. I signed it quickly, leaving her a generous tip for tolerating our ridiculousness and stood up, grabbing Carrick’s arm.
“Come on. Let’s get you out of here before your libido gets us kicked out.”
He only let me drag him before steps before he stopped and yanked back, forcing me to spin around. The look I found on his face was surprisingly sincere and… loving? Maybe.
“Hey,” he said simply.
“What?”
He didn’t reply – at least, not with words. Instead, he reached his hand out to my cheek, then leaned down and kissed me gently. If the entire patio crowd hadn’t been staring at us before, they definitely were then. It didn’t even matter that the kiss barely lasted two seconds. When it was over, I smiled up at him and tried to resist the urge to look around while I thought of something intelligent to say.
“You can keep your cup by the way. Free souvenir.” Well, that wasn’t intelligent at all. Carrick didn’t seem to mind how incredibly stupid I was, though. He just giggled.
“Ooh, sweet,” he replied, reaching back to the table to grab his cup, then motioning for me to lead the way.
It was easy to let my hand drift from his arm to his waist as we walked out together. Being with him was actually started to feel kind of natural and right. I hardly cared at all if people were staring. They were all going to learn the truth about me eventually, anyway.
I steered him through the parking lot and away from my truck. There was a little park along the river next to the restaurant. It wasn’t anything especially fancy, but the view was nice and it wasn’t crowded, despite how popular the Blue Rose was.
“I thought we could, umm, walk around for a bit. It’s kinda nice here.” Really, my conversational skills were astounding. Was this what being kissed by a guy in public did to me?
“Anything you want, babe,” Carrick replied, lacing his fingers through mine. If that wasn’t enough to practically kill me on the spot, the huge smile he gave me was definitely the last nail in the coffin.
“It’s just a little park,” I said, shrugging and trying to stop staring at our hands. “The river, walking trail… not much to it.”
“It’s nice, though.”
“I know it’s all boring compared to L.A.,” I replied. I felt this need to apologize for everything; it was like all of Tulsa was a reflection of my lameness, too. I loved Tulsa, but I couldn’t imagine why Carrick would choose it – or me – over the life he had back in California.
He shook his head. “Not boring. Just different.”
“I know L.A., Carrick. This is boring. But, I dunno, it’s home.”
“You’re here,” he replied, smiling. “Therefore, not boring.”
“Yeah right,” I said, steering us down the little walking path that ran more or less parallel to the river. “I’m the most boring thing about this place.”
Carrick stopped walking and forced me to look at him again. He shook his head and gave me a serious look.
“What?”
“Babe…” he said, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around my waist. “Why do you always do that?”
“Do what?”
“Put yourself down. Or just de-emphasize yourself.”
I shrugged. “Just trying to save everyone else the trouble, I guess.”
“Babe…” he said again, softly, pouting. I had thought I was finished blushing for the day, but the way he kept repeating that pet name made my blush return in earnest.
“Have I mentioned I like it when you call me that?”
“I kinda noticed,” he replied, smiling slightly. All too soon, his face turned serious again and he sighed. “But I mean it. Look, I know she laid into you for a long time. I can’t pretend to know what that must’ve done to you. But you gotta try to forget it, to move past it.”
I shrugged and bit my lip, considering how to reply. I didn’t want to talk about Kate or all the myriad other reasons why I spent most days feeling pretty damn worthless. But I knew that one way or another, even if it wasn’t right then, Carrick would make me talk about it. It was easier just to go ahead.
“It’s not just her,” I finally said. “Not really. I mean, you try growing up as Taylor Fucking Hanson’s goofy little brother.”
Carrick frowned. “He’s not as perfect as you like to picture him. He’s just a guy, just like you and me, flawed just as much.”
“He’s still Taylor Hanson,” I replied with a shrug. “And he was still the one everyone noticed. Not me.”
“Fuck what everyone noticed,” Carrick said, giving a frustrated sigh. When I didn’t have a reply for that, he said, “Zac… you wanna know what I think?”
“Are you gonna tell me even if I say no?” I asked, smirking.
“Damn skippy.” Carrick returned my smirk, then sighed again. “I think he should be looking up to you. You think he’s so perfect, but the truth is, you’re better than him in so many ways.”
“Like what.” I really couldn’t think of a single way that he wasn’t perfect, except for maybe the way he was treating me lately. But even that, I knew I had earned, so it hardly counted.
“You didn’t get your ex-girlfriend pregnant. You didn’t go on a coke bender. You didn’t have three relationships going at once.”
“But I was so clueless that I didn’t even know about one of those three,” I pointed out, frowning. I knew everything Carrick said was true, but I also knew Taylor, better than I had back then. He might have been flawed, but so what? I’m not sure Carrick even heard me, though. He was too busy making his point.
“You haven’t let everything get you down. Mostly. You’re not as jaded as he is.” He paused for a second, then smirked. “Plus, in my opinion, you’ve got way more talent.”
I returned the smirk. “Well, you’re right about that one. I mean, have you heard him play drums?”
Carrick smirked more. I didn’t like insulting Taylor – not the way that Carrick had, even if it was the truth – but a few jokes at his expense never failed to make me feel better.
“And I’m pretty sure he only wears the guitar as an accessory. He doesn’t actually play it,” I added with a giggle, and Carrick chuckled in return.
“Plus…” he whispered in my ear. “I’m pretty sure he’s all talk when it comes to what he’s packing.” Carrick brushed his hand over my thigh at that, as though I might have some doubt what he was talking about.
“W-well… I mean…” I stuttered out, my face feeling like it was absolutely on fire. I couldn’t believe I was basically letting my boyfriend molest me in public – while talking about the size of my brother’s dick, no less. It was absolutely ridiculous.
Carrick grinned and placed a few kisses against my neck. “You’re a better kisser too, ya know.”
“If you say so…” I replied, moaning softly and trying really hard not to just collapse on the spot from how good his lips felt.
“Probably better in bed, too,” Carrick mumbled, nipping at my neck. “Drummers do it better, right?”
“Well… yeah…” I stuttered out, smirking a little at how corny he was. “I mean, I guess I’m alright.”
“Way better than alright.” He punctuated the statement with another nibble on my neck, harder than before. His hands crept to my hips and I started to worry just how far he was willing to go right there in the park.
Giggling a little, I pulled away and took his hand in mine again, dragging him down the foot path yet again. This was supposed to be a nice, normal date, not something that would end with us getting arrested for public indecency. Carrick sighed, but gave me a smile anyway and let himself be drug along.
At least for a moment. Suddenly, he stopped on the spot, and I was forced to stop as well. A wide grin spread across his face.
“Is that what I think it is?”
I followed his eyes, which were widening by the second. “It’s… a bison?”
Carrick glanced at me, then back at the statue. “I wanna ride it.”
Before I could reply, he had pulled away from me and was taking long strides toward the bronze statue. Just when I thought he couldn’t get any more ridiculous, he had to go and prove me wrong.
“Of course you do,” I mumbled, following behind him. I didn’t even care that he wouldn’t see how hard I rolled my eyes, it still made me feel better.
He practically jogged the last few yards to the statue. He began to swing one long leg over it, then paused in mid-air. His grin widening even further, he said, “Ooh, he’s warm.”
“You are insane,” I said, rolling my eyes yet again as I joined him beside the statue.
Carrick was unfazed, though. “No, seriously. Feel this. He’s like… warm.”
“You’re talking about the statue like h- it. Like it’s real.”
He shrugged. “Well, I can’t gender-check him. He’s lying down.”
If Carrick was going to be ridiculous, then I supposed I might as well be ridiculous, too. It wasn’t beyond my capabilities. I gave the bison a good look, staring him right in his big bronze eyes. With as serious a look on my face as I could manage, I said, “Looks like a him, though.”
Carrick nodded sagely, then hopped up on the bison’s back and yelled, “Yee-haw!”
“Oh for fuck’s sake.”
He laughed hard and held a hand out to me. “C’mon, this guy’s built for two,” he said, giving me a wink.
With yet another roll of my eyes – they were really getting a workout that night – I took his hand and climbed on in front of him. He was right; the bison was warm. I wasn’t going to tell him that, though. I really didn’t need to make Carrick any more smug than his default setting. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder, letting out a content sigh that I couldn’t help matching with one of my own.
“I think you’re officially an Oklahoman now,” I said, hating myself for breaking the silence. “Since you’ve gotten all friendly with a bison.”
Carrick let out a soft chuckle, then snorted. “I wonder if anyone’s had sex up here.”
“I don’t know, but we are not going to be the first.”
He giggled and kissed my neck. “You sure, babe?”
“Yes,” I replied, trying to keep my voice firm despite the way I instinctively leaned closer to him.
Carrick noticed that little movement, of course, and pulled me back further, rolling his hips just the tiniest bit.
“Carrick,” I said sternly.
“Okay, okay…” he chuckled. “Save that for next time.”
“Like I’m gonna bring you here again,” I replied, chuckling.
To my surprise, he didn’t press the issue. He just sighed contently and leaned his head against mine. His hands crept around my body, finding mine and lacing our fingers together. Despite my stern words, I really didn’t mind how silly he was. It was part of why we got along so well. He didn’t judge all the stupid stuff I did, and I didn’t point out that he was a thirty-five year old man riding a bison statue.