Taylor

My eyes went wide as I realized what I’d said. My brother’s name. My brother’s. I heard Zac’s growl as I slowed my hand, but my mind was buzzing, making it impossible to think, let alone move. My brother’s name. I’d moaned my brother’s name.

“Fuck… Please, don’t stop,” Zac begged. I looked into his eyes, seeing nothing but lust, and love. No shame.

“O-okay,” I stammered, starting to thrust my fingers into him again, slowly. He pressed his face into my neck, trembling and moaning, the sound resonating through me. My eyes fluttered closed, as I let myself go, regaining my earlier pace.

“Z-Zac…” The name felt foreign to my tongue; I’d said it millions of times before, but never in this context, never with such unveiled need. The comforting veil of fantasy I’d wrapped myself in was being torn away, with every push of my hand, every roll of his hips. This wasn’t Sam, some unknown stranger. This was Zac. My brother.

“God… Taylor,” he whispered, and I moaned unexpectedly. The way my name rolled off his tongue, dripping with desire, was easily the most erotic thing I’d ever heard; my eyes rolled back as I moaned again, rolling my hips against his, aching for him.

“Do you want another?” I whispered in his ear, and he nodded eagerly.

“Oh God,” he whimpered, “Yes.” I nodded, pushing a third finger into him slowly; the heat and tightness were almost too much to bear, and I groaned in pleasure into his neck.

“Fuck! Taylor,” he growled, his whole body shaking. I held still, letting him adjust, until I felt him squirming beneath me, his hips rocking against my hand. I picked up my pace, and he cried out, clawing at the couch beneath us. I lifted his face, locking eyes with his; I had to be sure this was okay, but his expression told me it was beyond that.

I crushed our mouths together, kissing him deeply, hungrily; I needed to taste every part of him, but it felt like I could never get enough. I thrust my fingers into him harder, our moans harmonizing in a beautifully erratic song. My body was shaking almost as badly as his as I closed my eyes, feeling on the edge of sensory overload.

“Fuck, Zac… I want to make love to you.” The words tumbled from my lips before I could stop them, but Zac’s breathy reply came before I had a chance to regret.

“Oh God, please… Yes. I want you, Tay.” I could hardly believe what I’d heard, but the look in Zac’s eyes was deadly serious. I moved to my side, switching our positions so that he was laying on his back, and I was kneeling between his legs. He stared up at me, with wide, fearful eyes, and doubt crept in.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he answered quickly. I nodded once, lining myself up, lowering my face to his, brushing our lips together.

“I love you, Zac,” I whipsered, finally accepting the full truth of those words,

“I love you, Taylor,” he gasped, as I slid inside him. A loud moan escaped me as I pushed further, until our hips were pressed firmly together.

“Taylor… Oh, fuck, Tay,” he cried out; both of us shook, my arms threatening to give out. I hadn’t felt anything so good since… truthfully, I couldn’t remember ever feeling anything so good. It was so overwhelming, both physically and emotionally; I could only imagine how it felt for Zac, as he dug his nails into my back.

“You’re so… so big… God, feels so good…” His breathless words made me blush harder, laughing nervously, somehow managing to ease some of the tension. I stared down at him, overcome with love, as I brushed my trembling fingers against his cheek.

“You’re so beautiful,” I whispered. “How did I never see it?”

“I don’t know,” he replied softly, blushing. “The same way I never noticed how beautiful you are, I guess.” I turned away, smiling but embarrassed; no matter how many times people called me that, I could never seem to believe it.

“Hey,” he said, drawing my attention. “A little late to be shy, don’t you think?” He punctuated his words with a roll of his hips, and I groaned as pleasure shot through me like lightning. I sneered playfully down at him, beginning to slowly thrust into him.

“That’s… kinda hot,” he laughed lightly in between moans. I smirked, gripping his hips tightly and increasing my pace. I let out a low growl, and he rolled his head back, whimpering and cursing under his breath. His hands clutched the sofa, and an idea struck me, something we’d tried in our chats. Slowly, my eyes trained on his, I wrapped my hands around his wrists, pinning them above his head.

“Is this… okay?”

 

Zac

“Yes,” I gasped out. “Fuck, it’s more than okay.”

Taylor smirked and squeezed my wrists a bit, finally starting to thrust again. I moaned loudly, my eyes fluttering shut on their own. I wanted to look at Taylor, but it was all too intense. It felt incredible, amazing, wonderful – the English language simply didn’t contain one single adjective that appropriately captured the feeling of Taylor’s cock inside me.

He gripped my wrists harder, thrusting even faster into me. I could do nothing more than whimper, feeling impossibly full and stretched almost to my breaking point. Taylor shifted around a bit, wrapping one hand entirely around both wrists. His other hand traveled back to my hair, yanking my head roughly to the side and exposing my neck. He sank his teeth into my flesh and I screamed aloud. “Tay! Oh god, Tay…”

“Zac… fuck, Zac,” he cried out, and my name sounded every bit as wonderful on his lips as it had the first time. He pulled my head the other direction, sinking his teeth into that side of my neck, as he continued to drill into me.

I could do nothing more than whimper his name over and over. I knew I sounded pathetic, but that was the least of my concerns. I only wanted this to go on forever, this pain and pleasure at Taylor’s every thrust. He finally released my aching wrists, his hand falling down to stroke me with the same rhythm he was thrusting into me. He covered my neck and face with feather soft kisses, in sharp contrast to the rest of his motions. I growled loudly.

Taylor pressed his lips to mine, tears falling from his eyes onto my face. “Zac… oh god, Zac… I love you so fucking much, Zac.”

The words were so simple, barely strung together coherently considering how much he was panting, but they were beautiful. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, never wanting to let him go, and gasped out, “Taylor… I love you, too… so much.”

He gripped my hip tightly, thrusting into me even faster and pumping my dick at the same impossible pace. I could see him struggling to hold back his tears. “So close, baby.”

“Fuck, me too,” I replied, rolling my hips upward to match Taylor’s pace. Our hips crashed together so hard that it almost hurt, but I didn’t care. I was shaking all over, but I tried to hold on and keep up my part of the rhythm.

Taylor leaned his forehead against mine, his mouth hanging open and a tiny whimper falling out. I fought to keep my eyes open, needing to see Taylor’s face. I had to watch. I moaned loudly, my eyes never leaving his. “Tay, I’m…”

“Come for me,” he whispered. “Come for me, my love.”

That was all it took to push me over the edge. I screamed aloud, my body shaking violently as I came all over both of our stomachs. I gasped and panted, “Taylor… fuck… I love you, Tay.”

Taylor slammed into me harder than ever before, and I could feel him shooting his own load into me, a stream of white hot heat that made me shake all over again. “I love you, Zac… fuck, I love you.”

He collapsed onto my chest, sobbing so hard his whole body was shaking. I was shaking, too, but his reaction still scared me a little. I ran my hand across his back, hoping it didn’t scare him or bother him. “Taylor…”

He tangled his hands in my hair and buried his face in my neck, still crying. His lips vibrated against my skin as he mumbled, “Zac… I love you… so much it hurts… don’t deserve you.”

The words came out all in a jumble, but I still understood what he meant and it made my heart ache. How could he even say that? If there was one of us who didn’t deserve the other one, it definitely wasn’t him. I ran my fingers through his hair, hoping to calm his tears a little. “Tay, don’t say that. Please. You deserve better than me.”

“Zac, no,” he said, looking up at me and gently touching my face. He paused for a second, swallowing hard. “Remember what I said? I don’t want better. I just want you.”

Even though his tears had slowed almost to a stop, that was enough to make me tear up. I tried to hide it, replying softly, “Tay… I just want you, too.”

Taylor laughed softly, a small smile finally forming on his face. He leaned up and kissed me gently. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

He leaned his forehead against mine. “What are you thinking?”

“That I can’t believe this is real,” I admitted, a few tears breaking free and falling down my face.

Taylor wiped the tears away, which did nothing to ease my trembling. “I know. But it is real, Zac.”

“I know,” I replied, whimpering as Taylor licked a tear from my cheek. “It’s just… you, all of this – it’s so much better than I imagined.”

Taylor blushed and looked away.

“I mean, not that I imagined you. You know what I mean. It’s just… wow.”

He smiled, rolling to his side and leaning back against the couch. “I know. This was… a big step. For you, and for us. I want to know where your head is at.”

I stuttered a bit, trying to find the right way to begin describing all of the feelings in my head. There were just too many of them, and most I didn’t even have the experience to give a name. Instead of trying to describe all of that, I fell back on my sense of humor, letting out a chuckle. “Well, there’s a big part of me that really wants to just get up and do a happy dance right now.”

Taylor laughed, wrapping my arms tightly around me and rubbing my back.

“That was…” I began, the thought trailing off into another laugh. “That was amazing, Tay. Really.”

He blushed and looked away for a second, finally bringing his eyes back to me as he said, “Yeah, you were.”

It was my turn to blush then. “That’s not what I meant.”

He brushed a piece of hair from my eyes, his face turning serious. “Talk to me, Zac. I want to know everything.” He kissed my nose. “I always want to know what you’re thinking from now on, okay?”

“I’ll try,” I replied, nodding slightly. It had become so easy to discuss my feelings with him online, but I knew that wouldn’t carry over into real life easily. Not when I could see him reacting to my words. I never talked about my feelings to anyone. But for him, I would try.

Taylor smiled and stroked my hair. “No more secrets. From either of us.”

“Okay,” I replied.

That seemed to satisfy him. He kissed me gently, then laid his head back down against my chest. During that moment of silence, I thought back over everything that had happened that afternoon. The fear of coming out to him was still fresh in my memory, as was the anger and humiliation I had felt when I realized Jordan was Taylor. But all of those feelings were dulled by the recollection of all that had happened since then. Despite my exhaustion, my spine still tingled a little when I replayed it in my mind. I could still feel each and every touch, every new sensation at Taylor’s hands.

I laughed softly, trying to will my libido into submission. “So… yeah, I’m definitely gay.”

“You think?” Taylor replied, laughing loudly.

“I think it’s a safe assumption, don’t you?”

Taylor nodded, still giggling. “I’d say so.”

“God, I spent so long just ignoring those feelings,” I said, my laughter falling away into a sigh.

“I know, baby,” Taylor replied, rubbing my back soothingly. “But it’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

“It feels so good to finally let myself admit it and act on it. I couldn’t have even imagined,” I said, laughing softly as I once again let myself get a little lost in the memory of just how good sex with Taylor had felt. “It’s like… this huge weight off my shoulders.”

He kissed the top of my head. “I know how you feel, Zac.”

I looked up at him. How had I forgotten that I wasn’t alone in this? Of course Taylor knew how I felt. He was going through nearly the same thing, wasn’t he? Sheepishly, I replied, “Yeah… I guess you do.”

He tilted his head to the side for a second, obviously lost in thought. I knew better than to even try to guess where his mind had gone. “Zac… that friend. The one you said you used to think about….”

I blushed. Despite his stuttering, I knew exactly what he was referring to and I did not want to talk about it. Especially not right then. “Yeah?”

Taylor giggled. “You gonna tell me who?”

“Umm,” I replied, looking away from him. I had hoped he would let it go, but obviously I wasn’t that lucky. Under my breath, just barely loud enough for him to hear, I finally said, “Carrick.”

I hadn’t admitted that to anyone, and I could feel my cheeks burning as soon as his name left my mouth. Carrick and I had met a few years ago at Fools Banquet; he was one of Taylor’s random invites after they had met at a party out in California. I think we were best friends by the end of that first day. The second night, we were paired up to write a song and somehow, this insanely sexual song – worse than anything I had ever written before – was the result. Even more embarrassing than the lyrics themselves was the effect Carrick had on me. When I fell into bed in the pool house that night, I jerked myself off harder than I had since I was a teenager, and the whole time all I could think of was Carrick.

It only got worse when he went on tour with us. We smoked up together all the time, and that was the only thing that kept me from going insane. I still stubbornly refused to accept the truth, but I couldn’t ignore the fact that it was definitely not normal to fantasize about my best friend every night in my bunk.

“Carrick? Really?”

I looked up at Taylor, not sure what he meant by that. Yes, Carrick. Was that even more unbelievably strange than everything else that had happened today?

“Nothing. I can see why,” he replied, his smile slowly falling. “He’s… good looking.”

Taylor looked away from me again. I hated how it seemed he thought he could completely hide his thoughts and feelings just by averting his eyes. “Tay, look at me.”

He turned back with a sigh.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you think he’s…” Taylor trailed off, biting his lip. He looked away yet again and mumbed, “hotter than me?”

That was what had Taylor so worried? Sometimes he was so obvious, and then sometimes he still managed to surprise me. His insecurity was the biggest surprise of all. “No, Tay. You’re beautiful.”

Taylor shrugged, closing his eyes. His next words were almost inaudible. “He’s also not related to you…”

I knew what he was suggesting, and the thought of it made my stomach turn. Did Taylor think I could really give him up, after everything we had shared, just because he was my brother? I couldn’t even bare to think of it. Carrick might have been one of my best friends, but my feelings for Taylor went even deeper than that. Giving that up wasn’t an option. Firmly, decisively, I said, “Tay. No.”

“Maybe,” he replied, blinking back a few tears.

I grasped Taylor’s shoulders, trying to force him to look at me. He still wouldn’t, so I continued on anyway. “Yeah, okay, he’s one of my best friends. But you’re so much more than that. I love you.”

A tear fell down Taylor’s cheek. “But you could actually be with him. For real.”

“Tay,” I said, my resolution falling to the floor. “This is real, isn’t it?”

He sighed. “You know what I mean, Zac. You could tell people. You wouldn’t have to be… ashamed.”

“Taylor,” I replied, watching his tears fall. I knew what he meant, and I knew logically he was right, but it didn’t matter. None of that changed my feelings for him. “I’m not ashamed of you.”

“You should be,” he replied with a snort. The harshness of his words struck me and for a moment I feared he was trying to stop this before it had really begun. He must have sensed my fear, because he touched my cheek softly and said, “I just want you to be happy, Zac. I want you to be proud.”

“Taylor,” I replied, his name coming out almost as a sigh of relief. “I am so happy. You have no idea.”

His lip quivered. “So am I.”

“You have no idea how much I wish I could tell people and have them understand.”

“I know,” he replied, his eyes falling closed again as he tried to trap the tears, but I had already seen them.

“But just because I can’t,” I continued, “it doesn’t change how I feel.”

Taylor held me close, his tears falling and mixing with the ones I didn’t even realize I was crying, too. I hoped I had convinced him that he was the one I wanted. He hadn’t run yet, so I thought I had. I couldn’t even believe he would suggest that I try to be with Carrick. There was no way that would ever happen.

“Tay,” I said, chuckling softly. “Carrick doesn’t even like guys.”

Taylor’s eyes went a bit wide. “He doesn’t? I mean, I kinda just assumed.”

“Not that I’m aware of,” I replied, shrugging. Surely that would have come up in a conversation at some point. Carrick seemed so confident and sure of himself, and I didn’t think that was just an act. So if he was gay or bisexual or whatever, then surely it wasn’t some awful, hidden secret like it had been with me.

“Really?” Taylor asked again, blushing. “Jeez, my gaydar is so far off, apparently.”

“Well, it didn’t pick up on me, did it?” I asked, poking Taylor in the side and smiling.

I knew I had hit a ticklish spot when he laughed and squirmed. He liked being tickled only slightly more than I did, and for me it was an unbearable for a torture. I couldn’t help giggling, though. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he replied, kissing my nose. “I’ll get you back!”

At that, he began tickling my sides, not stopping even when I screamed and gasped for air. In fact, he only tickled harder, wrapping his legs around mine so that I couldn’t escape. Breathlessly, I cried out, “Tay! Stop it!”

Finally, he relented. His hands fell harmlessly to my sides, rubbing them gently. He kissed my neck gently. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“It’s okay,” I replied, still gasping for breath. “I’ll just have to get you back. You just wait.”

Taylor blushed and giggled.

I smirked, trying not to giggle as I added, “You’ll never know when it’s gonna… come.”

Taylor snorted loudly, his head falling back. “Wow, really?”

“I’m sorry,” I replied, giggling. “Mind the gutter. Always.”

“So it would seem,” Taylor replied. His laughter finally fell away and he sighed happily, playing with my hair.

I glanced back up at him. “So… really, you had no idea I was gay? I mean, I did hide it…”

Taylor shook his head. “Nope. You really didn’t ever act like it, at all.”

“Well, I sure as hell tried not to act like it,” I replied, frowning. I knew that sounded terrible. But we were raised to be so religious; even if I couldn’t see what was really wrong with those feelings, it was still drilled into my brain that being gay was a sin. It wasn’t who or what I wanted to be, or so I thought. I hadn’t known then that it would have felt so much better not to deny the truth.

Taylor mirrored my frown. “You shouldn’t ever have to hide who you are. I’m so sorry, Zac.”

“I know,” I replied. “Really, I do know that. It’s just easier said than done sometimes.”

Taylor nodded. “I know.”

Of course he did. Even though he had always seemed so sure of himself, he was hiding almost the same secret, too. I had always made jokes about Taylor’s sexuality, but I had never really meant it. I didn’t actually think there was any truth behind all those jokes. “I never knew about you either. Not really.”

 

Taylor

“Not even a clue?” I smirked at him, tilting my head. He had to be joking.

“Well… maybe.” He grinned sheepishly, and my grin widened.

“Yeah,” I answered slowly. “I’m not exactly the most… manly guy out there.” It was something I’d begrudgingly come to terms with over the years.

“You could say that,” he giggled. I smirked, gripping his hair tightly.

“Man enough for you,” I said quietly, my voice as husky and rough as I could manage. He moaned softly, his eyes rolling back as a shiver ran through him.

“Absolutely,” he sighed; I slipped my hand beneath his neck, staring lustily at him, pefore pulling him up for a deep kiss. Our hips rolled together, and I let out a low moan, before pulling back to look down. Both our stomachs were coated in Zac’s come, a sticky mess that made me blush.

“Um, we should probably…” I traiiled off, biting my lip shyly; this was the least fun part of sex, but it came with the territory, no pun intended.

“What?” Zac asked, giggling.

“I feel kinda… ew,” I laughed, more amused than disgusted.

“Yeah, um…” Zac laughed again, blushing. This was something he’d probably never had to deal with, and his naivety was strangely adorable.

“Do you have, like, I don’t know, a towel or something?” I started looking around the room, searching for something to clean up with.

“There’s some baby wipes and stuff, over there,” Zac offered, pointing to a shelf in the corner. “I tend to get kinda… messy in here,” he added, giggling. I looked across the room; it wasn’t far, but my legs still felt like jelly. I looked down at my brother, pouting.

“Zaccy?” I asked sweetly, giving him my best puppy-dog eyes.

“Yes?”

“I don’t want to move,” I whined, trying not to laugh. Zac wrinkled his nose, giggling again.

“Yeah, me either. Please Tay?” he pleaded after a moment, wiggling his hips. I laughed, kissing his forehead. I really didn’t want to move. But the way Zac was grinding against me had me moaning, my dick already half-hard again.

“Ugh, fine.” I groaned as I rolled off of Zac as he laughed triumphantly. I stumbled over to retrieve the box, pulling a few out and handing it to Zac. He blushed shyly as he stood, turning away from me as he wiped himself off. It was cute how shy he was now, in spite of everything we’d just done. I laid down on the couch, holding my arms open for Zac; he crawled into them eagerly, curling into my side as I held him, stroking his hair. I kissed him deeply, trying to pour every once of love I felt for him into the kiss.

“Love you,” I whispered, leaning my head back and holding Zac tightly.

“Love you too,” he murmured, shivering. I looked down when the trembling continued.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” he answered, still shaking. “Just uh, still in a bit of shock, I guess.”

“Zac, talk to me.” I stared at him, my brow furrowed in concern. Had I hurt him somehow? Suddenly I started to doubt whether any of this had been a good idea. But he just smiled, laughing softly.

“Tay… Did you forget this was my first time?”

“…Oh.” I felt my cheeks burn as I bit my lip. Of course, how could I have been so stupid?

“I think a little bit of freaking out is called for right now.” Zac’s words did nothing to calm my fears, and I gasped, my eyes widening.

“Oh god, baby, I’m sorry.”

“No,” he said softly, shaking his head. “No, don’t be sorry. Freaking out in a good way.”

“You sure?” I wasn’t fully convinced that I hadn’t done something wrong, but again Zac just laughed, nodding. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No… well, maybe a little.” Zac winced, squirming a bit, and I bit my lip hard, hating myself for causing him pain.

“Zac, I’m sorry.”

“Tay, it’s okay.”

“No,” I insisted, shaking my head. “I should have been more gentle.”

“What do you expect with that thing?” Zac’s words made me blush, his playful tone easing my fears somewhat. “I’ll be fine,” he said softly, smiling. “Better than fine.”

“If you’re sure.” I knew I wasn’t sure, but I had to trust him.

“I don’t… want you to be gentle,” Zac said quietly, and my eyes went wide.

“Zac?”

“I mean, you don’t have to be.” He looked down, biting his lip; he was obviously embarrassed by his admission, and somehow that turned me on just as much as what he’d admitted.

“That’s not what you said. Zac,” I said, lifting his chin. “No secrets, remember?” I looked into his eyes, trying to reassure him that whatever he said would be fine with me. He nodded, his cheeks turning a bit pink.

“I… I think I like it a little rough,” he whispered. I felt my own cheeks burn, my eyes widening, and I swallowed hard.

“Y-yeah?” I stuttered, my eyes going wider.

“Yeah.”

“Okay…” I nodded slowly, my thoughts plummeting into the gutter.

“Is… is that okay?” His voice shook a bit, his eyes nervous, and I let out a laugh.

“God yes. I mean, yeah, I think I can…” I didn’t know what to say exactly, but hoped my fumbled words got the message across. It seemed to, as he smiled at me, nodding.

“Good,” he said simply. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Sorry, that’s just… wow.”

“I’m, uh… just as surprised as you are.” Zac chuckled nervously.

“That’s…” I paused, taking another deep breath; my heart was racing, my mind filled with thoughts of Zac and I seeing just how rough he liked it. “Really… really hot.”

“Yeah?” Zac’s cheeks were bright red, but he grinned proudly, and I returned the smile.

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not usually the dominant type. But for you…”

“I’m not usually the anything type,” Zac laughed nervously. I smirked at him, remembering how easily he’d slipped into the sub role.

“I don’t know, you seemed pretty… submissive earlier.” I leaned down to whisper in his ear, my lips barely brushing his skin. “When I had you pinned by the wrists.”

“Fuck, Tay,” Zac breathed, shivering, and I chuckled softly.

“But then again, online…” I paused, my tongue grazing his earlobe. “You did a pretty good job of making me submit.”

“You’re the only person who’s ever made me feel that way.” Zac shivered again, blushing so hard I could practically feel the heat eminating from him. I nipped at the skin of his neck, just behind his ear, drawing a whimper from him.

“Tay… You’re killing me, Tay.” He rolled his hips against me, his erection firmly pressed against my thigh, and I had to bite back a moan.

“Yeah?” I breathed, trying to keep my tone even despite the growing need I felt.

“Oh god,” Zac moaned as I gripped his hair, pulling his head to the side. I let my teeth just barely touch the taut skin of his neck, loving the way he whimpered, his eyes fluttering shut as he moaned my name. I scraped my teeth against his neck, feeling him tremble in my arms.

“At the risk of sounding like a total chick,” Zac started, his voice shaking. “Can we just, um… cuddle for a bit?” I pulled back to look at him, his cheeks pink, his lips curled in a shy smile. I paused for a moment, taking in his words, before laughing hard. Of the two of us, he was the one no one would expect to want to cuddle, but of course it made perfect sense.

“Of course, baby. Anything you want.” I rubbed his back soothingly, and felt him relax into my touch almost instantly.

“Okay, good,” he sighed, letting out a long, relieved breath. I pulled him back down to my chest, kissing the top of his head as I wrapped my arms around him again.

“I love you, Zac,” I whispered, letting my eyes fall closed. I felt so exhausted, after everything I’d been through. The past couple months had been such a roller coaster, with the final drop being the largest. But I’d, no we’d come through it alright, with each other. I was seeing a whole new side of Zac, one I was falling in love with more and more every minute.

“I love you, too, Taylor. So much.”

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