Taylor
I froze, my hand hanging mid-air. I couldn’t breath as I stared at Zac. He wasn’t saying what I thought he was… was he? Slowly, he reached for my hand, guiding it back to his hair. His hand lingered on mine; I tilted my head, wondering what was going on in his mind. Cautiously, I let our fingers brush; the sensation made me tremble, from fear or excitement, or maybe both.
“Tay,” Zac breathed. I swallowed hard, barely aware of my other hand clenching and unclenching. I licked my lips, gasping a bit as I caught Zac following the motion, his eyes widening. I bit my lip nervously, my own eyes fluttering closed as I let myself touch his hair. It was cool, and soft, and somehow soothing as I tangled my fingers in it.
He purred. My eyes shot open, trained on his, as I caught the soft sound.
“Um… I wasn’t lying about that, either…” Zac’s cheeks took on a pinkish hue, and as much as it shocked me to admit it, it was… adorable.
“So I see.” My voice was barely above as a whisper as I responded, my lips curling into a tiny smirk. I continued to stroke his hair, a bit more confidently, and was rewarded with a louder purr. The sound flowed into me gently, sparking deeper sensations, and I let my eyes fall close, my fingers tightening involuntarily. When I heard the soft moan slip from his lips, my eyes shot open once again.
“Um… I…” Zac stammered, his cheeks turning a deeper shade of red. I didn’t know what was urging me on, but I began to smile, gripping his hair a fraction tighter. He moaned again, his eyes rolling back, and I had to bite my lip hard to suppress the whimper that threatened to escape.
“Taylor,” he breathed, and I swore I’d never heard anyone say my name quite like that.
“Zac,” I sighed, shivering. We were treading new and dangerous water, but I was undeniably intrigued by it.
“You… um…”
“I…?” I pressed, releasing Zac’s hair. I let my fingers brush against his cheek; it was warm, and softer than it looked, and I couldn’t help smiling as he trembled at my touch.
“You were doing that… on purpose.” My smile grew, my mischeivous side fighting for attention.
“What,” I asked, smiling innocently. “This?” I tangled my fingers in Zac’s hair again, this time tugging lightly. This time, instead of a moan, a low, primal growl rumbled from Zac’s lips, and I gasped as I felt it in my chest.
“Yes. That,” Zac said slowly, a bit breathless. “You know… exactly… what you’re doing.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll stop.” The fun was replaced by guilt and shame, and I pulled my hand back slowly.
“I didn’t say that.” I barely heard Zac’s words as I looked away, my cheeks burning. What was I thinking? Was I that twisted?
“Taylor…” My eyes followed his hand as it reached for mine. I lifted my gaze to meet his, and saw my own tumultuous mix of emotions reflected back at me. Confusion, fear, hesitation, but also excitement, and an undeniable touch of lust.
“Don’t, um… don’t stop,” Zac whispered. I closed my eyes, swallowing hard, feeling my hands tremble. This was all happening so fast, and I didn’t know how to process it.
“Don’t stop… what… exactly?” My voice shook as much as my hands, my eyes remaining closed; I couldn’t bear to look at Zac, for fear of what it would do to me.
“What… what you were doing to me.” His voice wavered, giving me some comfort that at least he was as afraid and unsure as I was. I took a deep breath, finally meeting his eyes again. I reached over, burying my fingers once again in his silky chocolate waves. He softly smiled, purring almost instantly. I felt my own smile returning, as I stroked his hair again and again, loving the feel of it.
“Tay?” he asked. “What’re you smiling about?” I hadn’t been thinking of anything in particular, but a memory ghosted across my mind, making me grin a bit wider.
“Just… remembering.” My mind was on our very first chat, the one that had started it all. And the intimacy, the actions that had set this whole mess in motion, had started with me stroking his hair. I felt myself blush a little, as I tugged his hair gently. He moaned softly, and I had to draw a breath.
“I guess it’s… different… than you imagined,” Zac said quietly.
“A bit,” I chuckled. I’d certainly never imagined I’d be sitting here stroking my younger brother’s hair, making him… moan…
“Sorry,” he said, laughing lightly.
“Don’t be.” My hand fell a bit, massaging the back of his neck; I knew he always carried his stress there, and not surprisingly, his muscles were like steel. He purred again, and I smiled; if I could at least make him feel a little better, maybe this wouldn’t be such a disaster.
“But I’m not what you expected, I guess. Not that I imagined… you…” Zac trailed off, and I nodded. I moved down to his shoulders, trying to ease at least some of the physical pain. He sighed contentedly, so I supposed whatever I was doing was helping.
“But, you were imagining someone, so…” Again he trailed off, his smile falling to a frown; he tried to look away, but I reached for his chin, turning him to face me.
“What?” I knew there was more he wanted to say, or at least more he was thinking. And if I’d learned anything, it was that he had a tendency to bottle things up.
“Someone… better than me. Hotter than me. Someone with less of the same DNA,” he hastily added, but the second to last comment grabbed my attention.
“Zac… the person I was picturing doesn’t exist, so it doesn’t matter.” He blinked at me, tilting his head.
“Well, just because his name isn’t Sam…” The tone of his voice was almost indignant, but more child-like, and it made me smile.
“That’s not what I meant. I just meant, the mental image.”
“Oh,” he said simply.
“Actually,” I started, but stopped myself, letting out a sigh. He was uncomfortable enough as it was; I didn’t need to add to it. I looked away, wishing I could take back that word.
“What?” I stared at the floor, picking at my jeans. Maybe I could tell him…
“You… you’re actually…” I bit my lip harder, feeling my cheeks burning. I felt a hand under my chin, lifting my face, and was caught by Zac’s inquisitive stare.
“What, Tay?” My eyes darted between his, but there was no escaping them.
“Hotter.” I tried pathetically to hide my answer in a cough, looking away as soon as the word left my lips. My face was on fire as I pulled it from Zac’s soft grip, chewing my lip so hard I expected to taste blood.
“Oh.”
Zac
“Am I?” I asked, blinking.
Surely I hadn’t heard him right. Taylor couldn’t possibly have just said I was hot. He didn’t answer me, just nodded and looked away. I could see a hint of a smile on his face, even though he was obviously trying to keep me from seeing it. His hands seemed to find their way to my back all on their own, despite his obvious embarrassment.
“Mmm… Tay…” The words seemed to come out of my mouth all on their own. I couldn’t help reacting to his touch.
“Yeah?”
“You’re hotter than what I imagined, too,” I admitted, blushing and biting my lip as soon as the words left my mouth. I couldn’t believe I’d actually said it. It was true, though. The guy I had imagined, from those pictures, was beautiful, but he wasn’t real. Taylor was.
“Oh…” Taylor replied, his smile growing wider and turning into a smirk. He squeezed my shoulder lightly. “You know… isn’t this how things got started the first time?”
“Umm,” I replied, blushing as I recalled that first conversation with Jordan – no, with him. With Taylor. I had let slip that having my hair touched was a huge turn-on, and things had spiraled out of control in a way that was more amazing than anything I could have imagined. “I think so.”
“Something like…” he murmured, moving behind me and kneeling. He placed his hands on my shoulders, rubbing them both. “This?”
“Mmm… I think so…”
Taylor’s hands slowed down, then stopped completely. I waited for a second, hoping I was just imagining it, or that he was just pausing. When it became obvious that he wasn’t starting back, I managed to stutter out, “What… why…”
“Zac… maybe…” he stuttered back, pulling his hands away completely.
I spun around to face him. I couldn’t let him just stop. This felt too good, too perfect, even if it should have felt wrong. “What. Maybe what?”
Taylor looked away nervously. I knew he had to be thinking that this was wrong, that he shouldn’t be touching me. But I wanted him to touch me, and I didn’t care that it was wrong. I brushed his hair back and ran my hand across his cheek, just to test it. It felt just as good to touch him. “Tay… what is it?”
Taylor shivered. God, he looked beautiful. Part of my brain was screaming at me that this was so wrong, but I was finding that I just didn’t care at all. So what if he was my brother? I had, unknowingly, already seen a side of him that I should have never seen. I didn’t know how to go back from that. I didn’t know how to stop feeling what I felt for him. His eyes fell closed, and it seemed like the perfect opportunity.
I leaned forward and kissed him, gently. He gasped and I could feel his eyelashes fluttering, but he didn’t move. He seemed to be in shock and I suddenly regretted kissing him. How could I possibly think Taylor wanted that, too? I pulled back, my lip quivering as I anticipated his angry, disgusted reaction. “I’m sorry…”
His eyes fell closed again and he pressed his lips tightly together. He was shaking, and it scared me. He didn’t look angry, though. I didn’t know what to think. Finally, he looked at me, reaching out to touch my cheek and smiling sadly.
“Tay…” I gasped out, shivering at his touch.
He leaned forward, stopping just short of my lips. Was he going to – but no, he stopped himself. Taylor had more self control than I did. Or maybe he didn’t really want it. I was finding that hard to believe, though. “Zac…” he breathed out, his lips so close to mine that I could almost feel the word.
I lost all restraint. I needed him. Every inch of my body was crying out for him, and I didn’t care how pathetic I sounded. “Oh god, Taylor… please…”
He whimpered. He actually whimpered, and before I had time to register just how wonderful of a sound it was, he pressed his lips to mine. It felt amazing. I didn’t want it to ever end, and I needed more. I tangled my hands in his hair, pulling him closer to me. Taylor’s hands found their way to my hair, too. He whimpered against my mouth, his tears falling between us and wetting both of our cheeks.
My heart leaped when I realized he was crying. Although I hated to end the kiss, I pulled back and instinctively reached my hand out to wipe his tears away. “Umm, Tay…”
He kept his eyes closed shut. “Yeah…”
“I’m not sure tears are the desired effect here,” I said, chuckling. Leave it to me to make a joke during a serious moment. It was a problem of mine, especially when I was dealing with emotions I didn’t want to – or couldn’t – handle.
To my relief, Taylor laughed. He finally looked at me, his lip shaking as more tears gathered at the corner of his eyes. When he finally spoke, his voice was shaking. “I’m… I’m scared.”
“Me too,” I admitted, nodding. No one had ever made me feel this way, feel this much, before. It was all happening so fast – admitting I was gay, falling in love, then finding out it had been Taylor. Yet, somehow, the feelings weren’t gone. They had only intensified.
“Zac… we can’t…” he stuttered, then swallowed hard.
I knew what he meant, but I just couldn’t find it in myself to agree. “Well, we probably shouldn’t.”
“Zac, when you were… I mean, when we were…” He closed his eyes again, trying to calm his breathing. Finally, he looked up at me again. “Was it real?”
“Was what real?” I asked. I thought I knew what he meant, but I had to be sure. How could he be asking me that? Didn’t it still feel real to him, too?
“What you… what we felt… was any of it real?”
“What I felt,” I said slowly. “That was real.”
He looked down, nodding slowly. Had I said the wrong thing? Maybe he didn’t still feel it, too. I was scared to know, but at the same time, I had to ask. I ran my fingers through his hair, watching as he shivered at my touch. “What about you?”
“Y-yeah… it was… real,” he replied, moaning a little at my touch.
“Oh fuck,” I said in spite of myself. That little moan had sent a shock wave through my entire body. “Did you just… moan?”
Taylor blushed, dropping his head further.
“That’s… really hot.”
He looked up slowly. The look in his eyes spurred me on, and I ran my fingers through his hair a little more firmly. Taylor’s eyes fell closed yet again and he bit his lip so hard I thought he might draw blood. I wanted to lean in and kiss him again, but I tried to contain myself. “Taylor…”
“Mhm?”
Curiosity got the best of me. I tugged on his hair, dying to see what sort of reaction that would elicit in real life. A moan slipped past his lips. I couldn’t stop myself from moaning in response, a shudder wracking my body.
“It was real, Tay…” I said. It wasn’t a question, but it was. I just had to be sure. I had to know that he agreed.
He nodded, glancing away. I was tired of it. I needed him to look at me and stop pretending like if he couldn’t see me, he didn’t have to face whatever it was he was feeling. I tangled both of my hands in his hair and turned his head to face me. He whimpered again.
“Fuck, that’s hot, too,” I admitted.
His eyes were wide and scared, but I didn’t care. I leaned in, my eyes open, and kissed him again, my hands still firmly in his hair. I had to watch this and I had to make Taylor watch it, too. I had to make this real. Taylor whimpered against my lips again, and I feared he was doing to pull away, but he didn’t. He kissed me back. That gave me a little confidence boost, and I slipped my tongue between his lips, curious to see what he would do then. He moaned, his hands winding into my hair. I couldn’t stop the small purr that escaped from my lips.
Taylor pulled back, panting. “God, Zac…”
“Yeah?” I asked, unsure what he was thinking. Was he upset? Turned on? Both? I had no clue.
His lip quivered and he stared into my eyes. I didn’t know what he was looking for, but I knew what he was going to find and I hoped like hell that it didn’t scare him away. He swallowed hard. “Zac… that was all… really you?”
“Yes, it was all really me…” I replied, unsure why he still needed to ask. Did he think I was lying to him? Did he still think my feelings weren’t real? I didn’t know what more I needed to do to prove it to him. He nodded slowly, so I continued, “More of me than I’ve let anyone else see.”
“Same here,” he replied.
“Aside from, umm, the name… it was all true,” I said.
“All of it?”
“Yeah,” I replied, knowing there was no going back now. I swallowed hard, nodding. I had come this far; I had to tell him everything. Even if it scared him away, I had to tell him. “All of it.”
“So, when you said…” he began, then paused to take a deep breath.
I stared at him, waiting. I thought I knew what he meant, but he seemed to need a little prodding. “When I said…?”
He turned bright red again, clearing his throat and looking away. “About, umm, h-how you… you felt…”
That was what I thought he meant. And since he asked, I felt compelled to tell him. “That was true, too.”
“And… now?” He asked, slowly meeting my eyes.
“Umm,” I replied, my resolve wavering just a little under his intense stare. But I couldn’t lie to him. I just couldn’t. I thought back to everything I had said to him before I knew it was him. “I told you it wouldn’t change if I met you.”
Taylor blushed even brighter red. “…But?”
“But nothing,” I replied simply. I didn’t know how else to make it any clearer that, despite the fact that I knew they should have, my feelings hadn’t changed.
Taylor let out a breath. I could tell he was shocked by what I had said and I braced myself for his reaction. He shook his head a bit. “Zac… you don’t mean…”
“What else could I possibly mean?”
“But… no,” he replied, his breathing speeding up.
I couldn’t bear to see him getting upset with me. I didn’t know how to make this better. I couldn’t change my feelings, and I didn’t want to take them back. But if that was what Taylor wanted, then I would try. I blinked back a few tears and said, “I… I’m sorry.”
Taylor gasped slightly, reaching out to wipe my tears away. “Zac, I mean… we’re… we can’t…”
“Yeah, I’m aware,” I replied, my words more harsh than I intended. My brain had been screaming at me forever, telling me all the reasons why this shouldn’t, couldn’t, be, but I just didn’t care about any of them. The want, the need, I felt for Taylor only seemed to grow by the second. I couldn’t fight it, but I didn’t want to scare him away. In the hopes of lightening the tension between us, I laughed softly and said, “There goes your argument about how we barely know each other.”
Taylor laughed lightly. “Yeah…”
I laughed a little louder, the irony of the whole situation finally hitting me. Another tear fell as I realized just how absurd it was. Taylor leaned forward and licked the tear from my cheek, his tongue burning hot against my flesh and his lips impossibly soft as he kissed the same spot. I moaned loudly, unable to hide my desire. “God, Taylor… please…”
Taylor bit his lip. “Please what, Zac?”
“Was it… real for you, too? Did you mean it…” I was terrified to know the answer, but I had to ask. I had to know if it was real for him, too.
He closed his eyes as a few tears slipped out. “Yes…”
“What about… now?” I asked, echoing his words to me.
Taylor shook, more and more tears falling. He hung his head and my heart fell. I sniffled, “Oh.”
“I said… I meant…” he stuttered out.
“What?” I asked, shaking. I knew what he had said, could remember every single word, but I had no clue what it all meant. Had he really meant any of it?
He whispered. “Yours… all of me.”
“Tay…” I replied, a few more tears falling as I realized what he meant. I couldn’t help grinning. “Can you say that a little louder?”
He looked up silently, his eyes wide and pleading. It was absolutely the most adorable thing I had ever seen and it tugged at my heartstrings. “Oh god, Tay… I’m yours, too.”
Taylor stared at me wordlessly, a few more tears falling. He looked so incredibly scared, and I just wanted to make it better, but I didn’t know how. I grabbed him and held him tight, hoping that I could somehow take away some of his pain.
He shivered. “Zac…”
“Yes?”
“Are you… sure?”
He still had to ask? I just didn’t know how much clearer I could make this. “Yes… absolutely.”
Taylor took a deep breath. “Tell me.”
I didn’t need to ask what he wanted me to say. I knew what he wanted and I knew I had to say it. “I love you, Taylor.”
Taylor
Nothing could have prepared me for the surge of emotion that crashed over me at those words. A sob ripped its way out of me as I buried my face in Zac’s shoulder, holding him tightly. I felt him gently rubbing my back, soothing me as I shook.
“I think we may need a signal for when these are sad tears or happy tears,” he chuckled, and I pulled back, sniffling.
“What if they’re both?” I asked weakly, smiling a tiny bit.
“As long as they’re not ‘I hate you, Zac, get away from me’ tears, then I’m good.” We both laughed, holding each other.
“No. No, they’re not.” I pulled back, looking into Zac’s eyes; they glistened with his own tears, as he fought to contain them. I touched his cheek, brushing my thumb against the smooth skin, and sighed.
“I love you, Zac,” I breathed. The words felt so strange, and yet they resonated with truth. He let out a deep breath, and I understood how he felt. “But… how are we… I mean, what are we going to do?”
“I don’t know,” he sighed. “I guess you were right. That we could never really be together…” Zac’s words sliced into me, and I had to choke back another sob. How could my emotions go so high, then fall so low, all in a matter of seconds?
“Zac…”
“I mean, I’ll never get to tell anyone that you’re my… my…” He began to lose his battle, his voice getting lost in the struggle to keep his own tears at bay.
“Oh, God,” I breathed, pulling him close. I needed to feel him in my arms, even if it would only be for a short while. Especially if it would only be for a short while.
“God, it’s crazy of me to think you’d even want to be my… my boyfriend,” he mumbled into my shoulder. I immediately pulled back, my eyes on his.
“Why would you say that?” I hissed, more hurt than angry. After what we’d just admitted, how could he think I would want anything else?
“Because… we’re brothers? And you… you could do so much… better.”
“Better?” I gasped. “Better how?”
“Less married, in the closet, sharing the same DNA, would be a good start, I’d imagine,” he chuckled, but I wouldn’t let him play this off.
“Zac, I… I don’t want better.”
“But…”
“But…?” I shot back.
“You mean… you want to be… with me?” The disbelief in his voice both hurt me, and touched me in the most endearing way, and I felt myself blush yet again.
“If… if you still want me.” I wasn’t sure if he would; even with what he said, I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. I wasn’t anything special, worth wanting.
“Oh god, of course I do.” I let out a sigh of relief, feeling silly for doubting him.
“So…?” I asked, letting myself smile finally.
“So what?” he replied, smiling weakly and wiping his eyes. I felt like my cheeks would never cool off; I looked away shyly for a moment, then looked back at Zac, drawing strength and courage from the love I saw.
“Would you want to be… my boyfriend?” I asked quietly, holding my breath. Zac giggled, his nose scrunching in the most adorable way.
“I thought you’d never ask.” He pounced on me suddenly, knocking us both back onto the floor. “Of course I do,” he breathed, kissing my burning cheek. I held him tightly, laughing and sighing happily. I reached up, stroking his hair again, drawing another purr from him.
“That really is adorable, you know,” I said softly.
“Is there any part of me you don’t find adorable?” he asked, grinning smugly. I giggled, kissing the tip of his nose.
“Nope. Well, actually…”
“Yeah?”
“There is one part that I wouldn’t exactly describe as ‘adorable’,” I said, smirking.
“Oh? What part?” He smiled down at me, his innocent smile almost convincing. I smirked a bit more, rolling my hips up against his; he moaned softly, his eyes rolling back.
“God, Tay, I’ve been hard forever…”
“Yeah? Since when?” The lust in my voice was obvious, surprising me a bit.
“Um,” he started, turning red. “Since we were fighting… and I had you pinned.”
“Oh,” I said softly, blushing harder. But then the details of that part of our fight came back to me, my face scrunching in confusion. “But… you still thought…”
“Yeah,” Zac said, shrugging. “It just happened. Mind of it’s own, I guess.”
“I guess…” I stared up at him, struck again by how beautiful he was. I leaned up, planting a gentle kiss on the side of his neck; he moaned quietly, spurring me on. I rested my hands on his hips, nibbling at his skin.
“Oh god, Tay, you already know everything I like,” he moaned. I blushed, nodding a bit; it was beyond strange, knowing my brother’s turn-ons, but I tried to remind myself, this was Sam. Sam, who I’d gotten off with countless times. Sam, who I was in love with.
“That might be kind of embarrassing if it didn’t feel so damn good,” Zac breathed, chuckling a bit.
“Do you want me to stop?” I doubted it, but I wanted, needed to be sure.
“No, not at all.” I looked up at Zac, searching his eyes. “You know this is my first time, though. Besides… what we did online.”
“I know,” I said softly, caressing Zac’s cheek. I opened my mouth to speak, but heard footsteps approaching the door to the office. “Shit!” Zac and I scrambled to our feet, doing our best to look as normal as possible. I straightened my shirt, throwing myself into my chair just as one of our interns stepped into the room. I looked up nervously, but he barely gave me a nod as he continued into one of the side rooms, closing the door behind him.
“So, that was close,” Zac laughed nervously. I nodded, running a shaking hand through my hair.
“Maybe we should… go somewhere,” I suggested.
“Good idea,” Zac nodded, standing.
“Right. Okay.” I stood on mostly steady legs, packing up my laptop.
“So, where should we go?” Zac asked, packing his own things. I wracked my brain; I didn’t feel like it was right to go back to my house, where my family was… The thought of my wife and children chilled me, and I immediately pushed it to the recesses of my mind.
“Um, I’d say a motel, but that sounds so…”
“Sleazy?” Zac finished, smirking. I laughed nervously, nodding.
“Yeah…”
“Well what about my garage? My little art studio, you know… I’ve got a couch out there.” I smiled a bit, as I remembered ‘Sam’ telling me about his little hideout. It was perfectly poetic, that that would be where we talked about everything.
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
“Okay.” Zac nodded once, and I followed him out of the studio. My nerves were shot and my heart was exhausted, but it was far too late to even consider turning back. Not that I would want to, if given the choice.