Brings Me Back To You
“The story is one that you and I will construct together in your memory. If the story means anything to you at all, then when you remember it afterward, think of it, not as something I created, but rather as something that we made together.”
― Orson Scott Card, Ender’s Game
The music lives
Posted by: TaylorHanson
It’s strange how these things work out, isn’t it? The theme of these last few years has most definitely been that the music lives. When everything else fails, when there’s nothing else we can’t count on… we still have our music. It’s taken us a long time to get to the point where we have control over the music, and we can say when and how you guys get to hear it.
And now here I am sitting in a hospital bed, yet again. In just a few days, the first single from Underneath, Penny and Me will be on the airwaves, and I’ll still be locked up in here. I know it’s been radio silence from me for the last few months, at least as far as letting you guys know how my health is. It’s been rough this time around, and there have been some dark days. I can’t sugarcoat it or pretend that isn’t true.
But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s the album release and summer/fall tour that we absolutely refuse to reschedule or delay any further. Even if I have to fight my doctors on this, I’m going to make it happen. For now, though, it’s just one day at a time, until I’m finally looking at the world from outside these hospital walls again.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: Taylorhanson@hanson.net
Subject: Hi 🙂
You know how our plans to hang out always fall through? For the first time since we met, I’ve actually been in Tulsa for months at a time. And yet we still haven’t seen each other. Isn’t that funny?
I’m so close, and yet I can’t quite reach you. Of course, I’m not sure that you would let me touch you anyway…
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Hi 🙂
I’ve spent a week or so trying to figure out how to respond to this. I still have nothing. I tend to be easily persuadable though, and you should know that. And you still owe me a visit from two years ago.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Hi 🙂
Well, I’m glad that I didn’t merit just a glance. I’m also glad that you’ve been thinking about it for a week or so. 😉
I’m heading back to Tulsa this weekend. Who knows what lies ahead for the rest of my spring and summer.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hi 🙂
You always merit more than just a glance. You should know this about yourself by now.
I was actually in Tulsa just a few weeks ago, oddly enough. For a friend’s wedding, if you can believe that. When I did get old enough to have married friends? I’m starting to feel like an old maid. You think I would make a good cat lady?
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi 🙂
Now see… that just sucks. I’ll likely be on the road for most of the summer anyways, though. Who knows?
Being a cat lady is better than being a nun. Some of the coolest old ladies are cat ladies. I know a few girls who are for certain on their way to that status, and maybe this is just me, but I’d date them happily.
I guess I just respect individuality in women I meet. It’s not something your everyday guy does.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi 🙂
I’ll likely be on the road quite a bit too, what with my parents living in different states now. Let’s hope we can make our paths cross at some point?
Being a nun would probably require me to be Catholic, and I don’t think I’m headed that way. I’ll stick with my cats and if I’m lucky, maybe I’ll find a guy who isn’t allergic (to the cats or to me).
And no indeed, most guys don’t. But no one ever accused you of being your everyday guy, and anyone who does would be sorely mistaken.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi 🙂
Thank you. You give the best compliments. “Standing Out” is so much better than “not fitting in.” Damn, this whole world has it backwards. haha
I think it would be fantastic if we were to cross paths at some point. I’m a cat person after all.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi 🙂
I give the best compliments? No darling, I believe that prize goes to you. Seriously.
I do too. Keep me updated on your tour/travel plans and we’ll see what I can do. I love driving now and a road trip to see you sounds like double the fun.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi 🙂
Pssh. I haven’t even begun to charm you, beautiful. Let’s save the kind of talk for after dinner. 😉
I’ll be sure to keep you informed… and myself available. I’m getting out of the hospital once and for all very, very soon.
I truly had opened and closed Taylor’s email for a week before deciding to respond at all. Even when I did, I didn’t know why or what I was doing. I hadn’t spoken to him for months. I knew he had been in the hospital during that time, but even before that, we had seemed to drift further and further away. I was dating Marcus, he was dating Hannah, and it wasn’t like we had ever really been more than friends, anyway. Whatever friendship had been there seemed further and further out of our reach.
So why had he contacted me again? And why had I replied?
I didn’t have any answers for myself. Someone else might as well have been moving my fingers for me, typing out messages telling him that I wanted to meet up after not seeing him for a whole three years.
If I couldn’t answer my questions, I knew who could. I pulled out my cell phone and searched through my contacts for Chelsea’s number. As the phone rang, I paced my dorm room impatiently.
“Hey, Ade, what’s up?”
“I have a situation.”
“Okay,” she replied, sounding confused. “What’s going on?”
“Taylor emailed me,” I said.
“Taylor Hanson? I didn’t know you guys were still talking.”
“We barely are. I mean, it’s been months, he was back together with Hannah… then his cancer came back.”
“But you’re talking now?”
I sighed. “Well, emailing. And even at that, it’s not like we’re talking. I mean, there’s a little flirtation, but what does it mean? I don’t know. But I think… I mean, we kind of talked about getting together, and we’ve talked about it before, but I think he’s serious this time. We’re really going to make plans.”
“Wow,” she gasped out. “So… is he, like, healthy now?”
“I don’t know,” I replied, realizing just how much of Taylor’s life I had missed out on. “He’s getting out of the hospital, but I’m sure he’s still not in the best shape. It’s kind of scary, you know? To really think about… everything.”
“Yeah… so do you think it’s going to be an actual date? You guys never went on a date before, did you?”
“No. We didn’t even take your advice and kiss.”
There was a pause, and I was sure Chelsea was considering what she was going to tell me. “Okay. Well, I think you should do it.”
“You do?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I hate to be morbid, but let’s face it. What if he doesn’t make it? Anything could happen to anyone, but with Taylor, you’ve really got to consider that he might not be around much longer. What if you missed your chance? Could you live with yourself if you never took the chance on him and you never knew for sure what you guys could have had?”
It was a big, scary question, but I didn’t even have to hesitate before I answered her.
“No,” I said. “I couldn’t.”
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: IM?
Say, how might I reach you more directly? Instant messenger of some sort, presumably the same username you had years ago? Phone number, although I’m usually awkward on the phone? Smoke signals? Anything?
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: IM?
Eh, I’m not reliable with my phone. It’s a cell, and I never remember to carry it. I don’t instant message regularly at all, either… I’m a drifter in cyberspace, aside from posting blogs on HNET. Long stays in hospitals and having no where to be for anything have let me lapse into an ‘eat when you get hungry, sleep when you get tired’ kind of existence. As such, I’ve got no idea when I’ll be awake, much less near a phone…
I’ll fix that once I get back home in a week or so. I’ll actually want to be awake during the days, so I can go out and make plans with people.
918-425-6745, though I’m boring on the phone, too. I’m a message, or face-to-face kind of guy. I do have the same username, by the way.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Re: IM?
Well my phone is always on and I’m always available online in some fashion or another. My number is 918-425-7083, by the way.
Come to think of it, there’s nothing keeping me here on the weekends. My Friday classes are only stupidly early morning ones. This weekend is a no-go, but will you be around next weekend? If so, I just might make the trip back home (though it feels less like it every time I’m there).
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: IM?
Better sooner than later, haha. Leaving it to chance over the summer, just didn’t seem right. I like the idea of planning for next weekend better.
Thanks for the number, lovely. I’ll be in touch on here, or over the phone and we’ll see where we should meet up. You can come check out my new pad. And by new pad, I mean the pool house.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: weirdo 😛
I didn’t quite catch you online, but I saw your away message. Were those lyrics or something? Bubblicious? Andy Warhol?
You’re a strange one, but I like ya anyway.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: weirdo 😛
I get wordy for no reason, love. I was in a random mood. Still am.
So I think I’ll randomly tell you that I want to do things that are very inappropriate to you, if and when I get you alone.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Re: weirdo 😛
Wordy? You? I don’t believe it.
Now you’re making me blush. I’m sure it’s quite adorable. I usually am, haha. But seriously… I’m all for being inappropriate. Just name the time and place, honey.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: weirdo 😛
Oh, blushing… come on, I’ve not done anything completely flattering yet.
Tell me something you really enjoy. I don’t want to seem arrogant, but I’m probably good at it. Of course, just telling you that won’t do either of us any real good. 😉
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: weirdo 😛
I think the blushing was more of a reaction to your bluntness than anything else.
As for things I enjoy which you might be good at… let’s save that discussion for a later date, because I think that might require some hands-on demonstration.
And boring as it sounds, I’d settle for a good cuddle right now. That’s all, just a cuddle.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: weirdo 😛
Well, either way… I’m glad I got to make you blush tonight.
Waiting works for me. Next weekend you’ll be around, you said? It might not be that long of a wait, lovely.
I don’t find cuddling boring at all. I’m tired of hugging a pillow every time I go to sleep. I might be blunt to stimulate a girl’s imagination, but I’m really much more in practice at being a romantic. Cuddling is definitely part of that and something that I miss.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: weirdo 😛
Yep, next weekend. I’ll probably be in Friday afternoon. We should definitely try to get together, and I mean it. None of this “maybe we’ll see each other” crap that we’ve done before, let’s really get together this weekend. I’m crap at making plans, but let’s make this happen.
And perhaps we’ll have a cuddle while we’re at it 🙂
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: weirdo 😛
You have my full support. Let’s make this happen, haha.
How about we just make plans for you to stay at my place, and we can cuddle all night, and watch movies that none of our other friends understand.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Plans?
So… how does Friday night sound? Not sure what time I’ll be in town, though.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Plans?
Are you serious? Friday is my 21st birthday, haha.
It’s good, since health-wise I can’t exactly celebrate it the way I’d like to.
I’ll be able to meet you somewhere for sure. Me and Ike are going to have just one beer for sure, though, sometime. We’ll probably just do that at home, if we can avoid the parents. They will probably will worry too much about my health to let me do much drinking, though.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: hey
Hey love, I just remembered that I should probably tell you that I might get into town a bit earlier Friday than I expected. I have a test in class and I can leave early after that, which means I can leave Lawton as early as I want, basically. So I’ll definitely be around for a 7 o’clock movie, if that’s still the plan.
Either way, I’ll give you a call when I get nearby so you’ll know.
<3 Adelaide
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: hey
Aha, that is good news. You won’t have to rush as much. You should be relaxed for our night together. You’ll have plenty of tension later. 😉
Since it’s my birthday, and plans with my family are in the works, it might still be best for the 9 o’clock showing. The only risk there is that since I wake up around 1:30 pm, and you’ll have been busy being responsible, you might get tired before I do, haha.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Re: hey
Me? Responsible? Haha, that’s funny.
Well, if you might be busy then, should I still give you a call just to see? If I end up having to hang out with my family, I may be cutting it close for the 7 movie anyway.
I don’t know how accurate Yahoo’s movie showtimes are, but according to them Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is playing at 7:30 and that’s about the only movie out right now that I really have any interest in. So it would be cool if we could make it to that one. Otherwise we’re stuck with something stupid that we won’t watch anyway. But I guess that’s not really a problem… 😉
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: hey
Eh, I don’t think we’ll be seeing Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Sorry. Looks like we’ll just have to go out more than once, and I think that just might work for both of us. ; )
Definitely call. I’m not sure if you have my number so here it is again, 918 425 6745
p.s. Stupid movies are more fun than good ones sometimes. Especially if you have a date that likes to make fun of it and talk all the way through. (And who may be a little tipsy from drinking with his big brother haha)
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: giant sigh of relief
So that instant message was sent in a moment omgmyphonedoesntwork panic. I think it was a false alarm. Had some techy friends check it out and it does work now, so our plans are still on. See you tomorrow, love.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: giant sigh of relief
Oh darling, I’d have been driving all through Tulsa looking for you even if you couldn’t call.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Re: giant sigh of relief
Yeah, I think that was going to be my plan as well. Or I could have held someone hostage and forced them to let me use their phone. But I don’t think I’m scary enough for that.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: Taylorhanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: giant sigh of relief
Don’t you know that I found you intimidating upon first meeting you. 😉
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: giant sigh of relief
I think that was related less to my scariness than it was to my gorgeousness. Or my boobs. But clearly, my conceitedness was not a factor in any of it.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: giant sigh of relief
It was also probably that your gaggle of women were all gorgeous and in league together at all times. Plus, you had big male friends. That was a hard nut to crack. lol
Just remember, that first concert we flirted, I was already making headway with this girl I’d met at a concert in Georgia the year before. But I went after -you- my lovely. Who had a boyfriend. I make all the same mistakes these days too, haha. Hopefully if I consistently do that, I’ll have a constant stream of a few years later strolls down memory lane that evolve into more.
To: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
From: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: giant sigh of relief
Of course I remember all of our flirtation. Including the time I nearly cheated on that boyfriend… My mistakes tend to be more along the lines of not quite seeing a good thing when it’s staring me in the face telling me it’s a good thing.
To: adelaide.quinn@cameron.edu
From: TaylorHanson@hanson.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: giant sigh of relief
I’m a very bad bad thing.
There, now are you more comfortable? haha
p.s. Good or bad, either way… I’ve given sufficient fair warning, right? I always intend to be good.
“There are things known
and there are things unknown
and in between are the doors.”
― Jim Morrison, Letters from Joe