This page will hold all the other information and such related to this story that doesn’t really fit on any other page.
About
It’s probably strange to begin these notes by talking about a different story. Oh well.
Anyone who knows me at all won’t be surprised to find out (or realize on their own) that Spencer from my Sweetest Downfall series is very closely based on myself. It feels wrong to call her a self insert, though. Parts of both her and Zac’s personalities are drawn from my own, like two sides of the same coin. But calling her a self insert implies that I wish to be her and that I would react exactly as she did in the stories. Neither of those things are true.
What is true is that those stories are a part of me like few other stories I’ve written. I lived with those characters inside my brain for four years.
One of the first songs to make it onto my playlist for Cause and Effect was Gravity by Sara Bareilles. I later removed it when I realized that it reminded me much more of a relationship I’d had. Incidentally, Daniel in Cause and Effect was a combination of that ex’s personality and another’s life choices.
The ex-boyfriend who Gravity reminded me of passed away on November 24, 2012 after a seven year battle with Ewing’s sarcoma.
When I found out that he had relapsed again, in the spring of 2010, I was devastated. My will to write anything — essays for class, hanfic, anything — vanished. A friend suggested that I write my own story, and I tried. It didn’t come out right. I came back to it a few times over the years, changing details, structure, and even which brother I cast in Robby’s role, but it still didn’t feel ready to share.
At the beginning of November, after nearly two years spent not speaking to Robby, I began writing again. I felt this urge to finally tell our story. I don’t know why. Premonition, perhaps. I just knew that it was time.
While it’s easy to call Spencer a self insert, Adelaide is even more of one. The emails and conversations in this story are taken directly from my own life, with little editing. There are parts of this story that I did edit to make more palatable; I know no one really wants to read certain details of my personal life. But the story is true. It’s my story. I’ve lived with this, carried this burden, for eight years.
Awards
Here are all of the awards I’ve won for this story.
Credits
All songs featured in this story are property of their writers/performers. The majority of them are Hanson songs. All other quotations are attributed within the story.
Many of the emails and things in this story are not my property, but are edited and reworked from emails I received from Robby. What I’ve created with them is mine, but much of the original thoughts/words are his.
Most of the Hanson photos used for this story were found at Hitz Pics. Other photos for each character’s “actor” can be found are the following places:
Adelaide: Imogen Poots 1
Jocelyn: Elizbeth Mitchell 1
David: Aaron Eckhart 1
Jacob: Freddie Smith 1
Eric: Ryan Gosling 1
Hannah: Olivia Thirlby 1, 2
Marcus: Jackson Rathbone 1
Samantha: Aimee Teegarden 1, 2
Chelsea: Caitlin Stasey 1
Billie: Aislinn Paul 1
Callie: Lucy Hale 1, 2
Hannah Akers: Kay Panabaker 1