I suppose we were both too wrapped up in each other to hear the door unlock and open, because neither of us paused at all. It was only when the sound of Shay’s voice hit Zac’s ears that he froze.

“Holy shit.”

Time stopped, and I was certain that my heart did, too. Zac was shaking so hard that I feared he was just going to collapse on top of me. I couldn’t move. When the door slammed behind Seamus, time started again and Zac mustered up the strength to roll off of me and lunge for his underwear. I could only lay there, staring up at Seamus, who was shaking even harder than Zac had been.

“I’m not even going to ask if that wasn’t what it looked like,” Shay said, his voice surprisingly calm. “Obviously it was.”

“Shay…” I began, even though I had no clue what I could possibly say to him.

“Save it, Taylor. You can’t explain this. You can’t.”

I looked to Zac, even though I didn’t think he could be of any assistance. His head was down, but he was still completely naked. Yeah, he was definitely going to be useless. I decided to try again, scrambling off the bed and walking over to Seamus, not even caring that I was a naked, sweaty mess.

“Shay… please…” I reached out toward him but couldn’t bring myself to touch him.

He shrank away from my touch, but stayed rooted on the spot. That, somehow, seemed like a good sign to me. If he hadn’t run away entirely, then perhaps I still had a chance. Perhaps there was some way to fix this.

“I know I can’t… I can’t make sense of this for you,” I continued, the words falling out of my mouth before I was really sure what I needed or wanted to say. “But please, please don’t shut me out. Don’t let this be the end of us.”

“How can it not be?” Seamus asked.

I was vaguely aware of Zac walking closer to me, and I wasn’t sure that was going to help my case at all. The best course of action, I was sure, was to simply ignore him. Giving him too much attention had gotten me into this mess.

“Are you going to tell me this was a fluke and it will never happen again?” Shay asked. “Or are you going to plead with me to just accept it and go on dating you in spite of this… this thing I doubt you intend to stop.”

I couldn’t answer. If I were honest with him, it was the latter, but I knew that wasn’t fair to him. Neither was the lie, though. And it would have been a lie to say it would never happen again.

“Because if you expect me to just go on…” Shay said, shaking his head, “then you’re a bastard. But you’re a bastard who knows me too well.”

I tilted my head to the side. “What?”

Shay stepped closer to me and put his hand on my cheek. I could feel Zac’s body heat behind me as well, but I tried my best to ignore that and focus on the man in front of me. “You ought to know I’m too weak to resist you. I tried; I failed. You’re a bastard for expecting me to be okay with this, but if that’s what it takes to be with you… that’s what I’ll do.”

I was a bastard; he was right. Because even though I couldn’t say the words, I did want him to be okay with this. Even if it ended, even if it blew up in our faces after this one night, I wanted to at least get out of this one night unscathed and without losing Shay and Zac all in one blow. I knew it was a lot to ask, but maybe it was possible.

Zac was drifting closer and closer to me, and I didn’t dare try to imagine his next move. He would, I was sure, only make things worse. I did so without even trying, but with Zac it was nearly always intentional. I wasn’t sure if he liked to watch me suffer or if he just enjoyed inflicting chaos upon everyone in his life.

What I was certain of, though, was that he was still hard.

Shay’s eyes widened even before I felt Zac’s fingertips dancing along my side. I let my own eyes fall shut. Whatever was about to happen, I figured I would be better off if I just shut it out and pretended it wasn’t real.

The unfortunate side effect of that was that I couldn’t anticipate Zac’s next move, and so I jumped a foot in the air when he lips latched onto my neck. Shay made a little sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a groan, and I didn’t dare open my eyes to see if I could tell what he was thinking. I wasn’t so sure I wanted to know, anyway.

Zac’s hands danced gingerly up and down my sides for a moment, but I knew that foreplay wasn’t his strong suit. He couldn’t stand the teasing, and neither could I, really. At least not when he was the one doing the teasing. It didn’t surprise me at all when he grasped my hips roughly and began to walk me forward. My hands reached out and grasped aimlessly, ending up on Shay’s shoulders as though that could steady me somehow.

Shay just stared wide eyed as Zac pushed and pushed until he was sandwiched between me and the door. My hands pressed against the door on either side of Shay’s head, fighting a losing battle to gain some breathing space.

As Zac began to grind against me, I started to see what he was planning, and it painted one very fucked up picture.

His fingertips dug into my hip, pulling me back toward him. With his other hand, he guided his dick into me again. I let out a small gasp at the intrusion, but it wasn’t all that painful. My head fell forward, letting my bangs shield my eyes from Shay’s reaction as Zac began to thrust in and out.

Shay was having none of that, though. He put a hand in my hair and, none too gently, pulled my head up so that I was forced to look him in the eyes. I didn’t know what I was seeing, what he was thinking, and it terrified me. But he was still here. As long as he hadn’t run away, I had to consider that things weren’t as bad as they could have been.

With his hand still on the back of my head, he pulled me into a rough kiss, nothing like the sweet, romantic kisses we normally shared. I supposed I didn’t really deserve the romance anymore. I didn’t deserve anything sweet or nice, and that was why I was content to stay torn between the two of them like this, Zac’s hips rolling against me hard enough to bruise while Seamus sunk his teeth into my bottom lip.

Zac’s hand snaked around my front and latched onto my dick. I hadn’t even noticed until his touch, but I was so hard it actually ached. His touch did little to relieve that ache, though. Instead, it just ignited yet another fire inside of me.

Shay and Zac seemed to be sharing some sort of secret look, having some unspoken discussion, over my shoulder. I was sure that I really, really didn’t want to know. Shay gave a slight nod and sunk to his knees, and I reevaluated my previous position as I watched his mouth close around my dick. Zac’s hand stayed in place, practically jerking me off into Shay’s mouth, and I decided they were actually trying to kill me.

My arms threatened to give out, the muscles in them pushed to their breaking point, as I tried to force myself to stay upright. Zac planted a hand on the back of Shay’s head as he gave a few last, hard thrusts into me, his loud grunt as he came filling my ears. He stayed in place even afterwards, bracing himself against me as my own orgasm quickly followed. I want to warn Shay to back away, but I know he won’t; true to form, he swallows every drop.

I didn’t deserve how good he had been to me, how understanding he was being. I didn’t dare voice that, though. I didn’t dare say anything as Zac backed away from me and Seamus pulled himself back to his feet and wiped his mouth. Any words I said would ruin thing more than I already had.

Instead, I just ran to the bathroom to clean myself up. I knew it wasn’t safe to leave the two of them alone, but I didn’t think I could face them right then, either. I cleaned myself up as quickly as I could and slipped into a pair of probably dirty boxers that are lying in the floor. Clean clothes were the least of my worries right then.

When I walked back into the room, only Shay remained. I glanced around, as though he might have hidden Zac’s body somewhere, but it’s as if all trace of him has been erased from the room.

“He left,” Shay said. “He, umm, he said to tell you he was sorry. For what, I don’t know. I can assume, but he didn’t elaborate.”

I nodded, then took a few hesitant steps toward Seamus. “Are you… are you going to go too?”

He shook his head. “Only because I’d have to get another room, and I don’t feel like dealing with that so late. But I don’t know how I’m going to feel about you in the morning.”

“That’s fair, I guess,” I replied. I sat down on the bed and let my head fall. “I’m… I’m sorry, too. Sorry you had to see this side of me.”

Shay was so quiet I didn’t realize he’d moved closer until I felt the bed sink under his weight. I glanced up and couldn’t place the emotion in his eyes.

“The thing is, Tay,” he said, “as fucked up as it is, it’s part of you. And I love you. I don’t know if I can accept this, but I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I whispered.

I didn’t know anything else, including what the next day held for us, but at least that much I knew was true.