Rain
Zac’s smugness barely seemed to fade at all as we drove on to Minneapolis for the next show. If Seamus noticed, he must have been too confused by it to even formulate any sort of remark. And Seamus? Well, he was walking on eggshells around me. I could tell, and I hated it. It should have been Zac who was afraid to touch me, afraid to even get near me, but no. It was my boyfriend who was scared of me hating him for something that wasn’t even remotely his fault.
I don’t know if Zac’s goal when he decided to kiss Seamus was to make me feel like absolute shit, but if so, he had succeeded.
That night’s concert was at this strange outdoor venue. I don’t even who the hell even booked it. And it just figured that the day we had to play outdoors, it started to look like rain early in the afternoon. We did a shorter soundcheck than I would have liked and practically sprinted our way through the walk, just in case. All afternoon, our crew stayed glued to their phones and radios, trying to keep up with the latest forecasts. It seemed like a big storm was on the way. I couldn’t help but see the symbolism in it.
The heavens opened up just minutes before Seamus was set to take the stage. The crew rushed to cover up any equipment that might be damaged while we huddled under umbrellas backstage. It didn’t take us long to decide that if the rain stopped soon, we’d go on with the show.
Miraculously, it did. Seamus was nearly thirty minutes late starting his set, but the concert went on as planned. It was one bright spot in a series of days that seemed to do nothing but go wrong.
Despite that one little ray of sunshine, literally and metaphorically speaking, I didn’t feel like going out and celebrating after the show, as apparently everyone else did. Seamus didn’t push me to go with them, and for that I was thankful. Yet the longer he was gone, drinking god knows how much with god knows who, the more I started to mope. It was stupid, I knew, but I couldn’t stop myself.
I wasn’t going to let him know how stupid I felt for staying in the hotel and moping, though. So what did I do instead? Continue to mope, of course. Knowing that Seamus would come back to the room smelling like a bar anyway, I figured it was safe to sneak outside and smoke a cigarette or two. I still had part of a pack left somewhere in my suitcase, although I really hadn’t smoked much during this tour. Shay never commented on it, but I could see the subtle judgment in his eyes each time I lit up, so despite the fact that I really needed a few smokes to bring my stress level down, I rarely gave in to that need.
Now that he was gone for the night, I had my chance. I finally located the cigarettes and my lighter and made my way outside to indulge myself. It was still cloudy, but it was a nice night – just a little bit cool, but it still felt like summer. I could have stayed outside forever, just leaning against the hotel wall and smoking the entire rest of my pack of Marlboros.
It didn’t bring my stress down, though, as I’d hoped. I sucked down several cigarettes in a row and they only left me jittery, pacing the deserted parking lot. There were plenty of cars around, but no one else in sight. If anyone had been there to see me, I would surely have looked like a madman, but that’s nothing new for me.
I was just stomping out my third cigarette when a little bit of movement caught my eye. I glanced up and saw someone walking toward me. It made this nervous tingle dance up my spine. It was probably just some other person staying at the hotel; they were walking my way, but not necessary toward me. As the person drew nearer, though, I saw that it wasn’t some random person. It was Zac.
I briefly considered scurrying back into the hotel, but it was too late. Even though it was dark out, I could feel Zac’s eyes on me. I was caught.
“I thought everyone went out drinking,” he said once he was within earshot.
“Evidently not,” I replied. “At least, it’s everyone minus you and me.”
“And Shay?” He asked, an eyebrow raised.
I shook my head. “No, he went. I didn’t feel up to it, though.”
“He must really trust you.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I don’t know why I bothered to ask. We both knew exactly what it meant, but somehow it made me feel better to pretend that I didn’t understand why Zac kept accusing me of being just as horrible as I was.
Zac just shook his head. “Nevermind.”
We stood in awkward silence for a moment. I didn’t know what to say to him, and I guess he didn’t know what to say to me either. How had things gotten so fucked up that I couldn’t even talk to my own brother? I knew the answer to that, though. Things had been fucked up for a long time. I wanted to say something, to try to fix it, but I knew I couldn’t. My mouth fell open anyway, but no words came out, just a tiny sigh that was drowned out by a clap of thunder.
I guess I’d been too busy brooding and smoking to even notice that the storm clouds were still gathering above my head. They burst forth all at once and in a matter of seconds, Zac and I were drenched. It seemed to break the tension, at least. We stared at each other for a moment, eyes wide, then both began laughing and running for the hotel door. It was the most carefree and silly I’d felt with Zac for ages. A tiny part of me wanted to grab his hand and run through the puddles, but I knew that was stupid. So I just settled for giving him a smile as we burst through the hotel door, dripping all over the floor.
The clerk at the front desk gave us a strange look, but I didn’t care. For at least a brief moment, I had my brother back. Still laughing and smiling, we walked down the hallway toward our rooms. Zac’s was a few doors down from mine, but I could feel him still close behind me even when we passed the door that I was pretty sure was his. I turned around to ask him what he was doing, but his face was unreadable and it erased the question from my mind. Not knowing what else to do, I pulled my key card from my pocket and opened the door, leaving it open behind me to let Zac follow me in.
When the door clicked shut behind him, I spun around to ask him what he was doing. The truth was, I didn’t need to ask. I knew I didn’t. And the words didn’t make it out of my mouth, anyway, before Zac’s lips were covering mine and putting a stop to anything I might have said.
I should have stopped him. I knew I should have stopped him. Every time we were together, I knew should have, and every time, I couldn’t. When Zac was annoying and infuriating, it was easy to tell myself that what we’d done was a mistake and it shouldn’t happen again. But that night, he smiled. For just a moment, he looked happy and carefree, and I found that I wanted to do whatever I had to do to keep him looking that way.
“Please, Tay,” he whispered, his lips brushing against mine with each syllable.
I couldn’t refuse him.
He might have said please, but there wasn’t a moment that Zac wasn’t in control, and I think he knew it. With his hands firmly on my hips, he led us toward the bed, nudging me backward onto it and quickly climbing on top of me. As he covered my body in kisses and tugged my clothes off, I could do no more than lay there and wonder when my little brother became such a sex god. That was my role, wasn’t it? Yet here I was, absolutely putty in his hands.
His lips seemed to set every spot they touched on fire. When he made his way down to my cock, freed it from my boxers, and wrapped his lips around it, I thought I might just melt. He was trying to destroy me, I was sure of it. It was only his desperate little moans as he sucked me that made me realize that Zac was enjoying it just as much as I was.
I let out a pathetic little whine of my own when he pulled away and stood up. Even though Zac was no longer straddling me, I still felt glued to the bed. I didn’t mind, though. I was in the perfect spot to enjoy the view as he ripped his clothes off. He glanced around the room for a moment, then opened his mouth as though he were going to ask me something, his brow furrowed adorably. A second later, he lunged for the nightstand, and I didn’t have to follow his hand to know that he’d found the bottle of lube Seamus and I had left there earlier.
Seamus.
I hated myself for even thinking about him while this was happening. It was so much easier if I could just lose myself in Zac and forget about all the reasons why this was so wrong. No matter how hard I tried, though, Seamus always seemed to make his way back into my mind.
Thoughts of him only vanished when Zac finally climbed back on top of me, his strong thighs planted firmly on either side of my own legs. Zac took his time, no doubt just trying to tease me, opening the lube and squeezing a generous amount onto his hand. His large hand covered me easily, coating my dick with the cold lube. It was a mixture of sensations that left me tingling all over, my body practically humming with anticipation of what I knew was coming.
All too soon, Zac pulled away, wiping his hand on his own stomach. His thighs tightened their grip on me as he readjusted his position and lowered himself onto me. In one smooth move that seemed more well-practiced than I wanted to think about, he was on me, my dick pressed all the way into him. We moaned at the same time, and I nearly laughed at the perfect harmony of it.
Zac wasted no time building up his speed. When it felt this good to be with him, I didn’t really care or even want to know how he got so damn good. In my stupid, lust-filled mind, I imagined it was only because it was the two of us that it was so good. Even those thoughts vanished from my mind as quickly as they’d came; everything was focused on the way Zac felt, his rips rolling against mine as he rode me. I could feel nothing else but him and even my other senses seemed nearly entirely filled with him. The only sounds that made it to my ears were his moans and the rain pounding against the building.
I wanted it to last forever, but of course, it couldn’t. Zac must have sensed that I was close. He took his own cock into his hand and stroked it quickly, and that was all it took to push me the rest of the way over the edge. Finally coming back to life, just a little, I grasped his hips and rolled my own upward to meet his movements, pushing myself even deeper into him than I thought possible. He shot his load across my chest with a loud moan just as I came inside him.
As I lay motionless beneath him, trying to remember how to breathe, I noticed that the rain had stopped.
Whatever spell the rain had cast over us, it was broken. Zac wasted no time climbing off me and pulling his clothes back on. He barely even gave me a second glance before slipping out of the room. I wanted to say something, something that would make him stay, but I knew that I couldn’t. Even if I could have found the right words, I knew that Seamus would surely be back soon. With nothing else I could do, I pulled myself from the bed and to the bathroom, hoping that a shower would wash away the sins that the rain hadn’t.