Roomies
I was blessed with a day and a half of normalcy, or at least, whatever passes for normalcy for a touring band. Zac didn’t totally seem like himself, but I didn’t even know who that was anymore, so I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. As long as he didn’t seem to be causing any problems for me and Seamus, and wasn’t occupying too big of a place in my thoughts, I really didn’t care.
That sounds horrible. Of course I cared about him, but I didn’t need to dwell on thinking about his problems. If I did, I knew it would only lead to problems for me. So I just had to trust Zac to deal with his own issues and stay out of mine.
After our concert in St. Louis, we drove on to Kansas City and got a hotel room for the night. Seamus and I had talked about whether or not we should bother with the pretense of getting separate rooms; it was kind of pointless to pay the extra money when everyone knew we were just sharing one room or the other anyway. We hadn’t figured out exactly how to raise the issue with Machine or Bex, but it turned out that we didn’t have to raise it at all.
We made our way into the hotel together, just a little bit behind the rest of the group, but not walking too close to each other. I didn’t know whether he was conscious of my choice to avoid being very affectionate with him in public, but I hoped that if he was, he understood. It wasn’t that I didn’t want people to know I was with him; it was just that I didn’t feel ready to deal with the fallout, whether it came from fans or just more stupid homophobes. Just because I wasn’t holding his hand at all times didn’t mean I didn’t want to. He was a smart guy, though. I was sure he understood.
With our luggage in tow, we stood around while Machine talked to the girl at the hotel’s front desk. It was late, so no one in the group was speaking much at all. It was just as well; there were so many of us crammed into the small hotel lobby that any conversation at all would have quickly involved everyone.
After a few minutes, Machine made his way back to the group and squeezed in between Isaac and Will. His hands were piled down with key cards, which he began handing out with the sort of precision that only an experienced tour manager could ever possess. If that sort of task were left up to me, I’d end up giving people the wrong room numbers or the wrong roommates or something. It wouldn’t be pretty.
“Tay, Seamus, here’s your keys. You’re in room 509.”
If I had thought the lobby was quiet before, that was nothing compared to the complete – and completely awkward – silence that descended over it as Seamus and I stared at the two matching key cards Machine was holding out to us.
“Thanks,” Seamus finally managed to say. His composure had slipped for a second, but it was soon back, as though nothing at all out of the ordinary had happened.
“Umm, yeah, thanks,” I added, snatching up my card and stuffing it in my pocket.
Machine glanced at us for a split second longer, like he wanted to say something else or apologize or something, but he didn’t. He just glanced back down at the cards in his hand, then held the next one out to its recipient.
“And here’s your card, Zac. Room 507.”
Right next door to me and Seamus. Awesome. I could see the little snarl on his face as he took the key card and tucked it into his pocket without a word. No one else seemed to notice, but I was certain it was there. Before I could study his look further and try to figure out what it truly meant, he had turned on his heel and begun gathering up his bags. He packed light, so it wasn’t long before there was nothing left of Zac but an empty spot and the sound of him beating a hasty retreat to the elevator.
Well, that was awkward.
Things had seemed to be going so well, but I should have known that it couldn’t last. I should have known that Zac was just putting on a brave face and didn’t really mean it when he said things were okay. I wasn’t upset with him for that. How could I be? He was entitled to feel whatever he felt; unlike myself, most people actually did feel their emotions, rather than bottling them up inside and pretending they didn’t exist.
What I could be upset with Zac for was the way he seemed to insist upon making a scene.
If everyone wasn’t already gaping awkwardly at Seamus and I, they definitely were now that Zac had stormed off. I don’t think anyone truly understood what had happened. How could they? No one would dare imagine that my brother was jealous of my boyfriend, right? But they had to feel the strange tension swirling around us.
Thankfully, it didn’t take long for Machine to finish handing out the key cards. Bex reminded us that we had the next day off and everyone let out a few subdued cheers. Normally, the cheers would have been much louder, but it was obvious that everyone was still on edge from whatever they thought they had just witnessed.
Sometimes, I really just wanted to punch Zac for being such an overdramatic bastard. The only thing that stopped me was the knowledge that he would punch back, harder.
Finally, after saying our awkward, slightly stilted goodnights to everyone, we all began to gather up our luggage and part ways. Seamus didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was hauling a few of my bags; even for an overnight stay in a hotel, I seemed to bring everything I owned. It was just one of my faults, but Shay seemed to find it endearing. He gave me a grin as he tossed the messenger bag over his shoulder and headed toward the elevator.
While we waited for the elevator, his grin widened. “So, what’s the plan for our day off, roomie?”
“Roomie?” I repeated, smirking a little.
“You heard me,” he replied, nudging me onto the elevator. “Isn’t that what we are?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I couldn’t quite find it in myself to return his enthusiasm. Under any other circumstances, I would have enjoyed the joke, but the way it had upset Zac ruined my mood completely.
He nudged me again. “Hey, I know it’s kind of… weird. Announcing we’re together to everyone like that. It would have been nice to have the choice. But it’s not like they didn’t already know, right?”
“Yeah… you’re right…” I replied, sounding totally unconvincing.
The elevator doors opened before he could say anything else. We juggled our luggage down the hallway toward our room. Since Shay had the lighter load, he stepped ahead of me and slid his key into the door. I couldn’t do anything but stare dumbly at the room next door – Zac’s room. I wondered if he was inside, sulking. Of course he was. I just wished there was something I could do about it.
“Tay? You coming?” Seamus asked, holding the door open for me.
“Hmm?” I said, shaking my head a little to clear it. “Yeah, sorry. Kinda tired, I guess.”
It was amazing how the lies just seemed to keep falling out of my mouth when I talked to him. It was even more amazing that he still believed them. How much longer could I manage that feat? Surely at some point Shay would see through my practically transparent excuses and lies.
So far, though, he hadn’t. I followed him into the hotel room, tossing my bags down haphazardly next to the dresser. Seamus did the same, taking a little more care with the bag that contained my laptop. I knew I probably wouldn’t have much use for it in the less than two days we’d be in Kansas City, but if there was a chance of sitting down with some actual wifi, I wasn’t going to let it pass me by. If I’d had a hotel room to myself, that would have been the first thing I did after walking in the room; as it was, I expected I would soon be cuddling with my boyfriend instead.
Sure enough, it took us only a few minutes to fall into a routine. It seemed like we had been together far longer than a week when we were together like this, just doing normal couple things like brushing our teeth in front of the far too small hotel sink. Those little moments were perfect – even when Shay felt the need to splash me with water. In those moments, I didn’t have to think about anything else but how wonderful it felt to be with him.
Once our teeth were brushed and my contacts out, we settled into bed together. The room was hot, but I still couldn’t resist curling up around him and pulling the covers up high around us like I was trying to build a cocoon that might keep all my worries out. It almost worked.
“So,” Seamus said, “you didn’t answer my question.”
“What question was that?”
“What we’re going to do tomorrow,” he replied, still smiling.
I sighed happily. “Doesn’t matter to me. I only have two priorities here.”
“And what might those be?”
“Spending time with you,” I replied, then grinned. “And getting some fantastic barbecue. I know the perfect place. Well, I think I do. I may get us lost.”
“I suppose we can still have fun, even if we get lost,” he said, giving me a grin of his own.
I chuckled. “Yeah, I suppose so.”
He nuzzled my neck and sighed happily. “It’s a date, then. Although I’d be perfectly happy just spending the entire day in this bed.”
“It is a comfy bed…” I replied.
“That it is,” he said, chuckling. “The company isn’t bad, either.”
I laughed and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Definitely not bad. Not bad at all.”
“Goodnight, roomie,” Seamus said, his lips brushing against my neck.
Yeah, a whole day in bed with my “roomie” didn’t sound like a bad plan at all.