Scalding
Seamus slept soundly beside me that night. I don’t know how we managed it, but most nights the two of us were crammed into either his or my bunk, all six feet or more of us, curled up like pretzels just to get closer together. I couldn’t very well turn him away that night, after promising him we would spend some time together after I talked to Zac, but the whole time we were together, my mind was elsewhere. Every touch of Seamus’ hands or lips reminded me of Zac and made my stomach turned somersaults. I felt horrible, but I knew that I still couldn’t explain any of it to Seamus even if I had wanted to.
How had this become my life?
Sure, I had kept secrets before. I had kept lots of secrets before I finally said fuck it and started to let my true colors show. It was just easier to be myself and not care what anyone thought. I still tried to keep certain things – the details of my sex life and my sloppier drunk nights, for example – out of the public eye, but I was far from being a closed book.
Zac, though. Zac wasn’t just a closed book. His book had been closed, locked and thrown into a fire. We might have been, for all intents and purposes, closer than either of us were to Isaac, but I was realizing that didn’t mean I actually knew a damn thing about him. Hadn’t I always wondered why he stayed single? I knew why I did, but Zac never even seemed all that interested in even dating.
As I lay awake next to Seamus, listening to him soft snores, I finally had my answer to the riddle of Zac.
The heat in Nashville the next day was brutal. It was so hot that I couldn’t think about anything but my rapidly blistering feet and the dirty sidewalks. The fans’ complaints often angered me, but that day I could completely understand. Somehow, though, I felt like I deserved it. It was some strange sort of penance for my sins – those I had committed and those I had a feeling I was going to commit.
Seamus actually joined us for the walk that day, and I was pleased that at least he didn’t seem to have any complaints about the heat. He seemed to be in a really good mood, in fact. That only served to make me feel worse. I didn’t feel any guilt, however, about shamelessly using Seamus as a buffer zone between myself and Zac. I don’t think I cast even once glance in Zac’s direction during any of my speeches.
I knew I was being silly, but I didn’t know what to say to him yet. It shouldn’t have been an issue at all. So he was gay. Big deal. But obviously, to him, it was a big deal. It had been so long since I had battled those demons that I didn’t think I had any comforting words for him. So, it would seem, I had chosen not to give him any words at all.
Of course, I couldn’t keep that up all day.
After the walk, I had to part ways with Seamus so that he could do his soundcheck. I considered getting a drink or something to eat; the Wild Horse was a pretty decent restaurant in addition to one of our favorite concert venues. It was a stark contrast from the day before when we were crammed into a tiny venue with staff that obviously didn’t want us there. Compared to that disaster, walking the halls of all three stories of the Wild Horse felt like wandering around a five star hotel.
I didn’t feel particularly hungry, though, and I had a feeling drinking so early in the afternoon wasn’t the best idea. Instead, I opted to take a shower and wash off all the sweat and grime of the walk, even though it would all be replaced by the end of the show. It gave me something to do that wasn’t talking to Zac; I was finding that I had a real talent for delaying the inevitable.
I was the exact opposite of surprised to find Zac walking around the third floor green room, a towel slung over his shoulder and his hair still damp from a recent shower. The sight of him still stopped me in my tracks, but not from surprise. At least, I wasn’t surprised to see him; I was surprised at the effect the sight had on me. When had I gone from acknowledging that Zac was attractive to being completely floored by the sight of him? I suspected that it had something to do with his mouth wrapped around my –
That line of thought was doing absolutely nothing to calm my racing heart or stop certain other physical reactions.
“Tay?”
I blinked. “Hmm?”
“Are you… just going to stand there?”
“I was…” I stuttered out, feeling like a complete idiot. It was bad enough when Seamus turned me into a blubbering fool, but my own brother? I struggled to remember why I had walked into the green room. “I was, umm… going to take a shower.”
“Go right ahead, then,” he replied, his tone obviously clipped. Was he upset with me?
I took a few steps closer to him. I had to, anyway, because my bag with a change of clothes was on the couch next to him. I was testing the waters, trying to see if Zac would even let me get that close to him. My confidence increased when he didn’t seem bothered at all to find me standing next to him.
“Zac…” I said, then cleared my throat and tried to collect my thoughts. He raised an eyebrow, but barely even looked my way. “I just… I’m sorry I kind of forced that out of you last night. But you know I’m cool with it. I mean, it’s me you’re talking to. So… if you wanna talk or whatever…”
“Yeah. Whatever.”
I blinked. I thought I saw a hint of kindness in his eyes, but his words were the exact opposite. I had no idea what to make of it, but it was obvious that he definitely did not want to talk about it. He left me no other choice but to gather up my clothes, grab a towel from a nearby table and make my way to the bathroom. Hopefully a hot shower would scald away the rest of my worries that hadn’t been burnt out of me during the walk.
I turned the shower up as hot as I could possibly get it without actually causing myself third degree burns. It was tempting, though. Much like everything else about this venue, the bathroom and shower were very nice, so I was able to get a pleasingly hot stream of water going and I let it wash over me for a few minutes, just savoring it before actually washing myself. The sooner I was clean, the sooner I would have to face anyone outside of this little, but comforting, bathroom.
Over the steady sound of water falling, I barely even heard the doorknob turn and the door being pushed open. Through the frosted shower door, I noticed movement and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I turned the shower down a bit and called out, “Sorry, I must have forgotten to lock the door. I’ll be done in a minute.”
“I’ll wait,” came the reply, and I immediately recognized Zac’s voice.
“I thought you had already showered?”
“Yeah, well… I want to talk.”
His voice was so low that I was certain at first that I had heard him wrong. “You want to talk?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay…” I replied, finding myself intrigued enough to speed up a little. Turning the shower back up and squeezing a little shampoo into my hand, I said, “Just give me a few minutes, alright?”
He mumbled something that I figured was okay, and I returned my attention to the shower. I couldn’t help glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, though. The entire time it took me to wash my hair and run a bar of soap haphazardly over my body, Zac remained leaning against the sink. I didn’t know what was so urgent that he needed to talk about it right then, but I was going to do the right thing and let him talk.
Normally, I wouldn’t have felt the need to even attempt to be modest in front of Zac. He was just my brother, after all. What did I care if he caught a glimpse of me naked before I wrapped the towel around my waist? Things had changed, though. I opened the shower stall only a sliver and reached for the towel, wrapping it securely around my waist before stepping out into the bathroom to face Zac.
“What’s up?” I asked, trying to sound calm and casual when I felt anything but.
He glanced down at the floor and chewed on his bottom lip. I felt an overwhelming urge to reach out and touch that lip, or even capture it between my own teeth, but somehow I managed to resist.
“It’s just… well, now you know, I guess,” he finally said.
“Yeah,” I replied. “And I told you, it’s no big deal. I mean, after everything else, you being gay isn’t really…”
“What, a surprise?” He asked, finally glancing up and giving me the tiniest of smirks. “I guess not. Not after…”
“Yeah,” I said, knowing exactly what he was referring to without him actually saying it. It only took the briefest, vaguest mention of it for my mind to fill with images of him on his knees in front of me. The towel around my waist was suddenly feeling a lot tighter.
Zac noticed, of course. His eyes flickered downward at that exact moment. I bit back a giggle at the way they widened. Despite what he had done to me in the shower, I couldn’t help seeing someone so innocent when I looked at Zac. It would take a lot of evidence to the contrary to change that.
Although his face was a little red when he looked back up at me, there was nothing innocent in his eyes. He looked… well, I couldn’t find a word for it, other than needy. He almost seemed to be asking me permission when he stepped forward, and although I wasn’t sure what he wanted permission for, I feared that he already had it without even asking. When his hand brushed against the thin material of the towel, finding my cock easily, I found myself totally incapable of telling him to stop.
“You still think it’s no big deal?” Zac asked, leaning in so close that his lips brushed against the side of my face.
I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t have an answer at all, and I certainly couldn’t be expected to think of one with his hand sliding under the towel to wrap around my cock and his lips – his gorgeous lips – touching my face. So, instead of speaking, I just grabbed his face and turned it toward me so I could crush my lips against his. I gave in to that desire to nibble on his bottom lip and he rewarded me with the most beautiful whimper I’d ever heard.
I’m not sure if it was him, me or both who walked us back against the sink. I barely even registered the move until I felt the sudden jolt of his body bumping into it. Somewhere between where we had been and there, my towel had fallen off completely and my hands had found their way under the waistband of Zac’s jeans to return the favor. His cock was straining against the fabric and I fumbled to lower the zipper and shove his pants down. I had some perverse desire just to see him, even if he let me do nothing else.
And he was big – thicker than I was and at least as long. Just looking at him made my mouth water and I began trailing desperate kisses down his neck. I wanted nothing more than to return the favor he had granted me just a few short days ago. It seemed like ages had passed since that blow job.
“Tay,” Zac said, his voice a desperate whine. “Please…”
I pulled back and stared at him, unsure what he was asking for. Didn’t he see that I was on my way there?
“Please don’t…” He said, then shook his head and chewed on that beautiful lip again. “I mean, I want you to fuck me.”
I blinked. He wanted what? So much for any illusions I had about my baby brother being innocent. Then again, did he really know what he was asking for? I wanted to ask him that very question, but his next move rendered me utterly speechless. He kicked his jeans and boxers off and spun around, placing his hands on the sink’s ledge and baring his ass to me.
It was an invitation I found myself utterly powerless to refuse.
Zac barely even trembled when I stepped in closer and let my dick brush against his flesh. If he was nervous, he wasn’t letting it show. I had the sneaking suspicion that this wasn’t his first time, but I still wanted to be gentle with him. I ran one hand under the shirt he hadn’t bothered to remove and brought the other hand to his lips. Without me even speaking, he knew what I wanted. I couldn’t help watching him in the mirror, and I let out a pathetic moan at the sight of his lips wrapped around my finger, sucking it just like he had my dick.
I pressed my finger into him slowly and gently and earned myself a moan in return. That was a good sign. His head fell back and he panted as I continued to work my finger in and out of his ass.
“More,” he gasped out. “I can take it.”
Okay, definitely not his first time. That answered that question, I supposed. Ever one to please my partners, I slid in a second finger. It wasn’t long before he was begging again, and again, I couldn’t tell him no.
I knew it was wrong, but there was no fighting it. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the mirror. The way his face contorted as I slid into him was easily the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Our every movement together seemed amplified as it was reflected back to me. I slipped my hand around to stroke Zac in time with my thrusts, knowing I wouldn’t last long and hoping he wouldn’t mind if I could at least get him off at the same time.
Neither one of us really did last that long. Before I could truly register what was happening, Zac was staring right into my eyes – or, more accurately, the reflection of them – and calling out my name as he came. Just the sight of it, his body covered in sweat and his eyes burning into mine, sent me over the edge.
Within seconds, we parted. His body was hot, too hot, like it might scald me if I stayed too close. Zac busied himself with cleaning up our mess while I fumbled to put my clothes on. I didn’t know how we were going to explain this to anyone who might see us walk out of the bathroom together. I didn’t know how we were going to keep this a secret at all. How could we, when it felt like he had been branded onto my skin?