Save the Date
June 6, 2007
This time the vision comes on easier. I’ve barely begun tapping at the keys, trying to remember the melody I came up with the other day, when everything blurs and the room seems to fade away. I don’t know where I am at first. I’m drifting toward the unknown again.
Eventually, things start to solidify around me and form a picture that I recognize. I’m in the office, which is assembling itself before my eyes bit by bit, but I’m not in the rehearsal space anymore. I’m sitting at my desk, but it’s like I’m watching from outside myself at the same time. Like a dream, but somehow different.
Taylor is there too, sitting at his desk, and the tension in the room is palpable. I wonder if this scene is taking place before or after the ones I’ve seen already. A quick glance at the corner of my computer’s screen tells me that it’s June 6. Just a few days after what what should have been my first wedding anniversary, but I can’t imagine there was any celebration.
I’m not sure whether to speak first, or leave that up to Taylor. Luckily – or perhaps not – he spares me from that. “So, have a nice weekend?”
His voice isn’t sarcastic. He’s honestly asking me that, as though I might actually have plans. I try to make up something believable. “Umm… I guess. Just sat around the house.”
“You and Kate didn’t go out?”
I blink a few times and wonder if I’ve heard him right. “Why would we go out?”
“It was your first wedding anniversary, Zac. You should have done something special. Do I have to teach you everything about marriage?”
“I’d say I’m generally trying not to follow your lead when it comes to marriage,” I reply, but my tone is fairly lighthearted.
It’s like I’m inside my thoughts and not inside them at the same time. Somehow this entire scene makes sense to me and doesn’t make sense at all, at the same time. I’m not nearly as in control of my actions as I was the first time, either, which is a bit troubling.
“I’m just saying, you gotta do something nice for anniversaries. Take her out to dinner, buy her something expensive – anything like that,” Tay replies, and I realize he is honestly trying to offer me advice.
Have I fallen into yet another alternate universe where my marriage didn’t end?
“I guess I’ll do that next time,” I finally manage to stutter out.
“Is something wrong, Zac?” Taylor asks.
I don’t even know how to reply to that, but I manage to say, “No, not really. Just… thinking.”
“Thinking about what?”
I spin around in my chair to finally face him. “About us. About how long it’s been since we… you know.”
He nods. “Yeah, I know. But I thought that was for the best. Didn’t you?”
“I’m not sure what I think anymore,” I reply, and it’s more truthful than he could possibly know. “I just miss you.”
“I miss you too, but…” he trails off, and he squints his eyes like he’s trying to think of the right thing to say. “You know I’m still here.”
“But not the way I want you to be,” I reply.
He slides his desk chair toward mine and places his hand on my thigh. “I could be here that way if you wanted. I shouldn’t, but when has that ever stopped me before?”
I can’t help but chuckle at that because it’s so true. Taylor never says no to the things he wants. He always lets himself have whatever it is he desires. He leans in and presses his lips to mine, silencing my laugh. I hope we’re alone in the office, but at the same time, I really don’t care. I need him close to me like this. I need this. I grab a fistful of his hair and pull him closer, until he’s practically in my lap.
I don’t want to stop kissing him – not now, not ever. But he pulls away from me, cupping my face in his hands and smiles at me. That smile feels almost as good as kissing him, so I can accept the trade off.
“How about we get together again, just you and me?” he asks.
I nod. “Of course.”
“Next week,” he says. “Monday night. I’ve gotta spend the weekend with Nat, but Monday I’ll be free to spend with you. We’ll make it a night in, just you and me all alone. How does that sound?”
I nod again, not trusting myself to actually say any words. I’m smiling ear to ear, smiling so hard I can feel it. Tay leans in and presses his lips against mine again.
My eyes are closed, but I can still feel everything starting to fade away. I’m floating again. I try to hold on tighter to Taylor, as if that might somehow stop the inevitable. But of course it doesn’t. I feel myself being pulled away from him, every little detail of the moment being ripped from my senses.
“Zac? Zac!”
The next thing I see is the fluorescent studio lights burning into my eyes and Isaac standing over me, with the same look of fear and concern that Kate wore when she interrupted my vision. I scowl up at him. “Was that really fucking necessary?”
“Well, you’ve been in here forever and I didn’t know what was going on. You were playing the piano for a while, but I got worried when that stopped.”
“How long was I out for?”
Isaac shrugs. “I’m not sure. Maybe thirty minutes?”
“It didn’t feel like that long,” I remark, slowly pulling myself from the floor. “So that’s pretty much in keeping with how it’s been. And let me guess, I looked –”
“Completely still and frozen in place, yeah. That’s really freaky to see even when I’ve had it described to me.”
“I figured. Sorry about that.”
“So what happened? From your point of view, I mean.”
I try to call it all back to mind, even though I can feel it slipping away. “Well, I did it again, I guess. I don’t know, it’s been kind of different each time. This time it was a lot more like a dream, but the kind you’re in control of. A lucid dream, you know? But not, because I’m sure I wasn’t just asleep.”
“You didn’t look like you were asleep, that’s for sure,” Isaac replies, nodding. He’s still with me. That’s good, but I have a feeling I’m going to lose him soon.
“Okay. Well, if I accept what happened in that vision as… true, I guess you’d say, then this world is definitely not true. I mean, Taylor was there. It was just before his accident, I guess, but he was talking like me and Kate were still together. Why would he do that?”
“Why do you assume the vision is true, though?”
“Because nothing else makes sense!” I’m shaking and I have to give myself a minute to calm down before I speak again or I’m afraid I might punch a hole through something. Possible Ike’s face. Something is starting to come together in my mind, but I can’t quite see the full picture yet. I turn back to Ike. “When did you say Taylor died? What day?”
“June 11.”
I pull my phone out of my pocket and scroll through the calendar to look at the month of June. Just as I figured, that’s the night Taylor promised me a night in the studio together. The night he died. I feel my legs give way and slowly I fall to the floor. It’s not like before, though. It’s not another vision. Ike is by my side in an instant, hauling me back up. “What is it? What’s going on?”
“I was there, Ike. I was fucking there,” I stutter out. “I was there the night he died.”
Everything makes sense now. Actually, it makes less sense. But I know I’m getting closer. The missing puzzle piece – the person driving Tay’s car. It was me. I was there. I still don’t know what all this means, but I think I’m getting there. My vision blurs again, and Isaac holds tight to keep me from falling over again. I’m not drifting away on another vision, though. I’m just too overwhelmed by all of this.
“That’s ridiculous, Zac. You couldn’t have been there.”
I roll my eyes and growl. “Then who was driving the car? You agreed with me that that doesn’t make sense. Now I’ve found an explanation that does, so like hell I’m giving up on believing it.”
Isaac starts to protest but I can see his resolve crumbling away. “Okay. But so what? You know it, but what can you do about it?”
My stomach drops. There’s nothing I can do. He’s gone and I’m back here, in this reality. I’ve never controlled the visions before, aside from allowing myself to give in and let them happen. Why should this be any different? Just because I know the truth now, it doesn’t mean I’ve gained a new super power.
Or does it? That tell-tale throb at my temples is back and I can feel my vision starting to fade away. Maybe all I needed was to realize the truth. The truth will set you free or whatever, I guess. Maybe the truth will lead me back to Taylor for good. Maybe I can save him.
My legs give way again – I’m really getting sick of that – and Isaac is by my side, pulling me up. “No. Leave me alone. I have to do this. Don’t interrupt me again or I swear to you, I’ll be short another brother.”
He heeds my words and backs away. That’s the last thing I see before he fades from sight, along with everything else in the room.