Together
Taylor wasn’t sure how long he and Shiloh had sat upstairs, but by the time they walked back into the kitchen, it was clear that the dinner party had broken up. No one remained at the table, although a few plates still sat around as though they had just been recently abandoned. Diana stood at the sink, scrubbing other dishes and didn’t appear to have seen or heard Taylor and Shiloh’s approach.
“Hey, Mom,” Taylor said, raising his voice just a bit to be heard over the running water. “Umm, sorry about… that.”
Diana gave a tiny start at his voice, then turned off the water and took her time drying her hands. When she finally turned to face Taylor and Shiloh, she still looked every bit her usual calm and collected self.
“You know how dinners around here are, Taylor. With a family this big, it’s unusual if someone doesn’t cause a scene.”
Taylor let out a soft chuckle, but Shiloh didn’t seem so easily pacified. She chewed her lip nervously, not quite meeting Diana’s eyes. Taylor pulled her a little closer to his side, hoping that whatever bond they had seemed to form, it hadn’t been fleeting. He hoped that in some way, he could comfort her so that they could get through this and go home.
“I’m sorry for causing the scene, though,” Shiloh said. “It was obviously me, not Taylor. And I know I should have told you guys sooner, but well, I think you can see why I didn’t.”
Diana nodded. “We all… assumed it wasn’t Zac’s. We didn’t raise him to run out on his responsibilities like that.”
“And you certainly didn’t raise Taylor that way either,” Shiloh added, smirking a little. “He’s been very insistent about that.”
“Good for him,” Diana replied, smiling a little and taking a few steps toward Taylor and Shiloh. “I’m not saying you two need to get married or anything, but I do hope that you figure out a way to do what’s best for the baby and for both of you. You’re adults. You can handle it.”
Shiloh let out a nervous laugh that nearly turned into another sob as it trailed off. Taylor wrapped his arm tighter around her and braced himself for another round of her waterworks. He feared that if she, the strongest girl he knew, kept crying, his own tears wouldn’t be far behind.
“God, I’m sorry,” Shiloh said between sniffles. “It’s just, I figured you would all hate me. And maybe the rest of them do, but it just… it means a lot that you don’t. Really.”
“I could never hate the mother of my grandchild,” Diana replied, reaching out to touch Shiloh’s arm.
“Granddaughter,” Taylor corrected.
Diana’s smile widened. “Granddaughter. Even better. I don’t have one of those yet.”
“She’s totally going to spoil her,” Taylor mock whispered to Shiloh. She giggled in spite of herself, and Diana paid Taylor no mind at all.
“I know this isn’t going to be easy for the two of you, but, well, what is easy for us right now? We’ll get through it all somehow. We have to. You just worry about you, and pay no mind to what anyone else thinks.”
Taylor had a feeling that “anyone else” was mostly Isaac. Diana was the boss in their family, though. She was a kind ruler, but it was a given that she would eventually bring everyone around to her side. Taylor remembered that she had embraced Charlotte’s weird friend Shiloh far sooner than the rest of them – even himself. Perhaps his mother had been right about her all along.
With Shiloh’s sobs now dying away, Diana scurried off to box up some of the leftovers for the two of them to take home. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, and minutes later, Taylor and Shiloh were both carrying several containers of all variety of side dishes and desserts. Taylor wished that he could pile his stack so high that he didn’t even have to look out, like an ostrich burying its head in the sand to avoid facing any of the rest of his family.
He didn’t, yet somehow they still managed to avoid any awkward encounters with Isaac or anyone else. Once they were safely outside, Taylor breathed a long sigh of relief and he was pretty sure that he saw Shiloh do the same.
Taylor helped Shiloh tuck all of their leftover food into the back seat of his car. He didn’t know how they were going to divide it up once they got home. He didn’t even like the idea that they would be parting ways once they arrived home. Maybe he could find some tactful way to ask her to spend the night. He didn’t know how to ask without making it sound cheesy.
“So, are you just going to stand there, or were you planning on getting in and driving this thing?” Shiloh asked from the passenger seat.
“Sorry, I… zoned out, I guess,” Taylor replied, giving his head a little shake and climbing into the driver’s seat of his car.
“I noticed,” she said. “Something on your mind, or did the hamster just fall off the wheel?”
“Just thinking about… us, I guess,” Taylor admitted, trying to focus on the driveway and then the road so that he wouldn’t have to look at Shiloh and see just how much she was judging him.
“Oh. What about us?”
He sighed. “Well, I guess… is there an us? What does it mean? What are we going to do? All that stuff, you know?”
“I’ve been thinking about that too,” Shiloh admitted.
“Come to any conclusions?” Taylor asked, risking a glance in her direction after he had eased his car onto the highway.
She shrugged. “Not really. I’m glad that your mom is so cool about it all, though. But… well, I don’t know. You’re kinda springing a lot on me, here.”
“And you didn’t spring a lot on me?” Taylor asked, reaching across the car to give her stomach a playful poke.
Shiloh let out an exaggerated fake laugh. “Fair enough. I can’t take this back, though. You… well, you could change your mind about any of this. About what you think you feel.”
“I don’t think. I know. And I’m not changing my mind.”
He might not have said the word love, but it still seemed to render Shiloh speechless. Taylor realized that she might never love him that way, but he hoped that she could accept that he was going to be a big part of her life – not just his daughter’s.
She didn’t say a word, though, and Taylor figured it was best to let her be quiet. He didn’t press her for an answer or even a reply at all. Instead, he drove back to his house in complete silence except for the soft sound of music from the radio. The music did nothing to soothe him and make him feel better, as it usually did. How could it, when there was a chance that he would never get to make music with both his brothers again?
That was a line of thought that Taylor wished he could have avoided, but it was becoming more and more real with each passing day that Zac might not be returning. The police seemed to have no leads and no clue what had happened. It was as though Zac had just vanished, leaving nothing behind but a letter, and Taylor had even managed to lose that. It all seemed to be Taylor’s fault. No one had come right out and blamed him for it, but they didn’t need to. He blamed himself enough.
Finally, the torturously silent drive back to his house ended. He pulled into the driveway and shut the car off, then sighed. Under the weight of his heavy thoughts, Taylor barely even had the energy to get out and open the door for Shiloh or help her carry in whichever containers of food she decided to take, if any of them.
“So… is this little dinner date over?” Shiloh asked.
Taylor could feel that Shiloh was already putting her walls up again. If she was going to let him in at all, it wasn’t going to be easy and he feared it would involve a lot of stepping forward and then backward. He didn’t know how they would ever manage any true progress if she kept closing herself off when he thought things were going well.
“Yeah,” Taylor replied, sighing. “I guess it’s over. Sorry it didn’t go well. I don’t know what I was thinking inviting you there. I should have known that it would be kind of a mess.”
“Yeah, you probably should have.”
“You know, if you really don’t want anything from me… I don’t know, maybe you have made it clear and I’m just stupid. But I feel like I’m getting mixed signals here.”
“I guess you are,” Shiloh replied. “And I’m sorry for that, but… I just don’t know, okay? I don’t know what I want from you right now. This isn’t really what I bargained on.”
“It’s not really what I expected either.”
“I know, I know,” Shiloh said. “I’m sorry. I just need some time, I guess.”
“Well, we’ve got plenty of that, don’t we?” Taylor asked.
He knew he sounded sarcastic, but it really was how he felt. His life felt like it was ending, but it hadn’t. It would just go on and on, an endless parade of nothingness. Nothing except the hope of a little bit of happiness from Shiloh and his daughter. What else did he have left? Unless Zac came back… nothing.
But he had Shiloh and their baby. At least, he hoped he could count on both of those being his, eventually.
“I guess we do,” Shiloh said, gripping the door handle. “Look, maybe tonight did kind of suck but thanks for inviting me. I know you meant well. You always do. It’s probably the most frustrating thing about you.”
Taylor chuckled, even though he wasn’t sure that was the appropriate reaction. Shiloh returned it with a small laugh of her own and Taylor couldn’t stop himself from smiling.
“So, umm, do you want some of the leftovers?” He asked.
“Sure,” Shiloh said, returning Taylor’s smile.
She turned and slowly pulled herself out of the passenger seat. Taylor mentally berated himself for not rushing around to help her. As quickly as he could, he jumped up and rushed to the other side and opened the back door to pull out all the leftover food.
“There’s a little of everything, I think,” he said, surveying the stack of containers. “You can take it all if you want. I went shopping today, so I’m good for a while.”
“You look like you’re wasting away,” Shiloh replied. “But I guess I need the food even more than you do, huh?”
Taylor gave her a little laugh, not feeling up to explaining how his appetite seemed to have disappeared along with Zac. Except for the few bites of his dinner that he had managed to choke down, he couldn’t really remember the last thing he’d had that wasn’t plain black coffee. Shiloh didn’t need to know that, though.
“Thanks,” Shiloh said, taking a few of the containers from him and turning to walk across the yard to her apartment.
Taylor followed behind her with the rest of the food. Shiloh juggled her stack carefully as she unlocked the door, then turned back to face Taylor.
“I meant it when I said thanks for inviting me. I know you did mean well. And thanks for the food, too. Tell your mom I said thanks for… well, everything.”
Taylor nodded. “Yeah, I will. And you’re welcome.”
Shiloh looked as though she were going to say something else. She glanced at the containers in her hand, then held out her other one to take the few Taylor still held.
“You sure you can handle all of these?”
“Yeah, I’ll be alright,” she replied, glancing off into the distance and not meeting Taylor’s eyes.
“Alright. See you soon, I guess.”
Taylor wanted to hug her or kiss her or something, but he didn’t. With one last look at her, Taylor gave Shiloh a smile and walked away. He hoped she wasn’t lying when she said she would be alright – and not just when it came to juggling all that food.