Love
As soon as Shiloh disappeared around the corner, the questions began. Taylor shrugged them all off and ignored the way he could feel their eyes boring into him as he stood up to chase after Shiloh. He knew he would have to face them all eventually and explain himself, but at the moment, he was more concerned with calming Shiloh down.
He didn’t want to admit it just yet, but his feelings for her were most definitely growing.
Taylor’s first instinct was to check outside, assuming that Shiloh would be ready to leave. A quick check of the driveway showed it devoid of any people. Taylor stepped back inside and considered his next move. He had a feeling he knew where she might have gone, and although he dreaded looking there, he knew he had to.
He took the steps as slowly as possible, trying his best to delay the inevitable. He had walked this same path up the stairs and down the hall a million times, it seemed. After all, he had once lived in the room that he now saw a light shining out of. He almost wished he had been wrong about where Shiloh had chosen to hide.
Pushing the door the rest of the way open, he saw that Shiloh was curled up – as much as she could – on Zac’s bed. Despite the fact that neither he nor Zac had lived at home for several years, their mother had insisted on leaving their bedroom exactly as it had been when they were teenagers. The beds were still covered in coordinating blue and red plaid blankets, and the pale blue walls were decorated with posters and drawings. It practically looked lived in still, although Taylor knew better.
“Shy? You okay?”
“I really didn’t mean to just blurt it out like that,” she said. Although her hair covered her face, Taylor could still hear the sniffle that punctuated the sentence.
“You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t just blurt things out,” Taylor said, hoping Shiloh would laugh rather than throw something at him. She didn’t respond at all, so he took a few cautious steps into the room and sat down near her.
“It should have been your decision when to tell them,” Shiloh replied. “Hell, if you left it up to me, I’d probably never tell them.”
“That’s not very –”
“Rational. I know. It just seemed easier, though. Especially now that Zac’s… well, there was a chance they’d never really have to know. I would have been the only person who did.”
“What about me?” Taylor asked.
Shiloh finally glanced up at him, but only for a split second. “I didn’t really intend to tell you, either. I didn’t need you feeling sorry for me.”
“I don’t,” Taylor replied, a little more harshly than he intended. “I mean, I just want you to be happy. As happy as any of us can be right now.”
“Yeah, whatever,” she said, sniffling.
“You really wouldn’t have told me, though?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. It wasn’t something I thought I would even had to deal with, you know? Zac basically wanted nothing to do with me, you were in Chicago, and then Zac was just gone…”
“You do get how bad that sounds?”
“I’m not an idiot,” Shiloh said, trying to glare at Taylor but dissolving into tears in only seconds. “I miss him so much, Tay. I know… what happened between us, but… well, I don’t think I even realized how much I loved Zac until after that. And then it was too late.”
Taylor was stunned, but it didn’t stop him from reaching for Shiloh and pulling her into his arms. To his surprise and relief, she didn’t resist. Instead, she seemed to completely collapse into his arms, sobbing against his shoulder. He wanted to say something that might make her feel better, but her admission of love for Zac had rendered him speechless. He was well aware of how much Zac loved Shiloh, but she had never, even during the times when they were actually together, seemed all that invested in him.
“Now I’ll… probably never get to tell him,” Shiloh mumbled, the words barely even comprehensible at all.
“I’m sure he knows,” Taylor replied.
He immediately hated himself for it. How could Zac know? It was the sort of stupid platitude that people had spewed at him in the days and weeks following Charlotte’s death. Their words had done absolutely nothing to comfort him, and he knew they wouldn’t be of any comfort to Shiloh, either.
She pulled back and frowned at him. “Yeah, nothing says love like carrying his brother’s baby. Nothing at all.”
“It’s not really that simple, is it?” Taylor asked. “I’m sorry… I don’t know if he knows. I don’t know anything except that we’ve just gotta keep doing the best we can. I’m sick of running from everything, you know? It didn’t help. I’ve got to face whatever happens, and so do you.”
Shiloh’s frown deepened, but she nodded.
“I’m not saying you haven’t been handling things well. Just that… I don’t know. I just want us to keep hanging in there, together. Whatever Zac knows or doesn’t know… we’ll deal with that when we have to. And we will deal with it, okay? I’m not running and you aren’t either. You try to run, and I’ll chase after you.”
“Why do you even care so much? What does it matter what I do?”
Taylor raised an eyebrow. “Besides the fact that you’re having my baby?”
“Yeah,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Besides that.”
Taylor shrugged. He hadn’t wanted to truly have to face his growing feelings for her, but it seemed unavoidable. Not quite meeting Shiloh’s eyes, he said, “I’ve always cared about you. You know that, right? I mean, you were always… close to Zac… and you were Charlotte’s best friend. She loved you probably even more than she loved me. It’s not like I ever disliked you or anything.”
“Could have fooled me a few times,” she said with a wry laugh.
“Yeah, well,” Taylor replied. “Things happen, you know? Just because I care about you doesn’t mean you don’t get under my skin and know all the ways to really piss me off.”
“True. But why do you care so much now, besides the baby?”
“Because…” Taylor said, taking a deep breath. “Because you’re basically all I have left. Charlotte’s gone, Zac’s probably gone… you and that baby are my only chance now at doing things right, you know? At not fucking everything up and running away. I want to make things right, because you deserve that. I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy, but I want you to be happy.”
“That isn’t really a why.”
“It’s the best I’ve got.”
Shiloh shrugged. “Good enough, I guess.”
“Can I ask you something now?” Taylor asked, leaning back against the wall. To his surprise, Shiloh scooted back to lean next to him. They weren’t quite cuddling, but they were close to it.
“Sure.”
“Why did… why did you keep the baby?”
“I guess it was like you said. I couldn’t make things right with Zac, I knew that. But I could maybe give this baby a good life. It was a fresh start, you know? Something I could do on my own, just to prove to myself that I could.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re stubborn?”
Shiloh laughed loudly. “On practically a daily basis, in fact.”
“They’re not wrong,” Taylor replied. “But it’s one of your better qualities, if you ask me.”
“I’m not even going to ask what you think my worst qualities are, because I’d really like to be home before midnight and I have a feeling that’s a very long list.”
Taylor groaned. He didn’t appreciate the reminder that they would, in fact, have to leave his old bedroom at some point. Knowing his luck, they wouldn’t be able to make a quick getaway, either; they would have to face at least a portion of his family.
“You know this room looks like something out of a magazine,” Shiloh said. “So does the baby’s. I guess the decorating gene must run in the family, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess,” Taylor said, laughing softly. “That reminds me… have you picked out a name?”
“Not really. We… well, before Zac knew the truth, he was so excited he started suggesting names. But I don’t know.”
Taylor nodded, and swallowed around the lump that was forming in his throat. “What… umm, what were Zac’s suggestions?”
“Stella for a girl. I don’t know why, I guess he just liked it,” Shiloh said, then smirked a little. “And Jordan for a boy.”
“Jordan? Really?”
“That’s what he said. He really loves you, you know. Doesn’t mean he’s always happy with you, but you’re still his brother and he loves you.”
Taylor nodded, but he wasn’t sure that he believed her. He had been miles and miles away while Zac was suffering, and he’d had no clue. No wonder Isaac seemed to hate him. If Zac hated him too, Taylor couldn’t say that he didn’t deserve it.
“Sorry for pointing out the obvious,” Shiloh said, her voice surprisingly soft.
Taylor leaned against her a little, trying to keep himself from crying. He could only imagine how much she would tease him for that. He just wanted to let everything out, though. To rid himself of all the emotions that kept trying to suffocate him. Rather than cry, though, he leaned down and pressed his lips to Shiloh’s.
The move seemed to stun her so that she didn’t move at all. That was better than pushing him away, Taylor decided. He let his lips linger on hers, not forceful or fast, just slowly exploring. He had little memory of the last time they had kissed, and he wanted to remember this one. More than that, he wanted it to last as long as possible, in case Shiloh came to her senses and never let it happen again.
Finally Shiloh seemed to wake up out of whatever daze she had been caught in. She placed her hands firmly on Taylor’s shoulders and pushed him away – not hard, but with enough force that he got the hint. Still, there was no anger in her eyes when she stared at him.
“Sorry,” Taylor said, nervously awaiting whatever she might say.
“It’s fine,” she replied, glancing away quickly. “Come on. Let’s go home.”
Taylor nodded and stood up. He held his hand out to her and was pleased when she accepted it. With her hand in his, he didn’t feel so nervous about facing his family again. Whatever they said, he could handle it. He wasn’t sure if it was love yet, but whatever it was he felt for Shiloh seemed to be strong enough to get him through anything.