Roots
Taylor spun around to face her, his paintbrush still dangling from his fingertips. He gave Shiloh a sheepish grin, and while it didn’t seem to soothe her anger any, it did at least appear to confuse her enough to keep her from speaking again.
“Surprise?” Taylor offered, still grinning.
“I’ll say it is,” Shiloh replied, bracing herself against the door frame. “How the fuck did you get in here?”
“Can I plead the fifth?”
“It’s probably in your best interest. You know I’m going to have to paint over that when I move out.”
Taylor frowned. “Are you planning on moving out?”
“No, I wasn’t,” Shiloh replied, sighing.
“Then what’s the big deal?” Taylor asked.
Shiloh shot him an angry look but didn’t reply. Taylor balanced his paintbrush on top of the paint can and took a few tentative steps toward her. He was a little afraid that she was going to slap him or punch him, but when she didn’t seem that angry, he stepped in even closer and put his hands on her arms.
“Look, Shy,” he said. “I know I kind of went behind your back here, but I just wanted to do something for you… for the baby. For our baby. You might not like how I did it, but I promise my heart was in the right place here.”
Shiloh frowned, but didn’t push him away. “It just… it feels like you keep saying, without even really saying it, that I’m going to be a horrible mother.”
“I didn’t say that,” Taylor replied.
“But you did, even if you didn’t realize it,” Shiloh replied. “Can’t put a crib together, can’t decorate her baby’s room… and let’s not forget the part where this baby wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t cheated on your brother.”
“And I didn’t blame you for any of that. I only wanted to help. To do my part. I know I can’t make up for the past seven months, but I’m prepared to do as much as I can now.”
“That’s fine,” Shiloh finally said. “But from now on, let me decide exactly what and how much you’re going to do.”
Taylor sighed, but nodded. It wasn’t a perfect arrangement, but at least Shiloh hadn’t screamed or kicked him out of the apartment. Given her temper, he thought that was nearly good enough to be considered a win. With a tiny grin, he asked, “So… does this mean I can finish painting?”
“Yeah, yeah…” Shiloh replied. “Just don’t make a mess, okay? I’m going to change clothes and cook dinner. If you’re anything like Zac, I bet you haven’t stopped to eat all day.”
Taylor and Shiloh both lapsed into an awkward silence then. The simple mention of Zac’s name seemed to take them both aback and remind them of why they were together in the first place. Taylor sucked in a breath before finally nodding.
“Yeah, you’re right… I haven’t. You don’t have to cook for me, though.”
“Least I can do,” Shiloh muttered, then walked away.
Taylor wished he could have stopped her or said something else, but he was still shaken from the mention of Zac, too. Shiloh’s relationship with Zac had always baffled him, but it was clear that she was suffering in his absence. She had a strange way of showing it, Taylor thought, but she was definitely in pain. He knew there wasn’t really anything he could do. Instead, he just walked back into the nursery room and picked up his paintbrush to finish what he had started.
He threw himself completely into the painting, mostly just to distract himself from thinking about Zac. Even the smallest tasks to keep him busy were important, he had found. The window watching that led him to plan this mural, for example. It might not have occupied a great deal of time, but it allowed him to use a part of his brain for something other than imagining the worst possible scenarios that might have happened to Zac. Right then, all that mattered were the tiny little pastel pink leaves on the wall. Every bit of Taylor’s attention was focused on painting each one between the lines as thought his life depending on it.
He only snapped back to reality when he finished the last leaf and stepped back to admire his handiwork. It wasn’t as good as – no. Taylor refused to let himself even say the name in his mind again. It wasn’t a masterpiece, but it was pretty good, he decided. He was just beginning to pull up his drop clothes when Shiloh appeared in the doorway again.
“Dinner’s almost ready. It’s not much, but…” She trailed off and shrugged, then glanced at Taylor’s painting and smiled faintly. “It does look nice.”
Taylor gave Shiloh a shrug of his own. “I just wanted to do something, you know? I’m sorry if… if I was out of line.”
“No,” Shiloh replied. “I mean, yeah. You were. But it’s okay. Why a tree, though?”
“Well, I didn’t know how much you really wanted me to be around. But I wanted her to know that she was loved, you
now? Cared for. Protected. So I thought… a tree. A place she can take shelter. A reminder that she’s got roots, you know, a family? That sounds really cheesy, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Shiloh said, smirking. “But cheese is your specialty.”
Taylor resisted the urge to groan, huff or otherwise pout over her remark. Shiloh had always mocked his music, so he figured he shouldn’t have been surprised that she was still mocking his general cheesiness, too. He had never known if she was sincere when she assured Zac that his songs were much better and less cheesy, and he had a feeling it wasn’t the right time to ask. Instead, he just glanced around the room, then back to Shiloh.
“So, dinner?” He asked. “Then maybe we can finish decorating?”
“Sounds like a plan. Hope you like spaghetti.”
“Love it,” Taylor replied, holding out his arm for Shiloh.
She rolled her eyes, but hooked her arm in his anyway. Taylor bit his lip to keep from remarking that she didn’t seem to mind his cheesiness so much right then.
An hour later, after devouring all of Shiloh’s homemade spaghetti and garlic bread and helping her to rinse the dishes and stick them in the dishwasher, Taylor found himself back in the nursery again, this time with Shiloh by his side.
Once his own painting mess had been cleaned up, there wasn’t a great deal left to do. All the basic furniture was there – crib, changing table, a small chest of drawers and a rocking chair. Taylor insisted that Shiloh do nothing while he push all the furniture back into its rightful place, and he was pleased both that she complied and that he was able to move it all on his own. He really didn’t think he could have handled making himself look weak and dumb in front of her.
Taylor wasn’t sure why Shiloh’s opinion mattered to him so much. Part of it probably stemmed from the fact that she was so opinionated; whatever she thought about you, she was sure to let you know, even if it wasn’t exactly nice. There was more to it than that, though. He could mostly blow off her opinions before, but now she was practically the only person he had left. He needed her, and he hoped that she needed him, too.
“Taylor? Tay?”
“Hmm?” He replied, glancing back at Shiloh.
“I asked what you wanted to do now,” Shiloh said, her brow furrowing a little as she looked at Taylor.
He realized he must have drifted off into his thoughts for a moment. With a slight smile, he motioned toward the pile of shopping bags by the door. “Just finish decorating, I guess. You can put the bedding on while I hang the curtains.”
Shiloh stared at Taylor for a moment, as though she were trying to figure out where he had gone, but she didn’t question him further. Instead, she retrieved a small step stool from the kitchen so that he could hang the curtains, while she began sorting through all the blankets, sheets and pillows he had bought.
With the two of them working, it didn’t take very long to finish decorating the nursery. Taylor helped Shiloh affix the ruffled pink skirt to the bottom of the crib, and together they rolled out a brown and pink polka dotted rug that nearly covered the entire floor. To Taylor’s surprise, Shiloh then opened the closet and began pulling out unpacked bags and boxes of baby necessities she had bought. Together, they worked to organize the little outfits, blankets and things into drawers.
While they worked, neither of them said very much. The silence wasn’t awkward, though. It was nice to just work on something together without arguing or talking about anything that might lead them into awkward territory. Taylor enjoyed it.
“There,” Taylor said, placing a small stuffed bear on top of the pillows in the crib. “I think that’s everything.”
Shiloh walked over and stood next to him, leaning a little against Taylor’s side. She sighed softly. “It looks really nice in here. And it just… feels better. Feels more like maybe this is how things are supposed to be, you know?”
Taylor nodded, although he didn’t totally understand. There were still a lot of things in his life that felt very, very wrong, but being here with Shiloh was the one thing that actually did feel right. Maybe he did understand what she meant, after all.
Shiloh looked up at Taylor, and he turned his head to look down at her. As if on cue, they both yawned. Shiloh giggled. “I bet you’re just as exhausted as I am.”
“I have worked hard today,” Taylor replied, then shrugged. “But I enjoyed it.”
“Why don’t we get some sleep, then?” Shiloh asked, yawning again as she turned to walk out of the room.
Taylor watched her walking away, but stayed rooted on the spot. “I should probably clean up the rest of my mess before I go.”
“That’s not necessary,” Shiloh replied, turning to lean against the door frame and look back at Taylor. “You can clean it up tomorrow… before you go home.”
Taylor blinked slowly, the true meaning of her words washing over him. Shiloh was asking – no, practically demanding – that he spend the night. He couldn’t find a reason to argue with that. It might not mean anything other than that she wanted someone to warm up her bed, but whatever it meant, Taylor decided that he was okay with it.