Best Friends
The mini-tour goes by quickly and by the end of the week we’re on our way back to Tulsa. The flight from California is one that I’m all too accustomed to, but I buy a book in the airport to read during the flight anyway. I’m still wary of talking to Taylor. After wanting his words for so long, now I’ve found that I don’t quite trust them. I don’t quite trust him.
But why don’t I trust him? I can’t really explain it. I know he’s treated me horribly in the last few months, but I also know that a lot of that has been a reaction to Natalie’s blackmail. How much of his actions are his own choice? I don’t know. And because I don’t know, I fear that I can’t trust any of them.
We sit next to each other on the plane, but neither of us speaks aside from the few times when we absolutely have to say something. Even when someone addresses us, we say only a few words and none to each other. I feel like I’m being petty by ignoring him, and maybe I am. But he isn’t speaking to me either. I suppose after his confessions a few days ago, he doesn’t have anything left to say.
After a short layover in Houston and a flight that’s nearly as short, we’re back in Tulsa. Back home. It’s strange how it feels less and less like home every time I return. The last two times I made this trip, I had no one to meet me at the gate. As if that wasn’t enough of a knife in my chest, one of those times, I had to watch Natalie pick Taylor up and pretend they were a perfect little family.
This time, I’ve made plans for Carrick to pick me up. As we round the corner, though, I don’t see him standing there. I see Kate.
She’s standing completely still with her arms folded over her chest. Even though it’s warm in here, her posture says that she’s cold. Or nervous. Or both. I don’t know, but it makes me nervous. As I hurry over to her, I barely even register the fact that while Nikki is a few feet away trying to corral her children, there’s no one there for Taylor.
“Kate?” I ask. “Umm, do you know where… where Carrick is?”
She nods. “I found his number and texted him that I would pick you and Taylor up. I hope that’s okay. I didn’t really snoop, but it was written down on one of your sketchbooks…”
None of that makes any sense to me, even though I know she thinks it must make perfect sense. Why is she picking me up? And Taylor? What’s happening here? What have we missed?
“Taylor,” Kate says, glancing over my shoulder. “We couldn’t call since you were on the plane… but Natalie is in the hospital. The kids are with your parents and Pam is already at the hospital, so I can take you there after I drop Zac off, if that’s alright.”
“C-can you take me there first?” Taylor asks, his face pale.
I don’t know what shocks me more—the fact that Natalie is in the hospital again for the second time this summer or the fact that Taylor still seems to care about her. Maybe it’s just an act, but I’m not sure even Taylor is that good of an actor. After everything she’s done, after everything he’s said about her, I just don’t understand how he can really feel anything for her at all, let alone anything pleasant, but his face shows genuine concern right now.
Kate nods. “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll come back by the hospital after I drop Zac off. Let’s get your things.”
I really admire her ability to stay calm. I guess it comes with being a mother, although I’ve never really thought about it before. She’s blown up at me a few times when we’ve fought, but in most situations, Kate can keep her cool and find the obvious solution. I suppose maybe that’s why she wasn’t shocked to find out about me and Carrick.
In full on mom mode, it takes Kate no time at all to gather up our bags and get us in the car. No one speaks a word as we drive to St. John’s. Taylor is in the backseat and I can’t quite crane my head enough to see him in the rear view mirror without looking obvious. The drive doesn’t last long, and all too soon we’re pulling into the emergency lane at the hospital. Kate promises Taylor she will be back later to pick him up again, and he barely even acknowledges her as he stumbles out of the car.
I just don’t understand him or anything about this situation at all.
“Do you want to get something to eat?” Kate asks as she pulls back out onto the highway. “We can swing by Taco Bueno.”
I nod. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. I didn’t eat on the plane.”
Minutes later, we’re sitting in the parking lot outside Taco Bueno with bags of food in our laps. Without even asking me, Kate ordered exactly what I wanted, and she also knew that I didn’t want to go inside. Sometimes I’m reminded that we did make a good couple, once upon a time. But even though she does still prove how well she knows me, I can’t really dredge up any feelings for her that are more than friendly. I don’t know when that changed, but it has, and it isn’t going to change back. Of that I’m certain.
“What’s wrong with Natalie?” I finally ask between bites of my burrito. Maybe it isn’t the best time to ask, but I need to know.
“I don’t know,” Kate replies, shaking her head. “She had been feeling weak, which is no surprise, since she never eats anymore. Pam said she was throwing up this morning and then she started having dizzy spells… sweating… I don’t know.”
“Throwing up?” I echo, suddenly feeling a little nauseous myself. “You don’t think she was… I mean… already?”
Kate shakes her head. “No. No way. It’s been weeks since she was with Tay, I’m sure of that. I suppose she technically could be… but I think she would have told me. She might be keeping other things from me, but the whole time she stayed with me…. surely she would have told me.”
“Then what else could it be?”
“It could be anything,” Kate replies. “I mean, those symptoms… how many things could they fit? I’m not a doctor, and I didn’t stick around to talk to one. I knew your flight was getting in soon so like I said, I texted Carrick and told him I could handle things. I hope that’s okay.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “I was just surprised to see you… instead of him…”
Kate nods and smirks a little. “Did you miss him?”
I eye her for a moment, trying to determine if she’s serious. I think she is, and so I reply, “Yeah… yeah, I did. But I guess I should get used to that.”
“Why?” She asks, her brows furrowing and her lips turning down into a frown.
“He’s going back to California once they finish the album.”
“You had to know that would happen eventually,” Kate says, but her voice is sympathetic, not judgmental.
“I guess I did,” I reply. “But it’s not like… I mean, we weren’t… together. When he moved out here. It wasn’t like that.”
Kate nods. “I believe you. Not that it really changes anything, as far as what it means for us, but I believe you.”
“I’ve never cheated before,” I say. I’m not sure why I say it, but it’s just one of those things that cheaters always say, isn’t it?
Kate shrugs, then leans back against her seat. “I’ve thought about that a lot. What it means for our marriage, I mean. It was… it was ending anyway, wasn’t it? I think we both knew that, before any of this happened. So I know I should be angry, but I’m not. Because it doesn’t change anything.”
I reach for her hand because it seems like the thing to do, even if it isn’t a completely friendly move. Holding it in mine, I say, “If I had to have a marriage fall apart, I’m glad it was with you. That sounds weird, but I think you know what I mean.”
“You mean I’m not like Nat,” she replies, frowning a little.
I wince. “I didn’t really mean that. I mean, I guess I did. But she’s your friend. It’s just that I see how things are going between her and Taylor, and I’m really glad that it isn’t like that between us.”
Kate gives me hand a squeeze then pulls back. “Yeah, I know. It’s been crazy to watch all of this happen between them. I hate to see Nat like this.”
I know it probably isn’t the time to mention it at all, but my curiosity is getting the best of me. All I can think about is what Taylor said in Halifax. What he admitted to doing. He can’t be responsible for whatever has put Natalie in the hospital this time, but I still have to know if Kate knows. I have to know what she thinks.
“Katie…” I say softly. “Do you think… I mean, did you see that bruise on Nat’s arm? Did she tell you… about their fight?”
“Not in detail,” Kate replies. “I know it was bad. Do you think he hit her?”
Biting my lip, I nod softly. “He told me he did. He admitted it, finally, while we were in Canada.”
“That bastard,” Kate spits. “I know he’s your brother, and I know you probably want to say even worse things about Nat for the way she’s treated him. She did… she did hint that the fight was bad, but I don’t know. I never really suspected that. Surely she would have said something.”
“Would she? I mean, don’t think about Nat specifically. Don’t think about what she would do. But do… do abused women usually tell people? Anyone?”
Kate’s frown turns into something closer to a pout. “She could have told me. I’m her best friend.”
“I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything…” I sigh. “I don’t know what to think, okay? And now she’s in the hospital… with god knows what wrong with her…”
“Speaking of which,” Kate says, balling up the food wrappers in her lap. “I should probably get back to the hospital and see her. You’ll forgive me if I put your brother into the hospital before I leave.”
I let out a weak chuckle. “Trust me, I’ve been tempted to do the same damn thing myself so many times.”
Kate gives me a smile and pats me on the leg, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. She still has no clue just how much Taylor infuriates me. I can only hope that even now, Natalie doesn’t tell her. Taylor has nothing on her. She has no reason to keep quiet, yet for now, she has. Yet I know that as calculating as she is, she’s a victim of her own whims. If it would amuse her to tell people the truth, she would. It’s yet another way I’m realizing that she and Taylor really are just alike.
“So,” Kate says, breaking the silence we’ve fallen into. “I should probably get you home and get back to the hospital. I still have all of Taylor’s luggage. He’s going to need that and a ride home. Plus… I need to make sure Nat is okay. See if I can find out what is wrong with her.”
I almost laugh at that; there are so, so many things wrong with Nat. I don’t tell Kate that, though. She knows. But similar to my love for Taylor, though not nearly as twisted, she’s loyal to her best friend even though she can see her for what she really is… or at least a part of what she really is.
Maybe someday she’ll see all of what Natalie is. For my sake, and Taylor’s, I hope not.