Date
I’m finding lately that I really have no one to rely on. It’s not a bad thing. It sucks, at times, to realize that I can’t just lean on people and expect them to carry me through. But I’m an adult. I’m almost twenty seven years old. I should be able to rely on myself, and slowly, I’m learning how. It sucks to have to learn that lesson the hard way, but I suppose I had to learn it eventually.
Today’s lesson is how to deal with lawyers and your soon-to-be-ex-wife.
It’s not so bad, really. We had a prenup, not because either of us really thought we needed one, but because my father the businessman insisted upon it. I think the Taylor and Natalie situation made him paranoid; no one in our family would have admitted it, I’m sure, but they didn’t trust her. It wouldn’t have surprised me if they had insisted upon a paternity test, too, but it never came to that. But all of us had fairly standard prenups drawn up as a legality more than anything we ever expected to really use.
I’m not even sure why Kate and I really need to be here for this. This entire meeting feels like something our lawyers could have done without us. Except for the addition of two children and a house, nothing has changed since the paperwork was written. All we’re doing, as far as I can tell, is rehashing things that are already set in stone.
Is being a responsible adult always this boring?
I can’t help making little faces at Kate when the lawyers aren’t looking, nudging her under the table and just generally being a childish pest. It makes her laugh, though. Is this flirting? It feels like flirting. I don’t want to flirt with her, but it’s nice to just be friendly again. It’s strange how now that we’re not spending every day together, we actually enjoy each others’ company.
At some point, I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pull it out discretely under the table and see a new text from Kate. I’m not sure how she managed to do that without me noticing, but she did.
Stop being a pest 😛
I have to cover my mouth and pretend to cough to cover up my laugh. With my other hand, I type a reply.
No. This meeting is boring as hell.
Kate shakes her head and smiles. I can barely see her hands moving under the table, and a moment later, my phone buzzes again.
Don’t curse.
You’re not my boss 😛
This is ridiculous. We’re definitely flirting now. Aren’t we?
Do you want to get lunch after this? I don’t think it will take much longer & Nat isn’t expecting me back for at least an hour
When I look up at Kate, she offers me a sheepish smile and a shrug. She knows how weird this is too, and somehow that makes it okay. This might not be the typical divorce, but that’s fine by me. I would much rather be friendly, even flirty, than be stuck in the sort of marriage Taylor and Natalie are stuck in. At least Kate and I can stand to be in the same room with each other now.
Yeah, okay. Dilly Deli?
Kate’s only reply is a tiny nod and a smile. To my surprise, I find it easy to give her a smile of my own back. Lately, I haven’t had much to smile about at all, but right now, it’s all too easy. The fact that it’s because of Kate is strange.
The meeting drags on for a while longer, but now I’m in a better mood, so I really don’t care. Once our lawyers decide we’ve accomplished enough for the day, we’re dismissed with a few handshakes and some discussion of what still needs to happen. Even if it’s boring as hell, I’m glad this can all be settled in this conference room rather than a court room.
Finally, we’re sent on our way. Since we drove here separately, we drive to Dilly Deli separately, too. I have to go in to the office after this anyway. As I drive to the deli and search for a parking spot, I try not to think about how I’m going to tell people that I had a lunch date with my wife. Then I realize that I don’t have to. Having lunch with my own wife is perfectly normal, and it’s no one’s business anyway.
So why do I feel kind of guilty about doing it?
I practically have to give myself a pep talk as I walk from the parking lot into the deli. Kate’s already here, of course, because she’s always been more punctual than me. She’s already seated at a table in the back, and the smile on her face as I walk up still takes me by surprise. It doesn’t matter that we’ve been getting along better for over a week now; I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this easy friendship between us.
“Hey,” Kate says as I take my seat. “I, umm, I went ahead and ordered a BLT for you. That’s what you usually get, right?”
It shouldn’t surprise me that she knows my usual order, but it does, and it only serves to make me feel like shit. But at the same time, I have no doubt that she’s ordered a Caesar salad and iced tea for herself. I do know my wife, even though it feels like we’ve spent years living separate lives in the same house. When our orders arrive moments later, I’m proven right.
We eat mostly in silence, occasionally making small talk. The conversation isn’t all that awkward, though. During a lull in it, I remember the date with Carrick, where we sat just a few tables away. At the time I wasn’t even sure it was a date, but looking back I’m sure, and I’m ashamed of how much I led him on and strung him along. It wasn’t intentional, but it still happened. I still did it, and I can’t undo it.
“Zac? Are you alright?”
Great. I’ve just been staring off into space like a freak. I snap back to reality to find Kate frowning at me, her eyebrows furrowed with worry. “I’m fine. Just got lost in thought.”
“Well, it is uncharted territory for you,” she replies with a tiny smirk.
“Har, har,” I reply, but a genuine smile creeps across my face at the realization that we can actually joke around together now.
Kate’s expression turns a little more concerned again. “Seriously, though. I just worry about you.”
“Worry about me? Why?”
“The divorce, and everything that’s happening with Taylor and Nat, too. I know that’s got to put a strain on the band, and on you. You know I don’t want to hurt you, right? It just feels like I’m piling more stuff onto you, stressing you out even more. And I don’t want to do that.”
“Kate, no…” I reply, shaking my head. “I mean, yeah. I’m pretty stressed out, but you can’t blame yourself for that. I’m part of why this marriage didn’t work out, too.”
She nods. “I know, but you still have a breaking point, and I can’t help worrying that you’re close to it. You’re losing weight, you know. And you don’t look like you’ve slept in ages.”
“I don’t feel like I have, either,” I admit.
“I just see you like this, and… it doesn’t matter what Nat says, I worry about you.”
“W-what… what Nat says?” I repeat.
Kate’s eyes go wide and she shakes her head quickly. “Forget I said that. It’s nothing.”
“No,” I reply, my voice coming out so loud and forceful that I blush and glance around to make sure I haven’t caused a scene. “What is she saying about me?”
Kate shakes her head again, not meeting my stare. “It’s… it’s nothing, honestly. I mean, she never says anything specific. Just that I shouldn’t trust you, that it’s a good thing I’m ‘getting out’ now, and so on. Please don’t take it personally, Zac. She’s just turning her anger at Taylor toward anyone close to him.”
It’s a reasonable explanation for Nat’s behavior, but I know it isn’t the real reason. She’s taunting Kate, dangling a carrot in front of her and hoping she bites so that Nat can finally telling her the awful truth. What has Taylor done to piss Nat off so badly that she’s going to break her own rules and spill the beans without any more provocation? Whatever he’s done, it must have been awful, but I can’t even get him to talk enough to find out what it was.
“Yeah,” I manage to choke out. “I’m sure that’s all it is. You know how she is. No offense… I know she’s your best friend.”
Kate nods. “And that means I know better than anyone else how crazy she can be. And I’ve made excuses for it before, but she’s killing me now, Zac. I don’t know how much more of her I can take.”
“Can’t you just send her away?”
“Where, back to Taylor?” She asks, then shakes her head. “I don’t know what he’s done, but I don’t think he deserves that. Maybe I can talk her into staying with her mom. I’ve been dropping hints, but it hasn’t worked yet.”
“I think packing her bags and putting them by the door might be a good hint to drop,” I offer with a grin.
Thankfully, that comment makes Kate laugh and lightens the mood so that we’re able to spend the rest of the meal making small talk again. We talk about the songs the band is working on, our plans to tour Australia, and the pre-schools she’s looking at for Shepherd. It’s all casual, but it’s good. Nothing is forced, and before I know it, we’ve talked through the entire hour or so that we had before I was due at the studio.
When we part ways, it’s like old friends. We hug in the parking lot and I sit in my truck for a moment, watching her drive away, almost sad to see her go. Not because I miss being with her, but I just miss her. I like the time we spend together now, and knowing I have to go face Taylor and Carrick now makes parting ways with Kate even harder.
But I have to.
Once her car is out of sight, I finally force myself to put my truck into drive and cover the short distance between Dilly Deli and our office. The parking spots out front are nearly all full, and sure enough, Taylor’s SUV is amongst them. I couldn’t help saying a little prayer that he wouldn’t show up, but he always does. He may be late, but he never skips out on work. Right now, it’s the one good thing I can say about him.
The first person I see once I walk inside the studio is Carrick. He glances up from the desk he was bent over, and I see a dozen different emotions flash across his face before it lands on something resembling concern.
“Did the lawyer thing run late? You had that today, right?” He asks.
I nod, vaguely surprised that he remembered that was today. I hardly even remember telling him about it. “I mean, no, it didn’t run late. But we did have it today. We, uh… we had lunch together afterward and lost track of time.”
“You did?” Carrick asks, his eyes widening.
“Yeah,” I reply, giving him a smile. “It was good. We’re actually getting along now.”
He returns my smile, and it looks genuine. “That’s good, Zac. That’s really good. I guess now that you guys aren’t together, you can breathe a little.”
“Yeah, it’s funny. Now that we don’t have to try to get along, we can. I guess maybe we’re just better as friends.”
“Sometimes it works out that way,” he replies.
“Yeah… sometimes,” I say.
As I watch Carrick fiddling with the case of guitar picks he’s found, something dawns on me. Kate and I might be better off as just friends, but just friends isn’t what I think Carrick and I should be. It isn’t what I want us to be, at least. Whether we’re better as friends or lovers… I don’t know. But I really hope it’s lovers, and I hope I can find a way to convince Carrick of that.