The Raging of the Stormy Sea
As I had told Donovan, I didn’t have rehearsal that evening. Despite how important of a role Ophelia was, she really didn’t have all that many lines, so I was getting accustomed to having an evening or two all to myself each week. It was normally a nice chance to get caught up on my homework or just sit in my room and relax in front of the television screen. I had a feeling it wouldn’t be so relaxing on that particular occasion.
The whole thing made me so nervous and impatient that I couldn’t just sit in my room and wait for it. I walked into the Starbucks around 9:30 – quite a bit earlier than I had planned to meet Donovan. As usual, Taylor was manning the front counter. I knew they had hired a few more employees, but Taylor always seemed to be the one working whenever I frequented the place.
“Hey, Tor,” he called out, smiling broadly. I guess I could see why Whitley was attracted to him. Like Zac, he had the kind of smile that lit up a room and just made you feel happy.
I shuffled up to the counter and took a seat at one of the tall stools. Although the rest of the place was still fairly crowded, the bar stools were all unoccupied. I liked to sit at the bar and chat with Taylor, so that was perfect for me.
“What’s up, Tay?” I asked, digging through my purse for the money to buy a latte.
“Not much,” he replied, and I could tell there was more he wanted to say. After a moment’s pause, he offered, “Green tea latte, right?”
“Yup,” I nodded, and handed him the cash.
With his back to me, fiddling with the espresso machine, Taylor continued, “So, how are things?Everything okay with you and Zac?”
“Me and Zac?” I repeated, afraid of his meaning.
“Yeah, you and Zac. You guys are…” Taylor spun around to look at me questioningly, sloshing espresso onto the floor in the process.
“Dating?”
“Yeah?”
“No.”
Taylor looked down quickly, and finished mixing my drink. I thought he looked kind of embarrassed. He shoved the latte across the counter to me, and finally spoke again. “Well, I just thought. I mean, he hasn’t said anything to me about – it just seemed that way, you know?”
I nodded. “Yeah, well… I don’t think you’re the only person who has made that mistake.”
“Zac’s always kinda been like that, you know? He’s always had a lot of girl friends, probably about as many as he has guy friends. But he’s always really close with the girls, like he is with you. And he’s ended up dating two or three of them.”
I sipped slowly on the latte, trying to process what Taylor had said. It didn’t really surprise me at all. But I just didn’t know what to say. Finally, I set the cup back down and said, “So, you think he wants to date me? Just because I’m his friend and it’ll be convenient?”
Taylor shrugged. “I’m not saying that. Well, not all of that. It’s always how he’s done it before. And Zac doesn’t like change. Zac doesn’t really like anything that doesn’t come easy to him.”
“Zac doesn’t really like that I’m dating Donovan, either.”
At that, Taylor winced. Visibly. Very visibly. “I… I didn’t know that. Does Zac know that?”
“Maybe not in so many words, but I think he knows. I don’t know. It’s strange.” I took another huge sip of the latte then just to shut myself up. The whole thing was just way more than I could make sense of, even just in my own head. I certainly didn’t have any more words for it.
Taylor’s eyes went wide for a moment, then his lips closed into a tight, thin line. I could tell he was looking over my shoulder, and in a moment I knew why. A hand ran down my back and I could tell just by the tremors it sent through me that it was Donovan.
“Hey babe, I got out of rehearsal a little bit early,” he said, his voice deep and husky, like he was trying to be sexy. I wasn’t sure if he was succeeding or not, to be honest.
I turned my head to the side and saw Donovan’s perfect clear blue eyes boring into me. It still made me so nervous, the way he looked at me. I just didn’t know what he expected of me, and those eyes only gave me more to fear.
I finally realized I was just staring at him, and I felt ridiculous. “Well, getting out of rehearsal early is always good, right?”
That was a stupid thing to say.
Donovan laughed and nodded. I guess he had to, just to be polite. “So, I was thinking. There’s another party this weekend at Kelsey’s. It would be awesome if you were there. I know we didn’t get to talk much last time, but we could have fun this time…”
“Umm, yeah,” I stuttered. His eyes were still piercing into me and I could see all the innuendo behind his words. “I guess I could. I mean I have a lot of homework, but I’ll try to be there.”
“Great,” he replied, his eyes twinkling suggestively. I didn’t even know that was possible, but it was – at least for that boy, if not for anyone else.
Desperate for any sort of distraction, I turned back to the counter and saw that Taylor had his back to us as he cleaned one of the large coffee canisters. I coughed loudly to get his attention and called out, “Tay, you should come to the party too. It was fun, right?”
He turned around quickly, looking a little like a deer in the headlights. I suppose I had put him on the spot. “Oh, yeah. Sure. I’ll ask Whit to come too, I guess. And Zac, I think he had fun last time.”
I couldn’t read Taylor’s face to be sure if he meant that in earnest or if it were some horrible joke at my expense. Either way, it felt like a punch in the gut. Donovan didn’t seem to notice; he still stood close to my side, blue eyes sparkling down at me and his lips turned up in a smile that made me tremble even more.
“I should – I should go, Donovan. I’m sorry,” I said abruptly, struggling to make my legs work and step down off the bar stool.
He looked like he was going to accuse me of something, and I saw his eyes flash over to Taylor as he reconsidered it, realizing we were still in public. Instead, he only raise an eyebrow slightly and asked, “Homework?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Sorry, I’ve got a big essay due tomorrow that I really need to finish up. I was hoping to have it done earlier, but it’s taking longer than I expected.”
It scared me how quickly and easily the lie fell out. It was true that I had been working on an essay, but only half-heartedly and it wasn’t due for several days. I could have stayed and spent time with Donovan if I had wanted to, but I was quickly realizing that I just didn’t want to. I could tell by the look on his face that he knew I was lying, but for whatever reason, he wasn’t going to call me out on it. I appreciated that.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you whenever I see you,” he said with a faux-noncommittal shrug. It was obvious that he cared, but like me, knew better than to act on it.
It was easier to just let things be than to speak up and turn a little drizzle into a raging storm. No, causing waves was bad – bad for a relationship, bad for a show, and especially bad for a relationship between actors in the same show. So we would let it be and pretend nothing was wrong.
I nodded and mumbled something of a goodbye, then hurriedly gathered my books and rushed out of the shop before he could stop me with a kiss or any other words. As soon as I opened the door and stepped outside, I collided with another body. I stumbled backwards and looked up to apologize.
“Toria –”
I gasped aloud when I realized who it was. “Zac! What are you doing here?”
“Umm, coffee?” He said, scrunching up his face in confusion. “And, you know, Taylor’s here. I was gonna see if he knew what happened to some of my laundry. I think I lost a few shirts at his place.”
“Oh, right. Okay,” I said. “Well, I’ll see you later.”
I could see his face change as realization dawned on him and he looked over my shoulder and through the large glass windows of the Starbucks, no doubt looking right at Donovan.
“Not hanging out with the boytoy?” he asked.
No, you’re right here, I thought to myself, but didn’t say it and made sure not to let my face betray my not-so-funny joke. “I was. Now I’m not.”
“Any particular reason why not?”
I shrugged, not really sure how to answer him in any way that I thought he might actually believe or be satisfied with. I couldn’t really say why I had left Donovan hanging, only that it just seemed like the thing to do. Suddenly, I started to feel a bit ill and the look on Zac’s face as he looked over my shoulder didn’t make me feel any better. What was it with people appearing over my shoulder like that?
“Hey, Zac,” Donovan said, sliding up behind me to rest a hand on my shoulder. “And hey again, Victoria. On your way back to the dorm?”
“Yeah.” I tried to slither free of his grasp, but he didn’t quite take the hint.
There was an awkward moment of silence. Zac offered Donovan a nod, but didn’t speak. I had to try really hard not to roll my eyes at how absurd it was to see those two locked in some kind of macho, he-man pissing contest. And over me? It was just more than I could bear to think about so I tried my best to ignore it. I shook myself completely free of Donovan and said, “Well, I’d better be off.”
“Alright, I’ll see you at rehearsal. And at the party?”
“Sure,” I said, not even looking in Zac’s direction because I feared what he might say or do. For once, I didn’t trust my face not to betray my emotions and all I could think about was the sloppy drunken kisses we had shared at the last party.
“Oh, you’re invited too, Zac,” Donovan added although his voice made it clear that the invitation was made only out of courtesy and not out of a genuine wish to see Zac there.
“I’ll start clearing my calendar right now,” Zac replied.
Donovan didn’t quite seem to notice the sarcasm, and for that I was thankful. With a quick peck to my forehead, he bid us goodbye again and walked away. Zac and I stood awkwardly staring at each other until he was well out of earshot.
“Is that why you were leaving? I thought you liked him.”
“I thought I did too,” I admitted. “I mean, he’s alright… I guess. It’s just a lot of trouble to have a relationship or whatever it is I’ve got with him.”
Zac looked more surprised than hurt. I guess he hadn’t expected that reply, and truthfully I was a bit surprised at myself for admitting so much.
“So are you going to the party?” he asked, shuffling his feet. I could tell he wanted to ask more, but he left it at that.
“I guess. I don’t know…”
“Well,” Zac said, finally looking back up at me. “It’s a good chance to spend some time with your boyfriend, I suppose. I’ll see you later.”
He practically shoved past me, even though we were alone in the sidewalk, and I wanted to call out after him that Donovan wasn’t my boyfriend. But that would have been stupid, especially when I’d just basically told him that Donovan was. Why couldn’t I make up my mind? And why couldn’t I just admit that I wasn’t all that happy with Donovan?