Aesthetic Distance
“I just don’t know what to wear!” Whitley exclaimed, bursting through the door of my and Justine’s room without even knocking. I had expected her to show up at some point in some sort of dramatic fashion so I didn’t even flinch when the door was flung open. Justine was sitting in the floor working on a new painting and I was buried under a pile of clothes that would suggest that I was having the same problem as Whitley.
I looked up at her and shrugged, flinging a ruffled blouse over my shoulder. “It’s no big deal, Whit. Just wear whatever. We’re only going to the movies.”
She stared from the pile of clothing to me and back again. “Right. And you aren’t worried at all.”
“I’m always this indecisive. It’s just what I do. It’s kind of a routine I just have to go through,” I replied, finally finding what I had been looking for. With a quick glance to be sure she had shut the door behind her, I pulled off my t-shirt, which bore an advertisement for a play my high school had performed, and replaced it with a tank covered in tiny roses. I suppose a lot of people would have been squeamish about changing in front of a person they barely knew; I even knew some girls on our floor who would ask their roommate to cover her eyes or leave the room while they changed into a bathrobe. But shame and modesty weren’t in the vocabulary of any theatre kids I had known, and I was quite certain Whitley felt the same way.
“Well it’s not like you’ve got anything to be nervous for anyway, right?” Justine asked, looking up from her canvas, a blotch of blue paint on her cheek.
“Right,” I replied, throwing a gray vest on, “Zac and I are just going for moral support. But I promise you’ll be fine, Whit. What you’re wearing looks great.”
I wasn’t lying. The peach sweater dress she was wearing looked great with her skin tone, and I was quite certain Taylor, and probably Zac too, would enjoy how short the dress was. Her legs stretched on for metaphorical miles and I was suddenly and irrationally self-conscious about how the denim skirt I had donned made my considerably shorter legs look.
“Okay, fine. You better be right,” Whitley finally conceded, collapsing onto my bed. A second later a knock came at the door and she bolted upright, her eyes wide. I found myself a bit surprised that she didn’t cry out, and the look on her face told me she was struggling not to.
I grabbed my purse from the desk and, with one last check of my makeup, walked over to the door and flung it open. I found myself face to face with Zac, looking more put together than I’d ever seen. He wore a nice pair of khaki pants with a fitted black tee, and a plaid shirt over top of that. It looked suspiciously like he had combed his hair and I thought I even smelled a hint of cologne. Taylor stood behind him, and I realized this was the first time I’d seen him outside of his Starbucks uniform. His jeans were so tight that I was convinced someone had painted them on. I raised an eyebrow slightly at his scarf and boots, but otherwise the outfit was fairly normal – just jeans and a t-shirt.
Scooting out of the way to let the boys into my room, I spoke, “Sorry it’s so crowded in here, you know how dorm rooms are. Taylor, this is Whitley. And the one in the floor is my roomie Justine.”
“Nice to meet you guys,” Taylor replied, taking a small step toward Whitley. For a moment I thought he was going to stick his hand out to shake hers, but he seemed to quickly think better of it. A handshake did seem like an odd way to begin a date. Instead, he stood nervously by her side, hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth slightly.
“Okay then. You guys ready to go?” I asked, glancing from Tay and Whitley to Zac.
Zac nodded, “Yup, I’m ready. You guys mind if I drive?”
Taylor scrunched up his nose. “Zac, your car is tiny.”
“And yours is back at your apartment. Suck it up.”
Taylor shot him another dirty look, but Zac ignored it. Zac turned to me and held his arm out goofily, “Well, let’s hit the road.”
I giggled and linked my arm in his. “So you’re driving, huh? You know my Jeep is big enough for all of us.”
Zac let Whitley and Taylor exit the room in front of us, then turned his head to me. “I know, but I figured this way they would have to get cozy in the backseat. Plus, I’m taking you on a date, lady. I gotta do the driving.”
I untangled myself from his arm and pushed the elevator button. “Oh, so you’re gonna be like that, huh? You gonna buy my popcorn and Junior Mints too?”
“Now that’s where I draw the line,” Zac replied, stepping into the elevator behind me. “You’re supposed to eat M&Ms with popcorn. Everyone knows that.”
The car ride to the movie theater was more than a little awkward. For whatever reason, Taylor and Zac had decided on the one farthest from campus. Evidently it was Taylor’s favorite and being stuffed into the backseat of Zac’s Mercury Cougar made him a little testy. So the car ride, which took less than twenty minutes when all was said and done, was spent with Tay leaning over the driver’s seat, pestering Zac with vague and mostly unhelpful directions. When we finally pulled into the parking lot, I sighed and relaxed into the passenger seat, momentarily contemplating just staying in the car.
I didn’t even realize I had closed my eyes until a tap on the window made me jump. I turned my head and saw Zac staring at me, his face mere inches from the glass. Satisfied that I was still breathing, I supposed, he stepped back and opened the door.
“Oh, sorry. Oh! Whitley, I’m sorry,” I stuttered, realizing that I had left Whitley stuffed in the backseat.
She climbed out of the back as gracefully as her dress allowed and gave me a strange look but said only, “No, it’s fine. I knew you wouldn’t keep me stranded in there, at least not forever.”
Taylor crossed around the car and offered his arm to Whitley. I said nothing, but poked Zac in the side and motioned to toward them. He smiled back and put his arm around me. I settled into his side, liking the way he felt around me. He was warm and soft, but stronger than I expected.
“What are we gonna watch anyway?” Taylor called out.
“Shaun of the Dead!” Zac and I both yelled, much louder than was necessary given that we were only a few feet behind the happy couple.
As we approached the ticket booth, I looked up at Zac and, my voice low, asked, “So, what do you think of those two?”
Zac bit his lip and looked up at them. They had hurried on and were already at the front of the line. “Well, it looks like he’s buying her ticket, so he isn’t being a total douchebag. That’s always a good sign for him. We’ll just wait and see how it goes.”
I nodded, and Zac nudged me on toward the counter. He pulled his arm away and began digging through his pockets. I knew what he was trying to do, so I stepped in front of him and leaned toward the glass of the ticket booth. “Two for Shaun of the Dead, please.”
“Oh, like hell you do. I told you I was gonna treat you like a lady,” Zac replied, fishing through his wallet.
“Ladies have money, too, you know,” I replied, digging through my purse for my own wallet. I had just pulled the money out when Zac’s arm shot past me and shoved his own money under the glass. I frowned and pretended to pout.
Zac grabbed and our tickets and handed mine to me. He placed his hand on my back and lead me into the theater. “If it makes you feel better, you can buy the food. I think I want… one of everything.”
“Yeah, right. Because clearly you need it all,” I replied, gently poking his stomach.
It was then his turn to pout. “Just for that, I’m not sharing my popcorn.”
“We’ll just see about that,” I replied. “I’m gonna go on and find where Tay and Whitley are. Get me some popcorn and a Dr. Pepper?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Zac replied and offered me an exaggerated salute.
I shoved several dollars in his hand and scurried away before he could complain. The movie hadn’t begun so I was able to find Whitley and Taylor with little trouble. They had sat right in the center of the theater and Taylor’s long legs dangled over the railing in front of them. I took a seat next to Whitley and a few minutes later Zac joined us, just in time for the beginning of the previews.
A half hour into the movie, I felt the familiar buzz of my phone, muffled slightly by my purse. I was glad I had remembered to switch it to silent and I carefully pulled it out of the bag to see who was calling. The screen flashed bright light and read “Mom – Mobile.”
I rolled my eyes and leaned over to Zac, showing him the phone’s caller ID. My voice barely above a whisper, I told him, “I should probably answer this. I’ll be back in about five minutes, hopefully.”
He nodded and squeezed himself as far into the seat as he could to let me pass. Once I was out in the lobby, I flipped the phone open, part of me hoping it had not gone to voicemail yet, and part of me hoping it had.
“Hello?”
“Hey Vicky, baby. I just wanted to call and check in on you,” my mom said, her voice so cheerful I almost forgot that this conversation was completely out of the ordinary for us.
I bit my lip for a second in contemplation, finally replying, “That was nice of you.”
Her hesitation almost made me regret how terse I had been. “Well, Patty said you moved in the dorms a few weeks ago, and I know I should have called sooner.”
“Yeah, that would have been nice,” I replied, trying desperately to keep my tone light even if the words weren’t very nice. My own mother didn’t feel the need to keep up with my life except through what my aunt told her. How could I explain to her how that made me feel?
“Well baby, you know I’m still looking for a job and –”
“And that keeps you so busy you can’t pick up your phone?” I nearly growled into the phone. I could feel my voice slipping back into the thicker Southern accent that my first acting coach had tried her best to train out of me. That was a sure sign of my rising anger.
“Well, it keeps me busy,” she replied, and I could almost hear her carefully planned argument falling apart. “I wanna come visit you, though. When Jeff gets a day off work we’re gonna drive up there, okay?”
I sighed into the phone, hopefully loud enough for her to hear. “Yeah, fine. Just don’t let me inconvenience Jeff.”
“Now baby, you know he wants to meet you. And I want to come see how you are doing at college, too,” she said, her voice getting softer.
“Yeah, I know. Look, I’m at the movies. I need to go. I’ll see you whenever,” I replied and hung up the phone before she could reply. The art of ending of phone call without saying goodbye was one my father had taught me well, though he usually did so out of sheer forgetfulness, not anger.
I was alone in the hallway and I didn’t think anyone from the concession stand could see, so I did the only think I could think of. I tossed my phone against the wall across from me and slid down the wall, landing with a whimper against the carpet. From my left I heard the squeak of the theater door opening and I looked up to see Zac standing there, chewing on his lip and looking concerned.
“Toria, are you okay? You’ve been gone for a while and I just wanted to see if everything was okay,” he said, hovering over me.
“I’m fine,” I replied, crossing my arms. I knew I was being childish, but I couldn’t help it. Sure, mom had apologized. But her words fell flat and I just didn’t believe them. They didn’t fix anything.
Zac slid to the floor and sat cross-legged next to me. “No you’re not. I can tell. I know we just met like two weeks ago and I don’t know you very well yet, but I’m not as dumb as I look.”
I looked up at him and tried not to smile. “Really? ‘Cause I wasn’t gonna say anything, but you look about three sandwiches short of a picnic.”
“And you sound like a total hick right now, but I kinda like you anyway,” he replied and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “So what’s wrong, lady?”
“It’s just my mom,” I replied, leaning my head against his chest. “I told you my parents are divorced and she moved in with my aunt? Well, two months ago she ran off to Fredericksburg with her high school sweetheart. I’ve only seen her once since then and she keeps making up these stupid excuses for not coming to see me.”
I could feel Zac’s face pressed against the back of my head and when he spoke his breath tickled my skin a little. “Oh gosh, I’m sorry. That really sucks, Toria. But, and I know it’s not the same, you’ve got your friends here, right? I mean, your mom will come around eventually. But you’ve got us so you can’t be too lonely. I won’t let you.”
“Good to know you’re in charge of my feelings now,” I said, trying to sound angry. But I wasn’t.
“Well, fine. Just trying to be helpful,” Zac replied, feigning anger as well. I thought I could almost feel his smile against the back of my head.
I turned to look at him, “We should probably get back in there and watch the rest of the zombie apocalypse.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he replied. He stood up and offered me his hand.
He pulled me up with a deftness that shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did and we walked back into the theater. When the screen flashed a brighter color, I could see Whitley and Taylor sitting more or less where we had left them. I say more or less because one of them had lifted the arm rest between their seats and Whitley was very nearly sitting in Taylor’s lap. His arm was wrapped around her waist and they looked altogether quite cozy.
I looked over at Zac and I imagined that my expression was just as awestruck as his. He shook his head a little, jaw still hanging slack. Finally peeling his eyes from them, he squeezed my hand and nudged me toward two empty seats a few rows back from our previous seats.
I curled up in the seat next to him, pulling my knees to my chest. Zac lifted the arm rest and pulled me closer to him. I sighed contentedly against his side. He was perfectly warm and comfortable and I couldn’t think of a place I’d rather be. I felt at home, for the first time in a year.