A Divinity That Shapes Our Ends
It took me several days to finally work up the nerve to call my dad and talk to him about Thanksgiving plans. I knew I was making a bigger deal out of it than I needed to; he might have been a little cold and distant, but in general, he did whatever I wanted him to do. Maybe I felt guilty for that, though, and that’s what kept me from asking him for more.
Either way, I finally had a brief bit of time to myself one afternoon while Zac was rehearsing with the pep band, getting ready for the basketball games that would start as soon as we got back from Thanksgiving. His band rehearsals were really the only time we spent apart, and I would probably have followed him to those if I wouldn’t have been in the way. But on this particular day, it was a good thing, because it meant I had a little peace and quiet to call my dad.
It was still early in the afternoon, so I figured he was still in his office at the college. I dialed that number first, hoping he would answer so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the complicated university messaging system. Luckily, he did.
“Dr. Remy.”
“It’s me, Dad,” I replied.
“Oh, so it is. These office phones don’t have caller id, you know. They’re even more ancient than me.”
I laughed. “You’re not ancient. You’re just surprisingly bad with technology for someone who works in the sciences.”
“Alright, alright,” he said with a chuckle. “So, what’s going on? How are things in the arts?”
“Things are good. We just finished up the fall production,” I replied.
I hated the small talk, especially with my dad. But I didn’t know of any other way to ease into asking him about Thanksgiving. Luckily, after a few minutes of boring talk about my classes, his classes and everything else, he decided to spare me the trouble.
“So, when do you leave for Thanksgiving break?”
“I guess I can leave Tuesday afternoon, after class,” I replied. “I wanted to ask you about that, though.”
“And I’ve been meaning to call you to talk about it as well.”
That didn’t sound good.
He sighed. “Somehow, I’ve gotten roped into attending a dinner for the international students that my department head is hosting. I suppose everyone thinks I’ll be all alone, eating a frozen dinner or something, if they don’t force me out of the house. They’re not really wrong.”
“Okay…” I replied, not entirely sure what he was getting at. It was funny, though, that I had imagined the same microwaved Thanksgiving dinner.
“Well, I can’t imagine that dinner would be much fun for you,” he said. “So if you want to go to Justine’s or something, I would completely understand.”
I let out a huge sigh. It seemed things were, somehow, working out so well for me. Maybe I had been worried for no reason at all. I had dreaded this phone call so much I hadn’t even wanted to make it, yet here was my dad, telling me I could basically do whatever I wanted for Thanksgiving. It was the perfect out. I couldn’t even remember why I had been so worried in the first place.
“Victoria, are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m still here,” I replied. “Umm, I actually have another option for the weekend. I’ve been dating this guy for awhile, and he invited me to come home with him for the weekend.”
“And you said yes?”
“I hadn’t said anything yet. I wanted to check with you first,” I replied. I deliberately left out all the other options I didn’t have for Thanksgiving.
Dad was more perceptive than I gave him credit for, though. “What about your mother? Or Aunt Patty?”
“Aunt Patty and Mo are going to visit Mo’s family,” I said.
There was a silence on the line, as though he were waiting for me to mention Mom’s plans. I really didn’t want to say a single word about her. He wouldn’t let me get away with that, though. “What about your mother?”
“She’s got plans with her boyfriend, apparently.”
“Oh, I see,” he replied, his voice low. Dad didn’t let his emotions show very often, but somehow I could still by his voice that he didn’t like hearing about what Mom was doing, and I didn’t know if it was the way she was treating me, the boyfriend, or both. I didn’t dare ask. “Well, I can see why spending the weekend with your boyfriend would be what you would want to do. It certainly sounds like the better option for you.”
There was still something strange in his voice, even though he was saying all the right words. “Are you sure, Dad?”
“Of course,” he replied. “I’ll still see you at Christmas break, right?”
“Definitely.”
“Great. Maybe we’ll go to the Santa Train again, like we did when you were little.”
“Sounds great,” I replied.
Once I had filled dad in on the details of my Thanksgiving plans with Zac, we said our goodbyes and hung up. So, that was taken care of, and much more easily than I had expected. It didn’t totally ease my mind, though. Until dad mentioned it, I hadn’t even thought about Christmas break. Of course I would come home, to my real home, at some point. I would probably have to spend some time with Mom and her boyfriend, too, and I really didn’t want to think about that, yet. I hoped I could visit Zac, too. I suddenly felt like I was being pulled in a million directions.
The Santa Train had been one of our traditions when I was much, much younger. It was a long drive downstate, but it was always something that me and Dad did together – one of the only things we ever did together, in fact. We had to get up early in the morning, when it was still pitch black out, and drive down to Haysi, where the train began its journey across the state, a man in a Santa suit throwing candy and toys off the back of the train at every stop along the way. We usually followed it all the way to the Tennessee border, eating junk food and piling the back of Dad’s truck with mountains of the cheap toys.
It was a silly thing to be so excited about doing now that I was an adult, but I couldn’t help it. I liked the thought of doing something so childish and silly. It made me feel like maybe things hadn’t changed so much since I was a kid, even though logically I knew they had. But maybe, for one December morning, I could forget and pretend.
I laid back on my bed and sighed, glad that something was finally working out for me. Maybe everything would be okay after all.
I had only rested for a few minutes when the door, which Justine and I always left unlocked when we were in, flew open. I didn’t need to open my eyes to guess who it was. Soft footsteps crossed the room, and soon the bed sank underneath someone’s weight. An arm nudged me gently, and Zac’s voice rang out, “Come on, scoot over.”
I laughed, finally opening my eyes to see Zac in a t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair damp, presumably from a shower. I scooted toward the wall, giving him room to lay down beside me. “Done with band practice already?”
“It didn’t run very long today,” he said. “We just hauled a lot of our equipment over to the gym to set up for the basketball games and get some practice playing in there. Which is why I showered. Really worked up a sweat hauling those big drums.”
“Yeah, I bet you did,” I replied with a laugh. I had seen, at homecoming, that Zac was far stronger than he appeared, so I had no doubt he was exaggerating just how much he had exerted himself moving drums across campus.
We lay there in comfortable silence for a while before Zac finally asked the question I was sure had been at the forefront of his mind. “So, did you talk to your dad?”
“I did,” I replied. “He’s got plans to go to some dinner with his department head, so he was cool with me skipping out on that to go home with you.”
“Yeah?” Zac’s grin was already stretching all the way across his face, despite the slight hesitance in his voice.
I nodded. “Yup. I kinda told him about the crap with mom, so I think he felt sorry enough for me to just let me do whatever I wanted. He definitely wants me home during Christmas break, though.”
“Well, I can’t blame him for that. We’ve got five weeks, though. Maybe we can still get together at some point.”
“I’d like that. A lot.”
“Me too,” he replied. “Even if it does mean I’ll actually have to buy you a Christmas present.”
I gave him a playful shove. I hadn’t even begun to think about what I was going to get him for Christmas, but the grin on his face made me think that, despite his words, he was already planning his present for me.
“Alright, alright,” Zac said, laughing. “So you’re definitely going home with me and Tay for Thanksgiving, huh?”
I grinned. “Definitely. Is the rest of your family as crazy as the two of you?”
“Where do you think we get it from? That shit is all genetic. But seriously, they’re not bad. I think you’ll like them, and I know they’ll love you.”
My grin spread so far across my face that it actually hurt. Zac’s optimism was really starting to infect me. Not that I was complaining, though. I had no problem at all with being a little more like him, at least in that way.
“Well, I hope the weekend goes well,” I replied.
Zac leaned over and kissed my cheek. “It will. And if it doesn’t, we’ll just have to make sure that Christmas break is even better.”
“Oh, so I’m definitely visiting you for Christmas, then?”
He shrugged. “Or I’m visiting you. Whichever. What’s Christmas like in Blacksburg?”
“Well, my dad doesn’t have a lot of family, so usually it’s just my mom’s family visiting. And sometimes we’ll host a few professors for a little dinner party. I suppose neither of those will happen this year.”
Zac shot me a sympathetic look. “Your dad will like having you there, though. Especially if he doesn’t have a lot of family.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” I replied. Sometimes I forgot that my dad was really all alone. “He did talk about taking me to the Santa Train, though.”
“Santa Train?”
I shrugged and smiled. “It’s just a little something we used to do when I was little. But it was always fun. It sounds silly to go now, doesn’t it?”
“Not at all,” Zac replied. “In fact, I may have to visit that weekend. If that’s okay. I don’t wanna intrude on your tradition.”
“Intrude away,” I said with a grin. “We can check out the Christmas lights around Tech’s campus, too. That was my other favorite thing to do at Christmas when I was little.”
“That sounds fantastic. But who am I kidding? A root canal would sound fun if you were there.”
I rolled my eyes and gave him a little shove. Sometimes he could be absolutely ridiculous, and totally cheesy, but I was finding that I really didn’t mind at all. I loved him, cheesiness, ridiculousness and all.