April 2008
Looking at her mom nervously after the play had ended and they both headed backstage, Avery only hoped that Cordelia’s maybe girlfriend wasn’t back there. Even though she had came to the play today obviously to support Cordelia like a good girlfriend does.
Because deep down this wasn’t how Avery had envisioned her mom finding out that the rest of her friends were gay too. By seeing Cordelia with her girlfriend. Avery had hoped to tell her one day on her own terms but well she had also reconsidered it too after how her mom had reacted to Paisley.
Which scared her for if and when she found out about Cordelia and Juniper. Two girls whom she loved but would probably soon start praying for their friendships to end with Avery as well once she eventually knew the truth of their sexuality.
Something that Avery hadn’t meant to ever really keep a secret for long but now she was glad she had. Even if it was really close to coming out if Cordelia’s girlfriend was backstage and Avery knew it was wrong but she wanted to be mad at Cordelia’s mom.
Andrea shouldn’t have even invited her mom but of course she had because they were good friends too. Though Andrea obviously never discussed her daughter’s sexuality with Avery’s mom. The same way Juniper’s mom Victoria never did the same either.
A thing that maybe Avery found curious but then again maybe mother’s instincts were real and they knew Diana would react badly. But that also meant if it were real then her mom would know she was a lesbian too and so far she hadn’t figured that out it seemed.
No one aside from her friends knew and for now Avery was very much content on keeping that a secret from everyone. Though a part of her hated keeping Paisley a secret. Wanted to freely flaunt Paisley as her girlfriend and be open with her around her family like all of her other siblings were able to do with people they dated.
But all hopes of Cordelia’s girlfriend not being backstage were dashed when they made it back there and she was there. Standing right beside Cordelia and looking all infatuated with her.
Much more infatuated than Cordelia every looked with her which Avery couldn’t help but wonder if the feelings in the relationship were one sided. If Cordelia still wasn’t fully over Avery and therefor couldn’t give all of her heart to her girlfriend.
Biting her lip again Avery watched as her mom walked over to where Andrea was and she slowly let out a sigh of relief before walking towards Cordelia and her girlfriend.
“Avie,” Cordelia grinned as she pulled Avery into a tight hug once Avery made it to where she was. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t come,” she spoke once she had Avery against her.
“I promised I’d come,” Avery told her as she squeezed her slightly. “You’re my best friend and there was no way I was going to miss your final high school play.”
Pulling away after saying that Avery saw Cordelia’s grin go even wider and as she looked over at Cordelia’s girlfriend she saw her glare at Avery slightly.
Leaving Avery wondering just how much Cordelia had told her about Avery. If she had been open in having feelings for her.
“Yes, it really is nice to see you,” Jane nodded her head, her glare dropping when Cordelia turned to face her. “I know Cordy was looking forward to you coming. It’s all I heard about for the last few days.”
“Not all you heard about babe,” Cordelia muttered as she leaned in to kiss Jane on the cheek and Avery had to look away.
Feeling slightly uncomfortable and a part of her wondered if that’s how Cordelia had felt around her and Paisley. Uncomfortable with a weird feeling in her gut. Not an unhappy one because of course she was glad Cordelia had found happiness.
But she just got a weird feeling seeing Cordelia being affectionate with someone. Maybe because for so long before Paisley, Avery had always daydreamed that it was her that Cordelia would be openly affectionate with.
Jane seemed to grin when Cordelia kissed her cheek and Avery didn’t miss the look that Jane gave her after that. Like she felt she had one up on Avery.
Making Avery convinced that Cordelia had been totally honest about everything with her.
“Well it felt like it was all I heard about,” Jane spoke as she shrugged her shoulders. Giving Cordelia an apologetic smile. “But I am glad you came too Avie. So you could see how amazing Cordelia was in this role. She didn’t think she would be.”
Avery shook her head at that because she wasn’t surprised. It was how Cordelia was and it reminded her of the conversation she had with Paisley yesterday.
That people were their own worst critics.
“People are their own worst critics so I believe it,” Avery said parroting Paisley’s words. “But Cordy is amazing and I wish she’d believe that.”
Cordelia blushed at that, looking away from both girls. “You’re both just saying that to make me feel good.”
“Maybe,” Avery and Jane spoke at the same time. An action that made all three girls laugh though even with the laughter Avery again didn’t miss how Jane glared at her.
Though Cordelia must have been oblivious to it. Something Avery didn’t see how but then again people could be blind to things they didn’t want to see or they could just be blind altogether.
Avery was a testament to that especially when it came to never having realized that Cordelia had loved her.
Before anymore words could be spoken though Andrea and Diana came over to the girls and Avery stiffened slightly when her mom put her arm protectively around Avery’s waist. Like she was trying to keep Avery from harm or something.
“So Cordelia who is your new friend?” Diana asked all nice but Avery could tell from her tone that she knew. A fact that was confirmed when Avery turned to look at her mom, seeing the judgemental look that she was giving Avery.
It was enough to make Avery swallow hard and dread the drive back home. Knowing she probably had a lot of explaining to do.
But maybe she could win her mom over on her having gay friends. Especially now that these friends were ones that Diana had knew for half of their lives and not just someone new. Not someone who she saw as making Avery rebel against authority or maybe trying to corrupt her.
Her mom always loved Cordelia and Juniper and well maybe she’d see things differently with them.
“Her name is Jane,” Cordelia answered as she looked at Jane. “And she’s my girlfriend,” she spoke before shooting Avery a glance and Avery only shrugged.
Knowing her mom already knew so what would it hurt to confirm it?
Diana plastered on a fake smile as she held her hand out to Jane, “How nice to meet you sweetie,” she spoke once Jane took her hand and they shook hands briefly. “I’m sure you’re a lovely girl if you’ve landed someone like Cordy here.”
As her mom spoke Avery just looked at her. Perplexed by the change in her now from the night that she had met Paisley.
A fact that made Avery mad. Mad enough to go silent and just stand there and listen to everyone else talk. Her thoughts trying to piece together why her mom was suddenly okay with this when she had been such a bitch when she had met Paisley.
How she could be so nice to Cordelia and Jane when she had been rude to someone else. Just because they were gay and loved other girls.
But of course Avery didn’t question her there backstage. Instead she still stayed silent. Only offering a brief goodbye to Cordelia when her mom mentioned leaving.
Her silence lasting even as she followed her mom to the family SUV and got in. Though the moment the doors were shut and the car was turned on Avery eyed her mother curiously.
“You’re okay with Cordelia being gay?” she asked sounding bitter about it even if it was what she had wanted.
For her mom to be okay with her friends being gay. She just hadn’t expected such a complete turnaround so soon.
Diana shook her head as she pulled out of the parking space, “No, I’m not okay with it,” she said honestly as she kept her eyes ahead of her as she drove out of the high school parking lot. “But I trust her around you more than I do that other friend of yours..Presley I think her name was.”
“Paisley,” Avery corrected still sounding bitter. “And I don’t see what the difference in trust is. They’re both gay they could both want to rub their lifestyles on me and make me a moral failure to God.”
Diana laughed softly, “Oh honey I doubt Cordy would do that or that you’d let her,” she spoke almost like she was amused at that idea. “You don’t like at Cordy like you looked at Presley.”
“Her name’s Paisley,” Avery spoke her voice raising slightly when her mom messed up the name again. “And how exactly do I look at them differently?”
“You look at Cordy like you look at Jessie and Zoe. Like she is one of your sisters,” Diana answered her voice going soft. “You looked at that….at Paisley like you wanted to drown in an ocean if she asked you too. Like you could love her and you can’t because you aren’t gay. Won’t be gay on my watch anyway.”
Going silent at that Avery looked down at her hands as her mother turned the radio on. Some oldies song filling the car as Avery got lost in her thoughts again.
Hating that how she looked at Paisley had given away how she felt for her. Hating that, that had been what had made her mom so afraid that Avery would turn gay if she was around Paisley. Not revealing that she was already gay and already in love with her.
“Juniper’s gay too,” Avery revealed finally breaking her silence.
“I knew that sweetie,” Diana told her with a smile as she finally looked at her. “Victoria told me ages ago and I just pretended it didn’t exist. That she wasn’t gay, just like I am going to do with Cordelia now,” she revealed and it was in that moment that Avery realized just how much of a hypocrite her own mom could be.
But of course she knew better than to call her on it. Knew better than to have another argument.
“You can have gay friends,” Diana continued in her silence. “Just not ones you look at like you could fall in love with them. Then you’ll be less tempted to stray from God. Less tempted to fail God and fail yourself sweetie and I only care about you. I care about making sure you never mess up. Not under my watch anyway.”