January 2009
Avery who had been awake now for the past hour chewed on her lip as she sat in a local Starbucks not far from Paisley’s hotel.
She had came here after waking up and seeing Paisley still sleeping beside her. Not wanting to wake her Avery had taken a quick shower and grabbed her stuff. Leaving Paisley’s room and then heading to her car. Whereas luck would have it as soon as she reached it she had gotten a text from Kate.
A text where Kate had asked Avery if she would like to meet for coffee as well as maybe a bite to eat and of course Avery had agreed. It wasn’t like she had much else to do right now.
It was still pretty early and she didn’t want to head to Taylor and Natalie’s yet. Not sure if their kids were up as well as not sure how much sleep they had gotten last night either. After all they still had a newborn in their house.
Though Avery was surprised Kate wanted to meet this early since she had Shepherd and then of course there was also the stuff with Zac.
Her dear older brother who had also had a breakdown on New Year’s Eve like she had because of course he would. They were cut from the same cloth after all it seemed.
But maybe that was why Kate wanted to meet. To talk about Zac because if anyone could understand or relate to the worry she felt it would be Avery.
Avery knew this because hadn’t she despite her own issues been worried about Zac for months now? Still was but because of her own predicament right now she couldn’t be there for him. Knew if she was he’d see through her facade and realize how bad things were and the last thing Avery wanted to burden her struggling brother with was the fact that she was homeless.
Had been kicked out by their mom while their dad had just looked on helplessly. That Zoe had betrayed their siblinghood in childhood innocence and a naive love and trust placed in the hands of their mom.
It was all sad really and Avery sometimes wished she could just go outside and scream at the top of her lungs. Scream and maybe it would make her free.
Then again maybe it wouldn’t and she was forever destined to be trapped somehow.
Coming out of her thoughts Avery picked up the iced latte she had ordered a few minutes ago as she glanced down at her phone. Knowing from the time Kate should be getting here any second. Kate was usually good at being on time which was a stark contrast from most of the Hanson’s.
Avery usually included because majority of the time she was just too lazy to get anywhere on time. But of course today she had gotten here first.
Partly because she did have nowhere to be. Though her brain did tell her that she could have stayed in Paisley’s room until Paisley woke up but after last night and the things that had been said before bed she just didn’t want to face her.
Afraid of what else Paisley would accuse her of and still feeling hurt that Paisley thought she’d carelessly use her when from the two tattoos on her body it should have been known she wouldn’t. But if she wanted to think it then Avery decided to give her that by doing what she had done today.
Even if she longed to be in her room. Just to tell her how hopelessly in love with her she was. In love with her when she should have been in love with her girlfriend.
Once again though Avery came out of her thoughts this time though it was when she saw Kate come inside. Baby carrier in her hand and a bright smile on her face. A smile that didn’t seem to falter even with everything she had to be going through.
Something which Avery had to say was brave of her. For her to stand there and act and act so well. Then again Avery wondered if she had learned that from the Hanson’s since all of them were experts at acting or if Kate had been doing it long before she married Zac.
Zac had for sure had his issues before Kate. Avery knew as much even if she didn’t want to admit it sometimes because despite his weaknesses she liked to see Zac as her tough older brother instead of a man who had a tendency to be human and have weaknesses.
“Hey,” Kate spoke as she came to where Avery was. Sitting the baby carrier on the table. “Can you watch Shep so I can order? I would have left him at home but I’m not sure…” she trailed off stopping mid sentence though Avery suspected what she was going to say.
She hadn’t been sure if Zac was capable of handling his own son for a few hours by himself.
Avery gave Kate a small nod. All the permission the brunette needed to go to the counter and place an order. Avery smiling softly as she looked into the baby carrier at her nephew who was wide awake and staring up at her with his brown eyes.
The almost eight month old baby being a perfect mix of Zac and Kate already.
“Hey there chipmunk,” Avery cooed down to Shepherd before moving to slowly get him out of the baby carrier. Holding him firmly in her lap as she sat down. “Yeah it was no fun in there was it,” she said when Shepherd smiled up at her. “I’d hate to be confined in that thing too.”
Shepherd only smiled more his brown eyes lighting up as he just listened to her talk. His smile doing wonders for her soul and sometimes maybe babies really could help things. Except to save marriages like some fans were still convinced Taylor and Natalie’s kids did.
Looking away from Shepherd when she heard Kate sit down in the seat across from her. Avery noticed that her smile had disappeared just briefly before she realized Avery was looking at her and then she put it back on.
“I’m sorry if this was last minute,” Kate started after taking a drink of whatever coffee concoction she had gotten. “I just…I heard what happened and I guess I wanted to make sure you are okay,” she said not even once saying what it was she had heard.
Then again maybe she figured Avery being kicked out was a touchy subject for her and she was afraid to say it or maybe she was in denial that her mother-in-law had done it and saying it would make it more real to her.
Avery shrugged her shoulders as she reached for her iced latte again. Taking a tiny drink and being careful to keep it out of Shepherd’s reach when she put it back on the table. “I’m as good as can be expected. Actually am going to Taylor and Natalie’s after this. They agreed to house me for a few days anyway but not for long. I think Natalie’s afraid mom will find out and get mad.”
Kate let out a sigh at that her smile slowly turning into a small frown. “If I could I’d let you stay with us but just with Zac I don’t know…”
“No, I don’t want to burden Zac with this yet either,” Avery interrupted as she shook her head. “I was actually going to ask you that if he doesn’t know yet to keep it a secret. At least until he is emotionally ready. It could make him worse and he doesn’t need that.”
Kate paused before taking a drink from her coffee and then reaching for the muffin she had ordered. Obviously doing anything to distract herself from talking.
“It’s going to be hard to hide the fact that his sister got kicked out of the family home because she’s a lesbian,” Kate finally spoke with a shake of her head. “You know Zac and heck you know this family. Nothing ever stays a secret for long.”
“My sexuality did for a good few months anyway,” Avery added with a tiny smirk deciding she may as well make light of the situation. “Zac knew the lesbian bit though so all you need to keep from him is the kicked out bit if you can. Maybe have a group meeting with everyone…tell them for Zac’s mental health to keep it as mum as possible.”
Pursing her lips Kate looked as if she was thinking over Avery’s words. “Fine,” she relented with a nod of her head. “I’ll think of someway but he is going to have to find out somehow,” she added on and the way she stared at her reminded Avery of the way her own mom used to look at her for keeping secrets she didn’t think Avery should keep.
Avery liked to call it the judgy mom look.
“But I’m not surprised to hear that my husband knew you were a lesbian before everyone else,” Kate continued in her silence. “I take it you told him yourself?”
Avery nodded her head as she looked down at Shepherd who had rested his head contently against her chest. “I told him on Thanksgiving,” she admitted. “Besides my friends he was one of the first people I came out too. The first family member who I came out too on my own anyway,” she sighed.
Hating the fact that Zoe had caught her and she had been outed that way to her baby sister who had then ran to their mom.
It was almost as bad as when the fan took pictures of her in the gay club.
Kate smiled as she took that in. “I also take it you dated Paisley too,” she spoke. “I mean everyone knows you’re dating Cordelia but no one has really mentioned Paisley and you two were so close. You got matching tattoos and everything.”
“Of course mom somehow scrubbed Paisley out of my disaster of a coming out at the party,” Avery chuckled though it was a bitter chuckle. “But yeah I dated Paisley but then mom found out in July and that was when we broke up. Mom pulled some strings and things got complicated. After that I got close to Cordy and now we’re together.”
Again Kate frowned as she finished off her muffin. “I’m sorry,” she apologized clearly having no reason too though. “You should have been allowed to be happy with who you wanted.”
Avery let out another bitter chuckle, “Yeah well clearly mom was more scared for my soul than my happiness. But it is what it is, yeah,” she nodded her head. “No one can change things,” she told her sister-in-law honestly.
Avery knowing that she sometimes wished she could go back in time and change things. Lock her door maybe on that Fourth of July night. Stay in the room a bit longer with Paisley that morning or insist Paisley go to the kitchen with her even if that had meant waking her up.
“I know that so well,” Kate added on sounding almost sad and now it was Avery’s turn to frown. Part of her wondering if Kate’s was referring to Zac and also wondering if Kate was like her and wished she could go back and change things.
She probably did Avery considered. Everyone had to have wished that at some point.
Staying silent after that Avery just looked down at the baby boy in her arms. A reminder that sometimes there were pure things even in the bad. Shepherd had to be one of those for Kate and Zac even if Zac did have ongoing issues.
Kate too more than likely had issues after all she had once lost a baby and Avery wondered if that still stayed with her or if that tainted her somehow. Like how this situation with her mom and sister had tainted Avery. Made her realize that even family was expendable to some.
“Well,” Kate sighed as she broke the silence. “I better get going. I don’t feel right leaving Zac alone still yet and it’s almost time for Shepherd’s nap.”
Avery nodded her head as she watched Kate stand. Handing Shepherd over to her after she had walked the few inches to come and get her son. “Tell Zac I said hello and that I love him,” she said as she moved to give Kate a quick hug. “I love you and Shepherd too,” she added on for good measure before pulling away.
Forcing a smile she then grabbed her almost empty iced latte cup and and headed to the bathroom. Throwing the cup away on her way to the bathroom.
She didn’t actually have to use it but she did want to freshen up again before heading to Taylor and Natalie’s house. Maybe also delay it because she knew once again she’d probably have to chat about what happened as well as her sexuality and she just felt so nervous and annoyed.
Almost again wished she was still back in that hotel room with Paisley.
Leaving the bathroom almost ten minutes later Avery who was almost to the door stooped briefly as her gaze went to a table not far from the door. A frown settling on her face at the familiar brunette sitting there currently looking through some book about photography.
A brunette who looked up once she felt Avery’s gaze and the moment she did Avery frowned deeper as she locked eyes with Paisley.
The girl who thought she had just been using her. The girl who she had walked out on this morning without even waking because she had been hurt by that accusation and out of spite wanted to just act like she had been using Paisley like she suspected.
Swallowing a lump in her throat Avery only gave her a brief nod as if she was some stranger instead of the person Avery swore would always hold her heart regardless of everything.
After giving the nod she finished her walk to the door. Leaving the Starbucks as she headed to her car. Her phone which was in the pocket of her jeans vibrating and as she reached to pull it out she couldn’t help the tiny hope it was Paisley texting her.
Asking her to come back and they could make up whatever tension was now between them. But of course that tiny hope was squashed when she saw the notification that she had a text from Cordelia. The girl she should have loved. The girl she had cheated on without even caring.
Opening the text Avery read it over hating the guilty feeling that settled in her stomach.
Hey. I know it’s early for me but I just didn’t sleep well not knowing where you are staying until you get to Natalie and Taylor’s. Please call me whenever you can or text. I’m just a really worried girlfriend and I love you. We’ll figure something out together I promise.
After reading the text Avery put her phone back in her pocket once she reached her car. Deciding she’d text Cordelia back when she arrived at Taylor and Natalie’s.
But god she hated the guilt she felt. Wasn’t sure she could handle talking to her on the phone. Hated that she also didn’t want to figure something out about her living situation with her girlfriend but in the end she really had no other option.
She didn’t want to bring Juniper and Calliope into this mess though she was sure Cordelia or even Paisley had told them. Nothing ever did truly stay secret in Avery’s life no matter how much she tried to keep it that way. Which was why she was afraid that eventually Cordelia would know exactly where she had stayed last night.
That Cordelia would find out that Avery had cheated something she didn’t want to happen. Even with the guilt she felt.