January 2009
Avery chewed on her lip as she sat beside Cordelia on the couch after the movie they had rented for the night ended. Not sure exactly what to do because things had been tense between them all day which was actually a first for them in the two weeks since she had moved in with her girlfriend temporarily which made her wonder what she had done wrong.
Knew things had been fine this morning but then she had left to run some errands which was mainly her excuse to just walk around San Francisco and find hidden art gems in the city.
But when she had came back Cordelia had been off. Barely talking to her except for when they ordered take out from the Thai place not too faraway.
Then Cordelia had talked to her but only to give her the order of what she wanted to eat. But then it was back to the cold shoulder and during the movie Avery had tried to take her hand but she had pulled it away.
Letting Avery know that at least she hadn’t been imagining things. Cordelia was angry at her but for what she had no clue.
“Did I do something wrong?” Avery finally asked unable to take much more of beating herself up. “I feel like I did but I’m not sure what I did.”
Cordelia laughed at that. She full on laughed though Avery caught the bitter edge to her laugh which let her know whatever Cordelia found funny it really wasn’t funny.
It was just a laugh to help ease whatever was bothering her girlfriend. Which did nothing to soothe Avery’s worries at all.
Only made them worse in her opinion.
“You really have to ask that?” Cordelia questioned like she found it crazy that Avery had the right to ask. Like she expected Avery to be a mind reader and know what was wrong but of course she didn’t.
As far as Avery knew she hadn’t done anything to piss Cordelia off before leaving.
“Yeah I really have to ask,” Avery replied knowing the annoyed tone in her voice would probably only make things worse but truth be told she wasn’t sure she cared.
Not when Cordelia was being a bitch and expecting her to be psychic. To just automatically know when she had done something unintentionally wrong to set her off. If Cordelia wanted that from a girl then maybe they just weren’t a match.
Then again maybe they weren’t a match for a lot of other reasons either like the fact Avery still wasn’t sure she was in love with her or the fact that Avery had cheated several weeks ago.
Avery almost sure Cordelia was in the dark still about her cheating even after what Jim had seen because thankfully once they had got to California, Jim had kept his mouth shut.
Though Avery had been terrified that the whole time he had been helping with stuff that he’d spill the beans. Especially since things between them had felt off since then.
Were off because he hadn’t looked at her the same since seeing her with Paisley in the compromising position he had caught them in, in her parents driveway.
But for some reason he had decided to spare her or maybe in the end he had decided to spare his daughter heartbreak.
That seemed more reasonable in Avery’s book.
“My mom called while you were out,” Cordelia began as she looked away from Avery and Avery saw her anger dissolve into something like sadness. “She told me about what my dad witnessed the day you left Tulsa with Paisley. How close you two were and I guess I did the math and figured out if she was still in Tulsa when you outed yourself that maybe she was the friend you stayed with which gave me weird crazy ideas like you could have cheated on me which I guess now I shouldn’t have but you know me. You know my issues with her,” she sighed before finally looking back at Avery. “I convinced myself you cheated just because my dad saw a weird moment between you and the person who will always have your heart.”
Swallowing hard it was Avery who sent silent. Her heartbeat speeding up some which was weird because usually in times like this it slowed down. Made her think that she had none.
Taking a deep breath she turned back to Cordelia, “And what do you want me to do if you have convinced yourself of that Cordy?” she asked her almost afraid of what her girlfriend would want from her.
Knew if she wanted her to say that she hadn’t Avery wouldn’t be able to lie. Not straight to Cordelia’s face and Avery almost hated Jim now. Figured that was why he hadn’t said anything while he was here.
He did it so he could go home and tell Andrea, knowing his wife would tell Cordelia everything for him.
“Tell me I’m crazy like you always do,” Cordelia spoke saying the one thing Avery was afraid of. She wanted Avery to deny that she had cheated.
Avery knew it would be best to deny it. Would save the argument and pain she knew was going to come but god damn it she was a shit liar sometimes or so Cordelia had always told her. Which was probably why Cordelia had trouble believing her when she tried to call her crazy on her jealousy for Paisley.
Jealousy that Avery knew her girlfriend had every reason to have.
Taking a deep breath again Avery frowned, “I can’t do that Cordelia,” she spoke hating that her voice cracked some because she knew in this situation she had no right to cry. She wasn’t the victim. “I did stay with Paisley and…I…I..” she started unable to get her words out but from the look on Cordelia’s face which was now a mix of sadness and anger she knew that Cordelia knew what she was going to say.
“You what Avery?” Cordelia questioned and even in her sadness and anger she kept her voice calm. Something that Avery hated because she deserved yelling.
Cordelia should be yelling not talking to her like this was a typical conversation.
It was far from typical.
“I slept with Paisley twice,” Avery confessed her voice cracking again and this time she was aware of the tears going down her cheek.
Hated that she was crying because again she wasn’t the victim.
Nodding her head Cordelia stood from the couch and again she was acting so calm. Too calm and Avery feared it was the calm before the storm.
“Did you even think of me at all?” Cordelia asked her and her own voice cracked. Avery seeing that she too now had tears but she still wasn’t yelling.
She should be yelling at Avery.
Shaking her head no Avery knew that was one lie she could tell. Didn’t want to tell Cordelia that she had thought of her but that even thinking of her hadn’t been enough to stop her. That she didn’t care enough to stop at the thought of her own girlfriend because she had yet to truly love Cordelia.
Paisley still had her heart and maybe she always would as pathetic as it was.
Cordelia once more nodded her head and without another word she turned and headed down the hallway. Avery just watching her but before she could get too far out of sight Avery chose to speak again.
“Where are you going Cordy?”
Turning on her heel Cordelia settled Avery with a glare, “First don’t call me that right now,” she snapped and Avery felt a bit of relief. There was that sort of yelling she deserved. “I’m Cordelia to you right now and second I’m going to my bedroom to change clothes. I have to get out of this house for awhile and get drunk or something. Need to forget you exist for awhile,” she finished and after she had she turned away from Avery again.
This time Avery let her go. Figured she could let Cordelia leave sooner because she understood her needs of wanting to get out. Would probably want to do the same if she were in Cordelia’s shoes.
Staying on the couch Avery wiped at her eyes watching silently when Cordelia came back some time later dressed in a different outfit.
Dressed like she was looking to fuck someone else which Avery had no right to get mad over. She had cheated first so Cordelia had every right to go and fuck whoever she pleased.
Once Cordelia had slipped out the door though a new set of tears went down Avery’s cheeks. Avery hating that the truth was out because after tonight she wasn’t sure what would happen between her and Cordelia. Especially if Cordelia went and fucked someone else.
Wasn’t even sure what she wanted to happen now that the truth was out. Would probably let Cordelia decide what happened because it was her right anyway and if she wanted to break up Avery would do that. Figured it would be the best and most likely option.
But in the rare chance that she wanted to try to stay together, fix them then Avery would do that too because didn’t she owe Cordelia that for being such a shit girlfriend to her?
She felt like she did anyway.
Waking in the middle of the night in a bed she had been sharing with Cordelia for the last two weeks Avery opened her eyes as she looked at the empty space beside her. A space that felt even more empty thanks to the sliver of moonlight shining on it.
Shaking her head she turned to look at the clock on her side of the bed, seeing that it was three am and if Cordelia wasn’t home Avery figured she had done what she wanted by dressing like she had. She had found someone to go and fuck.
Not caring that Avery was here but again Avery knew she had no right to get angry and maybe deep down she wasn’t. Maybe she just had a bruised ego.
Sitting up in the bed Avery moved to turn the lamp on that was closest to her. Her hand automatically reaching for her cell phone which she turned on.
She just wanted someone to talk to someone to ease her troubled mind. But she knew there was no way she could call or text Juniper and Calliope. They were too close to the situation and would more than likely reasonably call her out for her shit.
Just like she couldn’t contact Paisley either. She had burned that bridge the day she chose coming to California to be with Cordelia over going to New York with her.
Not to mention she was afraid if she called Paisley it wouldn’t fix things anyway especially if Cordelia found out.
So when she opened her contacts Avery chose the only neutral person she could turn too to call. Only hoped he’d answer at this time of the morning and wouldn’t get too mad that she didn’t just text him instead.
“Avery?” Ethan’s sleepy sounding voice asked after the second ring. “You better have a good reason for calling me at six in the morning on a fucking Monday,” he told her though there was no anger in his tone.
Only a sleepy sounding teasing tone. Because somehow even with just being woken up he had a sense of humor.
“Depends on your definition of good reason,” she sighed feeling like she wanted to cry again but she was going to do her best to fight it. “Cordelia knows I cheated on her with Paisley. I confessed everything to her when she confronted me on something her dad saw the day I left Tulsa.”
There was movement on Ethan’s end as well as Ethan whispering something to someone and Avery raised an eyebrow. Wondering if he had brought someone home with him for the night or if he was at someone’s place. Since becoming friends with him Avery had found out that she wasn’t his first one night stand and she hadn’t been his last.
He was accustomed to having several of those and Avery half doubted he’d ever settle down fully anytime soon. He seemed to like being single and able to fuck any man or woman he pleased. Even if at times he mentioned missing the one boy he said was his true first love.
“If I was interrupting something…” Avery started but was cut off by Ethan.
“It wasn’t anything important,” Ethan spoke sounding firm in his words. “Not as important as you and your problems with women,” he said sounding honest. “Now talk to me,” he told her. “Tell me what Cordy’s dad saw in Tulsa.”
At his words Avery found herself confessing everything about Paisley showing up. From the compromising position to the offer Paisley had given her that she turned down. Even mentioned how Cordelia had found out about it from her mom today.
“Oh darling,” Ethan told her in a soft voice. A soothing soft voice that eased some of Avery’s worries temporarily. “You’re the type of girl people write songs about.”
Rolling her eyes Avery let out a sarcastic laugh. “That’s not helping my problem.”
“Let’s be honest with ourselves Avery, you really didn’t call me at six in the morning my time to fix your problems. You know I can’t. The only thing that can fix it is talking to your girlfriend and deciding to break up with her. You called me because you want to use me to ease your worries. Kind of like you used me for my dick several months ago,” Ethan told her and again she laughed though it wasn’t sarcastic.
It was a genuine laugh because leave it to Ethan to be semi blunt with her.
“That’s not true you know. Not all of it,” Avery replied because she felt like she hadn’t truly used him. If she used him she wouldn’t still be in contact with him. She would have used him and left him but maybe she just sucked at the concept of one night stands with strangers.
“Maybe so,” Ethan agreed and he almost sounded like he was smiling. Something Avery could picture in her head. Especially the way his dimples sometimes popped out. Making him look like the literal sunshine in a room. “But anyway you have me for as long as you need to talk. I mean until of course I have to piss or something then I’m hanging the phone up.”
“You say that now,” Avery shot back as she did her best to make herself comfortable. “You’ll get tired of me talking eventually.”
“Never going to happen darling,” Ethan told her and all Avery could do was smile when he called her darling and hope he was right because she was sure she could talk all night or well morning to him.
At least it kept her mind off Cordelia and that situation.