July 2010
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Ethan spoke and if he heard Avery’s disappointment he didn’t show it one bit. “I know that had to hurt and I’m so fucking sorry. I had no clue that Paisley was Sloan’s fiancee.”
Looking down at Ethan’s words Avery sighed because a part of her almost didn’t want to believe that Ethan didn’t know. Wanted to believe he had set this whole thing up to be spiteful to her for this morning when she had told him no more kissing but she knew he was telling the truth.
Knew it from how genuine he sounded and the way he too had reacted when he saw them. Ethan truly had no clue that Paisley was engaged to Sloan.
“I know,” Avery told him as she looked back up at him.
“If you want to leave we can go home. I’ll just think of some lie to tell Sloan. I mean unless Paisley isn’t out there telling her confused wife to be what is going on.”
Avery made a face at that. Hated thinking of Paisley out there telling Sloan why things were off. Why this girl who Sloan had never met before had reacted so badly and pulled a diva moment almost.
Enough of a diva moment that Avery suspected Taylor would be proud of her.
Before Avery could reply to Ethan and tell him that she did want to go home someone behind him cleared their throat and as he moved to see who it was, Avery again felt like she had been hit by a ton of bricks when she saw Paisley there.
Paisley had indeed come to check on her. That or at least to hopefully talk.
“Can I…umm…I want too…” Paisley started and stopped sounding so unsure of her words. Something Avery wasn’t sure had ever been a problem for Paisley before.
Paisley had always known what to say and when to say it and now she was as off as Avery was. Though Avery was sure it was for different reasons. It wasn’t because her dreams had shattered right in front of her tonight.
How could they when obviously her dream wasn’t spending her life with Avery anymore. It was spending her life with Sloan.
“You can talk to me,” Avery spoke up watching as Ethan just turned to give her a wary look but she gave him her best smile. Hoping he got that she’d be okay.
Which he must have because after she smiled he moved to leave. Leaving her standing face to face with Paisley for the first time since she had chosen to leave Tulsa to come out to California.
Since she had chosen Cordelia which most days Avery regretted. Though she’d never admit it out loud.
After Ethan was gone Avery heaved a sigh before running a hand through her hair. Getting the feeling that she’d have to be the one to start the conversation.
“So you’re engaged?” she asked praying that somehow she didn’t break during this conversation. That she could remain strong.
She also wished she had drank more alcohol. So she’d be too drunk to remember everything that was happening.
“I am,” Paisley told her as a tiny smile appeared on her face but it went away quickly. Like she was afraid to show Avery she was happy. “I met Sloan in June of 2009. Just a few months after you chose Cordy and she asked me to marry her last month.”
Swallowing hard at that information Avery looked down at the floor again. Trying to find words that just didn’t want to come.
“So you’ve only been dating a year and you’re getting engaged?” Avery asked as she looked back up. Hating that she was insinuating it was too soon because it probably wasn’t.
She was just being childish out of hurt and jealousy.
Paisley only rolled her eyes, “Yeah we are,” she spoke her tone almost angry. “It felt right to her and to me.”
“If you say so,” Avery retorted but she looked away from Paisley again. “It just feels too soon for me.”
“Yeah well, you’re not the one in the relationship are you?” Paisley asked her and again she had the same angry tone. “You aren’t even in my life anymore,” she reminded her and Avery hated that Paisley was doing this to her.
It wasn’t like she had wanted to be out of Paisley’s life. That was sort of Paisley’s doing as she had unfriended Avery on every social media site after Avery had chosen Cordelia.
Not that Avery could blame her but maybe she had foolish hope that they could have found a way to be friends. But then again could they ever truly be friends?
“I know that,” Avery sighed as she swallowed down a lump in her throat. “I know okay. I just..I’m taken aback,” she said hating that she was being this way. She had no reason to be when she had made her bed. She had to lay in it now. “When is the wedding?”
“In November,” Paisley offered up and Avery hated that she had smiled again. She also hated that the wedding was in her birth month. “Sloan wanted it to be sooner but I wanted to be in the process of getting my tattoos removed before I married her.”
“Getting your tattoos removed?” Avery questioned knowing she meant the ones for Avery. “You’re getting rid of them?” she asked and again she was being such a child but again this was hurting her.
This was hurting in ways she had never felt before.
Paisley nodded her head, “I’ve moved on from you Avie. You broke my heart and I moved on and I’m happy and when I start my life with Sloan I want all traces of you gone,” she said sounding so true in her words. “Maybe you should move on too,” she added on as her eyes landed on the necklace that Avery still wore.
Falling silent at that Avery just watched as Paisley turned on her heel and started to leave. Avery not sure what compelled her but she walked after her. Grabbing onto Paisley’s wrist right after they had both left the bathroom.
“I would have chosen you,” she started the moment Paisley turned to look back at her. “If Jim had been a little later coming out of my parents house that day I would have chosen you. But he came out and I just…how could I pick you over his daughter with him right there?” she questioned with a raised eyebrow.
Seeing the disappointment settle on Paisley’s face, Avery expected her to say something. Anything would have been nice.
Instead Paisley just moved her wrist away from Avery’s grasp. Turning away again and just walking away. Acting as if Avery hadn’t said a word and again tonight she hurt.
Felt like whatever was left of her heart had been ripped out. That or she had finally drowned with no anchor to keep her afloat.
Shaking her head Avery wiped at her eyes quickly before spotting Ethan not far from where she was and she walked over to him. Not even fighting it when he wrapped his arms around her tightly because even though her life was shit being in his arms felt right.
“Can we go home now?” she asked him softly just wanting to get home and go to bed. Do her best to pretend everything was all a dream.
“We can do that darling,” Ethan reassured her as he squeezed her just a bit before pulling away. His hand finding hers after he had and she let him lead her out of the club.
Sighing to herself as she left the bathroom once she was showered and changed into her pajamas Avery walked back into her room. Looking down at the necklace in her hand.
It was a necklace she hadn’t taken off since Paisley had given it to her but maybe Paisley was right. Maybe she needed to move on and a start to doing that was to take off the gift she most treasured from the girl who she had loved so damn much.
Walking to her closet she opened it and slowly reached up, pulling down a shoebox she hadn’t seen or opened in so long.
It was her Paisley shoebox that held so many cherished memories. The polaroid she had taken of Paisley’s backside the night after they admitted their love. The letter Paisley had given her in Texas. All the pictures from their summer traveling.
Everything from that time was in there. Except for the two things etched on her skin which now felt like scars but unlike Paisley she had no plans to get rid of them.
Avery wanted to look back and be reminded even if it hurt.
Once the shoebox was securely in her hand Avery sat down on the floor as she opened it. Putting the necklace inside of it as she swallowed a lump in her throat.
She didn’t want to cry because as she told herself this was for the best. It was what she needed.
She needed to move on like Paisley had. She made her own bed and now she had to lay in it and at least she should be happy while doing that.
Shutting the shoebox once the necklace was inside, Avery finally broke though. The tears she had been fighting off coming out and as she wrapped her arms around herself she almost wished it were Ethan’s arms. Almost wished he was holding her.
Wished that he was kissing her because his kiss would make her feel alive and right now she felt nothing but dead inside.
The world must have got a kick out of her having that thought because the moment it crossed her mind, her door opened and as she reached to wipe at her eyes. She didn’t even have to turn her head to know who had came into her room.
“Avery?” Ethan asked softly as he sat down beside her. “Are you okay?” he asked but even though he asked it Avery knew it wasn’t really a question he needed the answer too.
He could look at her and tell she wasn’t okay.
Shaking her head she turned to look at him. “C..can you kiss me right now?” she asked him before she could even stop herself.
Knew she was going back on what she had told him this morning but she really didn’t give a damn. She just wanted his kiss. Wanted to feel alive.
“Is this…are you…are you asking because of Paisley?”
“No,” Avery lied her words tasting like acid the moment she said them and from the look on Ethan’s face he knew she was lying.
He didn’t call her out though. Instead he leaned in and let his lips brush across hers. Avery’s eyes falling shut as she kissed him back.
Her mind telling her she was on a slippery slope when it came to Ethan right now but really, what did she have to lose?
She had a girlfriend she didn’t love and she felt like she had finally drowned in some weird emotional ocean tonight and Ethan well he made her feel alive.
He made her feel like she could come back up and that she could be saved somehow.
That or she was just thinking crazy thoughts. Thoughts she really didn’t want to be having right now.
All she wanted right now was to continue kissing Ethan. Because right now as their lips moved together her hurt didn’t feel as bad.
Almost made her forget everything that had happened tonight.