July 2010
Sitting in her room hours after she had taken a bath, Avery who was listening to music on her ipod with headphones in, turned her head when she felt someone sit down beside her on the bed.
Not at all surprised to see Ethan beside her. She was surprised it had taken him this long to come face her though.
Then again maybe he had been looking for a way to explain why Paisley and Sloan were here earlier.
Turning her ipod off, she took out her earbuds as she looked at Ethan curiously.
“I know I have explaining to do,” Ethan started as he looked away from her gaze and at least he had the audacity to look guilty again.
“That would be an understatement Ethan.”
Ethan let out a laugh as he shook his head, “I invited Sloan over for lunch. I didn’t know she would bring Paisley.”
“But she did,” Avery replied almost bitterly which had Ethan nodding his head.
“She did,” he sighed as he looked at her again, a frown on his lips. “I figured it’d be okay because you weren’t here but then you showed up unexpectedly and before I could tell you, you told me about Cordelia and I just…I wanted to fix you and I was going to send them away while you took a bath,” he shrugged confirming what she had suspected earlier.
“Then I kissed you and they came looking for you and that got ruined,” Avery spoke just saying what she could figure out with what little information that she knew.
Ethan nodded his head again as he looked at her sheepishly. “I’m so sorry,” he told her and Avery wanted to be angry but in the end she wasn’t.
It wasn’t his fault that the world hated her lately. That was just her fault and she wasn’t sure it was going to end anytime soon.
It was her versus the world and so far the damn world kept winning.
“It’s not your fault,” Avery said as she did her best to give him a smile. “I kissed you and I guess I asked for something to happen.”
“No, you didn’t,” Ethan reassured her as his arm went around her shoulder. She wasn’t sure she believed him but she’d try too anyway. “But I think I’m more sorry that Paisley saw us kissing.”
“And why is that E?” Avery questioned as she let her head lean against his arm. Letting herself get comfortable in his embrace. “She has Sloan. She’ll get over it and survive,” she told him though her thoughts went back to the email that Paisley sent her last night.
She’d survive it, it would just take some time because the kiss probably added salt to the wounds that Avery had opened.
“Yeah but you’re in love with her still after all these years and she shouldn’t have seen it. We shouldn’t…god we shouldn’t have even been kissing.”
Avery swallowed hard at Ethan’s words. She wanted to deny them. She really wanted to deny that she still loved Paisley but how could she?
It was the truth in the end.
Instead Avery just raised an eyebrow, “But I thought you wanted to wreck me,” she countered. “And you can’t wreck me if we don’t keep kissing. My walls wouldn’t break that way.”
Laughing Ethan ran a hand through his hair as his cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink. “Oh trust me I do but how can I wreck you enough when you still love Paisley?” he asked as if nothing made sense. “I may just end up being the one wrecked and getting burned.”
“But there is fun in being burned,” Avery told him with a tiny smile as she turned her head to look at him. “Is this your way of saying you want to stop kissing me now?” she asked not sure why she was so conflicted on whether she wanted to stop kissing him.
Maybe it was because kissing him felt right and safe. Made her forget her worries.
It was something she needed right now it felt. It was the only thing keeping her from sinking. Maybe it even made her feel a bit weightless too.
Like all the weight she was carrying she didn’t have to carry alone because she had Ethan and his lips and just his presence in general.
“I’d love to keep kissing you darling,” Ethan smirked as he turned to look at her too. His green eyes locking with her brown ones. “I just don’t think it’s the best idea in the world and maybe the decision to continue it shouldn’t be up to me.”
Nodding her head Avery just kept looking at him because she knew what he meant. He was going to let her decide if she wanted to keep kissing him.
She did want that but she could also understand his reservations. Knew she still did love Paisley but Paisley was still going to get married to Sloan regardless of everything.
Hell possibly seeing the kiss would be enough to make whatever anger she had towards Avery even worse. She knew it wouldn’t help anything she had said in her email to Paisley. Her hopes of any sort of friendship with the girl she still loved dashed.
Just like she knew she’d probably lose Cordelia too and maybe this chapter in her life was just a season of losing people who meant the most to her.
“I’ll consider it then. I mean more thoroughly than just me liking kissing you as well,” Avery smiled being honest with her words.
Both she and Ethan deserved her to think things through because in the end she really didn’t want to lose his friendship or this connection too.
Ethan only smiled at that as he leaned in to leave a kiss on her forehead. Probably the most chaste kiss they had shared since their first lip lock on the fourth of July.
Biting her lip as she sat on the floor by her bed, Avery knew she should probably go to bed. Ethan had left her room an hour ago after just sitting in silence with her for what felt like forever and it was late or getting late and she knew sleep would do her good.
Didn’t sleep always help in stressful situations?
But her brain it seemed didn’t want sleep. Instead what she wanted to do was check her email and see if Paisley had emailed her back. Not even sure why she wanted to know.
If it was before she saw the kiss anything in it would be null and void more than likely and if it was after well it could be even worse than the first email that Paisley had sent her.
Yet even with those thoughts Avery found herself in her email inbox, staring at a response from Paisley. One that looked like time wise it was sent after she saw the kiss.
“Better just rip that band aid right off,” Avery muttered to herself as she clicked on the email. Reading what her ex had sent her.
To: ArtsyAvie@gmail.com
From: PhotosofPaisley@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Fuck You, Hanson
July 25, 2010
Yeah I think it’s best I don’t continue to be in anymore chapters of your life regardless of you wanting me there. You’re not making the best decisions it seems. Even if you did end things with Cordelia.
Kissing Ethan? Really Avie baby?
I hope you find yourself in this new chapter and I’ll wish you all the best from my position outside the novel of your life.
Closing out of the email Avery swallowed around a lump in her throat as she blinked back tears. Almost wishing now that she had just went to bed instead of reading the damn email.
Hated that she felt more empty over what Paisley had said than breaking up with Cordelia. Hated that whatever was left of her heart now felt like it was in pieces all over her bedroom floor.
Shutting her laptop Avery moved to get in her bed. Just hoping that sleep would come and take her soon. Hoping that her dreams were kinder to her than life was right now.