January 2009
Making it to the living room where her mom was Avery entered it slowly. Noticing how clean it was and realizing her mom had probably cleaned it all this morning. Cleaning being something she did when angry. Avery realizing that if her mom did angry clean this morning it was because of her.
“Mom?” Avery asked softly and her mom who had been reading some trashy gossip magazine looked up at Avery expectantly. “Mac said you wanted to see me.”
Diana nodded her head as she laid the magazine down, “I did,” she confirmed narrowing her blue eyes. “I need you to retract what you said last night,” she spoke not even seeming the least bit shocked.
“Retract what I said last night?” Avery asked not really sure if her mom was asking what she thought her mom was asking.
“The part about you liking girls Avery Laurel,” Diana told her as if it should have been simple to know what she meant. “I was kind of hoping we could keep this phase in your life our dirty little secret, especially ever since I got rid of Paisley. Though now I guess you’re going to have to cut Cordelia out of your life too. Then we’ll go about finding you a good godly man.”
Standing there in silent confusion as she listened to her mom, Avery crossed her arms and it was only during her mom’s silence that she realized her mom knew. Especially when her mom had just said she had been hoping to keep this phase in Avery’s life a dirty little secret more so after she had gotten rid of Paisley.
“You knew?” Avery asked not even once saying she’d agree to what her mom wanted.
Because in the end maybe it wasn’t the perfect coming out to her family but she wouldn’t trade it and just go back in the closet now that she was out.
Diana gave Avery a tight lipped smile, “I’ve known for months Avery Laurel.”
“How long is months?” Avery questioned as she crossed her arms over her chest. Now remembering what Paisley had told her in Charlotte could have been the truth.
Maybe she hadn’t cheated and maybe Avery’s mom knew the real reason why they had ended. Why Paisley had let her think she cheated.
Diana heaved a soft sigh, probably trying to calculate in her head. “Five almost six months. Ever since July when Zoe saw you two in your room having sex and then in her confusion over why her sister was sinning told me everything she had seen,” she shrugged as if this news was nothing to her.
Probably wasn’t now because she had time to adjust but this news well it was new to Avery and it made her feel like she had been slapped hard across the face.
Puzzle pieces finally falling into place as she remembered walking in on a conversation between her mom and Zoe. The way Zoe had been so harsh and rude to her that morning and the way even now she still acted differently towards Avery.
How Paisley when Avery had gotten back to her room that morning had been off after a run in with Diana. Then had just left without saying goodbye.
Falling into the whole ignoring Avery routine and Avery hated how now it made sense to her. What Paisley had said in Charlotte about her mom telling her proudly what had happened and maybe she hadn’t been lying at all.
She may have never cheated on Avery with Ellery.
“Zoe saw us and she told you?” Avery asked feeling and hearing her voice crack as she felt tears welling in her eyes.
Not wanting to believe that her sister would do such a thing. Yes she was nosy and yes she had a tendency to tattle but Avery had hoped that maybe Zoe would have came to her first. Talked to her before she ran to their mom.
Diana again gave Avery a tight lipped smile, “Of course she did honey. Zoe tells me everything because she loves me and she knows it’s the right thing to do.”
Avery went silent at that feeling the tears that had welled up in her eyes go down her cheek. “And what you confronted Paisley?” she questioned thought it came out more like a statement.
“We may have had a chat when she was leaving your room that morning and you were still in the kitchen with your sister. I may have told her that this was just a phase for you. That one day my precious daughter that I know and love will come to her senses and realize that she doesn’t love girls and that Paisley should just leave you before you left her,” Diana revealed as she stood from the couch and walking over to Avery. “I did everything in your best interest,” she smiled softly as she reached out to touch Avery.
Avery though was quicker and pushed her mom’s hand away feeling nothing but anger and a bit of sadness.
Especially when she realized for sure that Paisley hadn’t cheated on her and she had spent months angry at her. Instead Paisley had found a way to leave her because her mom had somehow found Paisley’s weakness and preyed upon it.
“I’m not doing it,” Avery spoke refusing to let her voice crack again even though it wanted too. “I’m not going to go back in the closet because you want me too. I’m a lesbian mom and I’ve known that about myself for almost a year now and I’m only sorry you found out the way you did from Zoe and I’m sorry everyone else found out because I was drunk. I wish I could have came out to everyone like I did to Zac on Thanksgiving but I didn’t and I’m not going back in the closet.”
Diana sighed as she narrowed her eyes again at Avery’s blatant disobedience, “Zac knew?” she asked not even trying to argue with Avery on going back in the closet.
Hopefully realizing it was a moot point.
“Yeah he knew,” Avery smirked proudly. “Surprised he didn’t run to you like a good child would?”
“I’m surprised he even still loves you so much,” Diana spat out showing her true colors. “He knows what this means for you…for us as a family. We failed you.”
Avery shook her head as she let out a sad little laugh, “Well he still loves me and he accepts mom. So even if you don’t or no one else does I have my older brother and I have my friends and maybe that is all I need for now.”
“Yeah well if you think that’s all you need then leave this house Avery,” Diana retorted as she locked eyes with Avery. “You can stay here tonight but leave tomorrow if you really want to blatantly live in sin and think you don’t need anyone but Zac or your friends.”
Feeling her eyes widen at that Avery felt more tears go down her cheek. A bit surprised that her mom was really kicking her out of their house.
“You’re throwing me out?” Avery asked and this time she couldn’t keep her voice from cracking.
“No I’m letting you leave since you don’t want to follow the rules of our house and you’re an adult now so we don’t have to let you stay here,” Diana continued as she kept eye contact with Avery. “Unless of course you want to admit to yourself that you’re not really a lesbian and this is some phase.”
Shaking her head no Avery wiped her eyes and turned to leave the room. Going upstairs to pack and then figure out something about leaving. Finding somewhere to stay until she could figure something out full time.
Sitting on the hospital bed next to her mom, Avery grinned happily as she looked down at the baby in her mom’s arms. A baby that was sleeping contently.
“So what do you think of your baby sister Avie?” Diana questioned in a sing song voice as she looked down at her daughter.
Avery made a face as she reached out to touch the baby’s hair or what she had of hair. “She’s too bald right now to be considered a sister,” she spoke which earned laughs from both of her parents as well as a few of her older siblings.
“She’ll get hair one day,” Diana reassured her. “Just like she’ll be the bestest friend in the world that you’ll ever have. Just like my older sisters are to me.”
“Really?” Avery asked not sure if she believed that.
“Really,” Diana told her with a wide smile. “But first I think she needs a name,” she said as she looked around the room at all of her children. “Your dad and I were actually stumped on that and were going to ask you what you guys thought we should name her?”
Avery fell silent at that listening as her older siblings all shouted out names. Isaac choosing names of girls he had liked while Zac choose funny names just to make Mac laugh and Jessica suggested Barbie as in the doll. Holding up the doll she had in her hand as an example.
“Name her Zoe,” Avery spoke up finally causing her mom and dad to both look at her curiously like they liked that suggestion. “She needs a strong name like me and Jessie and Zoe fits.”
Diana and Walker both looked at each other after that sharing a tiny nod. Like the decision on her name had been made now.
It was going to be Zoe.
“Avery?” Zoe’s voice sounded from Avery’s doorway and Avery who was in the middle of packing turned to look at her baby sister. “Why are you packing?” she asked curiously like she actually cared.
Avery doubting that she did because if Zoe truly cared about her would she have really told their mom about what she saw with Paisley?
Wouldn’t she have just came to Avery first because Avery had thought that was how sisterhood and being a sibling in general worked. That’s what she had always done anyway, gone to her siblings when she knew things about them instead of going to her mom or dad.
“Because mom kicked me out,” Avery answered her as she sat down on the edge of her bed. “She kicked me out because I’m a lesbian. Just like she’s the reason Paisley broke up with me.”
Zoe rolled her eyes at that, “Paisley was bad news,” she stated sounding so much like her mom’s clone.
“Is that what you were thinking when you told her you caught us having sex?” Avery mused as she glared at Zoe. “That Paisley was bad news so mom just had to know that I was having sex with her.”
“Mom needed to know you were sinning Avie,” Zoe argued back. “I was just trying to help you and help mom fix things.”
Listening to her sister Avery felt another round of tears go down her cheek, “Yeah well it didn’t help me Zobug because I’m a lesbian. I’m not sinning because I love someone. If being in love and having someone simply love you in return is a sin then send me to hell because I’ll gladly go there than deny who I am. What I am…but because of you and mom I lost the one person who was actually making me happier than I had been in awhile.”
Zoe fell silent at that as she looked down at the floor for a bit.
“You didn’t seem happy,” she finally spoke refusing to meet Avery’s gaze.
“I wasn’t happy hiding who I was,” Avery said as she let out a tiny sob. “Afraid how mom would react if she knew I really loved a girl instead of a boy. Because I knew she’d take it badly. But I wasn’t unhappy with Paisley. She was the one good thing in the whole god damn equation but since you couldn’t come to me and had to run to mom I lost her and now….now I’m just lost myself,” she stated hating that fact.
That even though she had Cordelia she still felt like a person lost. A person who had no actual home because her home was dating some girl named Misty.
Zoe finally looked up at Avery, “Well I’m not sorry I told,” she spoke sounding defiant even with the truth that Avery was hurting. “I’m not sorry for trying to save you from sin Avie.”
“Of course you aren’t,” Avery spat out harshly feeling anger as she looked at Zoe as well as some regret. Regret that somehow along the way Zoe didn’t grow up to be her friend like her mom had said she would. “You’re going to be just like mom one day and I do feel sorry for you in that aspect,” she sighed as she stood from the bed. “Now get out of my room so I can finish packing. I really don’t want to see you right now or even know that you exist,” she added on.
Maybe wanting to hurt Zoe some like Zoe had hurt her. But in the end Avery wasn’t even sure if those words would hurt her sister.
Not sure if Zoe would ever feel sorry for what she had done. That unknowingly she had ruined one of the best things Avery had and now Avery had to rebuild her life without that. Had to find ways to move on all because her sister thought she was saving her from something that wasn’t a sin.
It was just a loving relationship.
Turning her back after she spoke Avery went back to packing, listening as Zoe left the room and after she had left Avery hated herself some as she continued to cry.
Cry for everything she had lost in the past few months including her mom and her baby sister.