December 2008
Cordelia frowned as she sat with Avery in the airport. Both of them drinking coffee as she had an early morning flight.
Neither of them not wanting to be up this early as they hadn’t slept much the night before. Spent their last night together making love for most of the night instead of actually getting much sleeping down. Not that either of them regretted it then.
But maybe they regretted it now.
“I just hate that I’m leaving you on New Year’s Eve,” Cordelia frowned as she moved into Avery. “I won’t get the traditional kiss most couples get on this holiday.”
“Well neither will I,” Avery reminded her teasingly as she leaned in to leave a soft kiss on Cordelia’s cheek. “But I think you got enough kisses last night on every part of your body to do you over until whenever we see each other again.”
Cordelia blushed at that information as she looked away from Avery, “I guess you do have a point there,” she admitted before taking another drink of her coffee. “So what do you plan on doing by yourself anyway? I mean Junie’s not here and I know you probably don’t want to be stuck with just your family again.”
“I was thinking of maybe going to that gay bar,” Avery mentioned knowing she hadn’t been there since that night with Carol.
When Paisley had admitted that she too had feelings for Avery and they had became official.
“So you’re going to drown yourself in your feelings?” Cordelia asked with a raised eyebrow. “All because you can’t kiss your cute as fuck girlfriend on New Year’s Eve.”
Avery nodded her head with a smirk, “Something like that,” she spoke not sure if that was really why she wanted to go but she could convince herself that was it.
Was a better reason than going and just wanting to get drunk. Just wanting to forget that she was alone on a holiday. That her year had went from shitty to good to somewhat shitty again. That she still didn’t love Cordelia like she should.
But she was hanging on like a stubborn idiot because she didn’t want to hurt her best friend. Not when Cordelia had held her together for so long after her break up with Paisley.
After saying that it must have appeased Cordelia slightly, mainly because they fell into a comfortable sort of silence.
Only speaking every so often especially when Cordelia turned her cell phone on. Showing Avery funny stuff on the internet.
Doing that until Cordelia’s flight was called and once it was called they both stood from their seats. Avery following behind Cordelia until they reached where she had to board. Avery pulling her into a tight hug.
“I love you Avie,” Cordelia muttered as she returned the hug.
Avery freezing because she was sure Cordelia meant it more than a friend. The first time she had uttered the words since they had started dating.
“I know you do,” Avery whispered hating herself that she couldn’t say it back but she just wasn’t ready.
Knowing if she said those words now it would be a lie which Cordelia didn’t deserve. She deserved Avery to say them when she really meant them. Whenever that would be.
Cordelia must have noticed her lack of the words too because when they pulled away, Avery saw a flash of hurt in her eyes. One she masked quickly with a smile before uttering a goodbye and walking to get on her flight.
Avery standing in place until Cordelia was no longer in site. Only turning to leave after she could no longer see her girlfriend at all.
A bad feeling forming in her stomach. Like tonight was going to be bad somehow. Though she didn’t know how yet.
“Hey Zac?” Avery questioned as she danced with him at his wedding. A slow song playing though at first it had been a more upbeat song but then it had turned into a slow song and he had pulled her into a dance before she could even pull away from him.
“Yeah Avie baby?” Zac asked her with a raised eyebrow like he was wondering just what she wanted to ask him.
Avery felt a pool of butterflies form in her stomach as she tried to think of a way to form her question.
“How did you know Kate was the one?” Avery questioned him finally as she locked eyes with him. “I mean how did you truly know you wanted to marry her one day?”
Zac paused at her words, “Is there a boy you fancy enough that you think you want to marry them one day?” he asked her a bit teasingly though he almost looked scared shitless at the idea.
Like he hadn’t wanted to ever think of his sister getting married one day.
“God no,” Avery denied sounding disgusted at the idea. Even if she was fifteen and it was ample time for her to start liking boys.
She just didn’t and truth be told if she pictured herself settling down with a family she had never really pictured a boy.
An idea which scared her because she wasn’t sure what that meant about her. Maybe she’d just be a single mom having a baby via artificial insemination or adoption. No man in sight because boys and men were icky.
“I just want to know so maybe I can spot it one day. Know when it really hits me that someone is the one,” Avery clarified as she felt herself blushing.
Hating that somehow she had given Zac the wrong idea about why she was asking.
Zac seemed to ponder her words, like he was trying to come up with an answer. “Well I think it’s different for everyone and it’s going to sound cliche but just you know when you know. For me Katie’s the only one who can handle my bullshit. As well as the bullshit from the fans. I didn’t want to pass that up.”
Rolling her eyes Avery only shook her head, “You sound just like mom. The you’ll know when you know. I feel like I’m never going to know.”
“You will Avery,” Zac laughed looking amused. “It’ll just hit you out of nowhere sometimes but you’ll know.”
“But what if it doesn’t and I end up with the wrong person?” Avery questioned fearing that one day she’d end up married to some person only to find her soulmate way too late after she had already married someone else.
Which Avery wasn’t the type of person who could just end a relationship when someone hadn’t done anything wrong. That much she knew so she’d probably be stuck in a relationship that would never be truly complete if that happened.
“I don’t think that will happen,” Zac reassured her. “You’re probably the smartest Hanson out of us all at times…well you or Jessie one.”
Avery glared softly as she sat at the bar in the club. She had taken forever to get here. Only coming after it was dark, spending most of the rest of the day before coming here just aimlessly driving around Tulsa.
Doing anything to avoid going home but maybe she should have went home. Because right now she wished she had been anywhere but here.
Anywhere but drinking her..well she had lost count of how many drinks she had. Having had three the last she remembered counting. Ordering drink after drink after she had looked out on the dance floor and saw Paisley.
Back to her natural hair color and dancing and kissing some slutty looking brunette. Feeling like the sight had literally killed her as well as knowing it shouldn’t have. Not when Paisley wasn’t hers anymore and she wasn’t Paisley’s but it had.
It had hurt and opened wounds she was trying to forget existed. Wounds she was trying to cover with Cordelia sized band aids.
“You know,” Avery slurred as she talked to the bartender who she had been talking to non stop now. “That woman over there is my future wife,” she told him with a resigned little sigh as she pointed towards Paisley. “Just neither of us have gotten our shit together to realize it when sober.”
The bartender only gave her an amused smile, “And I think you’re way past your limit on alcohol.”
“Maybe,” Avery agreed as she batted her eyelashes. “But give me another drink. Just one more,” she added on though she knew it probably wouldn’t be her last.
“How about a no on what the lady just said,” Paisley’s voice spoke from beside Avery and Avery turned her head as she blinked slowly several times.
Surprised at how quick Paisley had gotten to where she was or that Paisley had even noticed that she was in the club.
“You’re a party pooper Pai,” Avery giggled out surprised that she had even been able to say all that. “A party pooper who is making the room spin.”
“Yeah, pretty sure that isn’t me and that you’re way too gone to need another drink,” Paisley spoke as she moved to put an arm around Avery. “Come on, get up I’m taking you home before you murder your liver.”
Avery once again giggled but somehow she complied with Paisley. Letting her almost carry her outside as her legs almost felt like jello.
“I don’t wanna go home,” she whined because home was the last place she wanted to be. “Home isn’t fun tonight. It’s…it’s just not fun anymore.”
“I’m sure it’s going to be lovely tonight,” Paisley whispered under her breath as she slowed her walking when they reached the car.
Leaning Avery against it as she went to open the door. Though before she moved to help Avery in she put both hands on either of Avery’s cheeks. Avery almost thinking she was going to kiss her and feeling disappointed when she didn’t. Feeling disappointment when she spoke instead.
“Are you going to get sick?” Paisley questioned curiosity written on her face. “Because as much as I love you and as much as I find you really adorable I don’t need you getting sick in my car babe.”
Avery shook her head no, also feeling the urge to argue that Paisley didn’t love her. If she had loved her she wouldn’t be killing Avery while dancing and kissing someone else.
Then again though Avery had Cordelia….sweet precious lovable Cordelia.
“Good, now come on get in the car Avie baby,” Paisley spoke as she reached out to help her. Avery doing nothing but complying.
Leaning against the seat and closing her eyes once she was in the car. Still not ready to go home. Though she knew she was going whether she liked it or not.