September 2010
Sitting in the back of the bus, Avery who still had her earbuds in her ear, looked up when she saw Zac enter the room. Guilt etched onto his face.
Guilt that Avery hated herself for thinking was deserved.
Taking her earbuds out she turned off her iPod as she warily watched him walk to sit down on the couch beside her. Knowing just from the guilt and the way he looked at her that he wanted to talk.
“Are you mad at me Avie baby?” Zac asked once he knew he had her attention. Avery hating that he had the audacity to use her nickname.
“Do you want the truth or a lie?” Avery asked knowing it wasn’t nice to answer a question with a question but it was all she had right now.
At least until she knew what her brother really wanted from her.
Zac rolled his eyes at her words. “Of course I want the truth.”
“Then yeah, I’m mad at you,” Avery admitted softly as she looked away from him. Suddenly becoming interested in her pants all of a sudden as she averted her gaze down to her legs. “Maybe it’s petty but I just don’t get why you felt the need to chat with Paisley and the woman she’s engaged too.”
“Because I invited them to the show,” Zac said confirming what Avery had suspected as well as confirming that Paisley had lied to her about why she was coming to the show. “I only wanted to invite Paisley but I figured it’d be nice of me to extend the invitation to the woman she’s engaged to as well. If I had known you were going to have an issue with your ex being here I wouldn’t have done it.”
Sighing Avery shook her head as she still refused to look up at Zac. “It wasn’t Paisley being here that I had problems with. It was her fiancee being here that I had problems with,” she confessed knowing her brother could read between the lines.
He was smart enough and he could figure out she still loved Paisley.
“I thought you’d moved on from her Avie baby,” Zac said and his words made Avery finally look up at him. “Or maybe I hoped you had given how much time has passed.”
“I tried to make myself the whole time I was with Cordy but I never did,” Avery said with a slight frown. “And now it’s kind of hard too,” she said watching as Zac looked at her confused.
Just from the look on his face Avery felt like she knew what the next words out of his mouth would be.
“Why is it hard now Avery?” he asked and yeah that was exactly what she knew he’d ask.
Chewing on her lip Avery ran a hand through her hair. “Because I…Paisley and I are having an affair,” she spoke softly but she knew Zac heard her. “We kept having run ins with each other in July that lead to communication via text and emails. Then at the start of this month we met up and things happened. Things are still happening.”
Zac stayed silent for awhile as he looked at her. Avery hating his silence especially when it was accompanied by the judgey dad stare that he had acquired after having Shepherd.
“So you’re telling me that you are willingly having sex with someone who is engaged?” Zac asked sounding like he couldn’t believe she’d do that.
Then again she had never told him how she had once cheated on Cordelia either. Maybe if he knew that this wouldn’t have surprised him so much.
Avery nodded her head as she stayed silent.
“Oh Avie,” Zac sighed with a shake of his head and she knew just from the look on his face and the way that he spoke he was disappointed in her. “You know this could end badly right?” he asked her with a raised eyebrow. “I get you love Paisley. Trust me, I get that but this…it’s huge.”
“I know that,” Avery retorted hating the venom in her words and the way they made Zac frown. “I know it’s huge and it’s wrong Zachary. I can’t go back and change things and I’m not sure I can stop them now even if I wanted too.”
“But we both know you don’t want too,” Zac added on with the same disappointed tone. “You want to continue your affair with Paisley because deep down you hope she’ll leave Sloan for you.”
Glaring at Zac, Avery once again fell silent. Hating that he knew her so well. But somehow he always knew her better than she knew herself sometimes.
“What are you going to do if in the end it’s you she doesn’t choose?” he asked in her silence and Avery hated the way he asked that question.
That or maybe she hated the question itself. She hated pondering what would happen if Paisley ended what they had in the end and stayed with Sloan.
“I guess I’ll learn to live with it and then I will have to move on,” Avery retorted almost angry but she wasn’t sure it was Zac she was angry at anymore. She was angry at herself. “I shouldn’t have told you anything about this,” she said as she stood from the couch. “Especially since you seem to hate me now.”
Zac shook his head with a frown, “That’s not true Avie baby,” he told her and Avery wanted to believe him. She really wanted to believe him but she didn’t.
“It sure feels that way. I don’t think I’ve ever had you talk to me the way you have tonight,” Avery told him before moving to leave the room.
She just wanted to get some sleep.
“Av..” Zac started but Avery shook her head.
“Don’t even try to Avie baby me right now Zachary,” she told him without even turning to look back at him. Feeling thankful when after that he just fell silent.
Leaving Avery alone like she wanted.
Sitting on the bed in her hotel room after the first San Francisco show, Avery was in the middle of reading a book that had been recommended to her by a girl in her art class.
Some book that she really wasn’t all that into because of how hetero-normative it was. Which was why when she heard a knock at her hotel door she was almost thankful for whoever from the tour crew had knocked for whatever reason.
Avery slipping out of bed as she looked down at her appearance to make sure she looked okay. She was wearing plaid pajama shorts and an old tank top so she guessed she was okay enough.
She’d have to be because she wasn’t going to change clothes now.
Making it to the door she looked through the peephole. Her eyebrow raising at the person she saw on the other side, not even sure how they had found the hotel or the room number that she was in.
But Avery would find out soon enough because after looking through the peephole briefly, she opened the door coming face to face with Paisley.
“Paisley?” Avery questioned her curiosity as well as her confusion laced in her voice.
Paisley smiled softly as she looked at Avery, “Surprise,” she said as she stepped inside the room after Avery moved aside so that she could. “I was umm texting Zac and he said that he thought we should talk so he told me how to find you.”
Rolling her eyes Avery sighed, “Of course he did,” she said none too kindly as she shut the door to her room once Paisley was inside.
Avery wasn’t even sure why she was shocked by what her brother had done. She half expected Zac had done this in hopes of her making up with him because ever since Los Angeles she had been giving him the cold shoulder.
“You mad at your brother?” Paisley questioned as she sat down on the bed in the hotel room. Avery sitting down beside her as she shrugged her shoulders in response to the question. “Is it because of what happened in LA?”
“Sort of,” Avery muttered knowing she’d probably have to tell Paisley everything that happened after. “I told him about us. Obviously that’s why he suggested you come here and talk to me. I think he hates me for what I’m doing with you right now.”
“He’s your brother, he doesn’t hate you Avery.”
Avery once again shrugged her shoulders, “Yeah well my mom’s my mom and she hates me,” she retorted though deep down she knew that was a separate issue. “Maybe he doesn’t though but he is disappointed in me and I guess I get that. I’m just not used to disappointing Zac often,” she frowned knowing it was rare that Zac ever was disappointed in her choices.
Then again Avery was sure she had kept most of her bad ones away from him in fear of this very thing.
“He asked me what I’m going to do if in the end you chose to stay with Sloan,” Avery added on before she could stop herself.
A part of her not wanting to bring this subject up but she was a Hanson and sometimes she stuck her foot in the wrong situations.
Looking over at Paisley as she bit her lip, Avery sighed, “Do you love Sloan?” she asked softly almost wishing she had asked Paisley that before everything started. “I know you said when this all started your life wasn’t how you pictured it. How you expected it to be. That you could still see yourself marrying me but that doesn’t mean you don’t love Sloan. I know that and so I guess I need to know if you love her.”
Paisley sighed as she looked away from Avery’s gaze. Avery hating the way she felt nervous right now, wishing she had never even asked what she had.
Though she knew it was something she needed to ask. It didn’t mean she couldn’t regret asking it.
“Of course I love her,” Paisley finally answered. Avery feeling her heart break just slightly. “I said yes when she asked me to marry her so I love her. I really do.”
“So if I made you choose right now you’d pick her?” Avery asked and it was another question she didn’t want to ask but she felt like she had too.
She had to know for herself at least.
Raising an eyebrow Paisley just looked at Avery for the longest time without saying anything. “Is this you making me choose?” she asked not answering Avery’s question.
Avery hating to admit that she was a little upset about her not answering the question.
“Yes,” Avery said before she could second guess herself. “I’m asking you to make a choice because I don’t want to keep on disappointing my brother. We can end this affair and you can be with Sloan or you can end things with Sloan and be with me.”
Paisley closed her eyes briefly as she looked away from Avery. Avery frowning when Paisley stood from the bed, a hand running through her hair again.
“I can’t do that right now Avie,” Paisley spoke as she shook her head, looking down at Avery with something akin to regret on her face. “I can’t chose and maybe that is me choosing but I can’t,” she said and before Avery could say anything or speak up Paisley left the hotel room.
Avery just sitting on the bed feeling empty as well as being a bit more mad at Zac than what she already was. As well as being mad at herself for the conversation.
She was mad that she had probably ruined things and lost Paisley yet again.