I rubbed my eyes groggily, the sound of raised voices down the hallway. I leaned over and glanced at my phone, seeing that I had undoubtedly turned off my alarm in my sleep, a habit I hated myself for. It was already 9 am, and Mac and I had made a sleepy promise to each other last night that we would get up bright and early at 7 to hit the road, and if we were tired, we would just fill our systems with caffeine until we were practically buzzing. I groaned, annoyed that we had already messed up our haphazard plans. I texted my brother, not wanting to get out of my bed quite yet. We had stayed out pretty late.
Whoops.
My head fell back onto my pillow and I closed my eyes, trying to decide whether or not I should just give myself back over to sleep or if I should get my act together and try to get on the road. My mind focused on the voices outside my room. There was definitely mom. Dad. And Zac.
Oh shit.
My eyes snapped back open, a wave of energy coursing through my limbs. Zac was in our house, unannounced, and that could only mean one thing. He was ratting me out. I couldn’t deal with this. Not now. I was supposed to already be two hours away from Tulsa. I stopped myself from bursting through the door and tackling my brother, angry that he would betray our unspoken sibling code. We had to stick together, didn’t we? Maybe this was some cosmic payback for all the tattling I had done over the years. Especially about Avery, I thought with a guilty pang in my stomach.
I pressed my ear to my door and listened to the conversation, trying to make out what they were talking about. I heard Zac rambling, going off on some tangent. People always got on Ike for being the long-winded one, but I always thought Zac to be the most talkative. Maybe it was because he was comfortable with talking for as long as possible with his family members. We let him talk, and we listened. I only caught the tail end of it.
“I just need to talk to her before she goes. I don’t…I don’t think she should go at all, but I know I’m not going to change anyone’s mind in this matter. Every Hanson girl has had to go off and have her little trip and that’s fine, I get it, whatever. Even though we all have traveled all over the country together. That’s not…that’s not the point, I get why she wants to go. I just need to talk to her.”
“I think she’s still asleep, Zac,” Mom said, concern in her tone. I could imagine Zac bounding up the stairs, my parents on his heels, trying to figure out what his purpose was.
“Okay, well if you’ll excuse me, Mom…I’m gonna wake her up. And this is private, so please. Go back downstairs.”
“Zachary.”
“Mom. Please.”
Mom let out a sigh and I could hear Zac coming towards my door. I rushed back to my bed and got under the covers just in time to hear his timid knock on the door, which I didn’t respond to. He cracked open the door and looked in on me pretending to sleep.
“Zo….”
I stirred slightly, wanting to make my fake sleeping believable. I really didn’t want to talk to Zac, but I knew he would literally sit on the foot of my bed until I pretended to wake up. He didn’t back down easily.
“Zo Bug,” He whispered, gently shaking my arm. I groaned quietly and opened my eyelids slowly.
“What do you want?” I grumbled.
“We need to talk.”
“Jesus, Zac, couldn’t this wait until I was out of my pajamas?” I asked, sitting up and grasping the covers around me. I put my face in my hands, trying to wake up. I might have been pretending to sleep but I actually was still very tired.
“No, it can’t wait Zo. You ran away so fast the other night and then refused to respond to me. I would have been fine doing this over text. I know how hard it is to talk about this kind of stuff face to face.”
“There is no kind of stuff. Nothing happened. I didn’t even…I couldn’t even go through with it.”
“You did go through with it. Your fingers were in your mouth.”
“But nothing came up. I couldn’t even…do it right.”
“See that, right there. You couldn’t do it right?! You have no idea how much phrasing it like that scares me.”
“Zac, I promise. There is nothing wrong with me. I’m a teenage girl. I hate my body. That’s how it works.”
Zac looked like I had just slapped him in the face.
“Zoe.”
“I really don’t want to talk about this. I have to wake Mackie up and we’re already over two hours behind schedule. And yeah…I’m going and you can’t stop me.”
“I…never said I was going to try and stop you.”
I realized that the rant Zac had gone on only moments before was not something I was supposed to have heard. I was still pretending to sleep at that point.
“I know I just…I know.”
I marched into Mac’s room and shook him awake. I hated how annoyed I already was. Great way to start out the trip, I thought to myself, rolling my eyes.
“Uuuuuuugh. Okay, okay, okay, I’m up. Lemme get dressed. Then coffee. Then the highway.”
“We can get coffee on the way out of town. Come on let’s GO,” I said, while pulling on Mac’s arm.
“Alright, calm down, Zo. Give me like…a minute here, okay?”
I turned back around and saw Zac leaving my room and making his way downstairs. I gathered my things and slung my backpack over my shoulders. I hoped Mac wouldn’t fall back asleep.
***
I watched silently as my older sister walked down the stairs, a look of pure exhaustion on her face. Her hands were on her hips, and she looked older than she was, as though she had aged a few years in the span of days.
“Where’s Jessie at?” She asked, when she saw me and Mac sitting on the couch comfortably, already hugging huge metal bowls of popcorn, awaiting the movie anxiously. Jessica had laid out a few options and I pointed excitedly at Dirty Dancing not knowing exactly what it was, but knowing that I loved watching people dance, a skill that my frame hadn’t quite mastered, even though I had now been in ballet class for a year. I couldn’t leap and skip quite as easily as the other girls in my class, but I loved watching other people, pretending I was them. Jessie squealed in delight, claiming that it was one of her favorite movies, and that I had excellent taste. Mackie groaned in exasperation, but Jessie insisted that this was payback for him always insisting that we watch The Goonies.
I looked at Avery inquisitively, wondering if she was planning on watching the movie with us. A smile crept up on my lips. It was all just too easy. She was making it too easy for me.
“In the kitchen with your girlfriend,” I said slyly, watching the blood drain from her face. My smile grew as I sensed her becoming more and more uncomfortable.
“What?!” Avery responded, telling me that I had clearly struck a nerve. I had been waiting patiently to throw her that curve ball. I had an inkling that everything wasn’t as it seemed.
“What our dear baby sister meant is Jessie is in the kitchen with your friend…who is a girl,” Mackie explained with a toothy grin. I snorted at his playful snark. “I believe her name is Paisley and she’s the one our mom doesn’t like for odd reasons.”
Avery began to breathe normally again and nodded. She turned and headed into the kitchen, where Jessie was popping more popcorn. I turned to Mac with a secretive smile on my lips.
“She really is her girlfriend. I wasn’t kidding,” I blurted out.
“What? What do you mean? She’s dating Jeremy I thought.”
“Nope. She’s definitely not.”
“You know…I would say you’re full of crap, but I know how good you are at what you do.”
“Thanks, I’m glad somebody notices,” I teased, playfully. Before I had time to divulge any more information, Jessie came back into the living room, her own bowl of popcorn in her hands, and settled down next to us on the couch.
“Is Avie gonna watch with us?” I asked sweetly, holding the remote in my hands with anticipation.
“I thought she was…but then her friend showed up, so I don’t know. How about we just wait for a second. We used to watch this movie all the time together and I don’t want her to miss the beginning. I know she loves it.”
“Are you sure we have to watch this?” Mac asked, giving it one more valiant effort before giving up and just watching the girly movie.
“Yep,” Jessie answered with a triumphant smile.
“Mac, let’s go get them,” I said, leaping up from the couch before my oldest sister could stop me. I grabbed Mackie’s hand, and led him to the kitchen, thinking we might be able to catch Avery in some compromising situation, thus proving my hypothesis to be correct.
“Can you two come on already?” I asked, looking from Avery to Paisley, and back again. “Jessie refuses to start the movie without you guys in there.”
“We’re coming, we’re coming,” Avery responded, seeming a bit flustered. We made our way back to the couch, and Avery put her arm around me, pulling me close.
“Paisley, right?” Mac asked behind me.
“Guilty as charged.”
“What’s your favorite video game?” I rolled my eyes, and I felt Avery chuckle beside me. I looked up at her and for a moment it was almost as though there were no secrets and no tattle telling and no strain between us. We were just two sisters about to watch a movie.
“Finally!” Jessie exclaimed, scooting over to make room for me and Mac, while Avery and Paisley hunkered down on the floor, a bowl of popcorn between them. “Press play, Zo Bug!!”