It didn’t hit me that I was a father until I saw him bundled up in Nikki’s arms. I had been fine all along, confident in my knowledge that almost a lifetime of being a big brother had brought. But, even then, the real responsibility was on my parents to make sure we had everything we needed. They were the ones that set the rules for what we were supposed to do.
Now it was on all me. Providing for the family, setting the rules, being a good example. I was the one that had to show him how to be a man. But right now, Everette was so tiny and fragile. I felt a sense of protection for him that I had never felt with my siblings. This was different. He was 100% mine, I could already tell he had my chin.
“Would you like to hold our son?” Nikki asked me.
“Of course,” I said. I had this tiny little fear that he wouldn’t like me, but he settled right down into my arms and went back to sleep. I kissed his forehead. “He is beautiful,” I said.
“I know,” she leaned her head back on the pillows. I sat down in the chair by the bed.
“Just rest, sweetheart. You were amazing.”
“I just want to watch him. Make sure that he’s ok. What if I fall asleep and I don’t wake up when he’s hungry?”
“You will. I’ll make you a deal. Since you worked just a bit harder than I did today,” she smiled a little at that “why don’t you try to go to sleep. If you aren’t awake in 30 minutes, I’ll wake you up to check on him.”
“Alright, I guess I can live with that,” she said, her words trailing off as she fell asleep.
I watched our son sleep. He was so content. April 3rd was a good birthday for him, I thought. Spring meant new beginnings, and he was certainly that for us. Taylor’s first son was born while we were on a bit of a break from touring. I wondered if leaving in a few weeks would affect our father/son bond. I reminded myself that part of the reason I was going on tour was to provide for him, and that he would get so many opportunities to see the world because of my job. And when I was home, I was actually able to be home more because my job didn’t require any certain hours. I could leave whenever I wanted to spend time with him.
Nikki started to get restless and I looked over at her and smiled. She reached for Everette and I placed him in his arms.
“How long have I been sleeping?” she asked, her voice hoarse.
“Only about twenty minutes,” I told her.
“Is that all? It felt like so long.”
“I remembered my promise, darling. Maybe you will feel like resting longer later tonight.”
“I thought it was tonight.”
“You were in labor overnight, Everette was born about 2 this morning. It’s about 4 in the afternoon.”
“Oh, ok. Maybe you are right. I guess my sleep is a little thrown off.”
“I’m pretty sure it will be for quite a while.”
“That’s true. He seems like a good sleeper, though.”
“Well, he’s had a pretty big day already.”
“I guess that’s true,” she shifted in the bed and wrinkled her face. “That was a bad idea,” she said, taking a deep breath.
“I can call a . . .”
Before I finished the sentence, a nurse came in the room.
“How are we doing tonight?”
“We are ok,” Nikki said, more to Everette than to the nurse.
“How is your pain on a scale of 1-10?”
“About a 4,” she said.
I glanced over at her, wondering if she was telling the truth.
“Ok, we’ll say a 6 just to make sure. I’ll just check your vitals and send this to the doctor to see what he orders.”
“I don’t really want to be on a lot of medicine,”
“I understand, but we can give you something to make your pain better and help you rest. Let’s let Dad hold the little man for a few minutes while I check your blood pressure.”
I took Everette from Nikki’s arms and cradled him in my own.
“What if he needs me?” she said, keeping her eyes on our son.
“We will take care of him. Trust me when I suggest that you get rest now when you have all of us to look after him.”
“That makes sense. I am a little sore,” she admitted.
The nurse nodded. “Everything looks good. I’ll be back after the doctor reviews your chart. It shouldn’t be more than a few minutes.”
“Thank you,” Nikki told her. She smiled at me “I wish someone was here to take a picture. You are such a natural father.”
“I think we just have a very well-behaved son.”
“Hmmm, maybe so,” she said, closing her eyes. It wasn’t long before the nurse came back.
“I’m going to give you a light sedative to help you sleep. It should help with the pain as well. If it doesn’t, let us know, but the doctor wants to start with the lightest medication possible first.”
“That sounds good to me.”
“It shouldn’t take any longer than 15 minutes to start working.”
“Will she sleep through dinner?” I asked.
“She might. Do you want me to have them bring you a tray first?”
“Actually, I’m still a bit nauseous, so not right now.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“I’m sure. I still have plenty of baby weight to burn off anyway.”
“That’s all very normal. We’ll let the doctor know if you don’t have an appetite back by lunch tomorrow, but in my experience, you should wake up starving. While you rest, we are going to take little man down to the nursery and take some measurements. We’ll bring him back as soon as you are ready.”
Nikki nodded. I was torn. Did I go to the nursery with my son or stay with my wife? I looked from one to the other as the nurse rolled the small crib around.
“You are welcome to watch from the window, but only medical staff are allowed in the nursery per hospital policy,” the nurse told me.
“Ok, I’ll stay up here, then.”
“Isaac,” Nikki said. “Can you bring me a juice from the cafeteria?”
I looked at the nurse. “Is that ok?” I asked.
“Your wife just gave birth. I would say she can have whatever she wants.”
I noticed a slight smile on Nikki’s face as she drifted back to sleep.