He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named
I expected to wake up the next day feeling different somehow, but I didn’t. Losing your virginity was supposed to be a life changing thing, wasn’t it? That was what everyone always said and what all the teen movies and television shows portrayed. People made such a big deal out of it, and I supposed that was why I had waited so long. I had envisioned a fairytale first time–with Zac, of course.
But I wasn’t stupid. I knew that fairytale wasn’t going to come. For quite some time before Taylor propositioned me, I had figured it would just be easier to get rid of my virginity through any means necessary. The longer I held onto it, the more of a pariah I was. I didn’t need to give people more reasons to mock me. So what if the first guy I had sex with wasn’t someone I loved? What did it really matter?
And Taylor was definitely not someone I loved.
The morning after having sex with him, I didn’t feel different at all. Maybe a little sore, but that was the only change. Emotionally and mentally, I still felt like me.
Since my morning class was canceled, I decided to let myself sleep in and I stayed in my pajamas until well into the day. Once everyone else was gone to class, I finally emerged from my room and fired up my Playstation to work on the game Zac had bought for me a few years ago, Rogue Galaxy, that I still hadn’t finished.
“Anybody home?” Molly called out as she opened the door.
“Just me, I think,” I replied, not taking my eyes off the television screen.
She stepped in front of it. “Well, at least you’ve showered, even if you are still in pajamas. Now put on some pants and lets go to lunch.”
“I don’t really feel up to leaving the dorm today,” I said, pausing my game since I couldn’t see it anymore anyway.
“That’s not what I mean,” she said. “I mean, you do have to leave the dorm. But I was thinking we could go to IHOP or something. Off campus and away from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.”
“Voldemort?”
Molly shushed me. “Don’t say that name! But no, I meant Zac.”
“Yeah, I know,” I replied. “But why are you avoiding him?”
“I’m not,” she said. “But you are. And even though I’ve been friends with both of you for basically the same amount of time, and I don’t want to choose sides, I know you’re hurting right now. And Zac isn’t. So for now, I’m taking your side. And I’m taking you to lunch, if you get dressed.”
I groaned and made a show of tossing down my controller. “Fine, fine. If you insist, I’ll put on pants. I might even brush my hair.”
“Don’t get too crazy!” Molly replied, laughing, as she walked off toward her room.
A few minutes later, once I had put on pants, brushed my hair and even managed to apply a little makeup, we were on our way to IHOP. Since it was Molly’s idea, she insisted on driving. It wasn’t really that far from campus but it was definitely too hot to walk and potentially risk running into anyone we didn’t want to run into. OSU was big enough that that shouldn’t have been a concern, but I was paranoid. I knew my luck was just that bad. But at least my bad luck had earned me pancakes.
Molly didn’t say much until we had been seated and ordered our Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruities. Once the waitress was gone, though, she put her elbows on the table and stared at me.
“So,” she said. “How are you doing?”
I shrugged and picked at a loose thread on the bottom of my tank top. I didn’t really know how to reply to that, considering what I had done the night before. Having sex with Taylor had certainly gotten Zac off my mind, which I supposed was a good thing. On the other hand, now that I had remembered him, I could only think about how much he would hate me if he knew what I had done–or rather, who.
“Georgie?” Molly asked. “Seriously, are you alright?”
“I don’t know,” I replied, finally looking up at her. “It’s just… really crazy.”
“Tell me about it,” she said. “I know Zac is oblivious, but even he should realize that this is hurting you, even if he doesn’t realize how you actually feel about him. I mean, for him to go for someone like… her. I just can’t believe it. She seems more Taylor’s speed.”
I frowned. “Maybe they’ve switched types.”
“Why? Have you seen Taylor with a nerdy girl? Not that it would surprise me. I mean, he’ll run out of sorority chicks eventually, right?”
“I guess,” I replied softly.
We were in dangerous territory now. I didn’t want to give Molly any reason to suspect that I had been with Taylor. On the other hand, I felt a sudden urge to tell her that I had finally lost my virginity. Even if it didn’t seem like a big deal to me, she had made a point of telling me the previous semester when she and the guy she had dated off and on through high school, who had gone to Oral Roberts back in Tulsa, finally went all the way. Their relationship fizzled out over the summer, but the point was that she told me everything, and I felt like I should do the same for her.
“Hey, Molly,” I said. “Can I tell you something… something kind of big?”
“Of course. What is it?”
“Well, I… I may have… lost my v card,” I said, lowering my voice with each word.
“Are you serious?” She asked. “When? Who with?”
Those were far too many questions, and I really should have had a lie prepared for the last one. I stuttered a few times before finally replying, “Oh, umm, a guy from the party last weekend.”
That wasn’t entirely a lie. Taylor had been at the party, after all. And since everyone else had vanished for a while, for all they knew, I had met a guy there. It seemed like a decent enough lie.
“Wow, just some random guy?” Molly asked, a hint of awe in her voice rather than judgment. She was so shy that I supposed one night stands and casual sex were entirely out of the realm of possibility for her.
I shrugged. “Not totally random. I mean, I saw him again… last night. But it’s not like I’m dating him or anything.”
It was amazing how the lies just fell out of my mouth. It was even more amazing that Molly believed them. I thought surely she would be able to see right through me, but it appeared that she hadn’t.
“Anyway, it’s no big deal,” I replied just as the waitress arrived with our food.
Molly didn’t even look at her plate. Her eyes were focused on me and as wide as her pancakes. Once the waitress was gone, she spoke again. “No big deal? Are you serious? I mean, I know things didn’t work out with me and Caleb, but sex was still a big deal. Was this just a one night thing or what? Even then, that is a huge deal.”
“I don’t know what it was,” I said, then stuffed my mouth with pancake. I could tell Molly wasn’t satisfied with that answer, so I chewed and swallowed my food, then added, “We didn’t really talk about it, but it’s not like I’m going to date this guy. Of that I’m sure.”
“Never say never,” Molly replied, grinning. “If you could do that with him, you could date him.”
“I don’t know about that,” I mumbled into a forkful of Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity.
Molly saw fit to drop the subject for a while as we ate, but eventually she started tapping her foot like she was about to explode. I knew that look. It meant she was dying to say something, and finally, she did. “Well, I don’t want to jinx it or anything, but there is this guy I like… but we haven’t done anything like that yet.”
“Oh, really?” I asked. “But I’m guessing you want to.”
She blushed. “Well, yeah, maybe. I mean, I don’t know. But like I said, nothing has really happened yet, so I don’t want to say too much.”
“I guess you’re allowed to keep a few secrets,” I replied teasingly, even though I knew I was keeping an even bigger secret. Hopefully Molly didn’t realize that, though.
“I guess I am,” she replied. “But you better tell me if anything else happens with you and this guy.”
Looking away, because I hated lying to Molly so much, I said, “Yeah, I definitely will.”
“Hey, maybe we’ll run into him at the party this weekend too and you can show him to me!”
“What party?” I asked, dropping my fork.
“Oh, you know,” she said. “There’s a luau themed party in Taylor’s building. I just assumed we would go.”
I felt my stomach drop, but I tried not to let it show. “Oh. Well, it can’t be any worse than the party at the sorority, right?”
“Right,” she said. “I know there’s a chance of Zac being there, and if he is, we can leave. I am totally on your side here, like I said.”
My stomach dropped even further. The thought of this party made me sick. Going to a party at Taylor’s apartment, where Zac would very likely be, seemed like a recipe for disaster. I couldn’t explain that to Molly, though. There was no way I could tell her about what Taylor and I had done. It didn’t matter that I already sort of had told her. I hadn’t mentioned Taylor, and that was the part that mattered. No one else could ever know about it.
I was on seriously thin ice here.
“Hey, umm,” I said. “You know, I have class pretty soon, so why don’t we hurry up and get back to campus? I don’t think I was really hungry enough for IHOP today anyway.”
“Are you feeling alright?” Molly teased. “I know it can’t be morning sickness this soon.”
“Oh, that is so not even funny,” I replied, faking a little gag just to prove my point.
Molly giggled. “Okay, okay. Well, I have class too, so we probably should hurry up.”
Even though Molly rushed to scarf the rest of her food down, I could barely eat another bite. All I could think about was how much of a disaster this luau party was going to be. Of course, I still couldn’t tell Molly that, so I decided to just remain silent. I could tell that she knew something was wrong, but what could I say?
Nothing. I could say nothing at all that wasn’t I just lost my virginity to Taylor The Manwhore even though I’m in love with his brother.
Yeah, that wasn’t going to go over well.
As we headed back to campus, I felt myself growing sicker and sicker. What the hell had I been thinking yesterday? How could it have possibly been a good idea to have sex with Taylor? I wasn’t psychic or anything, but I could see the future clearly in this case, and there was no way this was going to end well for me. Hopefully I could convince Taylor of that. It wasn’t like I was going to have sex with him again, anyway, so why couldn’t we just forget the first time had ever happened?