Dumbasses
I didn’t dare look back as I shoved my way through the crowded party. Whatever entertainment we had provided those fraternity and sorority idiots seemed to pass quickly, thank god, and hardly anyone even noticed little old me trying to elbow my way out.
It took more effort than it should have, but finally, I was free. The porch of the Delta Delta Delta house was crowded with people too but I pushed through that crowd as well and down the steps. I made it all the way to the sidewalk before I heard him, though if I were honest, I knew all along that Zac was right behind me.
“Georgie! Wait, George!”
And of course, I stopped. What else could I do, weak and pathetic person that I was? I could protest all I wanted, but I would always give in to Zac.
I stared him down. “Are we going to do this here? In the middle of the street?”
“Why not?” Zac shrugged, then gave me a sneer. “You’re modest now? After what you did with Taylor?”
I shook my head and walked away from him as fast as my sock covered feet would carry me, which admittedly wasn’t very fast at all. I could hear Zac following behind me, his feet shuffling against the sidewalk, but he didn’t speak. He stayed complete silent as we made our way through Greek Row, and didn’t speak at all until we had crossed back onto campus, away from the raucous fraternity and sorority parties that were now little more than a dull roar far in the distance.
“Look, will you just talk to me?” Zac asked a little more gently, his change in tone surprising me enough to make me stop in my tracks. “I just—I don’t understand. I really, really don’t understand. You told me why you did that with Taylor to begin with, and I didn’t really understand then, but I tried to. But then you and I—and, well, I just don’t get why you’d go back to Taylor after… after that.”
“I was drunk, Zac!” I exclaimed, my voice echoing in the thankfully empty quad as I spun back around to face him.
“That is literally the only explanation I can give you, and it’s not a lie or an excuse. I was drunk, and obviously I thought he was you to begin with or I wouldn’t have even been in that situation. I don’t know how many more times I can explain that you before you accept that the most obvious answer—I was shitfaced—is the truth.”
“Okay, so let’s say that is the truth,” Zac said. “What does it change? You still did it.”
I stared at him. “It changes everything. Doesn’t it? It ought to. It wasn’t what I really wanted; all that shit about what people do when they’re drunk being what they really want, it’s bullshit. Like you’ve never done anything while drunk that you regretted in the morning? Everyone has. And for what’s it worth, since only time will convince you that I mean it, I really didn’t plan to or want to sleep with Taylor again. ”
“But you did,” Zac replied. There was something new in his voice, something in his eyes… sadness? Could it really be?
“Yeah, I did,” I replied. “I slept with you too, and I still don’t know what the hell that was all about.”
He stared at me, eyelashes fluttering. “What do you mean?”
“Because I still just… I can’t believe that you didn’t just want me because of the way I was dressed. I mean, you damn sure hadn’t shown any sexual interest in me before then.”
“How many times do I have to tell you?” He asked, but his tone wasn’t all that accusing. He stepped in closer and brushed that damn piece of hair out of my eyes. “You looked gorgeous at my birthday party. I won’t deny that. But it wasn’t because of how you looked, at least not entirely. It was because you did it for me. I realized you wanted me to look at you that way, think of you that way. Sexually, I mean. You wanted me to notice you like you thought I hadn’t before. But right now? Even with Pinkie Pie pants on, you’re just as gorgeous. I swear.”
“Yeah, sure I am,” I mumbled, unable to make myself meet his eyes. If what Zac was saying was true… well, I didn’t really know what that meant. I didn’t know where this conversation was going at all. Everything seemed to have suddenly been turned upside down.
“You are,” Zac replied, kissing my forehead softly. “And anyway, that wasn’t the first time I’ve shown sexual interest in you. Or did you forget about that time sophomore year of high school?”
“I remember two awkward teenagers fooling around but not going all the way,” I remarked.
“Yeah, well,” he said. “It shouldn’t have been like that. I mean, you ought to know by now, your first time should be with someone you love. And I just… I wanted that for you. I didn’t want it to be some awkward experimental thing; I wanted you to be with someone you loved.”
I stared up at Zac. How much of a fucking idiot could he be? Forcing myself to look him in the eyes, I replied, “I would have been.”
“You,” he stuttered out. “You… what?”
I shook my head, hoping to change the subject and distract him before he could figure out what I had just confessed. “Why would you even do anything with me if you weren’t going to go all the way? If you knew it shouldn’t have happened?”
“Because it was as close as I thought I could get!” He exclaimed, running his hand through his hair. His cheeks were turning an adorable shade of pink. “That’s the truth, alright? I didn’t think—I mean, I didn’t want to take advantage of you like that when you just wanted to experiment. You just wanted to know what it was like and I… I wanted more.”
I stared at him blankly, then burst out laughing. What else could I do? The entire time, he’d wanted me too? And neither of us had admitted it because we were so convinced the other didn’t feel the same way? It was official; I was living in the world’s worst rom com movie.
“What’s so fucking funny?” Zac asked, sounding like he was on the verge of tears. Maybe laughter hadn’t been the rest reaction.
“Zac,” I gasped out in between laughs. “It’s… you wanted me? This whole time? Did you not hear me just say I would have been with someone I loved if I’d lost my virginity to you?”
Zac rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, yeah, but—I mean. Like a brother?”
It was now or never. There was no point denying it anymore. Looking Zac right in the eyes, I shook my head.
“You mean…” His eyes widened.
“We’re idiots,” I replied. “That’s what I mean.”
Zac stepped closer to me and gave me the saddest eyes and pout I’d ever seen from him. It really wasn’t fair; that look was absolutely irresistible. “But I’m your idiot. Would you really have it any other way, Georgie?”
“You really are an idiot. And a jerk and a bastard.” I crossed my arms. He had nothing on Taylor in that department, really, but if he was going to insult himself, I wasn’t going to stop him.
Zac nodded in agreement. “But I’m your idiot and your jerk. Georgie, sometimes I really have no clue what you’re thinking or feeling, but I know I wouldn’t want to stop being your bastard, your idiot, and your jerk. I really enjoy it, actually.”
“You enjoy being a jerk?” I tilted my head to the side.
“Only if I’m yours,” he said softly, stepping in so close that our chests were practically touching.
“So you… like being mine?” My voice was barely above a whisper, and I barely dared to ask the question, but I had to know. I had to know if Zac really meant what I thought he meant.
“Always.” He kissed my forehead again. “And I like you being my bitch.”
I stared at him. Did he really just say that? As much as I wanted to be insulted, I wasn’t. “Zac, you… you really mean that? I mean, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“Of course,” he replied, then kissed the corner of my mouth. “I mean it.”
“Then I like it too,” I said, standing on my tiptoes and pressing my forehead against his. “But we seriously are dumbasses.”
Zac opened his mouth to respond, and at the very same moment, the skies opened up above us. A few minutes earlier and I would have thought the rain was just proof of what deep circle of hell I was in, but as it was, it seemed like a ringing endorsement of our… relationship? Neither of us had said the word, but I was still certain that was what it was. Zac and I were finally dating.
“Come on!” I cried out, giggling. “Let’s get inside and out of this.”
Zac shook his head, his already damp hair splattering me with raindrops. “No way! Let’s play in the rain like we did when we were kids.”
“You’re insane,” I replied, but didn’t let go of his hand as he took off running into the wide open center of the quad where puddles always gathered.
“Yeah,” Zac agreed. “But as we’ve already established, neither of us would have it any other way.”
“Just what I’ve always wanted,” I said smiling. “An absolutely insane boyfriend.”
I braced myself for Zac to correct me, but he didn’t. He just pulled me to him and kissed me right on the lips. Now we were suddenly in a good rom com movie and I wanted it to never end. As we kissed and spun around and danced in the rain, I was absolutely positive that there was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be.
Except maybe somewhere with dry feet. But even my squishy, wet feet didn’t mar my good mood at all.