Perilous
I avoided Zac and anyone else with the last name Hanson for the rest of the night and for as much of our time in Birmingham and Nashville as I could. Of course I had to talk to some of them eventually, but I kept everything strictly business. I had to prove to Zac that I could be professional before his wife convinced him to fire me. I had no doubt she could talk him into it; she clearly had him wrapped around her little finger that much.
The drive from Nashville to Memphis was short enough that we got a hotel that night. The last few days had me exhausted, far too exhausted to join the few members of the band and crew who had gone out for drinks, but for some reason, sleep didn’t come easily. It was like I was so tired that I had circled all the way back around to wide awake even though I didn’t want to be. After a few hours of tossing and turning, I decided to make a trip to the snack machine down the hall. It wouldn’t put me to sleep, but it would at least give me something to do while I definitely wasn’t asleep.
Figuring it was late enough that I wouldn’t see anyone in the hall, I didn’t bother putting on anything less revealing that my tank top and pajama shorts. I tucked my phone, room key and a little money into my bra, slipped on a pair of flip flops and I was out the door.
I ended up with a bag of salt and vinegar chips and a diet soda that I knew would only serve to keep me awake even longer. Maybe I could just stay up and sleep in Memphis. It seemed like a solid plan, I decided, and turned to walk back to my room.
I’d barely made it out of the little snack alcove when I heard loud whistling. It was followed by a loud curse, and a sound that I soon identified as a key card being rejected.
Zac’s key card, to be specific.
He leaned heavily against the door to his room, and from the distance, I could see that he was struggling to slide his key card in the slot. He banged his head against the door and cursed again. “Fucking piece of shit key.”
He was drunk. I had no doubt about that.
“Son of a… Colby! Help me…”
I froze on the spot, wishing I could fade away into the carpet and disappear completely. It was too late. He’d spotted me. Now I had no choice but to help him. I hurried to his side, ignoring the way he didn’t seem entirely willing to let go of the key card. Once I flipped it over the right way, the door accepted it and clicked open, causing Zac to practically fall into the room.
“You’re a genius, Colbs…” he slurred, grabbing my arm and pulling me into the room with him.
I yanked my arm back. “Okay, well, you’re in here now so… I’m just gonna go back to my room.”
“No,” he said forcefully, spinning around to give me a pout that I already knew I wouldn’t be able to resist. “Just stay… for a lil while, okay?”
I could have given him a long, detailed list of all the reasons why I shouldn’t, but in the end, I couldn’t. I just gave him a little nod and said, “Yeah, okay. I’m just gonna use your bathroom…”
“Okay,” Zac replied, spinning back around so quickly that I thought he would fall down. He managed to steady himself somehow, and once I saw that he was pointed toward the bed, I turned and walked into the bathroom.
I didn’t really need to use the bathroom, but I did need to get away from him for a minute. I sat my soda and chips on the bathroom floor and leaned against the wall. What was I getting myself into by agreeing to stay with him? Surely he didn’t mean for the whole night, and surely he wouldn’t cheat on his very, very pregnant wife. Zac had to mean something more innocent than that, and my stupid crush was just causing me to take it all the wrong way.
The worst part was that I wasn’t sure which I hoped was the case.
When I finally worked up the nerve to leave the bathroom, I found Zac lying on his bed, legs spread and only one shoe kicked off. His fingers were fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, and as soon as he saw me, he gave me another pathetic pout.
“Help me, Colbs.”
Apparently I had a nickname now.
Since it looked like he was about to resort to just ripping the buttons off his shirt, I realized I had no choice. I sat down gingerly on the bed, as far from him as I could manage, and began to delicately unbutton the yellow plaid shirt he wore. As he peeled it off, the smell of alcohol and cigarettes assaulted me and I tried not to cough. Zac wiggled around a little bit to toss the shirt into the floor and remove his other shoe, then began to fumble with his belt buckle. I could only stare wide eyed as he shoved his pants down and kicked them into the floor. I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t.
He didn’t stop until he was wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs, and I knew I should really, really look away then. I still couldn’t. I did, at least, manage to scoot away from him, and was almost off the bed entirely when Zac lunged toward me and pulled me back.
“Zac, I should really go…” I said, pulling away from him again. “You’re drunk and we both need to sleep…”
He pouted. “You’re gonna leave me here all ‘lone? That’s not nice.”
“Why’d you get so shitfaced that you need a babysitter, anyway?” I asked, laughing a little. I hadn’t meant to actually ask anything like that, so I tried to laugh it off but I could see that it had still hurt Zac by the way the light in his eyes faded ever so slightly.
“Just felt like it,” he said. “You’re not my wife. You can’t tell me what to do.”
“I wasn’t trying to…” I replied, choosing not to point out that the expression should have been mom, not wife. “Just seems like… I dunno, you’re super shitfaced right now and that’s not maybe the best idea…”
Zac shrugged and rolled over, turning his back to me. “S’not your business. If I wanna get drunk, I’ll get drunk.”
I sighed and laid down next to him, but not too close. Just close enough to feel the unbearable heat coming off his body. “I didn’t mean anything by that. I’m sorry. Just… you know, you’re my buddy now, right? So I guess I was just… concerned.”
“Well, you don’t need to be,” he replied, rolling over to face me. He was closer to me than I expected and I pulled back, but he didn’t seem to notice. “I can take care of myself just fine.”
“I know you can,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
Zac sighed. “S’fine. I’m a douchebag, I know.”
“No, you’re not,” I said, more because I knew it was the right thing to say than because I really meant it.
“I am,” he said, nodding. “I’m a shitty husband.”
“Why do you say that?”
He stared at me. “I’m in bed with another woman. Doesn’t that kinda scream ‘bad husband’ to you?”
“But we’re just… laying here,” I pointed out weakly.
“Yeah…” he said. “Well, I’m pretty horrible for other reasons, too. But you don’t need to know about all that stuff.”
I just stared at me. If he brought it up, it was clear that he wanted to talk about it, even if I didn’t need to know. I tried to figure out how to steer the conversation in whatever direction it was Zac was reluctant to go, but I didn’t know how, so I just took a few metaphorical steps back. “But I mean… we’re not doing anything. It doesn’t look good, but… it’s not like you’re cheating just by laying here.”
“I have,” he replied. “Cheated, I mean.”
That was easier than I expected, but somehow, I hadn’t expected him to admit something like that.
“I mean, it was… it wasn’t like that. But it kinda was,” he said, then shook his head. “We were broken up, basically. Or not speaking, at least. It was always so on again, off again… one time, Kate admits she had been with some guy, some fucking frat guy. So I ended up running into this girl I had kinda… well, we never really dated, but I knew her. And shit happened. Shannon, she was… going through a rough time too and we just ended up in bed together. I told Kate about it, though.”
I waited for a moment to see if there was more to the story than that. When it didn’t seem like he was going to say anything more, I said, “Well, obviously you guys made up. You forgave her and she forgave you, right?”
“Right,” Zac replied, snorting. “That’s why she accused me of being Shannon’s baby daddy a few years later.”
“She… what?” I asked.
“I mean, I wasn’t, but it didn’t matter to Kate. She could do the math and she knew I’d been hanging out with Shannon at the right time—or the wrong time—so she just jumped to conclusions. Then Shannon had to fucking go and name the kid Lucy.” Zac paused and ran a hand through his hair, pulling it halfway out of its ponytail holder. “I think it was just Kate’s pride that kept her from never demanding I get a paternity test. She didn’t want to shatter the image of our perfect marriage by admitting that there was even a chance I’d cheated, you know?”
“But what if the kid was yours… wouldn’t you kinda need to know that?”
Zac shrugged. “I guess she didn’t think about it like that. She’s always been concerned about image. Her image, our image… it’s just how she is.”
I figured it wasn’t my place to tell him how awful that was, so I didn’t.
“Anyway, that’s why I’m a bad husband. I’m a cheater, you know. Once a cheater, always a cheater, or so… somebody said, I guess.”
“Well, I don’t know that that’s… I mean…” I mumbled, letting myself trail off because I really didn’t see the point.
I suddenly wished I hadn’t been so right about that sadness I thought I sometimes spotted in Zac’s eyes. There was so much more to it than I knew, and now I wasn’t sure I wanted to know any of it. It didn’t make me feel any better to know that he and his life weren’t perfect. If someone that beautiful with so many of the things I lacked—a career, a family—could still have such sadness inside, then what hope did the rest of us have?
While I was lost in thought, Zac was drifting closer and closer to me. His bare chest was pressed up against mine, and the thin tank top I wore wasn’t nearly enough to keep my temperature from rising just from being that close to Zac’s bare skin. One of his hands had snaked its way into my hair, and without daring to look up and meet his eyes, I knew what was coming next.
“Why do you want to be my friend, Colby?” Zac asked.
“Why not?” I replied.
He shook his head and mumbled, “So many reasons…”
Before I could reply to that, although I didn’t know what to say anyway, the hand that had been casually caressing my hair planted itself firmly on the back of my head. Zac pulled me to him and pressed his lips to mine, taking my breath away with his roughness. Between his insistent kisses and his large hand holding my head, I was powerless to escape. So I let him kiss me. His tongue ran along my bottom lip, and I obediently opened my mouth to let him in. He tasted like rum, and he kissed me like he was searching for something and trying to devour me at the same time.
The kiss ended as quickly as it had begun, and it if weren’t for the way my lips felt a little swollen, I would have barely believed it had even happened. Zac’s eyes were a complete blank. He seemed entirely emotionless, and I was scared to even ask what he was thinking.
He didn’t speak. He pulled me close again, this time snuggling up against me. The smell of liquor was all around me, making me feel a little fuzzy even though I hadn’t consumed any of it. A wisp of Zac’s hair tickled the side of my face, but I was too in shock to even try to brush it away.
We lay there for a long time, neither of us speaking, and I had no clue what to think. Finally, Zac let out a soft snore against the side of my face, and I realized he had fallen asleep… or passed out. Either way, he was out cold. I lifted the arm he had wrapped around me and he didn’t even stir.
Slowly and carefully, I extricated myself from his grasp and stood up. He looked strangely peaceful and it tugged at my heart, but I knew I couldn’t stay. This time, it was my turn to slip away while Zac slept.