“My name is David, and I’m an alcoholic…”

I shouldn’t have, but I tuned him out as soon as he started. Meetings weren’t something I really made a habit of attending, and often I just felt really out of place at them. I wasn’t entirely sure what had pushed me to find one on this particular day, when I barely had time to do anything before I was due at the venue for soundcheck. It just seemed like the thing to do, I supposed.

That wasn’t entirely true. It was, I had realized that morning, the four year anniversary of the day that changed my life forever. The day I gave in to desire and cheated on my wife with the woman who would—soon–become my second wife.

It wasn’t really an anniversary worth marking and I wasn’t sure why my brain had decided to store that little tidbit and remind me of it every year. In truth, it really wasn’t such a huge tipping point; Kate and I had been on the rocks for years and Colby, sadly, wasn’t even the first girl I had cheated with. She was different, though, and I knew that from the beginning. That was why I had tried to fight my feelings for her, but I had lost that fight quite quickly.

The guy next to me coughed and gave me a little nudge, bringing me back to the present. He mouthed, “Your turn?”

I shook my head. Maybe if I had known these guys I would have felt comfortable talking, but who knew what they would think or say about me? Then again, it wasn’t like my stint in rehab was such a secret. Still, I didn’t have anything to say. All in all, things were pretty good. I just needed to stop in at a meeting every now and then to ground myself. Once that was done, I was ready to make my way back to the venue and rejoin the world.

By the time I made it back, the venue was already a flurry of activity, our crew and the venue’s crew both rushing around to prepare for the night’s concert. A half a dozen or so children were rushing around all of the chaos, too, and amongst them it was easy to spot my youngest daughter, Layla. In a sea of light to medium colored hair, her nearly black pigtails stood out.

“Daddy!” She squealed, sprinting toward me and into my arms, as though she hadn’t seen me just that morning at the hotel. “Mommy’s been looking everywhere for you.”

That sounded foreboding, if it was possible for a three and a half year old to sound foreboding. I sat Layla back down and sent her off after her cousins, assuring her I would come play with her after I found her mommy and smoothed things over.

It didn’t take long to locate Colby; she was sitting in the green room with a composition book in her lap, poring over the same song I knew she had been working on all week. After everything we went through during and after that first tour, she preferred to stay backstage. It was understandable, really, and it limited the number of places I needed to search to find her.

“Sorry I was gone so long,” I said softly, leaning against the doorframe. I started to tell her how beautiful she was, but it didn’t seem like the right moment. The feeling that came over me when I looked at her went so much deeper than that, though. I hoped she knew, though, how much she grounded me, better than those meetings did.

She glanced up, her expression rather blank. I wasn’t sure I liked that.

“I was, uh, at a meeting,” I continued. “You know, the AA thing? I just… it seemed like a good idea today. So after I got those drumsticks I was looking for, I asked Siri to find me one. I should have called, I guess.”

Colby nodded. “It would have been nice.”

“Is something wrong?” I asked, taking a few cautious steps into the room.

“No,” she replied a bit too quickly. “Well, yeah. But no. Not like I thought… I mean, god, I was just… I was so worried, and I feel so dumb for that. But there was this part of my brain saying, you know, you’ve got his ring but not his name yet. Anything could change. He could change. He could be off somewhere doing god knows what, and what right do you have to say anything about it?”

“But you do,” I said, falling to my knees in front of her on the floor and grasping her hands. “You do, Colbs. You have every right to have a say in what I do, and every right to be worried after all that I put you through before. But all of that is in the past now. You know it is.”

She nodded. “I know, I do. But that little anxious voice inside of me apparently doesn’t.”

“I am so, so sorry,” I said. “You know I didn’t mean to worry you, and I hate that I did. But it’s okay now, right?”

“Well, yes and no,” she said, drawing out the words. “Because after you left, I did something I’ve been dreading.”

I stared at her, confused and worried at what that thing might have been. With Colby, it could have been anything in the world.

“I took the pregnancy test I’ve been carrying around for a few weeks,” she continued.

One look at her face told me what the result had been. “We’re… we’re having a baby? Another baby?”

Colby nodded.

“Oh, Colbs…” I breathed out, leaning in to kiss her. “That’s great news! And god, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to find out with you.”

I didn’t dare mention how much of Layla’s life I had missed. Maybe that was why I wanted to be present for every second of the life of this new baby, even though I knew I couldn’t really make up for lost time like that.

Colby just shook her head, like it didn’t matter, but I knew she was thinking the same thing I was. She gave a nervous little laugh and asked, “So you’re not upset?”

“Upset?” I asked. “Why would I be upset?”

“I don’t know, that we’re having another kid out of wedlock?”

I touched the ring I’d put on her finger earlier that year. We hadn’t set a date yet, and that seemed fine by us. After everything we’d been through, making it legal seemed the least of our concerns. I could see why a second baby, one that it was clear both of us wanted, might make her feel a little differently.

I gave her a smirk. “Well… we will be in Las Vegas next week, and I’d always imagined my second wedding would involve an Elvis impersonator…”