An Accident
As the tour went on, Zac and I fell into a comfortable routine. Whenever Layla did something of note, which was becoming more and more often, I would send him a text. The conversations that usually followed were polite enough, if distant. It wasn’t perfect, but it was something.
And the tour rolled on.
I had less responsibilities than I’d had when on tour with Hanson; essentially, I just had to show up for my soundcheck and my performance. That gave me a little more freedom to explore the cities we visited, which had all looked basically the same when I’d been to them with Hanson. In Nashville, Tobias and I took Layla out for a walk up and down Music Row with her buckled into her stroller. It was a nice spring day and she seemed to enjoy herself. The whole morning seemed to be going well… until we returned to the hotel, where I realized I had left my cell phone.
Normally, I wouldn’t have thought anything of leaving it behind—no one ever called me anyway. But the phone on my bed was ringing and buzzing incessantly, the noises trying to alert me to what appeared to be dozens of text messages and missed calls. Who could possibly need to reach me that badly?
I picked up the phone and saw two names repeated over and over again—Taylor and Avery.
The name that didn’t appear was the one that worried me. I didn’t see Zac’s name at all. Just multiple text pleas to call one of them as soon as I possibly could. It frightened me too much to even listen to the voicemails.
“What’s going on?” Tobias asked. In my haste to answer my phone, I had gotten so wrapped up that I had forgotten he and Layla were in the room at all; he had pulled her out of the stroller and was standing beside me with Layla on his hip.
“I don’t… I don’t know,” I replied, my hands shaking so hard I could barely hold onto the phone. “I think something happened to Zac.”
I opened Avery’s newest text and pressed the button that would call her back. If something really was wrong with Zac, I couldn’t handle waiting for a text reply. The phone only rang a few times before Avery’s breathless voice came on the line.
“Colby? Oh god, I was so worried about you, too. I mean, I know you’re on tour, but you weren’t answering and I–”
“Me too?” I asked. “What do you mean me too? What’s wrong? What happened?”
She sniffled before replying, “It’s Zac. He had a really bad accident. Well, it could have been a lot worse, but it’s just… well, he hasn’t regained consciousness yet. They keep saying that’s because of his alcohol level and not anything that actually happened to him in the wreck, but…”
“What the hell did he do?” I practically growled. I knew I shouldn’t take this so personally, but I had lost my parents to a drunk driver, and I thought Zac was smarter—and more considerate—than that.
“He was fine this morning when he left,” she said. “At least, Kate swears he was sober then. He was supposed to go down to Bridgeport and meet with this band he was collaborating with. And then… well, we don’t know. He must have stopped at a liquor store somewhere along the way. The police are looking into that, because he’s going to be arrested as soon as he wakes up. But he ran his truck off the road and clipped a tree. Thank god he didn’t hit anyone else.”
I sank down onto the bed. The newspaper photos of my parents’ crash, which Aunt Sus had done her best to shield me from but ultimately failed, flashed through my mind. Zac was still alive, though. I had to remind myself. He was still alive. For now.
And if he died, it was no one’s fault but his own.
“Is he… I mean, he’s going to be okay? Is that what they’re saying?” I asked.
“His alcohol level was really, really high,” Avery said. “Basically, that alone should have killed him. Add to that the bruises and cuts, and… and… well, he broke his wrist. His left hand. But the doctors all sound so positive that he’ll be fine in time. I don’t know, Colby. I really don’t know.”
Even though I wasn’t sure that he had any idea what was happening, Tobias sat down next to me, Layla supported by one arm, and wrapped his other arm around me.
“I know… I know…” Avery sniffled and hiccuped, then took a few breaths and composed herself. “I know you’re still on tour and you can’t leave. And Kate would probably kick you out of here anyway, but he’s in St. Vincent’s in Bridgeport. Just so you know.”
I shook my head even though I knew she couldn’t see me. “I can’t… well, I probably could if I asked. But I can’t do that. If—when he wakes up, do you think I could talk to him? If he wants to talk to me.”
“Yeah, sure,” Avery said. There was some shuffling and another voice, and a moment later, she said, “Hey, Tay wants to talk to you for a minute. I’m gonna head back inside. Fans are already starting to gather out here to try to spot one of us.”
“Okay,” I replied. Of course even at a time like this, fans would be hovering, hoping for some little scrap of gossip.
There was some more shuffling, and then Taylor’s voice. “Hey, Colby?”
“Tay,” I replied. “How is he, really? I mean, I know what Avery said but…”
“It’s not good right now,” he admitted. “I don’t know. It’s one thing to treat his injuries and another to treat such a severe case of alcohol poisoning, you know? And they have to do both. But I have to believe he’s going to be okay and it’s just taking a while because he’s a stubborn bastard.”
In spite of myself, I laughed. Under the circumstances, what else could I do? It was either laugh or have a complete nervous breakdown.
“Look, maybe we shouldn’t have even called you,” he said.
“No!” I replied. “Why would you say that?”
“I mean, he’s going to be fine. He has to be. What good is it to worry you so much when you’re so far away and can’t do anything anyway?”
“I needed to know,” I replied. “I’m not—I’m not glad I know, because I wish it hadn’t happened. But I needed to know, Tay. If something happens, if he’s not okay… at least I can live with that idea, the idea of him being gone, for a while. At least he won’t just be ripped away from me so suddenly.”
“Don’t you dare say anything like that,” Taylor said, and I could have sworn he was crying just by the tone of his voice. “But I think… you were right. I think he has a problem, Colby. And god, I hope this makes him realize it, too.”
I nodded and blinked back several tears of my own. “I hope so, too, Tay. I hope so, too.”
He sniffled. “Well, look, I’m gonna go back inside and see if anything has changed. And either I’ll call or Avery will call you the second anything does, alright?”
“You damn well better,” I replied.
“I will. I swear.”
Our goodbyes were cut short by the squealing siren of an ambulance. I realized then that he and Avery must have taken refuge by the emergency room entrance, and I wondered if it was really that dire. Were the fans already congregating, leaving flowers and starting prayer circles or something? With his fans, I wouldn’t doubt it.
Those thoughts only distracted me for a moment from the seriousness of the situation. When it hit me again, my cell phone fell forgotten into my lap and I began to cry, tears falling heavily from my eyes and down my cheeks. I didn’t even try to wipe them away.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Tobias asked gently, rubbing my back soothingly.
“It’s Zac,” I stuttered out. “He’s a total fucking dumbass, and it might kill him. And I swear to god, I’ve lost enough people because of stupid drunk drivers, and if it happens again… except I can’t blame anyone else. I can’t—I mean, he did it to himself. I would fall in love with a drunk, when a drunk took everything from me, wouldn’t I?”
I could practically hear the wheels in Tobias’ head turning as he tried to interpret my disjointed thoughts. “Did Zac… was he driving drunk? He had an accident?”
I nodded, finally finding the strength to reach up and wipe away my tears so that I could see.
“Is he going to be okay?”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I mean, he hasn’t woken up yet, but they kept telling me the doctors were positive. Maybe they were just trying not to worry me. I don’t know, I don’t know.”
“Okay,” Tobias said. “I don’t mean to make light of that, but there’s nothing you can do from here. Thinking about it constantly, even if you’re praying and sending good thoughts and whatever, is actually just going to make you feel worse. You can’t dwell. We’ve still got a few hours before the concert, so why don’t we watch some tv or something? Just relax and get it off our minds.”
I wasn’t sure his logic was sound, but I nodded my head and agreed anyway. Tobias shuffled Layla into my lap; she had somehow managed to drift off even though I was very near to a breakdown. I settled back against the pillows, careful not to disturb her, while Tobias found the remote and turned the television on.
“We’re receiving reports that Zac Hanson, drummer for the well-known band Hanson, has been hospitalized following a car accident early this morning.”
Of course. It would be my luck that the television would already be tuned to E!, ready to supply all the celebrity gossip a person could need.
“Do you want me to change the channel?” Tobias asked.
I shook my head. I was already caught up in it. It was too late to look away.
“Sources suggest that Hanson may have been intoxicated at the time of the accident, but we can’t confirm that yet. The name of the hospital he’s being held in hasn’t been released, nor has the band made a public statement at this time, but rumor has it fans are already gathering at what is believed to be the correct hospital. We’ll have coverage from there on the show tonight, and hopefully an update on his condition. Of course, everyone here at E! News is wishing him a full recovery.”
“Okay,” I said as the reporter disappeared from the screen and was replaced with a different, unrelated story. “You can change the channel now.”
Tobias nodded and flipped through the channels until he landed on some sort of cartoon. Layla was still drifting in and out of sleep, but she seemed to have sensed my distress; her little arms were wrapped around mine like she was trying to hug and comfort me somehow. It worked, until my mind drifted to the thought that her father might be dying, and she was too young to even remember him if he did.
“Do you think it’s worse to lose something before you can remember it or have a ton of memories to dwell on?” I asked Tobias.
“He’s not going to die,” Tobias said.
“You don’t know that,” I replied. “He’s really good at doing shit just to spite me. And if I don’t get to at least yell at him for being stupid enough to drive drunk, I’m going to be really pissed.”
Tobias chuckled softly. “At least you haven’t twisted this around to blame yourself for it somehow.”
“Oh, I’m sure Zac will do that for me—if he makes it.”
“Stop talking like that,” Tobias said.
“I’m not good at being positive about things,” I replied.
As if on cue, Layla curled up closer to me, reminding me that I did have one thing to be positive about. Whatever else happened, I had her. Right then, it wasn’t nearly as much reassurance as it should have been, but it was all I had. Somehow, she and I would get through this, even if we had to do it alone.