Suit and Tie
After the Richmond concert, we took a detour back up north to New York. It felt like cheating to be able to sleep in my own bed while I was supposed to be on tour, but we weren’t needed at the festival the guys were playing the next day, so we got to stay at home in New York at the end of our day off.
It wasn’t a relaxing day off, though. Avery and Malcolm decided to take advantage of it by scheduling fittings for all of us. Spending the entire day with Zac’s sisters, who had come to visit, trying on all kinds of girly dresses didn’t exactly sound like my idea of fun, but I knew there was no way to get out of it. That just wouldn’t have even been nice to try, and it would have required all sorts of explanations that I just didn’t have. How could I explain to Avery why one of her bridesmaids’ was ditching her? Because of her awkward crush on her brother? I didn’t see that going over well.
So I had to go. It didn’t matter how I felt about it, I had to go.
It wasn’t quite the torture I’d imagined. Avery had already picked out a few styles for us to try on, and it didn’t take us that long to decide which ones were the most flattering for each of us. Between my petite height and Jess’s growing stomach, we were a strange and varied bunch. I couldn’t help feeling like I was the strangest one of all, though, with my dark hair and tattoos. I stood out like a sore thumb and I didn’t see how they couldn’t all tell that I didn’t belong. It was only a matter of time before they all figured that out, if they hadn’t already.
Once Avery had ordered a few dresses in the appropriate sizes, we headed down the street to get lunch and all get to know each other better. Even though I knew Avery and Annalee, I hadn’t spent much time with her sisters or their friend Sarah who had all driven up to spend a few days helping her with the planning before it was too late for Jess to do much traveling.
“So, you’re the one touring with the guys right now, aren’t you?” Sarah asked me between sips of her coffee.
“Yeah,” I replied. “My first time on tour.”
She smiled. “Oh, it’s so much fun, isn’t it? I miss it, but I can’t really take time off from my job now to go do it.”
“Do they just recruit everyone they know to sell merch?” I asked, laughing nervously.
“Not just merch,” Jess replied with a shrug. “I mean, Joe and I both work at the label. It’s just a matter of knowing us and knowing they can trust us. You start bringing in random people you haven’t vetted and you don’t know what to expect from them. They’ve even hired a few fans to work at the label, because those are people they know get their vision for the band, you know?”
I nodded, but I didn’t really get it. I couldn’t help thinking of the night just a few days prior when Zac had accused me of being some fan just looking for a free ride. He obviously didn’t trust fans or me, which seemed to run completely counter to what Jessica was saying. I didn’t understand it at all. Was it just a quirk of Zac’s? Was it just me he didn’t like? Why had they hired me at all if no one trusted me?
I tried to snap myself back to reality and pay attention to the conversation going on around me, but they had already moved on from that topic and I couldn’t keep up at all. The topic, of course, had swung back to Avery’s upcoming wedding. No one was really that interested in me and why I was on tour with the guys. I wasn’t a fascinating topic. I wanted to be bitter about that, but at the same time, I was glad no one really cared that much about my presence. I would rather fade into the background than have everyone giving me the sort of attention Zac had given me.
“Well, if we’re all done, why don’t we go over and surprise the guys? See how their suit shopping is going?” Avery asked.
“Should we?” Annalee asked. “I mean, isn’t that like wedding dress shopping? Or are you allowed to see the tux before the wedding?”
Avery laughed. “I think I’m allowed to see him. You know I don’t really care that much about all those old traditions anyway.”
“Well then let’s go!” Annalee replied. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Mal in a suit before.”
“Me either,” Avery replied, smirking. “It’s half the reason I said yes when he proposed. Come on, let’s pay and then go hunt the boys down.”
I really had no desire to do that, but I couldn’t very well tell Avery that. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to tell Avery that her brother had been a real asshole to me, but I knew I couldn’t do that publicly, either. I couldn’t accuse him like that in front of their other sisters. Besides, what did I have to blame him for but getting angry with me late one night on the bus when he was probably exhausted? If he kept it up, then maybe I would consider saying something to Avery privately,. For right then, I knew I had to just go along with her plan to go see the guys.
It was only a short walk to the fancy tailor where the guys were supposed to be. It was a tiny little building, the sort you could tell had housed the same business for years and years, and it didn’t take us long to find Malcolm and his brother mulling over a few tie options.
“How’s it going?” Avery asked after greeting him with a hug and a kiss.
“Pretty good,” he replied. “Although I’m not sure we’ll be able to convince Isaac to ever leave. And Taylor’s… somewhere… taking pictures of everything.”
“He does that,” Avery said, laughing. She motioned for us to follow her. “Come on, lets see if we can get him and Isaac out of here, if they’re done.”
Mal nodded. “Yeah, I think we have almost everything picked out. They’re looking for new suits to wear on stage now.”
“They really may never make it out of here,” Zoe said, giggling.
One of the tailors led the way to the back where the guys were evidently still amusing themselves. Sure enough, as soon as we rounded a corner and entered a small room full of mirrors, I was greeted with the sight of ten or twenty Zacs all reflected back at me. The real thing stood in the center of it all, tugging on a vest that looked a little too tight. It hugged his pecs in a way that took my breath away, but I had the feeling it would the same to him—and not in a good way—if he tried to wear it on stage. Still, it stopped me in my tracks.
From his spot in the floor, taking pictures of god only knows what, Taylor glanced up. “You girls done already?”
“Unlike you, Taylor, I don’t have to try on everything in the store before I make a purchase,” Avery replied.
“Ouch,” Taylor said, looking hurt.
Zac gave a slight laugh, but it looked forced. I couldn’t help wondering if he’d been in a foul mood all day or if that only happened when I arrived. At the same time, I didn’t think I mattered to him enough to really have that much of an impact on his mood.
Avery giggled. “You know I already picked my dress out back in the summer, when we were in Tulsa. And I had a few dresses picked out for the girls already, so no, it really didn’t take long just to figure out which ones they all wanted.”
“Are you going to make Colby wear sleeves?” Zac asked out of nowhere.
“What?” Avery asked. “Why?”
He shrugged. “Well, you know, to cover the tattoos.”
“Zac, I’m not getting married in a Mormon church. No one cares,” Avery replied, rolling her eyes.
I stared Zac down. Where had that comment come from? Like so many other things he’d said to and about me, it was so random and made no sense. Did he hate my tattoos? Was that why he was judging me so harshly? I hadn’t encountered a lot of judgment over them, but I’d lived in New York City while I collected most of them. Avery was more open minded than her brothers, I knew. Maybe the rest of them really were the weird, close minded Bible belt cult that they seemed to be. Even that didn’t make me feel better about Zac’s judgment, and I hated myself for putting so much stock in his opinion of me.
“I think her tattoos are badass,” Taylor said, earning him a weak smile from me. “I like them.”
“Didn’t say I don’t like them,” Zac mumbled, still looking like he wanted to kill me and maybe Taylor, too, for making him admit that.
I leaned in closer to Avery and mumbled, “I think I’m just going to go back to my apartment, if that’s alright. I need to get some rest while I can before we go back on the road.”
Avery eyed me for a moment. “Are you okay? Zac’s an ass. Don’t let him get to you.”
If only it were that simple, I wanted to tell her. But I didn’t.
I shook my head. “No, I’m fine. I just need to get some sleep in an actual bed, that’s all.”
“Alright,” she replied, but I could tell she didn’t quite buy my excuse.
I gave Avery a relieved smile, then turned to the rest of the girls and raised my voice a little. “I’m going to head back to my place and get some rest. I’ll see you girls… whenever we all get together again, I guess.”
Like Avery, none of them were willing to take my excuse at face value, and I could feel the lie becoming weaker each time I repeated it. When I caught Zac’s eye entirely by accident, I could tell that he didn’t buy it at all either. The way he stared through me made me feel like dying. I hated him. Even more than that, I hated myself for having such a stupid, pointless crush on him.
Finally, after hugging and saying goodbye to all the girls at least three times each, I made my way back out of the tailor’s shop and onto the street. The tightness in my chest finally lessened once I was out in the daylight again.
I had barely been on tour for a week and already I felt like I was dying. I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through an entire tour at this rate.