Moving and Moving On
The rest of the holidays flew by without so much as a peep from Zac. That was roughly what I had expected; I knew he would want to spend that time with his real family, the one he was so desperate to save, and I also knew that Hanson had a big event in Mexico planned for just after the New Year. Even if he did claim to want Layla in his life, there simply wasn’t time right then, and I tried my best not to hold it against him. I was almost successful.
It was hard to believe that a year had passed since the truth had been revealed. So much had changed in that time. Layla was seven months old and more than a handful. Taking her to work with me was becoming more of a challenge now that she was crawling everywhere. When she wasn’t trying to explore the whole store, she was crying over her sore gums. I knew it had to be trying Joey’s patience to have her there, but he never complained. Sometimes I even caught him playing with her when he thought I wasn’t looking.
I tried to balance things out as well as I could, but there were some days when I just couldn’t get a babysitter. Avery was there for much as much as she could be, but I understood that she had to work as well and had other plans on her anniversary that didn’t include her friend’s teething baby. The store never did get very busy, so it wasn’t a big deal if I sat in the floor and helping Layla practice standing up while Tobias manned the checkout.
“So I was thinking…” Tobias began.
“That could be dangerous.”
“Har, har,” he replied, then stuck out his tongue. “No, seriously. You know Danny’s got that little studio set up now, right? So I was thinking it would be cool to get a girl in there to record some stuff… just to test the equipment out, you know? I mean, we’ve cut a few tracks, but let’s be honest, I don’t have a lot of vocal range.”
“And did you have any particular girl in mind?” I asked.
“Maybe,” he replied, grinning. “Say, one with some mad violin skills?”
“Hmm, I don’t know anybody like that…” I murmured as I caught Layla on a particularly bold—but failed—attempt to stand entirely on her own.
“Sure you don’t,” he replied, then turned back to flipping through the Rolling Stone he’d yanked off our small magazine rack to occupy his time between customers. “But if you think of anyone like that, the studio’s open anytime…”
Even though I hadn’t taken Tobias seriously, the offer was really tempting. It had been a long time since I’d had time to even practice any instrument. I couldn’t remember the last time my violin had been out of its case. Considering the fact that I had gone to college for music and devoted nearly all of my life to it, that was just a shame. Of course, I had other things to occupy my time, such as the little girl who had just thrown her stuffed rabbit at Tobias. Realizing that Layla now consumed everything in my life, to the exclusion of my music, was a bittersweet feeling. She was the most important thing now, but that didn’t mean I had to give up on my passions. At least, it shouldn’t have meant that.
“Maybe I do know somebody…” I finally said.
Tobias just smiled. I couldn’t help wondering if he had something else planned. I supposed he did know that I missed my music, and he was just trying to help. I wasn’t going to be mushy enough to say it, but I hoped he knew that I appreciated the thought.
The day progressed roughly the same way, with very few customers and more of our attention taken up by magazines and Layla than anything else. On the few occasions when the bell above the door rang, we both jumped up out of curiosity and in the hopes of having something else to occupy our time. Later in the day, when we had just about given up on anyone coming in for more than a few minutes, the bell rang and I glanced up to see Avery and Malcolm.
“What a romantic anniversary date,” I remarked.
“Oh, well our reservations aren’t until later,” she replied. “So I figured this would be a good way to kill some time.”
Malcolm wandered away to look at some of the new arrivals, but Avery stayed near the checkout. I couldn’t help thinking she too had some ulterior motive. Maybe I was paranoid, but the look on Avery’s face as she fiddled with the various items by the checkout made me think I was right.
“So, what’s up?” I asked as casually as I could manage.
“Oh, just stopped in to say hi,” she replied, not meeting my eyes. She twirled around a pen we had for people to sign their receipts with, then finally looked at me. “Well, it’s just… I don’t want you to freak out or anything, but there’s something I need to tell you. And I’m guessing since you haven’t called me to scream about it, you probably don’t know yet. Can’t say I’m surprised that he hasn’t told you…”
“He?” I repeated. “What did Zac do now?”
“It’s nothing bad,” Avery said quickly. “Not really, anyway. I mean, depending on how you look at it.”
Feeling ready to tear my hair out if she didn’t just spit out whatever it was she was trying to tell me, I practically shouted, “Just tell me already!”
“He’s moving here,” she said. When that didn’t get a reaction, she added, “I mean, for good. With Kate and the kids. They’re all moving here.”
I felt a dozen different emotions all at once. I wanted to be near him, didn’t I? But it felt so wrong, and I knew it was because Kate was coming with him. Being near me might have meant that he wanted to try to be a good father to Layla, but bringing his entire family with him meant that he had no plans to leave Kate. Their separation had only been temporary, as I think a part of me had known it would be. I knew his dreams of us having a happy little family had been just that—dreams. Reality could never be that simple.
“Oh,” I finally said, because I couldn’t think of anything more intelligent than that to say.
“I’m sorry, Colby,” Avery said softly.
“Why be sorry?” I asked. “It’s not bad news, is it? I mean, it isn’t good news, either. I don’t know what would be. It just… is what it is.”
Avery eyed me for a moment. “You’re taking this surprisingly well.”
“How else am I supposed to take it?” I asked, jumping a little when I felt a hand on the small of my back. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tobias standing there, Layla on his hip. I leaned into his touch a little as I continued, “So Zac’s moving here for good and not just crashing with Taylor and his wife. Good for him, I guess. Maybe he’ll make good on his promises to be there for Layla. Maybe he won’t. But at least this gets him a little closer.”
“I guess I just thought… I mean, I didn’t think you’d be glad to hear that he’s staying with Kate,” Avery replied.
“I’m not glad,” I said. “But I’m not surprised, either. I think I’ve finally realized that his words and his actions will never match.”
“I hate that you see him that way. You’re not wrong, but he’s just not… he’s not the big brother I used to know. And I wish you could meet that Zac.”
“I think I have,” I replied. “Once or twice. But he never sticks around.”
Avery nodded, then glanced back at Malcolm, who was making his way toward the checkout with a few old albums under his arm. “Well, I guess we should get going now that we’ve gossiped and spent some money. You’ll give me a call or stop by if you need to talk or vent or anything, right?”
“Of course,” I replied, having no doubt that with Zac back in town, I would need to do a lot of venting. “You guys have a nice dinner, and happy anniversary.”
I plucked Layla off Tobias’ hip so that he could ring up Malcolm’s purchases. The brave front I had put forth for Avery was nearing the end of its lifetime, and I stepped into the back so that I could take a deep breath and try to keep from crying. I didn’t know why it bothered me so much that Zac was moving to New York for good. Except that wasn’t entirely true. I did know why it bothered me—because Kate was coming with him. Because the happy life he made me think we could have wasn’t a possibility at all. I had been right that he was always going to go back to her, and now he wasn’t just going back to her, he was bringing her into my world.
I had never wanted to be wrong so badly in my life.
“Hey,” Tobias said, rapping softly on the doorframe before stepping into the room. “Everything okay back here? His sister’s gone, so you can stop pretending.”
“I don’t even know why I bothered,” I said. “She can see through me anyway. I just… I feel so bad for telling her how I really feel about him. She’ll always end up taking his side, eventually. Even if she does agree that he’s being… I don’t even know how to describe how he’s being.”
“I’d take up for my brother too,” Tobias replied. “But I know what you mean. You don’t want her caught in the middle.”
I nodded. “As much as it can be avoided, anyway.”
“So,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Are you going to see him, do you think? When he gets here?”
“I don’t even know when that will be. And I just don’t know. I guess it’s really up to him, even if he doesn’t have any clue what he wants.” I shook my head sadly, then brushed back Layla’s hair. She was starting to get a little fussy, but I was sure that had more to do with the baby tooth trying to make its appearance than with everything we were discussing in front of her.
“Well, you take a break back here for a while, alright?” Tobias said. “I can handle things out front, and you need a little breather. Think about what I said about the studio, though. We can set up a session for you whenever you want.”
“Yeah,” I said, plopping down on the couch. “I’ll definitely think about it.”
The thought of playing music again was just as overwhelming as the thought of Zac and Kate moving to New York. I hated it. I should have wanted to play again, but it almost seemed like a burden. Even my own music reminded me of him, somehow. No doubt any songs I managed to write and record would be about him.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I knew before I even pulled it out that it was a message from Zac. That was just my luck, and sure enough, a glance at the screen revealed that I was right.
Coming back to NY for good next week. We shld get 2gether w/Layla. We need to talk.
I couldn’t think of a single thing we had to talk about, but I also knew that I couldn’t deny him the chance to see his daughter. At one time, I might have thought that was best for him, but I didn’t believe that anymore. It might not have been best for me, but I was coming to see that I couldn’t make decisions based on that. I could do some things for me—like perhaps recording in Tobias’s friend’s studio—but I had to think about what was best for Layla, too. And I knew that letting her see her daddy was for the best, no matter what that visit might have meant for me. The latter, I had no doubt, could not possibly be anything good.