Fireworks
A few weeks later, I somehow found myself sitting in a lawn chair in the middle of an Oklahoma backyard. Avery had invited me along on a trip home that I knew held several purposes, even aside from the fourth of July slash engagement party she’d billed it as. She wasn’t good at hiding her ulterior motives, so it didn’t surprise me at all when her brothers started bombarding me with questions about whether or not I would like to work for them.
A part of me wanted to hate her for conspiring behind my back like I was some charity case, but the other part of me was excited about finally making some sort of break into the music business, even if it was just an internship with a tiny indie label.
The whole week in Tulsa so far had felt like one big party, with all the smaller parties and hangouts just blending together. Even when we met to discuss the potential internship, it didn’t feel like a business meeting. Somehow, all three Hanson brothers felt like old friends, not my potential bosses. I felt that way about most of the family, though. Avery’s seemed to have just adopted me as one of their own.
By the actual independence day party, though, I was ready for a bit of a break from constantly being surrounded by people. I planted myself in a lawn chair with one of Diana’s spiked ice teas and tried to remember how to breathe. It wasn’t difficult to relax in their backyard, which seemed to stretch on for miles. While I considered myself a city girl now, I had grown up in a more rural part of upstate New York, and I found that although it was different, I liked the Oklahoma countryside too. A few of the numerous Hanson grandkids were running around the yard with Avery and her other friend Annalee to supervise, but I was perfectly content to sit back at a distance and avoid the chaos.
“There you are,” a voice I immediately recognized as Zac’s said. “I thought you’d left the party.”
“I’m still here,” I replied, hating the way my entire body still seemed to heat up when he so much as looked at me.
Maybe not all of the Hanson brothers felt like old friends to me.
In the two weeks that had passed since I met him, it had been easy to forget the moment I thought Zac and I had shared. It had been easy to dismiss it all as just as combination of the alcohol and the high that seeing a good concert gave me. My emotions toward the music were just being transposed onto this guy who was completely out of my reach and uninterested in me anyway. There was nothing more to it than that, or so I had convinced myself until I saw him again and my heart forgot how to beat at a normal pace.
“Mind if I join you?” He asked, plopping down in the chair next to me before I had a chance to even shake my head. “I see you found the special tea.”
“Yeah, it’s umm… it’s pretty good,” I replied. This was a strange sort of small talk, and I wasn’t at all sure how to respond to it.
“It gets the job done,” he said with a hint of a smirk, then turned up his own beer bottle and took a long swig.
I found myself shamelessly watching him, but he didn’t seem to notice. We sat in silence for a long time, a million stupid conversation ideas running through my mind before Zac finally spoke again.
“So, you’re definitely coming out on tour with us?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I think so. I mean, the whole… moving here to work for you guys thing is pretty crazy, but going on tour is a little less permanent.”
“Just dipping your toes in the water,” he replied with a nod of his own. “I get it. If you don’t like it… well, you can worry about that later if it’s the case. But touring is fun. You’ll love it.”
“Do you?” I asked. “I mean, I don’t have a lot of really close family, but I would think… isn’t it hard to leave them?”
Those dark eyes of his flashed even darker for a moment, and I wondered if I had said the wrong thing. Maybe it was too personal of a question. I wasn’t even sure why I wanted to know. Finally, Zac shrugged off whatever he was thinking and replied, “It’s tough, yeah. Sometimes the family comes out on tour with us, but it’s harder now that they’re older, and with Kate so far along. But… well, we make it work the best we can. You’ll see.”
“I guess I will,” I replied softly, hating the stupid pang of jealousy that suddenly seemed to stab me on the inside.
“And anyway, as far as moving here, that’s not set in stone. You never know what the future will hold.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, we still technically own an office in New York,” Zac explained. “It’s just a big storage space right now, but it’s ours. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that we might start using it again. Ever since they started homeschooling their kids, Tay and Nat have been toying with the idea of moving. It wouldn’t be so tough now that finding a school isn’t part of the equation.”
I nodded, but once again, my head was spinning. Everything he talked about was foreign to me—from the business side of it to the family stuff. I tried to keep up with him, but I felt like I was being pulled underwater and had suddenly forgotten how to swim.
“Anyway, you should think about it. Even if you just go on this tour, you’ll still be getting your foot in the door, you know?”
“Yeah,” I replied, even though I wasn’t sure I knew at all.
We lapsed out of conversation then, choosing instead just to sit there and enjoy our drinks. Gradually, as the sun sank lower in the sky, the rest of the family began filtering out of the house and into the yard. Walker, Isaac and Taylor were loaded down with boxes of fireworks, while the women each had at least one kid in tow or trailing behind. I jumped up to offer my seat to Kate, who seemed to be struggling a bit for once, letting pregnancy get the better of her flawless appearance. I wasn’t sure how far along she was, but it seemed pretty far. Some girls, like Avery’s older sister Jessica, just seemed to fill out and fluff up everywhere when they got pregnant, but Kate was still stick thin everywhere else, her big belly sticking out almost comically, especially when she tried to maneuver herself into the lawn chair.
Once she finally plopped down onto the seat, she beckoned to Zac. Even without words, he knew what she wanted, and he hopped up to rub her shoulders. He leaned down and whispered something to her as he did, and I had the sudden impression that I was witnessing some sort of private moment that I really shouldn’t be present for. I decided it was time to go find Avery.
I found her sitting on a little swing set, supervising the few Hanson grandkids old enough to play with sparklers while she trailed her own through the air in front of her. I sat down on the empty swing next to her, giving her a wide but not very genuine smile.
“Enjoying the party?” She asked.
“Yeah,” I replied, unsure why I wasn’t and why I felt the need to lie about it.
“Were you talking to Zac about the tour?” She asked.
I was surprised that she had even noticed us, but I supposed you learned to split your focus easily in such a big family with so many people to keep an eye on. I nodded. “Yeah, he was trying to talk me into it, even if I don’t take the internship.”
“You really should,” she replied. “Normally I would go sell the merch, or Jess would. Annalee and I had a great time on the last tour. If I thought I could plan a wedding on the road, I would so go with you.”
“You mean you won’t put off the wedding just to come on tour with me?” I asked, giving Avery an exaggerated pout.
Avery giggled. “I just wish two of my bridesmaids weren’t going to be gone for so long. But I know you’ll have a great time.”
“Maybe I will,” I said. “It just seems crazy. I mean, with all this family and everything?”
“Oh, not everyone goes on tour now. At least not for the entire tour. They’ll come out to visit once or twice, usually when the guys are near their families. In a lot of ways, it won’t even be as hectic as this.”
“What about, umm, Zac’s wife?” I asked, the words tumbling out of my mouth and sounding fairly accusatory. “I mean, she’s got to be due soon, right? She wouldn’t do that much traveling now, would she?”
“Oh, no,” Avery said. “She’s not due until October, but no, not with two kids at home, too.”
I nodded. I wasn’t sure why it mattered to me so much whether or not she was there. There was no reason for me to be jealous or to think that it mattered whether or not Zac’s wife was around. I glanced over to where I had left the two of them, and saw that Zac had left Kate and joined the men setting up the fireworks. Kate still commanded attention from everyone around her, though, with a couple of the younger kids gathered around poking at her stomach and placing their mouths and ears up to it. I looked away quickly.
A few minutes later, the fireworks display started. It was pretty impressive for something put together by one family, but it was obvious that the Hansons never did anything small. Avery and I joined the crowd by the patio for a better view, but my eyes seemed to want to remain glued to Zac. Even the bright flashes of light and color couldn’t hold my attention the way that he did. Although something about his light seemed to have dimmed since our conversation, he still shone brightly and made me feel like a moth to a flame.
When he turned and caught my eye, I wondered if he had noticed me staring. My face flushed and I had to look away, fearing he could read all of my thoughts on my face. The thought of going on tour with Hanson was exciting, but I didn’t know how I could possibly keep these feelings a secret the entire time.