Due Date
Three weeks passed by in what felt like little more than a heartbeat, and before I knew it, I was in Rye at the huge mansion where Avery and Malcolm were about to get married. I had, like she suggested, skipped the bachelorette party and only taken the train out there the morning of the wedding rehearsal. The mansion was so large that for most of the day, I had managed to avoid nearly everyone in the family, but I knew I couldn’t avoid them all day. After lunch with Annalee, I had to face them all for the rehearsal.
We made our way into the mansion together, Annalee leading the way toward the coatroom. My winter coat covered my growing belly, but once it was hung up, I couldn’t pretend. After my last prenatal appointment, I’d given in and bought actual maternity clothes, including the dress I’d chosen to wear that day. It looked like something I would have worn anyway—black on top with a flowy purple skirt —but i was obviously built to accommodate a baby bump.
A baby bump that I realized everyone’s eyes were on the second I walked into the foyer of the hall where the wedding would be held.
One set of brown eyes in particular seemed to linger, and I was practically powerless to ignore them. The wedding coordinator soon drew our attention, droning on about how we were supposed to line up and walk in. With Zac’s eyes boring into me, I could hardly pay attention to her at all. I wasn’t sure I caught a single word she said, in fact, until she began pairing up the bridesmaids and groomsmen.
“And I think… you two,” she said, grabbing my shoulder and nudging me toward the one person I dreaded the most.
I wasn’t even surprised. The universe obviously hated me, so of course I would be forced to walk down the aisle with Zac. It was the cruelest sort of irony—walking down the aisle next to the already married man I’d fallen in love with.
The wedding coordinator walked us through the plan once again, and this time I paid attention. I would have listened to anything she said if it helped me ignore that Zac was standing so close that I could feel his body heat. When he grabbed my arm and laced it through his, I was certain I would pass out. The processional music began, and I had nothing else to distract myself with but focusing on not tripping over either of our feet.
“Congratulations,” he whispered, leaning down so I could hear him over the music. “Avery must have forgotten to tell me.”
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “She must have. She’s had more important things on her mind, I guess.”
Zac chuckled softly. “Well, don’t sound so excited about it. I know it’s gotta be a big change. It is even if you’re married. But you can’t imagine—I can’t even begin to explain—what it’s like to be a parent. To know you actually brought a new life into the world.”
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even look at him. I focused my eyes straight ahead as we walked the rest of the way up the aisle then parted ways. As I took my place between Zoe and Annalee, I contemplated the possibility of throwing up right there on the tile floor. Maybe then I wouldn’t have to walk down the aisle with Zac again.
After the rehearsal, which involved walking up and down the aisle with Zac an agonizing seven more times before the coordinator was satisfied that we all knew what we were doing, we headed across town to a fancy French restaurant. Avery had made reservations, reserving practically the entire restaurant so that everyone, including all the wedding party’s spouses and children, would have a seat. It was chaos. Only a handful of us were actually single and alone, and it seemed to make me and my baby bump stand out even more. The wives had all brought nannies to lighten their load, so most of the adults, single or otherwise, sat at one of two large tables. I was stuck between Annalee and Malcolm’s brother Nathaniel, and directly across from Taylor’s wife Natalie, who had no end of conversation topics at her disposal thanks to the two pregnant ladies at the table.
“Just a few weeks left until I get to meet my new niece or nephew,” Natalie practically squealed, shamelessly patting Nikki’s stomach.
I hadn’t seen Isaac’s wife for months, not since she took a short trip out to join the tour and celebrate the news that she was pregnant. She’d found out only a few weeks after he left for the tour, and when I last saw her, she didn’t even have a bump at all. Now she was practically ready to pop. I supposed I looked different now too, but I was used to looking at myself. To everyone else there, I must have looked vastly different, too. Only one of their opinions truly mattered to me, though, but he hadn’t looked at me at all since the rehearsal.
“I can’t believe you guys haven’t even asked what you’re having,” Natalie continued.
“No, we really do just want to be surprised,” Nikki said, causing Natalie to shake her head.
“I just can’t imagine,” Natalie replied, then turned back to face me. “What about you? Have you found out what you’re having yet?”
“A girl,” I said softly. I’d found out just a few days before that.
“Is Asher excited?” Annalee asked.
I tried not to wince. We were arguing again, so the question of him actually going to the doctor with me hadn’t even been raised. I had gone by myself, completely alone for the first time I saw my baby’s little alien looking image on the ultrasound. It was silly, but I had brought a copy of the ultrasound with me to the wedding. I didn’t know why. I didn’t really expect to get the chance to show it to Zac, or for him to want to see it if I did, but I’d brought it nonetheless.
“Asher’s, umm,” I mumbled. “He’s just… kind of overwhelmed, I guess. It’s a lot to take in.”
By that point, the not-quite lies rolled off my tongue easily. I’d learned how to say a lot yet say nothing at all.
Natalie’s head tilted to the side as she eyed me. “I’m sorry, when did you say you were due? Or did you say?”
“I didn’t,” I said, glancing down the table toward Zac. It was instinctive, and I hoped no one noticed. “Umm, at the beginning of July. July Ninth.”
Even though my voice was low, that seemed to catch everyone at the table’s attention. To my horror, even Zac and Kate were looking my way. Aside from the children, it felt like every pair of eyes in the room was trained on me.
“So, how far along are you, then?” Natalie asked. “Seventeen, eighteen weeks? You found out the gender pretty early…”
“Almost twenty weeks,” I squeaked out.
I could see everyone at the table doing the math. To some of them, it meant nothing. To others, those three words revealed my lie. And I knew that I could have kept lying, but when I went into labor a month sooner than anyone expected, the truth would have been revealed. Thinking about that picture in my purse, that little bit of proof that there really was a life inside of me… I didn’t think I could keep up the lie any longer.
There were a few people there who I knew would figure out the truth right then, and I tried, discretely to see what they were thinking. Taylor’s face showed no surprise at all. It was strangely blank, in fact, probably to keep his own wife from figuring out the truth. At the head of the table, so far away that I hoped she hadn’t heard at all, sat Avery. The anger and betrayal on her face was clear and it made me want to sink down into the floor and disappear.
But hers wasn’t the face I was most worried about.
Zac’s eyes were cold and blank, but I could see realization hit him the second my eyes connected with his. He shook his head and began digging around in his jacket. The light glinted off a cigarette lighter as he pulled it out. Mumbling something to Kate with his head turned to me, he stood up and rushed out of the room, tucking a cigarette behind his ear as he went. His hair blocked his eyes from my view as he went.
Another quick look around the table showed a range of expressions. The ones who hadn’t realized what was going on soon would, I was sure. Zac storming out like that didn’t help at all. I knew that if I left, I would only throw even more suspicion onto the two of us, but I couldn’t stay. Avery’s eyes were growing more and more angry, and I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t just sit there knowing that she was that angry with me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, pushing my chair back and standing up. “I’m not feeling well, so I’m just going to go back and go to bed.”
Before anyone could stop me, though I doubted any of them would try, I slipped my coat on and hurried toward the door. It was a long walk back to the mansion, but I didn’t care. I just had to go. I couldn’t sit there and watch as they all realized what I’d done. It was like watching dominoes fall in slow motion, but worse, so much worse.
The second I stepped outside, a burst of cold air smacked me in the face. I wrapped my arms around my body, but it did little to help. I wondered if I could call a cab or if I would just have to walk. I decided just to walk, if I could remember the way. I didn’t really care if I got lost and never made it back, and I didn’t think anyone in Avery’s family would care either.
“Colby!” A voice called out and I immediately recognized it at Zac’s.
I hadn’t even seen him standing there, but I should have known. He was leaning against the front of the restaurant, one hand buried in his coat pocket and the other holding a cigarette to his lips. I took one long look at him, not meeting his eyes, then started to walk away.
“Colby,” he repeated. “Don’t fucking walk away.”
I wrapped my arms tighter around my body and sped up. I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t talk to him. What could I say? I had no words for him, and I didn’t want to hear whatever angry words he might have had for me. I could still hear him calling out my name as I hurried on down the street, but I didn’t stop or even slow down.
Tears began to fall down my face as I put enough distance between us that I could no longer hear his voice. I tried to remember the way back to the mansion, but I didn’t know what I was going to do once I was back there in my room for the night. I didn’t know what the morning or even the rest of the night would hold. I was only certain of one thing.
I had ruined everything, just like I knew I would.