Avery
The next few weeks progressed in more or less the same way. In spite of what Asher had said, I made no attempt to talk to Avery. I knew it was bad. Her wedding was in less than a month, and I hadn’t been there for her or done anything at all since before Thanksgiving to show that I even wanted to be in the wedding. I couldn’t drop out, but I couldn’t face her, either. I was stuck.
She called or texted practically every day, and every time I ignored her. One day the texts came in one right after another so that my phone never stopped buzzing. I deleted each one without reading it. After a few hours of that, Tobias noticed something was wrong.
“I know you’re not ignoring Asher,” he said.
“No,” I replied. “It’s just… Avery’s been bugging me about wedding stuff.”
He nodded, as though that explained everything. It really didn’t. “You’re still going to be in her wedding though, right? In your little dress, with your little bump…”
I made a face, and put one hand over my stomach. “Thanks for reminding me. Yeah, I guess I am. I don’t know.”
“Well, you two probably need to figure that out,” he said, then took a few steps closer to me and lowered his voice. “I mean, I know it’s not Asher’s, so… I’m guessing whoever’s it is, you met him on tour. I’m not trying to accuse you of anything, but I can do the math. And I have a feeling that’s why you’ve been avoiding Avery.”
“I’m not saying you’re right,” I replied, practically hissing at him. “But you need to not do the math. Just… drop it. It’s best if certain people don’t ever know the truth. And before you ask, yes, Asher knows it isn’t his.”
His eyes widened. “And he’s still with you? No offense.”
“Yeah. I don’t get it, but he is.”
Tobias jut shrugged and smiled. “I knew he liked you. Sounds like he’s a real keeper.”
“More of one than the guy responsible for this,” I replied, pointing to my stomach.
Tobias laughed, but it wasn’t really that much of a joke to me. In a lot of ways, I supposed Asher was a keeper, but he made just as little sense to me as Zac did. I didn’t understand why either of them did the things they did, but at least I benefited from Asher’s weirdness.
After another hour of ignoring Avery’s texts, it was time to go home. I stopped along the way to pick up Chinese takeout. I ordered a few more entrees than I really needed, but I figured Asher would be by the apartment after band practice and he would want to eat. Besides, now that I was in my second trimester and all the nausea was gone, I had a feeling I could have eaten everything I’d bought and more.
With my arms loaded down, I headed back to my apartment and carefully made my way up the stairs. I was so focused on balancing the containers of food and figuring out how I was going to open my door without dropping them that I almost didn’t notice the person standing in front of said door.
Avery.
“At least you’re not dead,” she said, looking me over.
I held the food closer to my body, even though I knew my coat covered my bump. In spite of her angry words, Avery grabbed some of them from me so that I could open the door. Apparently she had decided to invite herself in, which I wasn’t exactly thrilled about, but I didn’t think I had any right to complain about how she treated me. Instead, I let her in and offered her some kung pao chicken. We didn’t exchange any words other than mindless pleasantries as she took the container of chicken from me and searched for one of rice. I poured glasses of water for both of us and contemplated how long I could keep my coat on before she started to wonder what my problem was.
“Colby,” she said, while I still had my back turned, putting the extra food in the refrigerator to save it for Asher. “We need to talk.”
I knew that was it. It was one of those now or never moments, and I could see no way out. I turned around and unbuttoned my coat slowly, then shrugged it off. Standing all the way back against the refrigerator, I knew Avery could see my stomach. She could see the reason why I’d ignored her for weeks.
“Colby?” She said, her tone making my name sound like a question.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
Avery’s eyes widened and she hopped off the stool, quickly crossing around the island toward me. “You’re going to have a baby? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know,” I replied, shrugging. It was just another of the lies that seemed to be coming easier to me. “It was just… I didn’t plan it, and it just…”
“But it’s good, right? You’re happy? Asher’s happy?”
I blinked. I had thought Avery would realize the truth, but why would she? She didn’t know when I was due. Surely she would find out eventually, but for now, yet another lie would keep her from hating me. After a moment to compose myself, I nodded and tried to smile. “Yeah, he’s… yeah. We’re happy.”
“Well, that’s great!” Avery replied, giving me a quick hug, then rushing back to her seat. “So why was that such a big deal?”
I shrugged, pulling up a seat and taking a few bites of rice. “I don’t know… it’s just embarrassing, you know? I wouldn’t have really chosen to have a baby now, and there are still days when I almost forget that I am. It’s just… it’s just been overwhelming.”
“I wish you would have talked to me,” she replied sincerely. “I want to be there for you for stuff like this.”
“I wish I would have too,” I replied.
It almost wasn’t even a lie. I did wish I could talk to Avery about this whole situation, but I knew I couldn’t. Even though she was one of my closest friends, I knew there was no way she would remain my friend if she knew what I did with Zac. But maybe, if I’d talked to her before it got so crazy, it could have somehow been prevented. If I could have shared my feelings with someone, maybe I wouldn’t have acted on them.
Maybe. But there was no way to know. Dwelling on what I could have done differently didn’t fix anything.
“You weren’t… thinking about dropping out of the wedding because of it, were you?” Avery asked. “Because I’ll admit, I came here to yell at you because it sure seemed like you were trying to drop out. And I realize I have four billion sisters-in-law that I could replace you with, but frankly I’m not as close to them as I am to you. And one of them is pregnant anyway, and Jess is nursing, so do you really think it matters to me if you have a little bump showing?”
I didn’t reply at first because I wasn’t sure if she was done or if she’d just paused to take a breath. When it was obvious that she was waiting for me to reply, I said, “I don’t… I guess It doesn’t matter. I didn’t think about it, Ave, I was just…”
“Overwhelmed, I know,” she said. “And that’s why I’m not yelling at you now.”
“You’re not yelling? This feels like yelling.”
Avery grinned. “This isn’t yelling, I promise. If I was yelling, you would know it.”
“Okay, okay,” I replied. “You’re not yelling. So you’re really not mad?”
She shook her head. “I’m… confused. Frustrated. And still wondering if you’re going to be in my wedding.”
“I am,” I replied. “But I think we may need to find me a new dress by then…”
Avery waved her fork menacingly in my face. “And that’s why you should have told me about this sooner! We’ll have to go for another fitting and see if the one I picked out will still work or if we need to find you something new. I’ll set it all up for us, okay?”
“Yeah,” I replied, suddenly feeling even more overwhelmed.
This was why I hadn’t told Avery. I loved her to death, but she had a way of steamrolling over me and dictating how everything in my life was going to be. Just like how she’d thrust this job opportunity with her brothers upon me. I knew she meant well, and I clearly didn’t do a good job of running my own life, but I kind of liked to have the chance to do it.
Avery was still all smiles. “So, have you thought about names yet? Or do you know if it’s going to be a boy or girl?”
“Not yet,” I replied. “I won’t find out for about a month. And I really haven’t thought about names at all.”
“Well, let me know when you find out, so I’ll know whether to buy little blue outfits or little pink outfits.”
“You don’t have to buy any outfits!” I practically screeched.
“I know, I know,” she said. “But I want to. You’re one of my best friends, so this is like almost the same as when one of my brothers and sisters has a kid. It might not really be my niece or nephew, but I’m going to spoil it like it was.”
I could actually feel all the blood drain out of my face at her words. Out of all the things she could have cluelessly said, it had to be that. But it was my fault she was clueless. I was purposely keeping the fact that this was her niece or nephew growing inside me from her. It made me feel sick to lie to her, but I didn’t know what else to do.
Right as I was contemplating actually running to the bathroom to hurl, I heard a key turning in the lock. Seconds later, the door opened to reveal Asher. That didn’t do anything to ease my nausea, but of course, he and Avery were both oblivious to it.
“Hey, you must be Asher!” Avery said, hopping up and giving him a hug.
I tried really hard not to laugh, but Asher looked like he wanted to die. Of course it was for a different reason than how I felt, but her sudden show of affection really seemed to freak him out. He peeled himself away from her and said, “And you’re… Avery?”
“So she’s told you about me too, but we’ve never met?”
Asher shrugged, crossing around the counter to kiss me on the cheek. “She’s mentioned you once or twice.”
“Well, she hasn’t told me nearly enough about you and this baby you two are you going to have!”
I could feel Asher’s eyes boring into me, but I tried to ignore them. He knew, I realized, that I still hadn’t told Avery the truth. I was going to have to answer for that later, but I didn’t know how. She had just assumed things, and it was so much easier to let her do that than to come clean. I didn’t think Asher would understand that.
“There’s really not much to tell,” I said, perhaps a little too loudly. Even though Asher hadn’t said anything, his expression spoke volumes.
“I still want to know everything,” Avery replied. “After we get your dress sorted out, we’ll have to go shopping for baby stuff.”
“Yeah,” I said, stabbing at my chicken. “We’ll have to do that.”
It went on like that for nearly another hour, with Avery telling me practically everything she knew about babies and asking a billion questions that I couldn’t answer… at least not truthfully. Asher was even quieter than usual, but thankfully Avery didn’t know him well enough to notice the difference. I could tell he was angry, even though I didn’t think I have ever seen him angry before. I could just feel it, without even looking at him.
Once Avery finally left, Asher simply turned and glared at me, and I could no longer avoid his stare.
“What?” I asked.
“You know what.”
I sighed. “It’s not that simple, okay? She just assumed it was yours and I… I couldn’t tell her. I can’t. You don’t get it.”
“Look, I’m happy to be there for you…” Asher said, sighing and running a hand through his hair. “But this is all getting to be too much. I’m not… I’m not leaving, but I don’t know. It’s just a mess and I don’t think lying is making it any better.”
“If you have any better ideas about how I can handle my own damn life, tell me. Otherwise, just trust me that I can take care of myself.”
Asher’s eyes widened. “I didn’t say you couldn’t!”
“Yeah, well, it sounded a lot like you did,” I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.
He sighed again, practically tugging on his hair. Taking a few steps away from me, he said, “You know what? I think I’m gonna go. Just for tonight. I just… I think maybe we both need to… not be together right this second.”
“I thought you weren’t leaving?”
“I’m not,” he replied. “Just for tonight. I just need to think. But you need to think even more. So just… go do that, okay?”
“Yeah, whatever,” I said, purposely looking away from him.
I didn’t look at Asher again while he gathered up his things and left. I was angry with him, but I was angry with myself, too, because I knew he was right. I knew I was just digging my grave, but I had fallen so deep that I didn’t even know how to begin crawling back out.