Beasley Hall, October 13, 1918
My dearest Nicholas –
I hope I do not presume too much in using such an address, but I confess I can think of no other way to describe you. You must know that no matter what I have chosen to do, who I have chosen to marry, you are the one who has my heart. You must know that.
I know we have not known each other long, but that is the simple truth. My feelings for you cannot be denied, no matter how much society would, I am sure, wish that it should be. None of that matters to me any more than it must. I will do my duty, but it does not change my feelings.
I will, of course, send you an invitation to the wedding. As Natalie’s cousin, it would only make sense for you to attend. Although I cannot imagine anyone would guess the true meaning, there would be talk if you were to miss the occasion. We will be in each other’s lives, for better or worse. For my own part, I would have it no other way, although perhaps it will be a certain sort of torture if we cannot agree and you choose for us to remain apart. If, however, you can see that our connection should continue, I believe we will be most fortunate to be so connected through my future wife.
I doubt anything I have said here will fully change your mind, but I do hope you will consider it. Consider me. Do not put an end to this before we have a chance to see what we could truly be.
Yours, Taylor
One thing Zac had forgotten during his military service was the tendency of his people to latch onto any possible reason for a party. It really took very little to persuade them that a full feast and house full of guests was necessary. There were all sorts of esoteric holidays and feast days which were celebrated in name only, their pagan origins long forgotten. There were the true Christian holidays, celebrated in a far from sober, religious manner. And there were, of course, no shortage of birthdays in a family so large as his.
Zac could almost forget how soon his own birthday was approaching, if the family had not dove headfirst into planning a large party for it. He wondered morbidly what they must have planned for Isaac’s, coming only a month later and with no guarantee that Isaac would even be present for it. He did not, of course, ask anyone that question. He might be an idiot and a pain in the arse, but not quite that much of either.
The day itself brought the arrival of all the usual guests. Thanks to Taylor and Natalie’s upcoming nuptials, the family seemed more interested in discussing that to death than the true reason for the party, and for that Zac was thankful. He was sat across from Lady Kathryn during luncheon, and through a series of complicated eyebrow waggles and one carefully placed nudge under the table, he managed to communicate to her that he very much wanted to get her alone after the meal. He hoped she got the message.
He lingered long after the meal, and let out a sigh of relief when the heavy door to the dining room reopened and she entered, a shawl around her shoulders that Zac was not sure the October weather really warranted. Still, he was pleased that she seemed to understand him so well. While he might have deeper, less noble intentions for her, he truly only wanted to spend time by her side right then. He had considered writing her a letter, but had not known what to say. This was their first meeting since the shooting party and he had not realized until she walked in the door just how much he had missed her.
“I had thought we might go for a walk around the grounds?” Zac offered his arm to her. “God, that sounds trite, doesn’t it? I must confess I have no clue what I’m doing here. You have me entirely out of my depths.”
Kate’s expression twisted into a bit of a smirk. “No, I suppose your talents do lie elsewhere. But a walk would be wonderful.”
“That quick wit of yours will get you into trouble one of these days, you know,” Zac remarked, leading Kate out of the manor. “Or rather, I imagine it may get me into trouble.”
“I know you’re not suggesting you’d rather I be one of those dull ladies who has nothing to talk about but her latest new dress or whether or not Lord So-and-So is looking for a wife.”
Zac chuckled to himself. “No, not at all. And I’m sure there will be a parade of exactly that type of girl at the party tonight. Now that Taylor and Natalie have set a date, they’re no doubt ready to pair me off with someone.”
“And you don’t want that?” Kate asked, something strange, almost cautious and hopeful, in her tone.
“I do want that,” Zac replied, not quite meeting her eyes. “If you can believe that, considering what you know of me. But I want the right woman. One with personality. One who isn’t interchangeable with any of a dozen others. And if I may say so, one who wants me just as much—warts and all. Someone who isn’t just looking for a meal ticket or a title, which I can’t provide anyway. My position is better than some, but it’s still not much to brag about.”
“Surely that would mean any women who tried were interested in you for you, then,” Kate suggested.
“Perhaps. But I’m still an earl’s son, if not the oldest. That counts for enough to some people.”
Kate eyed him. “You have a rather cynical view of our class, you know.”
“Do I? I hadn’t noticed.” Zac smirked.
Kate laughed at that, and Zac was pleased to see her seeming so happy and carefree, compared to how she had been at the party. He did not know whether she might have had word from Isaac, and he knew it was not his place to ask. If she wanted to talk about his brother, she would do so in her own time. In the meantime, all Zac could do was be there for her, providing a sort of friendship that he knew she had no one else to provide.
The two made a bit more small talk as they circled around the gardens and grounds. Finally, with nothing more to discuss without getting closer to the heart, they returned to the house and began to part ways. Zac paused in the hall, hearing raised voices from the library. He dropped Kate’s arm when he heard his own name, and took a few long steps toward the room. He knew, without turning to check, that she was still behind him. A part of him wanted to send her away, but a larger part thought it might be nice to have her there for reinforcement, though he knew not what sort of battle he was entering.
“Well, speak of the devil,” Walker said, turning to face Zac as he entered the room.
His face was bright red, while Diana’s had gone ghostly white. The source of both of these was obvious; the ladies maid Leona stood in front of Walker, looking far too pleased with herself.
Zac knew he should have defended himself, but there was no good defense for what he had done. Instead, he walked straight to the bar and poured himself a stiff drink, choosing to focus on it rather than the conversation still going on around him.
“Miss Leona here has made a very interesting claim, Zachary,” Walker continued, though he was talking to Zac’s back. “One which I dearly hope you can refute, and which I dare not repeat for fear of causing your mother to faint.”
“How much money does she want?” Zac asked.
“Enough to bring the child up properly,” Leona replied, her hand on her stomach. If one hadn’t known to look for it, the slight bump would have been completely unnoticeable under her uniform.
“And prevent her from spreading the word, I presume,” Kate added.
Everyone turned to face her, Zac having completely forgotten that she was in the room at all. Walker shot Zac a look, presumably expecting him to do something about this intrusion, then turned to Kate, his brow furrowed in frustration.
“You’ll excuse us, but this is a private conversation. You are practically family, but nevertheless, this is not something we need an audience for.”
“She can stay,” Zac said. When his father only stared blankly at him, he repeated, “Lady Kathryn can stay. Or rather, we’ll both go. I can’t see how I’m necessary to this conversation, either.”
With his drink still in one hand, Zac took hold of Kate with the other and swept her out of the room before she could protest. He knew his parents would be upset, but he couldn’t see how he could add anything at all to their discussion of how best to pay off the mother of his bastard child. The girls he’d known during the war had ways of preventing that sort of thing, or so they’d said. He realized, belatedly, that he was a fool to trust them, too. He was just a fool, plain and simple. There was no possible way Kathryn could want him now, if she ever had.
“Zachary,” she said softly, planting herself on the spot before he could drag her out of the house completely. “I know I’m meant to be just a clueless woman. Only I am a woman, and so I do know a few things about how… well, how these things work.”
“I wish I could say the same,” Zac mumbled.
“Only I wonder—and I’ll believe what you tell me, so it best be the truth. I wonder if that was the only time. That night, at the party.”
Zac stared into her eyes. He couldn’t quite understand why she was asking, but if she was, it must be important somehow. The fact that she still trusted him to tell her the truth meant a great deal, more than he could possibly have expressed. He nodded his head. “That was the only time. I swear to you.”
Kate returned his nod with a decisive one of her own. “Then I highly doubt the child is yours. It’s only been a month. I shouldn’t speak of such things in detail, but suffice it to say, I am not so sure a woman would know for certain so soon. If she is without a doubt with child, she already was when the two of you—well. I simply don’t believe it to be yours, and whatever happens, I will stick to that opinion.”
“If that’s true—if you’re right—we must tell them.”
“They may not believe it,” Kate replied. “The damage may be done, simply by her accusation. But let us go back in and see what can be said to lessen the blow. Hear her out. Hear them out. All may not be lost.”
Zac took her by the arm again, then paused. “Why would you do this for me? I’ve surely done nothing to deserve such kindness from you.”
“You have. More than you know. Simply by being there for me, when I needed someone. A friend.”
A friend. There were worse things he could be to her, Zac supposed. For right then, it was enough. He took her by the arm and led her back into the room just in time to hear Leona exclaim.
“Ask that lady! Lady Kathryn. She’ll tell you that she saw us together.”
All heads turned toward her, and Zac felt himself puff up a bit at how composed Kate remained, her expressed completely unchanged and unsurprised. “I cannot, in good conscience, say that I did. When do you claim that this occurred?”
“When we were at that castle, for the shooting party.”
“That was hardly a month ago,” Diana said softly, seeming to regain some of her strength but not yet moving from the sofa.
“If anything happened then, as you claim,” Kate said, taking a step forward, “then in eight months you will give birth. If you should give birth sooner than that, particularly should the child not look like Zac, what then? Have you planned that far ahead?”
“I never—I never said it was only the once,” the maid replied, sounding far less convicted than she had a moment ago.
“You’ll understand if we take Lady Kathryn’s word over yours,” Walker said, giving Kate a nod before turning back to Leona. “You realize your evidence is quite weak; the one witness that could prove your claims denies them. If things are as you say, then all will be revealed in a matter of months. If they are not, that shall be revealed as well. If this child truly is our son’s, we will raise it. Say we took in some poor orphan. You will leave here with a modest, but not glowing, reference and be thankful for that mercy. We will not be blackmailed, when it is our word against yours. No one is likely to believe a young maid such as yourself. You must know that.”
Zac thought it best not to mention that they had been blackmailed before, and in rather a similar situation, albeit one without permanent physical evidence. There had been witnesses then, too, but none so willing to lie as Kate was. Perhaps his parents had learned from that.
Leona stuttered, but did not manage to form any real words. Her expression said it all; Kate had been right. Even if she truly were pregnant, the baby was not Zac’s and Leona knew it.
“I think you’ve said enough. You’ll go to work in the dower house for the time being, where you’ll be out of sight. If you can, in eight months, convince us that we’ve been wrong, our original offer stands. We raise the child and you get nothing. But don’t expect us to be so easily convinced.”
Leona nodded and scurried from the room without another word. As she passed Zac, she shot him a glance that could have wilted flowers, but he truly couldn’t understand why she was so upset with him. She was the one who had attempted to trap him, to claim some other man’s child was his. He knew he wasn’t entirely blameless, but she was the one whose scheme had been revealed.
“Don’t you think that was a bit harsh?” Diana asked softly.
“I trust Lady Kathryn,” Walker said simply. “If we cannot trust Isaac’s fiancé over the word over a maid who has only been part of this house for a few months, who can we trust? It’s early days; she couldn’t possibly be certain the child was conceived when she says, so it’s much more likely she’s conned some poor fool into fathering a child she could attempt to pass off as our son’s.” At that, he turned to face Zac. “Who, by the way, needs to learn a bit more discretion. I don’t care how things were done in the army, you’ll behave properly here at home.”
“Yes, sir,” Zac replied, only the faintest hint of sarcasm in his tone. “May I be excused, then?”
“Of course,” Walker replied. “They’ll be in here to decorate for the party soon enough. One I’m not sure you deserve now, but it’s too late for that.”
Zac hesitantly held an arm out to Kate, and to his relief she accepted it. He still couldn’t quite fathom why she had defended him and lied for him. How she could want anything to do with him after all she had seen…
“I am sorry if my presence made that worse,” Kate said softly after they had exited the library.
Zac led her up the stairs, where he knew few people would be lingering at that time of day. He leaned up against a wall, both for physical and emotional support. He absent-mindedly rubbed his leg as he spoke. “I am glad you were there, as strange as it sounds. You were very convincing. You helped my situation more than you know. I don’t think I can possibly thank you enough for it.”
“It was nothing,” Kate replied, looking down at the floor. “I am sure you would have done the same for me.”
“And I am sure you wouldn’t have gotten yourself into such a situation. You’re smarter than that—smarter than me. You would never need me to come your defense for anything so salacious.”
“Perhaps not,” Kate agreed, glancing up slowly. “but I know that whenever I might need someone in my corner, you’ll be there. And I fear I will need someone soon.”
“Then I’ll be there,” Zac replied, grasping her hand and pulling it to his lips. He planted a gentle kiss on her soft skin, but did not let go of her hand afterward. “Whatever you need. I’ll be there.”
He hoped she understood just how much he meant that, and in how many ways.