Feels Like Flames Surrounding Me Here
So tired we take the table near the door
The table near the door
Sat back under fire
Only as stable as I choose to show
If I choose to show
But where were you that night?
When I was…
Well, I feel that this is an explosion
Nobody else could ever really know
I would follow you anywhere
As soon as the conference ended, Carolina was out the door and in her car. She didn’t relish an hour of Los Angeles traffic, but she knew it couldn’t be avoided. As she sat in her car, getting sweatier and sweatier, she vowed not to drive even a single foot more until she left town. It was all just too much for her; she was a small town girl at heart and had avoided driving as much as possible while in San Jose. She didn’t think she would ever become fully accustomed to traffic in California. As far as she was concerned, it was like something from another planet entirely.
What seemed like a week later, but was really about an hour and a half, she finally walked into the hotel, dragging her bags behind her. She leaned against the front desk, not really caring how she must have looked, and said, “I need to check in.”
“Name?”
“Carolina Bailey.”
The clerk tapped a few keys, then a few more, then shook his head. “I have a reservation with that name on it, but not until tomorrow night.”
“No, that’s not right. We added another night—Emilia Davis made the reservation, and she was supposed to make sure that tonight was added on for me and for Laura Jensen.”
The clerk shook his head again. “Unfortunately, I’m only showing Laura Jensen’s name on the room for tonight. Is she with you?”
Carolina groaned and rested her head against the desk. From underneath the curtain of her hair, she replied, “No, she won’t be here until around eleven. She’s getting on her plane… oh, right about now.”
“Then I’m afraid I won’t be able to let you check in until then. I apologize for any inconvenience.”
“Right,” Carolina mumbled, walking away from the desk, her suitcase’s wheels clattering against the tile as angrily as she felt. “As though there’s a chance this wouldn’t be inconvenient.”
Once she and her luggage were safely back in her car, Carolina pulled out her phone and sent three texts. The first two were identical, sent to both Emilia and Laura, letting them know what was going on with the hotel. She didn’t expect to hear from Laura, since she was probably in the airport, and she wasn’t sure there was anything Emilia could do, anyway. The third text she sent to Taylor.
So I hate to change plans at the last minute but something got screwed up with my hotel reservation and I can’t get into the room until Laura gets here. Is there any way we could possibly meet up sooner?
Oh man, that sucks! I’m super busy today so I really can’t meet up any earlier than 7. Where are you?
Best Western Sunset Plaza? I’ve never been here before and I don’t think any of the other girls are getting into town this early so I really don’t know where to go.
You don’t know anybody else here? I would say get in touch with Mia but she’s working late tonight.…
Well I better figure something out before I get accused of loitering or trespassing here.
You’ve got a GPS right? Intelligentsia, 3922 Sunset Blvd. It’s a really good coffee shop. You can hang out there and I’ll text you when I’m free.
Okay, I can do that. Thanks and sorry for being such a mess.
Nearly an hour later, Carolina found a parking spot and made her way into the coffee shop. She fumbled through her luggage until she located a reasonably cute outfit and her makeup bag. As covertly as she possibly could, she made her way into the coffee shop’s bathroom and went about her costume change. She still felt like a hot mess, even with fresh makeup and clothes that didn’t stink of sweat, but it was the best she could do without access to a shower. She reminded herself that Taylor had seen her in pajamas with no makeup; her favorite jeans and a cute floral blouse she’d bought just for this trip had to be an improvement over that.
She ordered a frozen drink, hoping the temperature, if not the caffeine, would calm her nerves. She had been on edge for hours now, her mind constantly debating with itself over what might happen that night. Carolina didn’t know what Taylor expected from her, but she truly didn’t believe he had any real interest in her. He had been friendly, but not flirty. This was just two friends getting dinner together; nothing more.
Of course, if it did become something more…
Carolina had almost convinced herself she would tell him no. She almost believed she was capable of it. She knew if she got a taste of him, she would want more. How could she not want more? He was Taylor Hanson; he wasn’t just any guy she could sleep with once and move on. Yet… one night with Taylor had to be better than nothing, she thought.
The coffee shop advertised free wifi, so Carolina dug her laptop out of her bag and logged on. She wasn’t surprised to see several emails; apparently Laura and Emilia had gotten her messages. They had let everyone know about her dilemma, and they all had suggestions. One message from Mia stuck out above the rest–I do know someone in LA who could help you out…
Quickly, Carolina typed messages to everyone, letting them know that she was fine, just nursing her anxiety attack with a frappe and waiting for a college friend to come and take her out to dinner. It was a lie, of course; to Laura she sent a separate message about her plans to meet up with Taylor. She felt bad lying to everyone else about it, but she had already said too much when she admitted to Delanie that she had asked Taylor to meet up. She needed to keep her mouth shut about whatever happened for the rest of the night.
She drank her frappe slowly as she checked the rest of her emails, LiveJournal, Facebook… anything she could think of to occupy her mind so that she wouldn’t keep arguing with herself about what she would or wouldn’t do with Taylor.
Finally, just a few minutes before seven, her phone buzzed.
See a place called the Black Cat across the street? I can meet you there in about 15min.
I think I can make it that far. See you soon.
Carolina tossed her drink in the trash and hurriedly hauled her bags back to her car. She switched to a smaller purse, then made her way across the street and into what she quickly realized was a bar full of hipsters. She was certain she looked out of place, but she tried to ignore that feeling as she squeezed through the crowd to an empty seat at the bar.
She presented her ID to the bartender, and ordered a rum and coke. She knew that drinking probably wasn’t the best idea, since she still had to drive back to the hotel whenever Laura finally made it in. On the other hand, it was just one drink. It wasn’t enough to get drunk; just enough to soothe her nerves like the coffee hadn’t while she waited for Taylor to arrive.
The glass was nearly empty and the bar full when she finally spotted a familiar head of blonde hair above the rest of the crowd. He practically sauntered across the room, looking somehow like he belonged and didn’t at the same time. The two of them both stood out in this crowd, but for entirely different reasons. Carolina wanted to run and hide, but instead she lept down from her stool and called his name.
His eyes lit up when they finally landed upon her. They embraced, and Carolina wasn’t sure which one of them had moved in first. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he felt just as good in her arms as she remembered.
When they finally pulled away, all Carolina could manage to say was, “Hey.”
“Hey,” Taylor replied, his face just like she remembered, too—that same look that said oh, you are real. “Have you been here long? I can’t believe you managed to get a seat at the bar.”
“Only a few minutes.” It was somewhat of a lie, but that was okay. She didn’t need him to know how eager she was to see him.
“Why don’t we move to a table?” Taylor asked, nodding his head toward one small, unoccupied table to his left. “I’m going to go grab a drink.”
“Okay,” Carolina replied, grabbing her drink from the bar and sitting down at the table. She tried not to stare as he walked away and craned his neck to get the bartender’s attention.
A moment later, he returned to the table, a beer in one hand and a glass in the other that looked suspiciously like a double rum and coke. She wondered how he’d known what she was drinking—had she mentioned that it was her go to? Did he ask the bartender? Could he just tell? She didn’t ask.
“I don’t think I can drink this,” Carolina said, the other one having already gone to her head just a bit, considering how fast she had gulped it down.
Taylor nudged it closer to her. “Just hang onto it. You can drink it or not, it doesn’t matter to me.”
“Okay,” Carolina replied.
They made small talk about the concerts while Taylor drank his beer, and Carolina dutifully did not take even the tiniest sip of her drink. After a moment, Taylor sat his beer down decisively and said, “Okay, so, we need to talk about your books.”
“No, we don’t.”
“You can’t write stuff like that and share it with the world, and not be willing to talk about it,” Taylor shot back.
Carolina pulled the glass to her without thinking, and took a quick sip. “Okay, but don’t tell me which ones you’ve read. As long as we don’t get into any details.”
Taylor raised his eyebrows. “No details and you’ll answer my questions?”
“I’ll try to answer them,” she replied.
“That really isn’t fair,” Taylor said. “But okay. I really just want to know why there aren’t any women.”
“There are women!” Carolina reflexively took another long sip of the drink. “Just… not that many. It is mostly male on male.”
“I know it is,” Taylor replied, laughing. “I just don’t understand the appeal.”
Carolina shrugged, trying to look as coy and unaffected as possible, when she really wanted to crawl under the table and die. “It’s no different from men watching lesbian porn. It’s the same basic appeal.”
Taylor laughed even louder. “I really don’t think it is. But okay, so you’re telling me, if you’re imagining a threesome, it’s you and two guys?”
She took another long drink, and shook her head. “It’s not like that. It’s just fiction, not necessarily fantasy.”
“You’re using that drink as a security blanket, aren’t you?” Taylor asked, and Carolina reluctantly nodded and laughed. “Okay, so it’s not a fantasy. If you say so. I just think you should write more with women. Maybe one with a sexy librarian.”
“And how would that not be a fantasy?”
Taylor shrugged, and laughed, and Carolina wondered how she managed to stay upright in her chair when he gave her that dangerous looking smile.
“How did you find out about the books anyway? And how long ago?”
He shrugged again. “You’ve got some of the same usernames for stuff. It wasn’t hard to connect the dots. I think I figured it out… around the time we met? Maybe a week or so before that concert.”
“And you didn’t say anything then?!” Her voice was loud, but thankfully the bar was louder, having become positively packed as the hour grew later.
Once again, he shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I just think it’s funny.”
“Well, I’m glad my secret perversion amuses you so much,” Carolina shot back.
Taylor laughed, his hair falling over his eyes. He looked up at her through his hair. “So, all of that has to come from somewhere. I bet you’ve got some crazy stories.”
“Maybe I do. They’re all old, though. I haven’t been that wild since undergrad.”
He leaned in, his elbows on the table. “Yeah, but you still have stories. Tell me the craziest one.”
“The craziest sexual story I have?” Carolina repeated.
Taylor nodded, and Carolina found that she couldn’t meet his eyes as she racked her brain for the most shocking story possible. She suspected that in some way, she was playing into his hand, but she wanted desperately to be anything but a boring old librarian. If it gave Taylor the wrong idea about her, that was a side effect she would deal with later.
“Okay, umm, so this one time, I went to a goth, fetish night kind of thing at a bar. And I got tied up in this Japanese rope bondage stuff and led around the club by the rope.”
“So, you’re like, naked and being led around the club on a leash. That’s pretty crazy.” Taylor’s wide eyes betrayed his calm tone of voice.
“Who said I was naked?” Carolina shot back. “Just because you’re imagining it that way. I was fully clothed, thank you very much.”
“Well, still,” he replied, a faint blush on his cheeks. “I think that’s definitely a pretty crazy story. Good job.”
Carolina shrugged, as if to say there was more to her than he knew. There truly was, but she didn’t feel the need to share any more than that. She picked her phone up off the table, and realized with a start that she was minutes away from running out of time on the meter where she had parked earlier.
“So, umm,” she said, slowly glancing back up at Taylor, “I think I may need to go. Or, I mean, move my car. Or feed the meter. Something.”
“Did you want to get some food?” He asked, and she realized her drink was empty and her head spinning.
Her stomach turned at the word food, and she shook her head.
“Well, they have pretty good food here. But we can go somewhere else. Let me go close out my tab and then we’ll figure something out.”
While he was gone, Carolina pulled out her phone and quickly answered a text from Laura, letting her know that she had met up with Taylor and everything was fine. She ignored the group email, not feeling up to answering all of their questions right then. There was a private message from Delanie, and in her tipsy state, she let herself open it.
Re: Re: Re: hey
delanieann
June 25, 2008, 19:02:02
So did you end up meeting up with Taylor???
Re: Re: Re: Re: hey
cityofnight
June 25, 2008, 20:37:55
I did! Drinking with him now at some bar. Is this real life?
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: hey
delanieann
June 25, 2008, 20:39:01
I am so so so so so jealous. Be careful though!
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: hey
cityofnight
June 25, 2008, 20:39:33
Think we’re leaving soon. Need to get back to my hotel and get some sleep…
Carolina tucked her phone away before she said anything more than that. Deep down, she knew she had already revealed too much to Delanie, but it wasn’t as though it was that incriminating. So they were drinking together. Big deal. Plenty of people had gotten drinks with guys and it didn’t lead to anything. If Delanie assumed something else was happening other than just two friends having drinks, that was Delanie’s problem.
“You ready to go?” Taylor asked, walking back up to the table. “We’ll take your car. I’m parked in a free spot.”
“Lucky you,” Carolina replied, her legs wobbling as she stood up from her seat. “I think you should drive.”
“Your car?” He asked, and she handed him her keys by way of an answer. “Okay, well, let’s just go back to my place and smoke a bowl, if you want.”
Carolina nodded and smiled, while inside she felt like she wanted to explode. Taylor Hanson was taking her back to his house. She was letting him drive her car, and he was taking her inside his own, private house. She wondered if she’d had even more to drink than she thought, because none of this made any sense at all. And maybe what she had told Delanie was even more of a lie than she’d realized.
Maybe what she’d told herself was a lie, too.