So Bored of Innocence
And I keep hearing things that I can’t understand
And I see beauty in resistance
And I’m just trying to figure out who I am
I’m just trying to figure out who I am
In the dark, I can feel the weight of the world
Pushing down on top of my shoulders
You think you’re strong enough to carry it all?
Go ahead, knock yourself out
lucky little lady (cityofnight) wrote in jtaylorfans,
2008-02-18 16:32:11
yes we can?
Went to a rally last night in San Jose. I think from the subject you can all guess who and what for. I swear I saw someone there in an old Hanson shirt, but I never managed to get close enough to ask. So if you were there, I was hoping you are also in this community. That would be pretty cool; I know a few local-ish fans but not many.
I did try to check on Facebook to see if I could find you in the pics (Is that creepy? Oops.), but I’ve also been untagging myself from the rally pics all day. I know that seems cowardly or whatever, and I guess it is. The thing is, I’ve had to add several of my family members to my friends, now that FB allows anybody at all to sign up, and they aren’t exactly liberal. It’s not that I’m really ashamed or anything, but I just don’t want to deal with the way I know some of my family members would respond. Especially because a political rally in California is going to look a lot different from anything they’re used to in West Virginia.
Sorry that went kinda into personal territory that doesn’t really matter. The point is, was anyone else here at the Obama rally in San Jose last night? And if you were, please don’t tag me in the pics because I’m not ready to have that conversation with my family, but also I would like to meet some more local Hanson/Jordan Taylor fans.
fourleafclovers
February 18, 2008, 16:13:57
I’m planning to go to one in Denver soon!
dehanson
February 18, 2008, 16:43:01
Maybe you should be ashamed, if you aren’t respecting what your family taught you to believe.
cityofnight
February 18, 2008, 16:55:33
I’m sorry, but I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I know I posted this publicly and I knew I was treading a thin line by getting so personal with it, but none of that gives you the right to make statements about me and my beliefs when you really don’t know anything about either.
You also don’t know my family. You don’t know that, in spite of their flaws, they taught me to be independent and think for myself. They couldn’t have anticipated the direction it would lead me in, but I am who I am, for better or worse. You happen to think it’s worse. I don’t. The only difference is that your opinion of me doesn’t matter one bit.
sacredfool83
February 18, 2008, 17:49:21
I was at the LA rally the other night too. Heard some good stuff.
Good for you sticking up for yourself. It’s tough sometimes, but you’re doing the right thing, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Do what you gotta do and keep doing you.
Just checking in
delanieann
February 18, 2008, 20:01:34
Hey, girl. Just wanted to see if you were going to be able to contribute to the birthday gift. No worries if you can’t.
Also, ignore that dehanson girl. Her name is Devon and she has some serious problems. She’s so conservative and it’s so toxic. But it’s worse than that, she is really obsessed with Taylor. You wouldn’t believe some of the things she’s said about him.
Re: Just checking in
cityofnight
February 18, 2008, 20:13:02
I don’t think I’m going to be able to afford it this time. Sorry.
And I am so not worried about that Devon chick. I got pretty mad about her comment earlier, but the more I think about everything else I’ve seen her post, the more I realized she had to just be some delusional nutcase. I mean, have you read her journal? Yikes.
Re: Re: Re: Just checking in
delanieann
February 18, 2008, 20:17:53
Yeah, it’s pretty bad. When I first read it, I kinda thought she really was his girlfriend, but it took me like three or four entries to realize she was just completely wacky. It just pisses me off. Like, I wonder how many fans are really put off from being part of his fandom because they think he would date someone like that. It’s awful. I wish there was something more that he could do to make her stop.
Re: Re: Re: Re: Just checking in
cityofnight
February 18, 2008, 20:22:21
I kind of felt the same way! I mean, I didn’t think he would date someone like her, but I had to wonder. I just don’t understand what she gets out of being in this fandom when she seems to hate anything and everything liberal. Like, has she listened to the things Taylor says?
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just checking in
delanieann
February 18, 2008, 20:25:44
She’s just nuts. That’s all there is to it.
But like you said, the whole sex, drugs and rock and roll thing is basically what Taylor is all about. I LOVE it, but I can’t imagine what it must be like to be conservative and try to be his fan. Devon probably has no clue what he’s really like, because I just don’t see how she would like him if she did.
I mean, he talks about smoking pot, but he’s tried basically every drug out there. Even meth. I don’t think she could handle that kind of guy, you know? Not to mention the sex thing, when she is apparently waiting for marriage.
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just checking in
cityofnight
February 18, 2008, 20:25:44
I don’t really want to think about any of that stuff. I like what I have seen of Taylor, and I don’t want that illusion shattered, even if it’s not the truth and the truth is a lot worse.
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just checking in
delanieann
February 18, 2008, 20:29:53
I’m sorry. I hate to sound like I’m spreading gossip or something. I’m just trying to be realistic about who he is, and I don’t think that acknowledging his flaws means I care any less about him.
I mean, who am I kidding? I would sell a kidney for one night with him. I know this girl he’s been hooking up with, and I kind of hate her a little bit. She says she doesn’t want more either, but how could she not?! I mean really. I think I would die if I even got to sleep with him once.
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just checking in
cityofnight
February 18, 2008, 20:33:10
You know, you’re not the first person to tell me he’s hooking up with a fan. I don’t know. I thought I knew which fan, because they seem really close, but… Like I said, I just don’t want to get into gossip.
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just checking in
delanieann
February 18, 2008, 20:36:27
Is it Mia? Hahahahaha. I thought it was her at first, too, but no. She doesn’t talk about it much and I can’t really blame her for it, but she’s dating Zac. I’ve been talking to her a lot lately, and she’s really guarded about Zac and Taylor. I really respect the fact that she doesn’t gossip about them either. She was a fan first and that was how she met them, so she’s in kind of an awkward place. She understands where all of us are coming from, but she doesn’t get too close to any fans these days. But anyway, no, it isn’t her. I really shouldn’t say who it is.
In the weeks leading up to Taylor’s birthday, Carolina became absorbed with finally finishing up her novel. She was working with the same publisher who had released the anthology, and it did take some work off her shoulders, but it was still time consuming. She could only imagine how much worse it would be if she were working with a big publishing house. There was a part of her that wanted that kind of approval, that proof that her writing was worth it, but the bigger part of her didn’t want that much attention. Being able to write what she wanted and get that writing directly in the hands of the people who enjoyed it.
She was just going over the final copy of the book’s cover when her phone rang. A quick glance at the screen revealed that it was Laura.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Laura replied. “Where were you the other night? Taylor did a big Skype hangout where he opened the birthday gift.”
“Well, hello to you too. I’ve been really busy. You know Strange Little Heart is coming out in less than a month. I’ve got so much to do, on top of actually going to my normal, real life job.”
“Yeah, well, I know. But Taylor doesn’t and he asked where you’ve been.”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Yeah, he did.”
Carolina collapsed back into her couch. “That makes it a lot harder to keep my distance from him. I mean—not that I really want to. I don’t know. It’s not so much him as his fans.”
“Oh, gee thanks,” Laura replied, her tone obviously sarcastic and not actually hurt.
“You know what I mean,” Carolina said. She ran a hand through her hair. “It’s just some of these girls are so intense. I mean, I seem like a serious prude saying this, but the kind of sexual comments they make to him are just too much for me. There’s a line, you know? But he seems to encourage most of it, so I guess he doesn’t really mind. I don’t know. Some of the things I’ve heard…”
Laura replied, “Do I even want to know? You know what, I probably don’t. And I’ve probably already heard some of the same stuff anyway. Some of these girls are definitely want too much, but you’re right—it seems like that’s the kind of fanbase Taylor wants. I can’t say I wouldn’t be like some of them if I were single, but I don’t really know. I don’t think I would be as bad as, say, Delanie. Or Mia, posting pics of herself modeling all the time.”
“Yeah, but she really is a model. I mean, it’s not like she’s taking pics with her camera timer, you know?” Carolina said. “And apparently she’s Zac’s girlfriend, as several people have told me. Although one of those people was Delanie, and I just don’t know about her, either. Does she rub you the wrong way?”
“I thought it was just me!” Laura exclaimed.
“It’s definitely not just you. I can’t put my finger on what the problem with her is, but there’s definitely something that I don’t like. Or trust. I don’t know. I’m not sure which of those it is, but I’m trying to keep her at a distance. I know I have said a few things to her that I shouldn’t have, like telling her about the whole night in San Francisco.”
“Yeah, she told me a whole story about going to see him in Tulsa a few years ago. You know, she lives in Texas. I feel like she has to constantly mention that, like she’s jealous of us who live closer to him now.”
“But she hasn’t met him,” Carolina remarked. “I mean, she keeps saying that, too. I don’t even know. It’s not just her, though. So many of his fans are just too much for me. I think I need to take a step back. Or two. Like, I didn’t even want to do the birthday thing anyway, because it just felt like attention seeking or something. I feel like a bitch for saying that, but I just don’t want to be like that. I feel weird enough paying for the fan club thing. It’s like paying him to hang out with me. I want him to just… want to hang out with me. Is that bad?”
“In a way,” Laura replied. “I mean, saying the other fans are attention seeking isn’t great. You know I sent in a few bucks for the gift. But I think I get what you’re saying. He’s had this big explosion of fans rediscovering him–or discovering him for the first time–since we met him, and it makes things weird. Then there are people like Mia who have been around for years and really are friends with him. I don’t blame you if you want to be like those girls.”
Carolina sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know what I want. I just know I need a break.”
“Then take as long of one as you need. Just stay in touch with me.”
“I will,” Carolina replied.
“And send me a copy of that book!”