Been Waiting My Whole Damn Life
I didn’t hide the first night I met you
We were locking eyes
They said you’d be like all the other guys
Two faced, but too numb to know it
Telling your pretty lies
All too soon, November arrived. It was typically one of Carolina’s favorite months, because it was NaNoWriMo time. She had written her first novel during November her junior year of college, and had participated every year after that. This year, she decided to dive back into the novel that she had been blocked on for months, in hopes that the month’s momentum would propel her to finally finish it.
The main downtown branch held a big write-in the first weekend of the month, and since she wasn’t scheduled to work that day, Carolina decided to attend strictly as a patron. It was always strange to walk into the library in her normal clothes, like Superman turning back into Clark Kent, but she hoped that the energy of the event—and the snacks provided—would help her to reach her word count for the day.
On the other hand, she wasn’t exactly a people person. As soon as she saw the crowd that had arrived for the event, Carolina had second thoughts. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, then grabbed a diet soda and a cupcake from the concessions area. A quick glance around revealed one lone, empty seat that wasn’t surrounded by a ton of other people, and Carolina made a beeline for it.
She devoured her cupcake in just a few quick bites, then pulled her laptop from her bag and opened the file for her latest project. It was part of a series, and she knew her readers were anxious to see what would happen next. The last time she had looked at the file, the characters had simply refused to cooperate and hop into bed with each other the way they were supposed to. Carolina had suspected that her own lengthy dry spell was starting to have an effect on her writing. Nothing had truly changed on that front, but with thoughts of Taylor still popping into her mind at inopportune moments, she felt a new sort of inspiration.
Callum sat his wine glass down on the kitchen counter and eyed Turner closely. “Are you asking how many other men I’ve been with? I’m not sure that’s really an appropriate question at this point in our…”
“Our…?” Turner repeated, teasingly.
“Our whatever this is,” Callum replied, shrugging his shoulders as dismissively as he could manage. It was a decent recovery from his near-slip-up, he thought.
“I’m not asking how many men you’ve been with, exactly. I’m just trying to figure out if you’re really that innocent or just not interested in me personally.”
Callum walked around to the other side of the kitchen island, stopping barely a foot away from Turner. “Is that really what you think?”
Turner shrugged. “We’ve been on I don’t even know how many dates—for weeks—and you’ve barely done more than kiss me. You’ve invited me into your house, and the way you’re acting, I’m expecting to be sent home before midnight. So give me a reason to think otherwise.”
“Okay,” Callum said plainly. There would be time later to discuss all the reasons why he was still hesitant to get involved with someone new, even though it had been nearly a year since his last disaster of a relationship. Right then, his bluff had been called and his pride would not allow him to go on without proving to Turner that he was insanely turned on by him.
He grasped the bowl in Turner’s hand, which contained a now rapidly cooling and simultaneously melting hot fudge sundae, and placed it on the countertop with a loud, decisive clatter. That done, he closed the gap between their bodies and pressed his lips harshly against Turner’s. Callum could tell that Turner wanted to speak, but he didn’t give him space or time to do so.
“Mmm, well,” Turner managed to say when Callum finally ended the kiss, their mouths parting with an audible pop.
“Does that prove anything?” He asked.
“I could use a little more evidence, I think,” Turner shot back.
“You asked for it,” Callum mumbled, dropping to his knees on the tile. It hurt a little, but he ignored that feeling as he tugged on Turner’s belt, button and zipper. He was pleasantly surprised to see that Turner was already semi-hard and hadn’t bothered to wear underwear that day. Callum was sure he should be angry that Turner was just that cocky about his chances of getting laid, but he could worry about that later. Right then, all he cared about was getting his hand around Turner’s cock and bringing it up to its full length, which he was easily able to do in only a few strokes.
He glanced up at Turner, and raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. Turner’s head was thrown back, but Callum still got the hint.
Callum leaned in and let his tongue dart out, just enough to taste the bead of come on the tip of Turner’s dick. It was salty, with just a hint of sweetness, and Callum decided he wanted much, much more. He opened his mouth and took as much of Turner’s generous girth into his mouth as he could, letting out a low moan as he did so. It had been so long; he hadn’t even had so much as a one night stand since—well, there was no point in thinking about him now. All that mattered was that something had been awoken in him again, and he wanted to feel it all.
“Umm, excuse me?”
Carolina blinked and glanced up. She had nearly forgotten where she was. She had finally begun the scene that had eluded her for months and, apparently, drained an entire Diet Coke in the process. Whatever it took to get the words down, she supposed. She blinked at the person standing in front of her, and it took a moment for her to come into focus. She looked familiar, but Carolina couldn’t think why.
“I haven’t seen you since Megan moved away,” the girl said.
Carolina blinked at her again. Right. Megan. She had been an assistant in the teen section when Carolina started with the Santa Cruz system. Carolina had liked her, but had never hung out with her and her friends outside of work. She always felt guilty for not making more friends, but never put in the effort to do it, either. If people wanted to hang out with her, they could make plans just as easily as she could—moreso, in fact, if they weren’t as painfully introverted as she was.
“Sorry, I am horrible with names. And faces, actually. Alana, right?”
“Yeah, that’s me.” She giggled. “And it’s okay. I wasn’t actually sure it was you at first either.”
“It’s the fact that I’m in normal clothes, isn’t it?” Carolina asked, giving a laugh of her own. She had liked this girl, too, as much or more than she liked working with Megan. She had hung out at the library a lot because she knew Megan would give her extra time on the computers, but she spent as much time talking to the librarians her age as she did studying for her nursing classes.
“Yeah, that was part of it,” Alana replied. She sat down in a nearby chair and pulled it closer to Carolina’s. “But also, umm, did I see you at the Rooney show the other night? I thought it was you, but again, seeing you not in your librarian clothes is kind of weird.”
Carolina tensed, but forced out a laugh. What, exactly, had Alana seen? She didn’t want to ask. She had keep a close eye on the LiveJournal communities for Rooney and Taylor, constantly paranoid that she would see someone talking about the groupies smoking up with the band after the show. Nothing had surfaced, and after a week or two, she had forgotten to keep checking.
“Sorry I didn’t say anything, but you know how it is at concerts. You don’t want to lose your spot. And I had to have a good one for this show, because I loved their opening act, too.”
“Oh, Taylor?” Carolina said, his name coming out before she could think.
“Yeah, you know him?”
Carolina shook her head, then shrugged as dismissively as she could manage. “I mean, yeah, technically I do. We met that night. But I was a Hanson fan for years and kind of kept up with his solo stuff.”
“Oh, were you the girl who was supposed to do the hotel show that night? I had no clue it was you or I would have tried to invite myself.”
“I would have invited you,” Carolina replied, “but I didn’t know you were a fan either.”
Alana giggled. “Oh my god, I had the biggest crush on him when I was younger. I can’t even imagine being in a hotel room with him. That must have been nuts.”
“Well, it ended up not happening. But I don’t know what I would have done either.” Carolina was pleased with herself; she sounded genuine, and like any other normal fan.
“But you guys still got to hang out, though, right? My family is back in Los Angeles, so I’ve seen him around, but it’s not like I really know him. Not like that.”
“I don’t know him like anything,” Carolina shot back.
“Sorry, I just thought—I mean, I didn’t think he would do a hotel show for just anyone, and to be honest you kinda seem like his type.”
Carolina laughed out loud, then clamped her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound before it attracted any more attention. “Trust me, I really don’t think I am. I have no clue who is, but it’s safe to say it’s not me.”
“Well, I shouldn’t say anything, but I know he’s not opposed to getting involved with his fans. He’s done it before. This girl I sort of know—we’ve gone to some concerts together–well, she’s sleeping with him. She wants a relationship, but he doesn’t.” Alana paused, and Carolina wondered if she could actually hear her heart breaking. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, though, given how open and free Taylor seemed to be and how much he blogged about enjoying the single life. Alana pasted on a smile and continued, “Oh, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be like that with you. Honestly, you seem like someone he would really like and would want more with.”
Carolina shook her head. “Well, I can honestly say that nothing like that happened and it isn’t going to. We met and we hung out, but it wasn’t like that at all.”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Alana replied.
“It’s fine,” Carolina said. Before she could stop herself, she asked, “It’s not that Mia girl, is it? The one in like all his MySpace pictures?”
It was Alana’s turn to laugh then, and the high-pitched sound she made did cause a few heads to turn. Finally, she managed to stop, and said, “It’s definitely not Mia. I really, really shouldn’t say who. But Mia is Zac’s girlfriend. Nothing ever has happened or ever will happen between her and Taylor, I can promise you that.”
“Wow,” Carolina replied, at a complete loss for anything more eloquent to say. There were plenty of thoughts swirling around her head thanks to all this new information, but there was no point in saying any of it out loud.
“Well,” Alana said, and stood up abruptly. “I just wanted to say hi. We should get together some time, and we’re definitely going together the next time Taylor comes to town. I should try to go write a few words, now.”
“Yeah… we’ll do that,” Carolina mumbled, forcing a smile.
As soon as Alana was gone, she slammed her laptop shut. She had no reason not to trust what this girl said, although the way she volunteered the information had been strange. But Alana was someone she had known for over a year. She wasn’t some random fan with a hidden agenda. Probably. She could be that and some Carolina had known for years, she realized.
Still, the things she said had didn’t surprise Carolina—except for that tidbit about Mia, whose photos with Taylor and half-naked at her modelling gigs made Carolina inordinately jealous. Taylor might have rejected Holland, but that didn’t mean he was some perfect person who never gave in to temptation. He was a normal, single adult male, like any other guy Carolina had known. She shouldn’t have expected him to be any better than the rest. She shouldn’t have expected anything from him at all.
She should just forget about him and get on with her life. It wasn’t like she was truly in love with him, anyway. He was just some musician she’d had a crush on. There were any number of guys on that list. The only difference was that she had gotten to meet this one in person, and some of the spell had been broken. Now the entire illusion was gone, and she could move on.