Dec. 12, 2013. Atlantico Live, Rome, Italy.
Taylor
Italy was beautiful, but the wifi—at least in this venue—was more than a little dubious. I could text or call scott when I had a chance, but being able to connect online seemed to be working out really well for us. Skype was great for the lonely nights, but it was also really nice to be able to email each other. Unless someone was standing over my shoulder, they wouldn’t know what I was typing or to whom.
Right then, though, I wasn’t typing anything. I was watching the connection go in and out, keeping my inbox from loading at all.
I glanced over at Zac, who was perched on the other chair in the room, tapping out a beat on his knees. There was something different about him, but he had been like that all tour—veering from one extreme mood to another.
“Well, you’re in a good mood,” I remarked, closing my laptop and setting it to the side.
“Yeah, I really am,” he said.
Somewhat to my surprise, I smiled. “Any particular reason?”
Zac gave me a big grin. “I’m going to see Lily when we get home.”
“No wonder you’re excited,” I replied. I couldn’t begin to understand the relationship he had with her, but I couldn’t deny that it seemed to make him happy. I could only hope that he wasn’t projecting feelings onto her that she didn’t return. What if she saw him as only a client? Of course, I didn’t know her at all, so I supposed I should trust Zac’s judgment. Much like my relationship with Scott, if it made him happy, how could it be wrong?
“No, not like that,” he said, shaking his head so hard that a piece of hair fell loose from his ponytail. “I’m going to her place for dinner. It’s a date.”
“A date? Really?”
“Yeah,” he replied, then sighed, his expression turning just a bit more serious. “I came clean with her. About everything. Especially how I feel. And she actually feels the same.”
I stared at him. “You came clean about… everything?”
“Well… yeah.” Zac’s smile was gone completely, not even in his eyes anymore, and that as good as answered my question.
“Like… everything about us, too?” I asked softly, because I had to know. I had to hear him say it. Maybe I was panicking over nothing, and Zac hadn’t revealed our worst secret to someone I didn’t even know.
“I didn’t think about it,” he replied, his eyes pleading with me. “I’m sorry. You can trust her, though.”
“It’s okay,” I said, even though a part of me wasn’t so sure that it was. But I reasoned that after everything Zac had done with Lily, the type of intimate relationship they had, he must have a good feeling about the sort of person she was. With a sigh, I added, “I mean, if she still wants to see you, then I guess there’s nothing to worry about.”
He nodded. “I was positive I’d never hear from her again.”
“Yeah,” I replied, glancing down. “I figured the same thing when I told Scott.”
Of course, that had been different; I highly doubted this Lily woman had brothers or sisters who she had… well, it was just different. Maybe a person didn’t have to have shared experience to understand how this sort of thing could happen. Maybe Lily was just a good person.
For Zac’s sake, I hoped so.
“I’m glad it worked out for you,” Zac said softly, and I was surprised to see a genuine smile on his face when I looked up.
“I’m glad it seems to be working out for you, too,” I replied honestly.
“Yeah, me too,” he said. “I really like her. I think I could see myself falling for her.”
“Yeah? That’s… that’s great. Really.” In truth, I could see that he already had fallen. Hard. And surprisingly, it only hurt a little bit to watch.
“It’s weird,” Zac remarked. “I haven’t really dated anyone since I was a teenager.”
“Wow,” I replied, thinking back to that long ago trip to the lake, which I supposed counted as Zac and Kate’s first date, although they had both been sent along on the trip as though they could keep me and Natalie out of trouble. So much had changed since then—two marriages, six kids and now one divorce. “That’s true, isn’t it? It’s kinda weird to think about… you on a date. No offense.”
He chuckled. “None taken. It’s weird to be going on a date.”
“What do you guys have planned?” I asked, swallowing around the small lump in my throat that I tried to dismiss as nothing but nostalgia.
“I’m going over there to paint her, and to cook her dinner.”
“Well, the painting will impress her, at least.” I gave him a smirk. Cooking dinner for someone was my forte; Zac could and had burned anything he tried to cook.
“I hope so,” he replied, shrugging modestly. “Do you think flowers would be too cheesy?”
“Just a little bit. But don’t let that stop you.”
“I was thinking of getting her some lilies. Maybe red or tiger lilies, I don’t know.”
“Okay, that’s definitely cheesy,” I replied.
He chuckled. “Okay… roses, then?”
“That’s pretty much a classic,” I said. “Can’t go wrong with roses. Although, why you’re asking me, of all people, for dating advice…”
“Well, I don’t know,” Zac shot back. “You’re the big brother.”
“And I’m so good at dating,” I replied, laughing a little bit, even though it wasn’t all that funny. I might have had two or three more girlfriends and boyfriends—if you could call some of them that—than Zac, but I had settled down even earlier. The fact that it wasn’t by choice was irrelevant.
“Well, you’ve still done more than me,” he replied.
I snorted. “Doesn’t mean I was good at it.”
Zac gave a frustrated sigh, and I immediately felt guilty. I knew I was just being obtuse when all he wanted was my support. This was my chance to be a truly good brother to him, and I knew I couldn’t blow it. If I did, I might never have another shot to fix things between us.
“I’m sorry, Zac,” I said. “I’m sure you’ll do fine, though. Dinner, painting, flowers… it all sounds good. Really.”
“You think?” He asked, chewing his bottom lip nervously. “I wanna make it perfect. She deserves it.”
I smiled, feeling as though my heart might actually be melting. It might have been unorthodox, but I truly couldn’t have been happier for Zac, knowing that he had found something that could really be healthy for him. “Yeah, I do. And I’m sure you will.”
“Thanks.” He smiled.
“No problem. And let me know how it goes, okay?”
“I definitely will.”
I returned his smile. “Good.”
“I kinda need your help on something, though.”
“What?” I asked.
“Well… I kinda told her I could dance.”
“Good going.” I snickered. He truly did have the best rhythm out of the three of us, but that wasn’t saying much. Said rhythm didn’t actually translate into the ability to follow the steps of any sort of dance, not even the hokey pokey.
He sighed, then gave me the most adorable, manipulative pout I had ever seen. “Taaaaaay?”
“What?” I sighed.
“Cnyatchmtdnc?” He mumbled, but I knew exactly what he was asking.
I heaved another sigh, even though I really didn’t mind helping him. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Yeah?” Zac asked, smiling again.
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Great, you’re the best,” he replied, not waiting a second before hopping up and pulling his iPod out of his pocket. I began to suspect this entire conversation had been planned, somehow, to lead up to this question. He flipped through the device for a moment, then glanced up at me and asked, “Umm… Can I use your iPod?”
“Yeah, sure.” I stood up and fumbled around in my bag for a moment before finding it and handing it over. “What’s wrong with yours?”
With a sheepish grin, he said, “Not exactly dancing music.”
“And you think mine is?”
He just shrugged and smirked. I might have been more romantic by nature than he was, but I doubted he would find any sort of slow jam amongst my music. That was Ike’s territory. I nearly laughed at the thought of Zac asking Ike to dance with him, though. Instead, I just said, “Well, see what you can find.”
He thumbed through the songs for just a moment before smiling and saying, “This one is good.”
He plugged in the device and fiddled with it a bit, the room quickly filling with the sound of an Ed Sheeran song. It was a good choice.
“Okay, well,” I said, taking a few small steps closer to Zac. “You’re gonna lead, right?”
“Yeah.” He grinned. “You don’t mind being the chick, right?”
I rolled my eyes, but nevertheless grabbed his hand and positioned it on my hip. “Yeah, yeah. Funny stuff.”
Zac wiggled his fingers a bit, getting himself positioned exactly how he wanted, then took my right hand in his left. Maybe he wasn’t completely clueless after all.
“There ya go,” I said, placing my hand on his shoulder and giving him a reassuring smile. “Now just… kinda sway a little bit. You can make that, right? Don’t wanna get too complicated at first.”
Zac rolled his eyes, but began to sway, following the beat of the song easily. Of course dancing would come naturally to a drummer.
“See, that’s not so hard,” I said. “Probably won’t impress her much, but at least you’ve got rhythm.”
He sighed. “I want to impress her, though.”
“Okay, well,” I replied, racking my brain to remember the dancing lessons Natalie had thought would be fun to take for our anniversary one year. “Well, you can try the foxtrot. That’ll work for this song or basically anything in four-four time.”
“Okay,” Zac replied, his expression so blank that I almost asked if he knew what four-four was. Of course he did. He could handle this, if he just learned the pattern; I had faith in him, even if he didn’t.
I chuckled softly. “Okay, so you’re going to count to six twice, instead of counting in fours. But it’s still the same rhythm. Left foot forward on one, right foot forward on three. Then left foot to the left on five, right foot to the left on six, and then your feet are back together.”
That earned me another blank stare, but I thought I could see the gears turning behind it. Finally, he took a deep breath. “Okay, I can do this.”
“It’s easy, I promise,” I replied. “You just gotta count it out. Remember the first two steps are kinda slow, and then the steps to the side are faster. Just count it out in your head. Or out loud for now, if that helps.”
He shot me a withering look, as if to say tat he wasn’t that much of an idiot. Finally, he began to move his feet, a bit haltingly at first. It took him only a few times through the pattern before his movements became smooth and seamless.
“See, there you go,” I said, grinning. He had taken the lead easily; I was just following along.
“Okay.” Zac smiled. “This isn’t so bad.”
“Told you,” I replied. “And to move backward, you do it the same way. Just reversed. Left foot back on one, right foot back on three, and so on. Turning is a little more complicated. You want to try it?”
“Okay…” He said, his dubious expression returning.
I took a deep breath, hoping I remembered it all correctly. “Okay. Left foot forward on one, right next to the left on two, then back on three. Then left foot back on five, but turn it to the left. The just rotate, and put your right fot next to your left on six. Did you get all that?”
“Umm… I think?”
“Okay.” I chuckled. “Well, give it a try?”
He did, his hands shaking a bit as he stumbled through the steps I’d given him.
“Try not to put so much weight on your right foot when you bring it forward,” I suggested.
“Okay…” He gave it another try, and although he was still a bit shaky, we both remained standing.
I smiled. “There ya go.”
Zac looked up at me with a proud smile on his face.
“Just practice the steps a bit, and I’m sure she’ll be impressed.”
The song changed, and the new track was a bit slower, even more romantic. I was sure this should have been really awkward, but somehow it wasn’t.
“Thanks,” Zac said softly.
I smiled. “No problem.”
He returned my smile, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I stepped in just a little bit closer to him.
“You’ll charm the pants right off of her, I’m sure,” I said.
Zac chuckled, then gave me a thoughtful look. “Can I try something?”
“Sure?” I replied, not following his train of thought.
On the next beat, he stepped back and gave my arm a gentle tug, urging me to spin. I did so, though without much grace at all.
As I came back to face him, I laughed nervously. “You realize I’m doing most of the work here?”
Zac just rolled his eyes, an adorable blush on his cheeks, and pulled me in close. I rested my head on his shoulder, not caring how awkward of a position that was. I was just glad we could laugh and have fun together; after everything that had happened in the last few months, I was afraid we couldn’t even be civil at all. Zac gave a soft sigh that seemed to imply that he was thinking the same thing.
“My baby brother,” I said softly, then giggled. “On a date. With a professional Domme.”
Zac snorted, squeezing my hip.
I giggled. “She seems really special, though. I really am happy for you.”
“Thanks,” he replied, leaning his head against mine, his forehead pressed to my cheek.
I sighed happily. No one else would understand, I knew, if they saw us like this, but I couldn’t think of a single thing I would change about this moment. Zac moved his hand from my hip to my back, rubbing it in small, soft circles. He nuzzled my neck, the stubble on his cheek creating the perfect amount of friction.
“See, you’ve got nothing to worry about,” I said softly, leaning into his touch. “She’d have to be dead inside for your charms not to get to her.”
“Yeah?” Zac asked, his voice soft and low.
“Yeah,” I replied honestly. If he even knew the effect he was having on me right then, all the willpower I was having to muster to resist giving in to something I wasn’t sure he was even offering…
Zac pulled back slightly, enough to look me in the eyes, and I wasn’t at all sure what I saw in his. He moved back in until our noses brushed together. The nervous smile on his face told me that I wasn’t imagining what was happening, and I felt myself tense ever so slightly. At the same time, I could feel the blood rushing up my neck and into my cheeks.
Zac took advantage of the fact that I was frozen on the spot, and moved in to close what little distance was left between us. Our lips just barely brushed together, so slightly that it could almost be passed off as an accident, but I knew it wasn’t.
I let out a slight gasp at the contact, my eyes fluttering shut. That seemed to be all the permission he needed, and his lips began to move against mine. Just like dancing, I followed his lead, although I could feel myself trembling all over.
We were on thin ice here, and I thought Zac knew it, too. I didn’t think I knew where the line was, where to stop him. I could only hope he would keep the lead and choose a stopping point for us.
Soon enough, he did, pulling back breathlessly and staring at me.
“Umm… I…” I stuttered out, feeling like I had to fill the silence with something, but not knowing what.
“It’s okay,” Zac said, a few tears gathering at the corners of his eyes but not falling. “One last kiss.”
“Yeah… okay.” And it was. He had drawn the line in what felt like exactly the right spot. This was it. This was who we were now; two brothers who shared a bond that they never should have, but that they also couldn’t deny. But that didn’t mean we had to act upon it.
With a shaky sigh, Zac stepped back, finally letting go of my hand.
“You’ll be okay,” I said softly. “She’ll fall for you; I’m sure.”
He gave me the barest hint of a smile. “I hope so.”
“She will.” I returned his smile. “But if she breaks your heart, she’ll have me to deal with.”
Zac chuckled softly, but the sound faded away quickly, and his expression turned sad once again. “Tay…”
“Yeah?”
“I…” He began, then glanced down, his sad smile barely visible through his hair. “You know.”
“Yeah, I know,” I replied. “And… you know, too.”
Zac nodded. The song stopped, and he quickly stepped to the stereo to unplug my iPod. Just like that, the spell we had been under was broken, and we were back to being just brothers, at least on the surface. Our true feelings ran so, so much deeper than that, and I was so glad to know they weren’t gone. Just tucked away.