Nov. 28, 2013. 78th St., Tulsa, OK.
Zac
In case this week hadn’t been enough of an emotional roller coaster, Thanksgiving dinner with the whole family was sure to bring on a whole new level of awkward. Especially since Taylor was still a no-show, even by the time Dad was carving the bird. His absence was like a dark cloud hanging over everyone’s heads, even those who had no idea what it meant. But to those who did know, or at least had a hint… Well, when it came to Natalie, the family’s general plan ranged from walking on eggshells, to straight-up ignoring her.
It had been a rough week on everyone, to say the least, and I had kept to myself for the most part. But the night before the big day, Kate and I sat down and had a serious talk. We had been dancing around it for a while, both of us knowing what would fix our situation and what wouldn’t, but this was the first time we laid it all out for each other. It felt good, way more than I had expected it to, and by the end of it we were in a better place than we’d been in a long time. It felt good to have at least one weight off my chest.
After dinner, the kids and siblings all went outside to burn off the excessive amounts of calories we’d just consumed. I looked at Kate, and she nodded; this was part of what we’d talked about. Part of me wished Taylor was there, but he was still M.I.A. Kate cleared her throat and tapped her spoon against her coffee cup, getting everyone’s attention. I took a step closer to her, and braced myself.
“Hey guys,” I spoke up, once everyone was looking our way. “So, we’ve got something we wanna tell everyone.” I noticed Natalie crossing her arms and looking suspicious; apparently she hadn’t been clued in, but that really wasn’t too surprising. Even though she and Kate had been best friends since grade school, I knew Nat had really been wearing Kate’s patience over the past week. Not only that, but everyone in our family knew Nat loved to gossip, so a secret never stayed that way long once she was in the loop.
“Kate and I… Well, I mean… when we met, we were both so young. And… and it’s been a long time. It’s been… good.” I took a deep breath. I wasn’t usually this bad with words, but when it comes to relationships and private matters, I’ve always been pretty tight-lipped. But Kate gave me an encouraging smile, and I tried again.
“What I mean is, people grow, and… and change. And that’s not a bad thing. But…” I looked at Kate again; I could do this. But as I opened my mouth to continue, Viggo burst into the room, screaming at the top of his lungs.
“Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home!”
Every head turned toward the door. Sure enough, Taylor came stumbling in, Willa clinging to one of his legs, and his two oldest kids following behind. He looked a little dazed as he looked around the room, his eyes landing on his wife’s last.
“I, um… My… my plane was delayed. Happy Thanksgiving?”
I felt my fist tighten around my glass. I watched as Kate looked at Taylor, then Natalie, then Taylor again, before taking a step back and sighing. She glanced at me and gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head. So much for our big announcement…
As for Natalie, if looks could kill, Taylor would’ve been six feet under the moment he walked through the door.
“So nice of you to join us,” she said, her voice dripping with sickly sweet venom as she nodded towards the kitchen. I took a tiny bit of satisfaction knowing he was about to get ripped a new one, but it wasn’t enough to make me any less furious with him myself.
Everyone decided to play dumb, putting on awkward smiles and picking up their conversations wherever they had left off. Kate got pulled into a discussion with Nikki, and I took the opportunity to sidestep closer to the kitchen door. I could hear hushed voices, mostly Natalie’s.I glanced around, before taking another step closer, leaning against the wall. From my vantage point I could see them standing in the center of the kitchen, Natalie up in Taylor’s face.
“Alex,” she spat, crossing her arms. “Who do you think I mean?”
“I can honestly say there is not a single text from Alex on my phone,” Tay replied, grinning smugly. Natalie looked like she wanted to slap him, and right then I wouldn’t have blamed her if she had.
“So you’ve found another boytoy,” she spat out. “That’s great. That’s fine. Have your fun on tour, and see if I care. But you take one more step over the line, and let your, your–little obsession–affect our family again, affect our children again, and I swear–”
I felt my eyes go wide; I’d never been Nat’s biggest fan, but I had to admit she was downright intimidating. I also had to give her props for standing up for herself; it was about time someone did when it came to Taylor.
“What, Nat?” he shot back. “You’ve threatened to leave before and run off home to Georgia how many times? But you’re still here. You can say I haven’t grown up in a decade, but you haven’t changed, either.”
Nat took a step closer then, getting right in Taylor’s face, and whispered something to him I couldn’t hear. Whatever it was, it left him pale and shaking a little as he leaned back against the counter. She turned to leave and I quickly jumped away from the door, so it wouldn’t be obvious I had been listening in. She stalked right past me without a glance, though, heading outside without saying a word to anyone.
I looked back in at Tay; he looked like he’d just faced off against a mama bear, and I supposed he had. Maybe I should have felt a little bad for him, but I didn’t. At least, not enough to stop me from walking in like I hadn’t just heard the whole thing.
I took my time getting a soda out of the fridge and leaning against the counter opposite him.
“Perfect timing as usual,” I said casually, popping open my drink and taking a long sip.
“Can you not?” He spat, glaring at me. “After Natalie, I don’t think there’s enough of me left for you to chew out, too.”
Of all the things he could have said, I should have expected he would find the one thing to piss me off the most. I slammed my can of soda onto the counter, droplets splattering across the granite.
“You’re such a fucking asshole, Taylor. Do you have any idea what this week has been like? What tonight has been like? Of course not. All you care about is…” I glanced towards the doorway; if any of the kids were back inside, they didn’t need to hear what I wanted to say, “is how you got to spend the whole week getting plowed by your boyfriend.”
“And just why, exactly, is that any of your business? The way I remember it, you walked out on me. You ended it. You don’t get to be upset about whatever, or whoever, else I do now.”
I let out a breath like I’d been punched. How could he throw that in my face? Not to mention, I hadn’t even been referring to… that. In fact, I’d been doing everything in my power not to think about the subject of us at all, outside of my sessions with Lily. Not only was he an asshole, but he was a narcissist to boot. I took two long strides closer, bringing myself practically nose to nose with him.
“How fucking dare you act like the victim here! This isn’t about that, or even you. But you’re Taylor fucking Hanson, so everything has to be about you, right? Fuck whatever anyone else has going on.”
“I didn’t… I didn’t say any of that, Zac,” he said, reeling back as if I had actually hit him. “But whatever, just assume what you want about me.”
I took a step back, picking up my soda can and sipping it as angrily as I could manage. “Why’d you even come back today anyway, if you were gonna skip out on dinner? Surprised you didn’t just show up for bus call tomorrow.”
“I said my plane was delayed. It wasn’t a lie. I got back here as soon as I could. I was supposed to get in this morning, and try to smooth things over the best I could. And I really don’t care whether you believe that or not.”
“Right,” I snorted. “You really need to get some new excuses. At least a delay is technically different from being overbooked, I guess…” I glared at him, hoping I looked more angry than anything else. I didn’t want him to know how badly he’d hurt me with that lie, or how badly it still hurt. He sighed, and stared at the floor, looking almost sincerely sorry.
“Zac, I… Look, I got in over my head. And I’m not proud of that, of… of lying to you. I wanted to get back in soon enough to talk to you, too, try to… God, I don’t know if we can make things okay between us. But I wanted to. I do want to.”
I chugged the last of my soda, crushing the empty can in my fist with a satisfying crunch.
“Another bullshit lie to cover your ass? Thanks, but no thanks.”
“See, you’re gonna believe what you want to believe, no matter what,” he sighed, and I knew without looking that he had rolled his eyes at me like the drama queen he was. “So what difference does it make whether I bother or not? I’m here now. I’m willing to try now, to do whatever I can moving forward… But I’m not bothering if you’re gonna be like this.”
“Ever hear the phrase ‘too little too late’?” I snapped, looking up. “I wanted to try, too. Why do you think I asked you to hang out?” I felt my eyes watering, but I fought it, fought back against the lump in my throat and the quiver in my lower lip. “Do you think it’s easy for me, pretending everything is fine after what happened?” I took a step closer, lowering my voice. “Pretending it’s not fucking killing me to…” I bit my lip, physically cutting off the words. I turned away; I could stand to look at him.
“You had your chance, and you blew it. Literally, I guess. And I’m done.”
I rolled my shoulders and straightened my spine. I didn’t believe my own words, but I could fake it enough to fool him, and everyone else. I plastered on a smile and headed back out to join my family, leaving Taylor behind, alone, where he deserved to be.