Alcohol On The Wound
It took Zac several tries and what felt like more than several minutes to calm Taylor down enough to get anything coherent out of him. When he finally did, it came down to one question.
“Can you come pick me up?”
Zac’s immediate reaction was to babble and rattle off reasons why he couldn’t, the most pressing being that he wasn’t entirely sober himself. At his stutters, Melissa yanked the phone from his hand and pressed it to her own ear.
“Is this Taylor? The long lost brother?” She asked. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. Corner of… okay, I know where that is. Just stay right there; don’t move a millimeter.”
Melissa handed the phone back to Zac, and he began to speak into it again, only to realize that she had already ended the call.
“What did… what did you do that for?” He asked.
“Because I wanted to be able to say ‘you owe me,’” she replied, then gave Zac a sharp nudge with a very pointy elbow. “Now come on, let’s go pick up your brother. You can come back for your car when you’re both dried out.”
Zac could see that he clearly had no other option but to do what Melissa said. He had a feeling that was going to be a continuing trend in their friendship. He wasn’t sure what to think of that, except he was sure he was too drunk to dwell on any sort of thoughts like that right then.
Instead, he gave in and let Melissa take the lead as she practically drug him to her car and pushed him into the passenger seat. When they pulled out of her apartment complex, he opened his mouth to begin giving her directions to the Electric Ballroom, but quickly realized she was driving in exactly the direction of it. Perhaps Taylor had told her where to find him. That was a possibility, but she seemed highly confident in her ability to get them to the right club, more so than he would have been after getting directions from some drunk. The more likely explanation, Zac decided, was that he still had a hell of a lot to learn about his new friend.
After what seemed like far too short of a drive, Melissa’s car was idling right outside the doors of the building. A few feet away was the familiar figure that still made Zac’s stomach turn nervous somersaults. Even in relatively masculine dress and slumped dejectedly against the wall, Taylor was breathtaking. Zac didn’t think he would ever get used to that.
Without even seeming to need to ask if that was him, Melissa eased her car down until they were right in front of Taylor. She rolled Zac’s window down for him, and only then did Taylor glance up.
“Come on,” Melissa called out, leaning around Zac to be seen and heard. “Let’s get you home, pretty boy.”
The nickname was clearly meant as a compliment, in the awkward way that only Melissa could get away with, but Taylor didn’t seem to notice one way or the other. As he climbed into the backseat, Zac could see streaks in his makeup as though he had been crying. Glittery black rings lined Taylor’s eyes, and Zac shivered when their eyes met and he saw the tears still pooling in his brother’s.
The car was eerily silent as they drove back to Zac’s apartment. Zac was sure that someone should say something to shatter the oppressiveness of it, but he had no clue what. Melissa was smarter than him, he thought. If anyone would possibly know what to say, it would be her, not him. It might be awkward and make things even worse for a moment, but at least she ought to be able to think of something.
Yet her mouth remained set in a tight line, not even humming along with the radio, until they pulled into Zac’s parking lot. Melissa hadn’t been there yet, but he’d mentioned how close he lived to campus. He wasn’t sure this was exactly how he’d imagined bringing her to his place for the first time, if he’d imagined it at all.
“Alright,” Melissa said, making Zac jump at the sudden intrusion into his thoughts about her. “You boys try to stay out of trouble for the rest of the night, okay? I can bail you out metaphorically speaking, but I’m just a broke college student.”
Zac gave a strangled little laugh at that, and Taylor made a sound that was even farther from a laugh and closer to what might proceed being sick. He stumbled out of the car without a word or even another sound, and Zac found himself unable to do anything but watch him go.
“You should probably make sure he doesn’t die on those stairs,” Melissa suggested.
“Yeah,” Zac replied, but still made no attempt to move.
“He’ll be okay,” Melissa said.
Zac couldn’t find it in himself to say that was the least of his concerns, because he knew that would only lead to him explaining the rest of them. That was something he still wanted to put off for as long as possible, preferably forever.
Melissa eyed Zac, like she was trying to determine the cause of his reluctance to leave the safety of her car. “You don’t need me to come in and stay with you guys, do you? You can handle it on your own, can’t you?”
“I guess I can,” Zac replied with the sudden realization that he wasn’t on his own, not even a little bit, anymore.
He had gotten used to being effectively an only child for years. The adjustment to being a brother again, even without everything else that their complicated relationship entailed, was one that Zac hadn’t even considered. It was just yet another ordeal for him to survive, another change to deal with, he supposed.
Realizing that Melissa was still staring at him and awaiting some sort of response, Zac managed to say, “Thanks for driving us, I guess. You didn’t have to do it.”
“I know I didn’t have to,” Melissa replied. “That’s so not the point at all. We’re friends and friends do shit for each other. Maybe not entirely selflessly or without hope of the favor being returned. But the bigger point is that you needed me. Of course I wasn’t going to just leave you hanging.”
Zac gave her what might have actually passed for a genuine smile; it felt like one, but he didn’t trust his face not to betray him. “You’re alright, Melly.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about that nickname,” she said. “But thank you. Now go check on your brother, and call me tomorrow so I know you’re not both dead or something.”
“No one else calls you Melly?” Zac asked, his smile somehow growing.
She shook her head. “Just you.”
“Then I definitely am a fan of the nickname,” Zac replied, finally finding the strength to open the passenger door. “It’s staying. See ya later, Melly.”
Zac could hear her groan as he stepped out of the car and slammed the door. She wasn’t really upset, he thought. At least he hoped that she wasn’t. It had to have been a strange night for her, especially considering the position Taylor’s call had found them in.
What had he almost done with her?
Zac couldn’t honestly say how far he would have let things go if Taylor hadn’t called. What that meant about his feelings for Melissa, he wasn’t entirely sure, and he really didn’t want to consider the implications of it all happening when he was so upset and confused about Taylor.
No, that definitely was not worth thinking about, Zac decided.
Zac shook his head, as if to clear it of those thoughts, and trudged up the steps to his apartment. Although Melissa had lifted his mood some, he still dreaded doing his brotherly duties for a brother he didn’t know at all. What he would find when he walked into the apartment and what he could expect from Taylor were total mysteries to him.
The apartment was eerily quiet when Zac finally made his way inside. He cringed at how loud the door sounded when it clicked shut. Silence descended again but only for a moment before he heard Taylor’s weak voice from the direction of his own bedroom.
“Zac,” he rasped. “Come lay down with me, please.”
His voice had definitely come from Zac’s bedroom, and Zac wanted to be upset about that. On the other hand, he thought, there was no way that the two of them could share the air mattress Taylor still hadn’t replaced with a real bed.
Not that they should be sharing a bed at all, Zac reminded himself. But right then, that seemed to be the least of his concerns.
As slowly as possible, trying to delay the inevitable, Zac padded down the hallway, still unsure what he would find in his bedroom. He kicked his shoes off before entering and carefully nudged the door open, as though whatever lay behind it might jump out at him.
Nothing did, however.
Although he was sprawled out to cover nearly the entire bed, Taylor looked like nothing so much as a sad, sick child. He had at least managed to take off his shoes, but was otherwise still fully dressed, his shirt inching up to reveal a small patch of bare skin on his back.
Zac groaned. This was not, in any way, going to be a pleasant experience.
He paused for a moment before deciding to remove his jeans but leave his shirt in place. Even that felt like too much, but leaving all of his clothing on as a barrier between the two of them felt too obvious. In this situation, there seemed to be no way for him to win.
“Can you, umm,” Zac began, then cleared his throat, hoping Taylor would understand without him having to expressly say he didn’t want to cuddle or even lay as close as Taylor’s position would force them to.
Taylor seemed to get the hint, surprisingly, rolling over onto his side and pulling the covers loose to allow Zac entry. Zac was certain he would have preferred that extra layer of protection between them, but didn’t know how to ask for it back without once again drawing attention to how much he didn’t want to be that close to Taylor.
Instead, he crawled into the bed as gingerly as possible, keeping a safe distance between himself and Taylor’s back. With Taylor facing away from him, it wasn’t so bad. He didn’t feel so watched or judged.
To his surprise, Taylor didn’t smell strongly of alcohol–no moreso than anyone who had spent the night in a bar would, even if they hadn’t themselves consumed copious amounts. That surprised Zac, and made him wonder what had gone so wrong, other than over-consumption, that would cause Taylor to come home so early. He didn’t want to ask, but he knew it was the brotherly thing to do.
Reluctantly, he asked, “Is everything alright? I mean, are you… okay?”
Taylor’s back rose and fell as he sighed. “I am so not okay for so many reasons, but in this moment, I just need to sleep this off.”
“Okay,” Zac replied. Trying to sound sincere, he added, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I think you and I have said enough about most of it. The rest is just old news, really.”
Zac had no clue what the latter meant, no desire to talk about the former and no clue how to respond.
Taylor rolled over to face him, and Zac forced himself to maintain eye contact. The difficult of it proved how drunk he himself still was.
“If you really want to know,” Taylor said, “I’m being a little bitch because Devin decided to come back to the club where he knew I would be.”
A wave of emotion that Zac refused to acknowledge surged through his body at the way Taylor said the other man’s name. It was, Zac was sure, the way he sounded when he spoke Carly’s name, the way you could only speak the name of someone you once loved and now hated yourself for doing so.
“So that’s all,” Taylor said, as if trying to reassure Zac rather than himself. “I’ll be fine, but I didn’t need to pour more alcohol on the wound.”
Zac nodded, unsure what else to do. Their bodies were close enough now for Zac to smell Taylor’s distinctive unisex cologne and the rum on his breath. It sent an awkward tingle down his spine, and he was sure Taylor could see him squirming.
“Are you okay?” Taylor asked, placing a hand on Zac’s arm. Just that simple touch raised goosebumps on his flesh and made it hard to focus on Taylor’s words. “I didn’t interrupt your date, did I?”
“No,” Zac replied quickly. Perhaps a bit too quickly, he thought, but he knew it truly wasn’t a date. In spite of what they had done, or nearly done, there wasn’t quite that sort of attraction there, at least not on Zac’s part. What he felt for Melissa was nothing compared to the need and want that coursed through his body at a simple touch from his own brother.
Mentally, he knew it was wrong. Physically, he was unable to stop. He had no control over the way his body reacted, and he feared he was losing control of his actions as well.
His hand had crept up Taylor’s chest and neck, coming to rest along his perfect jawline. Zac wanted nothing more than to kiss the skin there, and he was powerless to resist that urge.
His lips had barely grazed Taylor’s jaw before his brother’s grip on his arm tightened.
“Zac,” Taylor said almost sternly, but his voice broken on the final letter. “You don’t… you can’t want to do this.”
“I can’t,” Zac agreed, his lips still pressed against the side of Taylor’s face.
“I can’t either,” Taylor replied, then turned his head so that their lips met.
He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. Zac knew all of that, yet he didn’t know of any other way to ease Taylor’s heartache but to kiss it away, and so that was exactly what he intended to do.